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i love the sound academy. i don’t care how far away it is doesn’t matter they hook me up like retarded walk me through the entire joint like gold get me blackout wasted plunk me in the vip section with all my bros i don’t have to be near any other humans i can dance like a maniac all i want it is such a fun time. next thing we’re going to there is MIA. last nite ratatat were amazing. went in with zero expectations came out completely cured of any and all emo. techno electronica whatever that genre is has a way of making it impossible to think about anything else other than dancing and lights and madness it was exactly what i needed and i am so glad i didn’t bail i woulda just been sitting on my ass at home bitter and hungover. i had the best nap it off today. i haven’t slept in so hard in a long time. def needed it. i am going to bike to lululemon and buy the best work out ensemble ever to congratulate myself on being awesome then i am going to sweat all over a treadmill and then i am going to join the family tonite at wrongbar for the fubar 2 party i can’t wait to see terry and deaner in character.

i loved it when some blonde groupies were walked up to the exec bar where we were (vip was closed so it was vip stand-in section which i have always wanted to hang in) it was so wayne’s world. best best best.

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good afternoon.

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try sitting in this outfit. holy hell. so tight couldn’t wear underwear.

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carens in yorkville. dig that shit. def going back on an eating tour. dunno why never went before used to live within spitting distance of it.

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quickie wine slosh pre-movie. such a depressing flick, love during wartime? glad we didn’t pay, no one at cumberland is ever at the podium when i go there and i always say fuck that next time not paying but then i always pay and still, no one to greet you. last nite got my wish. i do not regret it at all. in the back of my head for two seconds there was a fleeting vision of a security dude tapping me on the shoulder but it was just other theatre-goers sitting down beside us down the row. have you ever taken the go train and not paid? not worth the anxiety at all worst fear ever sitting there thinking they’re coming for you every time someone walks onto your car or changes cars, moves in your peripheral vision. i used to commute all the time from ‘sauga when i interned at a mag in high school spent so much money on commuting like, a fuck ton a month, it was depressing, but anyway only once or twice i took the train without paying cos i was so pissed about all the money i was spending working my ass to the bone on weekends and monday to afford commuting (monday being the one day of the week we had class) fuck man i was so overworked and stressed and all these kids chose placements in shitty suburban locations and were getting paid and they didn’t have to commute. i was bitter but i purposely chose a placement in the city so i could fuck around and maximize my life. i was a maniac. the point of this is i was too chicken shit to not pay for a ticket there and back, day in day out, i am an honest person, i don’t steal or lie, i’m a law-abiding idiot you’re welcome. well i guess smoking weed is illegal. is it?

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THIS IS ME BREAKING THE LAW!!!

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so i’m a little emo at the moment. new orleans trip is postponed, friend is ill. i’m also overwhelmed because now i see all this expanse of time on my hands in this city that i didn’t have before but now i have it and i booked so much shit to do today that now i don’t have to do because there is no rush to get it done before i leave. so i have an extra day to practice lines. i canceled/rescheduled my mani/pedi appointment because i was too ambitious in thinking i could get my shit together enough for noon today. i like how the nite before you tell everyone you have something going on the following day and to tell them to tell you to go the fuck home and then it’s like 2 in the morning and you’re kidnapped by them. thanks enablers! yeah right so i kinda wanna put a bullet in my head right now haha. clem says at least 400 times every time i see him that he is in a dark place. i guess i am too. sometimes i’m able to chase it away but holy shit what a change 24 hours can make of a person’s spirit.

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well at least my hair is magnificent again and my eyebrows are like fuckin’ albino oh god i just looked in the mirror. britt is here laughing at my out loud blog type narration from the other couch.

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she picked me up from trish’s today so i got to walk around with her in last nite’s clothing while she did her errands she’s having suicidal crampfest. at least i was dressed for a date so i was able to look semi-good. i was going to write a guide to being a princess dirtbag for that fucking mtv magazine but they decided i was too edgy or some shit so it never got writ but basically that is one of my tried true tested dbag tips of looking put together.

