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hi ding dongs, your loyal leader is here. ready?

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i went back in time to my old haunt brennen demelo last friday, (the place where my blond transformation began) for a blow-out tutorial.

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as usual, i was late, no biggie, so brennen blew me. blew me out you perverts. then i went back for more on monday after a courtesy roots job (spoiled) and a blow dry tutorial which today fabfind is running a deal for you to go in for your own session, an $80 value slashed to $30 worth it and as usual, raymi gets to do everything first to demonstrate life’s finest so lets continue…

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BD will be having a relaunch pretty soon, the dudes who do the clothes are going to be moving out. big changes up in thur. i love hearing all about it i feel like i am a secret silent member on the outskirts of their cult. they all party and hang together i pretend not to be at all jealous like oh yeah totally i have my own life of parties too, but i am greedy and i like to be involved in everything if possible.

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the man himself. i was excited and nervous, i’ve never had him do my hair before, rose used to do it but i’d always stare at brennen walking back and forth in his perfect johnny depp outfits um this post is sounding like a love story. awesome. because it is. i made brennen fall in love with me.

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every baby in skulls. i would have bought that jumper but i think babies grow fast right? plus my colleague’s kid is not a girl. maybe a g’n’r tee when it’s older. haha “it”. i bought my mary locket from here. i kept weed in it. where is that thing now?

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i love my new camera oh so much. alen you are the best. i wonder if i will ever be reunited with the pen.

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i was dressed like a truck driver and i left my makeup bag at home so i was pure lesbo plain jane trucker tired eyes for the rest of the night until i changed into bridget jones.

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in this photo i look like annoying girl who shushes you in the library. annoying prude girl. i dressed even nerdier daintier than this to the bovine sex club once and picked up like every girl there. JUXTAPOSE 2011 Y’ALL. oh right back to hair. clipping it like this is such a drag but if you take the extra time to section/separate then the hair gets drier and therefore less strain on your puny arms you weakling housewife. that’s right i said it. housewife. wife of a house. i ran out of thinking medicine today sorry.

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dudes of matching hair feathered, flock together. i am totally going to rethink this outfit in the future do not worry. it’s the plaid shirt, it’s a size 2 or something retarded i bought it like a month before i started working with cheese boutique and then all my size 2 shirts turned into size 4 and then 6 shirts anyway this one buttoned up on me looks like a dude slept over and had to put your clothes on the next day to go to the bathroom and your roommates see, basically any rom com ever involving owen wilson.

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here we go much better, hello monday.

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kinda tinier after friday and saturday’s back-to-back tmr sessions (i discovered last night that i have stripper upper-ass/lower-back muscle now). this outfit is also semi-truck driver inspired but more so winter cabin doing dishes and transporting logs. um, i live in my head way too much.

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brennen said it’s ok for all the partying i/we do. you work super hard you have to party super hard to balance it out. i wonder who would win in a party battle, me or him?

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i don’t know how but my eyebrows were nicely tinted on monday all on their own and by the way i rediscovered my dimples yesterday and practiced in the mirror beside my bed. i am going to land so many more deals now just wait and see and when i go to speak at streetsville high to a class on how i made it big i will say all that regular shit i say but i will impress on the importance of dimples, knowing their power, and when to use them.

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summer wheatley rounded bangs. sitcom bangs. tv watching bangs.

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things look more serious from below. the subject is thinking. she is brooding. shit is serious.

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mmm yes.

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you can see one of my cute beauty marks.

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my turn. if this one doesn’t say stepford slave then i don’t know what people.

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brennen was impressed by my skills. i said i used to round brush blow my hair all the time as a teenager. my mom started me young. i got highlights for the first time in grade, 7 or 8? once you start you can’t stop. ps. um ladies, brennen is the one who will have his hands on you when you have your blow out tutorial not to be a pimp or anything but, the dude is fine.

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he was talking to me and the dryer’s fan was blowing his hair back like a fucking harlequin book cover and i was like um can you keep doing that i have to take a picture of it. ok that’s nice now, can you do that again but this time, take all of your clothes off. right meow.

