am i dreaming life

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look it’s me and a real model and i am playing boyfriend and catching her. i also look like jimminy cricket as a woman. that jacket was a solid investment yeah? sped home to grab my shorts instead of buying a billion dollar pair at holts. i discovered yesterday that i am offensively naive about fashion. half the stuff my personal shopper selected for me i already owned the knock-off h&m/f21 versions thereof. she’s like, this? i’m like have it. this? oh just gave a shirt version of that dress to my brother’s gf on sunday. how about this? have a crappier version of it at home that i don’t wear anymore, face completely beet red. it never occurred to me that h&m and all the rest might not be originators hahaa.

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cassi wong lee and i. i cried some of my makeup off a little bit when i saw a tweet from my mom cheering me on. it was a frenetic day, all the chicks seemed to have moody moments and issues at certain junctures of our whirlwind crystal light challenge. challenge, indeed. v proud of my designer, top 8 chosen in all of canada for this competition.

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we had to match the bags or be cohesive along with. now, do i ever do that? some girls were creating outfits culling from wares previously owned, they had more time to plan this, i found out about my involvement merely hours before it all began (thanks terri!!) so deciding what to catwalk in was a little (hugely) overwhelming plus i was over-thinking the possible backlash from all of this, i am neurotic to the bone.

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my walk was killer though, better during the practise round on stage pre-show but oh well, can’t always be perfect but i will definitely die trying. tombstone inscription: TRYING; DIED.

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this fit kinda nice but it was a billion dollars. you can burn through a grand easily at holt renfrew. i have money leftover i’ll save for a rainy day or maybe i can get a summer shift dress for south beach i dunno i dunno ACK!

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casie‘s lipstick was super flattering to her complexion. the theme of lipwear was bright bright bright. i was nervous (of course)(i am going to begin every sentence from here on in with “i was nervous…”) i would look like a drag queen. makeup people see my strong features and drag the hell out of them, they get all pumped at my interesting and weird looking wonderland of a face and turn me into ziggy stardust. i was happy that they were minimal on the eye makeup. i still had no idea how to pose my face with that face though.

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practising with a bag. i prefer catwalk with no bag or holding a clutch but in model world you model what they give you. here, ride this unicycle, be fierce and STFU.

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walk with the hips, throw them forward. i gave lots of girls walking tips because in my head i have been a supermodel for 28 years and yesterday was my debut of all the things i have gleaned from ANTM/CNTM and FT etc etc. years of dance has trained me with poise and posture and TMR has aided in getting my kinks out, and buffing my hunchback.

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see, check stacey’s mouth she is about to proclaim WOW or some shit. i look like i am going to the mall with my mom at 11 with one of her old shitty purses full of pennies and transformers and lint cat hair covered chapsticks you know, adult world necessities.

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the moment of eye makeup truth. please be kind. she was. also, tolerant.

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took lots of pics of displays and things i probably shouldn’t have. i was in queue for a personal shopper so i got a look-around firsthand. spotted the blazer and was seduced by it and my reflection in the mirror plus everyone else’s reactions to me in it. $730. for a blazer. are you cheapskates wiping your brow right now like me?

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we got these flip cams for our shopping sprees too. i was the only one who got away with capturing footage i believe cos of my julia roberts being ignored on rodeo drive quest. when i went back to the inner sanctum of the personal shopping batcave layer (i did not know this place existed because i am eliza doolittle) they asked for my camera and said we weren’t allowed to film i was like, dudes, i got tons don’t worry and passed it over. my minx nails are still holding up. i am getting better at not fiddling with them and i was right, this particular decal’s material adheres wickedly to nails.

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lisa got herself an amazing cougar dress. so hot.

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i knew all the brands to steer clear of though so as not to torture myself. even some sale racks were fainting spell worthy. it was a serious hunt.

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just before my interview at the metropolitan where i lived for a day/night sort of.

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getting mic’d up and that guy knows britt.

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then i checked in and was mind blown.

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i wish that decimal point wasn’t there.