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britt said the barista at starbuck’s double-taked me. i like that britt notices that shit cos obviously i’m equally as narcissistic as her probably more no wait who cares but anyway she always tells me when we go out if someone is looking at me. i think she thinks i’m more famous than i am or i am actually that famous? cos i do notice i get eye-hogged plenty but i’m not sure if it’s because people think i look like i should or could be famous cos i dress slightly eccentric and i feel like i have this noticeable energy that just makes people glance at me OR they DO recognize me. i don’t know. i only half pay attention to it but when i’m with britt or someone else it gets pointed out so the thought i sort of thought i had about it becomes reinforced. makes you feel kind of crazy i guess being semi-famous in a city where no one is allowed to acknowledge you cos that’s how toronto is.

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i just ran out of steam. i think i need a nap. should nap. but i won’t. i’ll lie in the tub after i eat something.

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the gym is so not happening today.

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i’ll be in town i guess for film fest stuff if it’s worth it enough to party by so invite me to something otherwise i’m going away.

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i want my own cooking show. it is my destiny. i forgot how much i enjoy that shit and how good i am at it. it is a skill. some people just have zero clue when it comes to seasoning, blending flavours, making something delicious out of nothing. i need my own cooking show with a butcher block table, endless red wine while i prep and a mic. there are so many things in life i want to do i just mention it and move on, nothing really needs to pan out for me, thinking about it and talking about it is good enough sometimes. close enough. like a contact high. we all sat around and listened to my vision for ten minutes now lets talk about the next stupid idea i have.

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sometimes i feel too thinly stretched out and it’s completely of my own doing for sure. i have my fingers in many pies because i am greedy and have an overwhelming urge to dominate it all and not leave anything out when really a smart person would come along, skim out the unnecessary excess, apply full focus on one project and make it shine whereas my deal is all AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THENNNN! i dunno how this turned all side-tangent but the moral of this photo’s caption is i was having a panic attack and hiding it so then i made rose’mimosas and it went away. you have to drown it in a bit of booze to take the edge off. so i’m smiling cos i’m happy the terror subsided. too much caffeine too much hangover too much stress. i am pretty good at mastering anxiety these days. i am more in tune with quashing the attack. even though my heart is fluttering i am able to identify that it’s from a jolt of caffeine and weed not from the world caving in on me. while watching dirty rotten scoundrels it came on and i told myself it’s JUST an attack, not a big deal, it will go away, get over it, try to laugh at it, be amused. if you can break it down like that you’re on easy street. anyway, the re-emergence of anxiety in my life is a sign that i am givin’er way too hard so i had better lighten up.

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i know right. where to begin with the compliments, no idea. first the tan and the casual sophisticated demeanor and the setting itself ahhhhhhh. this is what quitting looks like. easy breezy fuck’n sleazy. actually, no it’s not that easy. i’m a bit stressed that i did it but not as stressed as i was working there. i’m way too high-strung. i went by yesterday to gather my last round of tips and felt physically stressed. brosz7kowski started having panic attacks from his last job so he quit. he said he was on his way to work on the subway completely wigging out and the closer he got to his building the more panic he felt. marched right in and said to his boss he was done. sometimes you just have to do that if it’s affecting your health, it’s not just the job itself it’s the state of being you’re in. ok why am i talking about this i’m done it’s done stop stressing. this is why i am anxiety-riddled i just can’t get over things i have to turn them over cross-examine psycho-analyze, discuss, vent even when it’s said and done i am still not finished.