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these aa pants had a tear on them when i bought them. instead of being a priss i just sewed it up so my pants have a scar. also fyi you are the opposite of invisible when you wear red pants on a snowy day so prepare yourself for that.

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i kept getting prettier and prettier. brennen confirmed this.

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i kept flashing game show smiles at myself and then busting up laughing from embarrassment because it was too believable.

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woah this one’s severe like, just beneath the surface, she may buckle under the pressure meanwhile brennen is obsessing over his work.

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by summer my hair will be mid-back length.

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so get out of my goddamn way when that happens i will be royally egotistical so however much you like me now enjoy it as it will be depleted day by day by day leading up til then. the longer your hair the more vain you are, my crazy friend told me once. crazy friend? which one, i know right.

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looks darling all clipped up.

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finishing spray.

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and voila, good to go. take care now, bye bye then.

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the next person to join The Motion Room gets a big surprise/prize, sur-prize? anyway. it’s catching on big, it’s also working for me. britt said, The motion room was probably the most fun I ever had in my life working out! Do they regularly do group training? you can schedule group training. casie said I had a blast there too! I would SO be down for a group workout.

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work-out fever.

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today’s gals be britt and april. both told me the next day they couldn’t walk. me? not the least bit sore.

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did lots of foot hurdle movements. drills. like boot camp. then combined everything we learned together for one whole routine. i only really know dance terminology so we’ll go with that.

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um this picture is hilarious look at me. am i skipping?

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i was a keener as joseph was demonstrating i jump in there every time following straight away. i am competitive and i like to pick things up immediately. i am not at all annoying.

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waterfall synchronicity.

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looking at these now based on how tired i feel and un-coordinated makes me wince in fear of tripping all over that shit. like how you get vertigo the next day after safely successfully climbing a mountain. yes that’s right i’ve climbed a mountain. look at me, of course i’ve climbed a mountain.

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that shirt i’m wearing is a small. when i was done sweating profusely into it it was an extra large. not kidding. so gross also the professional photo lights had us dripping. april shed layer after layer and um, we can’t use some of those pictures.

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stripper pole time. just kidding. balance ball squats and you snake yourself up and down up and down over and over. i was pretty good and forced myself. this is a good work out move.

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easy now april heheh.

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feelin’ it.

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this is getting me jacked for my session tomorrow. now i can seriously talk to meatheads like i know stuff one day when the snow melts and i go back to my gym on a day off TMR i’ll like, throw someone through a wall and be like SEE LOOK AT ME NOW ASSHOLES for no reason at all.

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the guy i picked up at my gym who is now my friend pretty much laughed in my face when i said i was a spokesmodel for a gym. ha i’ll show him.

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this move was impossible. we had to move it over to the floor. we outnumbered them so our collective loserness beat out drill sergeant force. all the blood rushed to my brains my head is just too heavy because i have so much knowledge of the universe.

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the move we couldn’t do on the balance ball now on the floor. look how painful it is by our facial expressions. killer. burns in your back and abdomen, feels like um, that kind of burning when you are hung and need to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW RIGHT THE FUCK NOW which means it’s working so you shouldn’t puss out, keep going and going if you ever want to look like susan powder.

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essentially similar to the backstroke.

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don’t forget to die. laughing. haha i just sent lucas some money via internet and you can insert a message along with like “drug money” or “whats up guy?” so this time i said DIE LESBIAN. that is all.

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don’t even get me started on how cute this girl is. ugh. i wonder if james was thinking dollar signs while looking at her. i know i was. hahaha.

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oh my god this was painful. i also blew it for everyone by breaking stance cos the burn was too intense and we had to do an extra 30 seconds. this was an instance when our collective loserness worked against us. sorry guys.

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much cuter now. ps i partied in that outfit the night before. i plan ahead.

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dude why am i possessed here? see how huge my shirt is I’M NOT FAT!