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didn’t have my camera with me at this point, teacher later brought it. it’s hard to get my whole body in a mirror when it is so close to the other wall (i am tall).

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my view. casie was on the 20th floor we were like oh, so nice to have you down here with us we are surprised you are gracing us with you presence down here ahaha.

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product placement. hi i am raymi lauren crystal light. seriously my name is lauren krista white so when you throw that into the bipolar express it turns into a marketer’s wet dream; raymi lauren krista crystal light white. omg i am braindead.

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i was also the only one who got to escape for a concert as i had pre-plans i could not re-neg on, getting bob and mary lynn into beady eye at the sound academy. i mean, they could have gotten in without me but it was a family thing right, it was an all ages show and i’m sure mary lynn would want her cool older sis to be around. i missed dinner with the girls and designers i was so hungry/blasted off a sip at sound academy my hands were shaking from exhaustion of the past two weeks/life i dropped one of our pizza slices on the bleachers. ugh.

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i informed teacher that the gallagher brothers are on my top 5 list (of celebrities to bang that don’t count) so he was a bit resentful and all awares of what was going on and anyway liam looked like little lord fauntleroy in a union jack knee-length coat aka. ZERO sex appeal so is henceforth stricken from said list and so is noel, just cos, so that frees up two more spots.

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the first drink i have paid for at SA in, ever? so amazing i took a photo of it. my guy later came through with the drink tickets. cos it was all ages we were all slobs, no vip going on, it was reserved for actual vipeople like, camp oasis i guess. it’s terrible how much you are willing to not enjoy yourself when vip privileges are taken away even though you didn’t pay for your tickets. i am a prick.

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always a gorgeous view.

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me and mary lynn ha she looks like a mini raymi. the lighting was overbright, even bob had to wear his sunglasses. i got ZERO photos of liam that you could make out. it was my first time ever seeing a gallagher which is 1000% the only reason why i went, i didn’t know one song, they all sucked, couldn’t make out three words in a row seriously but for the legend that the guy is it was a must-see. their name also is stupid and it should be called the liam show. seriously don’t even try to dress it up as anything but, own that you are liam gallagher and put your band members in their places as hired musicians not some kind of camaraderie that it isn’t. fuck, call the band PAYCHECK why don’t you. also, i think liam could see us we were dead row center with the lights right on us and thus i have convinced myself that he did and is in love and mourning over me now. your loss dude, if i was in vip this night might have played out differently.

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there was a lot of this and drunken hooligans, major fanatics. one sequin shirted retarded drunk dancing on chairs in our way woman was our bonus entertainment for awhile until she started to piss us off and i politely tapped her with my purse and asked her to F off. twice. she was on something for sure.

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he is in the middle. i am sure you can find better pics elsewhere online. not here though that’s for sure. i learned that at this same time jimmy gnecco was wailing away at wrong bar. one day i will clone myself.

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thanks for the goodish times now back to the hotel.

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my breakfast. we kept having to rush to eat and i don’t eat until dinnertime mostly (usually, always) and when it comes to eating with a table of girls it’s obvious that what’s on my plate and your plate and her plate is all noted and judged accordingly. don’t take other people’s nutrition personally kthxbai. ps. i’m going to be on a runway in the afternoon, figure it out. hamburger + runway = fail.

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this is when smythe and i fell in love. i txted a pic to my designer and she was like, uh, any other colours? i tried it on in the khaki, which leant me not much wow factor. pinky always wins. even that woman is like damn girl. when my designer noticed the leather elbow patches she relaxed and saw that it all could work. my bag was messenger style and her vision was shorts and a blazer so i stayed true to that, despite all the gorgeous summery feminine dresses i coveted and saw and would have preferred. i compromised plus, it’s MY shopping spree non?

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i liked this but for $250? no way. my hair was ridiculous. i even sweat in my sleep. i lose all my weight that way ahhaa.

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lisa and i split a cab to our neighbourhood to grab some things.

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my summer salad from the holt cafe. our server loved my nails. i want to go back and eat there again.

ok i ran out of story time. peace.