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ok lets change topics slightly. now that i am done my duty in the service industry, from that side of things, i have above and beyond high expectations (demands) when i go out to eat. even before i ever served i was a fucking cunt about everything now it’s just, you do not want to be my dinner date basically. well you do and you don’t. it depends on my mood. for starters i size people up in every situation/scenario there can possibly be in life, i am endlessly fascinated by humanity, we all know this, it’s why i blog. they’re (people) my material. so and so did this, they sucked, now here’s my essay on a situation that lasted ten seconds in a variety store lets take turns dismantling it in my comments now. some people watch porn, those funny or die videos, read the onion, troll messageboards, us, we hop on the raymi bipolar express day in day out. there is something for everyone. no i am not stoned right now i realize i’m all over the place i assure you there’s going to be a point eventually.

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this guy clearly ruled.

so basically the hostess of turtle jacks was a snotty little bitch. it doesn’t matter what she did or didn’t do. her entire demeanor was just all wrong. gym guy said it was part lack of experience and one part bitchy. i stand by my expectation of a person that if one works in the hospitality world which i consider all hosting jobs you don’t have to be behind the desk of a hotel but anyway, BE HOSPITABLE IT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB! this isn’t date night when steve carrel and tina fey get treated like garbage at the podium of that dinkus trendy resto this is fucking turtle jacks get over yourself, play fake nice with me, humour me, kiss my ass, seat me, say something clever or witty then if you fancy yourself so much you want us all to know you’re above this menial job come on then prove it to me show me how smart you are cos if you were an actual smart person you’d be playing the game straight off the bat not passive aggressively seating me in silence and pissing me off.

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cute backpack i’ll come back to this.

and then last nite, industry nite (blanket term for slowest bar night of the week please come in and give us your money) at that cozy pub on king douche west, the fynn bar that always seems to be empty when i go there. they had all these signs out front begging you to come in grabbing your attention and it worked, we go in and the shitty treatment begins. first we were indecisive about where we wanted to sit, not that i’m high maintenance or anything (so am) but i like to have the best seat. it must have a view of the entire room so i can stare at people and make up little assumptions in my head about them, it must be plush and comfortable and not totally near everybody else. does the waitress recommend a section or anything whatsoever? no she slams down the menus and says haughtily she’ll be back when we decide where to sit and storms off to the kitchen or the bathroom who knows. oh really that just happened? this is a good start. then we are ignored a shit ton and some guy comes out to serve us instead, classic trick in the you deal with them book. oh do you want service? no we don’t thanks we’re fine. at this point i’m like we should just go to bier market fuck this i want a nice glass of wine i don’t want to suffer for it.

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the place was dead. there was no entertainment like it said on the menu. fine. in fact two other drunken guys down the bar barked at the bartender COME ON YOU KNOW YOU DON’T WANT PEOPLE IN HERE RIGHT NOW they were just dishin’ out the shitty to everyone. fucking right i’d be bitter if i had to work labour day monday but you know what sweetheart you shoulda booked it off then or chosen a different career-path or a new joint to work in your miserable aura is affecting my miserable aura and i just quit a job for this very reason not to be confronted by it every other place i go in the city. we did eventually end up at bier market where there was more shit attitude. yes end of the night trying to close things get a little depressing and patience runs thin but after a long probably dead day of business you’d think the people who actually show up would be appreciated. i know some days it would be dead for hours then one guy shows up and you get a little miffed that you have to now babysit but you’re also grateful cos hello, $$$$$$$$$.

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maybe it was because my shirt was too open. haha. wow i felt so passionately about all this ten minutes ago now i’ve run out of steam. case in point i hate bad service and bad food. maybe i should address people the second i walk in the door to just go easy, don’t cop a ‘tude cos my ‘tude detector is the best there is no arrogance about it i am just hyper-sensitive to rudeness and have absolutely no tolerance for it.

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the guy who waited on us at turtle jacks was sooo nice and chatty and brilliant at his job in comparison of the hostess it was night and day. the guy at the pub last nite who came out to serve us was like uh do you want drinks like you’re not supposed to be my table but…i said yeah you can serve us cos she seems a little mad. that message was immediately delivered back of house cos she eventually dragged her heels on over to our table didn’t look at me once just directly at craig and took his order. had to call across the room numerous times for service. bullshit. unacceptable. F. you get an F. ok i am over this now. for future if i feel like being pissed off while extremely comfortable and sleepy i will go back to that pub.