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hahaha this was fun aw so fun. also the extra work out i got this week really paid off. maybe i’ll work out 4 days a week.

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fitness is uber sexy but in aerobics world you are supposed to act indifferent to the awareness of it.

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another great one swung outta the park by yours truly. look how funny i am. man i am just, so multi-faceted. you can JO to me, cry to me, hate me, love me, idolize me, laugh at, with, by me. you’re welcome.

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O M G. i thought the last one was hilar to the max and untoppable. i look like a floating jiminy cricket and the bun just pushes it right over the edge. right over. i analyze things so you don’t have to.

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no words, too hot, so jealous.

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me and then april’s head ahahahaaahahahaa.

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trying to walk down the stairs was a group effort. it took way longer than it should have.

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and then we robbed a bank. go team TMR ADDICTS!

…an anchor of stability in a turbulent world (i almost used this as a blog title but then i realized it was too gay and the writer wanted me to use it as a blog title but i will not give in, i will not).

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Dear RaymiLauren

I love to check your Flickr pix and blog. You are like an anchor of
stability in a turbulent world. I don’t know how you find the energy to
keep it up.

As a new viewer, I have been continuing through your archives to catch
up on the past 10 years. Skipping around rather than going straight
through (to tell the truth I find the recent years more interesting than
the old). I got a second monitor so that I can do this more
efficiently. I look at your Flickr pix on one monitor and the blog on
the other. Or I can do my own work on the right and continuously check
your blog for new entries on the left. It is a peach of a setup. I
have attached a photo so you can see how it works. Isn’t it great? Why
don’t you give it a plug for some of your other fans to try — all the
geeks like me will go crazy.

Gotta go now . . .

Kim in Berkeley

i was already going to blog this before you told me to but wow. why are you so obsessed with getting through my pics? you must think you know me inside out by now eh.

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skinny watch 2011.

10th Anniversary–Warmup session from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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hi there bag end. i found my faux raybans i found in the bathroom of barranga’s over the summer. britt accused them of being hers on saturday. there is nothing more purely enjoyable then knowing you are right about something so i confidently informed her these weren’t real ray bans, they are garbage ray bans found in a garbage bathroom because my life is garbage. garbage. ok i didn’t say it in that way or at all period. moving forward now.

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this is the purgatory vestibule of adventurehouse separating the real world from adventureworld, will i get in this time, or will the doorknob come off in my hands? super likely. it’s like the labyrinth you better get it right on the first few turns. i got desperate today but my trusty hardware skills came back to me, i calmed down and wiggled and jimmied until it clicked. took about five minutes. phone was dying too. CONTACT EVERYONE SEND HELP I CANNOT GET IN. but i did. crisis averted.

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i like ezra’s pound. a lot. if i was a different person when i lived on st. george i might have occupied that place at the time. i will show you photos of my old balcony later on. i could never show it because we lived in a super easily identifiable condo. one of the top ten to live in in the city (there was an article clipped to the corkboard in the laundry room informing us of this) anyway, our balcony was the same size as our unit, pointed, expansive and looked on to the park with all those screaming children.

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once you see one thing, you see it everywhere. like the typewriter in my painting. or my red docs. i’ve seen so many people in oxblood eight holes.

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winterland.

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where am i? when am i?

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my girl, my girl. don’t lie to me. tell me where did you sleep last night?

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oh man, what a night. worlds collided. huge time. my ex, two groups of friends i stopped being friends with when we split, well, one set still friends with but kinda separated, you can’t have everyone. the other set just took his back, no dice, some of these people i never liked anyway and actually somewhat despised only because they were nothing but condescension and passive aggressive cuntyness and then this nite all was confirmed yes in fact, she spoke shit about you tons all along. excuse me while i take an i told you so bow. some chicks just always gotta be the alpha.

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happy birthday alicia!!! you guys got married i’m so happy for you. i am serious about consulting for joe and adam’s magic career.

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brad was newf drunk. i was drunk drunk. britt was HOSED.

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she loves this photo. i got brad hooked on this stuff. oh right i owe you for some of these drinks.

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i wanted to give my card out to a few dudes but everyone was gonged and i feel like if i give a guy the tiniest (non-existent to the naked eye) inkling of an opening of a chance and they don’t take it then they are not man enough for me and in the crush of bodies i was definitely thumper prey, everyone cock-blocked each other. i did make out with that los angeles dude slut that kenny and betty dragged in down by the bathroom. i was over it immediately.

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next time just wear the scarf.

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american gothic. i lined up the cn tower through the window.

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brad photobombs me. he’s been doing it since before it became a meme. trailblazer!

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we were getting jacked on chocolate coffeebeans and champagne pomegranate mimosas.

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tired looking furry and pink. a dude behind me snickered that someone would be putting this photo ON TO THEIR FACEBOOK and the leatherface wet blanket gold digger with him watching the football game smiled. i whipped my head around and glared at her then went back to ignoring them. then they left shortly thereafter. don’t fucking instigate shit and then back down from it friggin pisstank sittin’ around a pub all day drinking in the afternoon.

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so we got up and took this photo and i didn’t look over at them once but they were totally watching. this happens in restaurants ALL the time, complacent smug unhappy chicks chowing down on deep fried platters oh what fun your life is we’ll just sit down now and try to be as invisible as possible so that you don’t have to feel threatened.

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WALL OF SMUGNESS.

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purgatory sinners.

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sinless.

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it’s a sin looking this good. ha. get me a tshirt and a sharpie, quick quick the asshole from within is emerging.

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one day when i have two seconds i am going to get my ears pierced.

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they make my ears bright red and kinda hurty. melodie can’t believe women back in the day used to do this. these are screw on. visualize it. your ear in a vise.

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this is one of my cute manipulative faces you see once you are already “in” and we’re messing around and i am trying to get you to make me something to eat.

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this is fakey smile shyness pose when too many dudes in the room are staring at the platinum mega blond girl.

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shy trying to be fierce above it pose.

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pretending to do something showcase the other side of the face pose. this is good for at indigo.

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bridget jones outfit i wore to andy’s poolhall friday night. i got made fun of and also encircled by several horny mobs of dudes both melodie and i did our girl gang dance routines they are quite the hit especially when you couldn’t give a fuck about anyone in your immediate vicinity, you look cool and dance sexy and awesome.

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this is the chasing after mark darcy in the snow without pants on outfit she wears. all the meatheads loved it cos of my running shoes. nerds.

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paddock earlier than that, post existential play me and superjew went to. i’ve in the past exclusively only ever inhabited the paddock on blow so it’s weird to go there like normal clientele, consisting mostly of rich got something to show whilst being casual types.

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i looked like this.

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my graffiti time capsule from four years ago is still there.

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sometimes my life feels like a graphic novel.

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i live in the west end of the city. when i have an appointment in the east(ish) i spread myself around quite a bit, killing time, making my way home, waiting for dates.

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sometimes it feels like i am eighteen again wishing i was an adult having a life i now presently lead and totally not being happy enough with it.

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hair blow out tutorial thinger with fabfind at brennen demelo. official post coming another day. brennen did my roots too what a doll. such a coincidence to revisit my old salon who want to steal me back. hair world, man, it’s cut throat. punintentional.

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showed up like this. anita is that you?

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oh shawna.

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nice. where’s dan deacon?

uh oh spaghettio gotta go!

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i barely made it into adventurehouse. the doorknob almost came off in my hand. that’s the latest adventure in these parts. will i be able to leave adventurehouse today? we will see.

yes i realize my letter was 80% about how people are looking at me.

Raymi’s Blogger Brunch from Josh Harrower on Vimeo.

Windy on Ossington from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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hello my people, having a nice sunday? that’s great.

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first up we have casie kasem brilliant blog peer hyper-active monster competitor (hyper-active competitor not blog competitor, we only pretend to be in competition to fuck with you guys) with/of/by yours truly. i knew she could hack the motion room. james put her through it. think she loved it too. i yelled out at one point SHE LOVES TO BE TOLD. ahh it was super fun working out together i got a contact high going through these photos again.