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trish works at the dakota now. oh great. my poor liver. i liked how the bill looked, their letterhead. very cute old timey. this band called rattlesnake choir played and i couldn’t get over how familiar looking the guy singer was then this other guy shows up and i knew i had served them last week or so. after the show i was like hey you’re really good blah blah bla you drank at my bar last week. cool story. i was wearing a super short dress and these guys plus an ancient old man with them were digging it so i hammed it up a little. SEE, that’s what good service is all about. personality explosion.

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such a relaxing weekend away. textbook cliche beautiful. it was like staying in a showroom, a show house in a design center. woke up and pointed at the perfect dressing table with the perfect things on it in the perfect room and asked if we were in an antique store and ten thousand other funny quips i can’t remember. my mom would die to see this place. i’ll show you guys more don’t worry.

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so my next game plan is to smile more. more often? is more often redundant? i think it is. anyway, smiling. it’s going to be my new way to manipulate people by. i’m pretty good at it. i have good teeth and my face looks pretty cute when i do it right, i have little dimples, why the fuck am i mona lisa facing my life away? what do i get with that face? nothing. what do i get with smiling? everything. have to be cautious though cos it can go goony just like that.

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i want to shove my face in that so badly right now.

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mcgarnicle is the best cat ever. came home pretty late and he ran on over to me for a cuddle. stew left him behind in all the moving i called and asked if i should bring him inside but he said it’s fine he’ll get him in the morning. what a smart cat to remember me and to know i’m a safe house or whatever and no to answer your question i do not miss cid that cat was a fucking asshole to me for five years no matter how loving i was he just wasn’t having any of it. he attacked me in the face when i was sleeping all the fucking time, he wedged his fat ass between fil and i on the couch all the time, drove me infuckingsane and made it so i couldn’t have my own cat or take rocky while my dad was in hospital. i’ve seen cid since we split and it’s like i was never a part of his life, he still doesn’t give a shit about me and that’s fine the feeling is mutual hahaha. curly haired fuck’s dog is kinda similar, only cares about curly haired fuck and also the beast’s dog though he’s a puppy still so it’s ok i guess but the route of spoiling is going to potentially ruin that guy. why do i find men who have animals who fucking hate me and are obsessed with them? bad pattern. basically hi i have a kid that is never going to like you, have fun! ps. stew is gay if anyone was wondering you keep saying anonymously how hot he is i dunno if you know he’s gay or are a girl or a dude but if you are interested and worthy enough get in touch.

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did i blog this photo yet i feel as though i did and i feel as though i should delete half this post cos it’s too complainy but i also feel like you like that so whatever no sense in trashing it.

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did i blog this? ughhhhhhhh.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ahhhhhhhhhhh. don’t you think airhead internet girl speak is obnoxious and stupid? do people talk like that in the real world? OH MY GOD I’M DYIIIIIIIING OVER THIS JACKET! really? well take it off right away that sounds dangerous! i’m going to start talking like an adult hereonin lets see how long it lasts.