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off we go now.

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i love doing the ladder. i pride myself on my speed, co-ordination, agility and hyper-activeness. i am like a hamster in a wheel, i can do drills forever.

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squats.

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having casie go down the line with me was exhilarating cos you’re being chased, challenging one another.

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what am i doing? i don’t know but it looks magical.

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oh that’s right i turned some of these moves into dance moves. super fun. (drunk still).

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bear walk (my terminology) the ladder. i am better at this now by far. i just love being fit. not that i was pathetic at this to start but my upper body strength left much to be desired not to mention all of my fat storage goes right to my arms.

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now, i am an animal, i mean, i meow at people. come on meow.

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glorious.

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no slow-pokin’, casie’s right behind me.

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still slightly inelegant at this. i lumber.

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we focused a lot on the ladder.

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what a sprite. she can do a backflip you know.

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an actual move you start doing what i am doing (it is not required to pose as gracefully though if you want to stand like a sloth then by all means) and then you lunge into a box and work your way down the ladder like how casie is demonstrating. yesterday when i worked out with april and britt at tmr we were doing some stuff with the football hurdles (?) and we timed it to look like a cascading synchronized waterfall of hot babes coming down the turf. i think we have something here.

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come and get me.

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i am neurotic about my form and keeping my core tight as all gym rats aspire and obsess over. you want to master the movement not to just get through it but to get results from it.

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kash taught me a great trick for my carpal tunnel (left wrist ganglion cyst blob)(ew i know right) you do abc’s, a b c d through the whole alphabet flicking your wrist in an octogonal isolated movement and it loosens up the tightness in your wrist. helps me do my push ups which i am obsessed with mastering.

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casie killed it and i was screaming like an orangutan through it to show i could too and didn’t give myself a break going back through it again.

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hips low, work through the burn. ass down, don’t hunch, no cheating.

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i am a giraffe.

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chasing casie.

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no like this. haha just kidding i was pretending to correct form for the sake of a perverted photograph like a tennis instructor in a p0rno.

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oh triceps and biceps here i come.

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there was just a little bit of dying. that’s when the endorphins flood you and you keep going and going. i am definitely addicted to this work out life of mine now my life can be falling down around me and i am shielded from it from all the do-good being a work out machine has done for my overall happiness state of being. it also tastes better than brunch.

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doy.

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this is fun, like a compass, side step on bounce off then the other spazz has a go then you go then they go forever and ever and ever. fun. works your core and thigh backs, probably other things i forget.

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sometimes my legs look so peggy i feel very endeared by them like aw, there goes long legs skinny i bet she reads books and says super awkward things to strangers in coffeeshops then goes home and eats oatmeal and is weird like the chick from the shining.

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unintentional sock co-ordination.

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reminds me of those bubble toys you buy for 50 cents that blast up to the ceiling when you flip them inside out. reverse convex? i can never remember concave or convex. great here cometh the nerds.

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my next “thing” will be to pretend like i am really smart. maybe i shouldn’t be telling you this i should just BE smarter and then you’d just notice on your own by seeing photos of me um, in a lab coat.

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love these balls. don’t move the sand within them. keepsarms long and straight out not bent (you’ll get bette at it), if you bend you are wasting your time. the straighter (the harder it is) they are, the more you work your triceps. don’t make me tell you twice.

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blogging gives you muscles.

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bahahah whose face is more awesome here? could so totally easily photoshop-swap them face/off styles.

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abs check. those teeny pants are x-small so they contain my love handles yet also highlight them if i try to wear them like casually on my hips, no go there brah it’s highwaisted all the goddamn way. meanwhile, casie was born with a six pack.

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ugh christ.

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this was difficult.

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we had lots of fun. giggle fit explosions simultaneous to set-completion. very entertaining and motivating.