so the next thing i have to brag about takes place september 14 at cheese boutique and i’m taking melodie as my date because she is smarter than me and will help me take notes and also because i love her and she deserves it. we photograph well together, we have a good time, she fucks with whitey haha you know, the man whatever so it’s great to play ditzy self-absorbed blonde and have punk rock hot body smart mouth put you in your place on my arm. people’s reactions to our traveling circus always makes me laugh. cheese boutique is having a slow food once in a lifetime dining experience IN the actual boutique itself. they’re going to set up stations throughout the store (i can’t wait to eat and look down on everyone from the second tier chocolates area one of my favourite parts of the boutique cos it reminds me of the candy store out of willy wonka) and we will be served by all these elite chefs (foodies get a ticket you will murder yourself if you miss out) reds bistro – Michael Steh, Cheese Boutique – Afrim Pristine (number one chevalier in the world don’t forget)(IN THE WORLD), Crush Wine Bar – Michael Wilson (they did the wine for the toronto zoo eatathon i went to), Stratus Winery – Wine pairing (pumped), Le Select Bistro – Albert Ponzo (have yet to go but i will oh i will) C5-ROM – Ted Corrado (my aunt and i went here for high tea it was fucking awesome and they were also at the zoo foodie event) also Earth, Globe – Kevin McKenna. tickets are $75 which is pretty reasonable considering how generous these eating parties are/can be also when i consider it more, $75 is nothing really for a night out on the town not to mention this is something that won’t happen again for a very long time. there may be a few surprises in store too, some i don’t even know about (for once).

so that’s what i’ll be doing the day after i get back from nawlins so i’ll likely be fat and bloated from all the shit i’ll be eating there.

this long winded pile of puke needs to end now i wonder if i can fit in a gym visit pre-hair appointment hmmmm. newp ran out of time oh well.

just booked an appointment for a mani/pedi at mosheta for tomorrow i feel so orange county right now what’s next a brazilian? oh wait leslie booked us those at some spa in nola. knock knock who’s there my life is retarded byeeeeeee. i’m going to end every post with and now this is why i quit my job, whether it’s relevant in context or not. always keep them guessing (knowing you are an idiot).

+++

Hi,

Adrienne

sent this to leslie and she said “yeah this is not bad news” hahahhaa. what’s even greater news is it’s hurricane season and i’ll be stateside for my annual september 11th wig out. nice knowin’ yas!

happiness meter: 7.5/10 not bad.

celibacy watch: still a virgin.

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right back to the grind. i punched the driver’s side window of a car on my way to the gym cos the oblivious quebecer woman behind the wheel decided to plough willy nilly right into my path even though i made two moves to avoid her she still didn’t get it. i screamed at her YOU ALMOST HIT ME she just rolled her eyes like oh whatever so totally used to being self-absorbed and fucking lazy.

i’m sitting in the living room freezing right now. had THE best weekend. stayed two nites in muskoka was supposed to be just one. movie fest. eating fest. swam in the lake. slept in the boathouse. made fun of everyone i saw at turtle jacks totally opposite of the scene of the one in burlington. bought some shirts and a dress from a surf store playing retarded psycho music that doesn’t mesh well with hangovers.

shower of power time now.

roots appt tomorrow thought i was leaving for new orleans on wednesday. newp thursday (give me a ride to the airport someone i will make it completely not worth your while) and the nite before that im taking the family and others to ratatat at sound academy. that’ll be a gong show. as for tonite, comedy or movie?

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kathleen loves seagulls. they get a bad rap because of humans. they’re addicted to our sugary chemical food waste so really you have no rights calling them shit hawks cos it’s your shit you scattered all over the planet you fucking assholes. they’re merely a reflection of you.

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destroyed my brake pads. kathleen hooked it up. love you!

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here’s video highlights of that distillery party from last weekend. great turn out!

i think i’m going to have a massive ten year blog anniversary jam. companies who want in on swag providing, sponsorship, bands even, get at me. just trying to sort out logistics. the actual date is november 28 (also my dad’s birthday) kind of a hallmark. ten years. what a dinosaur. what the hell do i do for that? cry in front of a podium? where should i have it? maybe i’ll put together a trivia challenge for prizes or a powerpoint presentation slideshow i dunno, something. should i get roasted? agh nervous just kicked in. ok i have stuff to do now. went on date two with gym guy last nite. i was basically black out drunk on our first one. kinda funny. we went to yuzu (amazing) then made fun of people in the soho grand bar. they have amazing martinis named after neighbourhoods in the city. there isn’t one called parkdale though. what would the components be? listerine, crazy glue and windex. the blue of the windex combined with the piss yellow hue of the listerine would blend ever so nicely.