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just noticing our tattoos here looks good. one time i said to james omg shut up you’re distracting me something or other and he’s like the only thing that’s distracting is your tattoos. why am i such a glutton for punishment is it because i am a selfish asshole? likely.

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face plant contest!

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demonstrating air push ups once we were done making tons of lewd sex swing commentary.

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see how cute i look when i use my little brain? jeff looked over at me and looked nervous for us using these haha. i notice everything.

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maybe we’ll revisit these another day. i like them there it’s like one day you will be mine, i’ll be blasting through futuristic universal soldier air push ups fuck that old fashioned floor over there. floor, more like snore.

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you better be careful.

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limbo time.

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you cannot resist me even though you should. DOUBLE ENTENDRE!

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fun fun fun.

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you take turns pulling back and forth i was like um this is too easy then i pulled with all my might and pulled casie right to the ground and then we laughed our heads off.

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when will there be raymi casie action figures?

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tomorrow i have my assessment. i wonder how much i’ve improved?

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i can see through time here. i get the same rush i get from spicy food at the motion room and i let everyone know when i’m goin’ cosmic. it’s great. reality is for the sufferer. i choose la la land always.

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bear walk. um, nice shot who knew you could see through those pants.

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animals. on a scale of one to lazy where’re you coasting about now looking at this post?

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this move kills your back/abs, burns them, which means works. i am starting to look like an alien in the torso. love it. that’s what the twilight guy said about how much he worked out for his role where he took his shirt off and he looked like patrick bateman in the machinist (yes i know i’m combining two movie references in one here i am bipolar thank you very much). haha what the hell is his real name? anyway you sort of don’t get my point and anyway who cares really, it’s sunday you’re probably a mess right now or doing family stuff.

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joseph had to hold one of my legs for me it is hard for me to do it alone i mean i can do it i’m just lazy and on top of that always had struggle with straightening my freakishly long legs.

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guuuuuuuuh dying can you just do it for me.

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i heard lots of groaning over here too.

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i swear to god if i don’t get in playboy after all this i am going to maxim. or whatever those stupid man magazines are.

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no pain no gain and other simpleton metaphors.

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hey where ya going?

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seriously, does anybody really have to see this? i give my colleague (photog) free-reign of editing photos and selecting whatever he likes cos i’ve lightened up a bit on the control-freakness i suffer from slightly also it frees up more of my time for pot smoking and drawing pictures of moonbeams but anyway, once in awhile he lets these grotesque ones slip through and i winder if he is either sniffing glue or fucking with me. i just matrix’d* the fourth wall fyi.

*the scene when they come to save morpheus and one of them helicopter machine guns out the windows of the building while keanu run dives dodges the agent’s bullets that’s what i did to the fourth wall. i also must re-watch this scene for accuracy’s sake if i am going to be some big shot perfectionist movie-referencer now.

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stay hydrated.

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i recognize that look on james’ face. that’s the look of shit talk.

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totally so is too. must be nice to have a job where you get to scream at people all day long until they crack and then they get you back by doing the plank for an extra 30 seconds. cool justice, not. should we bring not back?

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what’s he whispering!? dying to know.

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um, nice one bangs.

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is there a longest blogger ever award i can be nominated for or what?

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i tried out for black swan but they um, i guess they lost my number for a call back or something.

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if our plane crashes like alive on a mountain i am happy to know that i won’t be chosen to be eaten. ugh barf. well maybe my ass but definitely not my chicken leg.

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arms are transforming. yes guy.

kay thanks bye stay tuned for this!

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also any of you new years eve resolution social media fatties wanna come work out with me and casie please do get in touch, don’t be shy now. you will love the motivational views we provide and then you can just work out on your own there and get hot for beach come summer. you know it always sneaks up on you like that. also, look at me. i’ve been on the results 1 on 1 program for 4-5 weeks now? this month i am totally going to lean out. shit works and i am way stronger, more flexible. yesterday during squats oh man i was so egotistical in the brain it was an accomplishment i feel. i like bendy. you know who else likes bendy? um, wendy?