i have two more work shifts one today and one tomorrow so if you want to see my retarded face in there those are your chances. 5-whenever i get out of there and tomorrow i open then i go to a cottage and meditate in a forest in the rain.

my very first blog posts. cringe.

me at 17 in oxford. ten years ago. feels like yesterday.

some tard in my comments is like you better have something up your sleeve otherwise people are going to make fun of you for quitting your job. yeah uh why do you think i quit idiot. also way to support the independent pursuit. live bravely, dream big, be semi-insane and take risks.

oh and the does it offend you? yeah! show is tonite at mod club if you want to hang in the balcony in my reserved section with food (sorry no free drinks this time) let me know and i’ll put you on the list it’s starting to fill up. PARTY ON RAYMI’S DIME!

set times:

Doors: 7pm
Does It Offend You, Yeah?: 8-8:45pm
Kele: 9:15-10pm

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cowlick out of control, needs to relax. i was wearing my hair up in pebbles updo so many days in a row without washing it some got tangled in a hair elastic and ripped out. it’s growing but looks major stupid during the whole blow dry process.

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just going to breeze through these shots. that’s rabbit.

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it’s safe to say this nail polish shade is a big hit. now i’m back on the baby pink train for the time being.

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primo dining vantage camera point everyone comes out uber talented-seeming when they have a picture like this. guy all you did was sit the camera on the table and press shoot.

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big deal brewmaster what looks like my uncle roger. once he got a little gassed out came the vietnam stories. we were feeling it.

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10.5% oh what a hangover the next day was.

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still riding my one little bar trick wave. the lushes love it. a lot harder to do with these kinds of glasses.

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someone was actually paying attention or pretending to.

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ordered wine straight off the bat to mellow out. beer weekers eyeballing some arrogant twat with a glass of wine, guess how many comments? get over it guys i love winona ryder i also do whatever the fuck i want, are you new?

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this is when the buzzed shows up.

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i even matched my underwear.

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the lighting in that pub is very cozy. sigh fall. here it comes.

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ginger took that one.

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went nuts on the food photos. amped to take more with the pen.

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i have no recollection of what was paired with what. here eat this, drink that. done.

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such a brat.

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8.5% went with the soup. magnif combo and that’s when my taste detection abilities went out the window.

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they ran out of girls gift bags so we let ging take a dude one. wow what a fascinating photograph.

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this is more like it. my eyes were gushing so i had to bring out the garths. i have seasonal allergies. it really sucks.

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i have my moments. i bet you’re getting sick of these photos.

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why is my hair taking so long to get long????

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requisite shining shot.

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bailed on jd party last nite and i’m hung all the same anyway, carry over hangover. went on a date. did i tell you i fired up a new dating profile? i dunno what it is about my pics or the time of year but i’m being inundated with way more dudes this time around. must be photos or looking better or they’re just more desperate or it was always like that i just didn’t notice.

i have periods of being totally fine with being single and then totally angry about it. i’ve become picky as fuck in some areas. if you’re out with a guy and he’s not the one you can just dismiss and be on to the next. you don’t bother to bend your mind to see the possibility of getting to like him and make a life or whatever, well you do but only for a night then you wake up the next day pissed off at how much he sucked. totally seinfelding my way through dates, essentially.

i’m completely tired of men and dating while also completely addicted to the hunt. it IS exhausting. you connect with someone but can’t see them for a week or two cos of conflicting work/life schedules so in-between you go on a couple dates to kill time and test the waters out there, you haven’t forgotten about the first guy you just put him on a shelf til later and see how you fare with others whom without fail completely bring you down. i have no shame about internet dating. look how much it makes sense for me i wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the internet.

i know shit is taking off and about to take off really hard for me so i don’t know if i’ll even have time for a relationship, i make time for one even though there are so many more important things i should be doing for my career right now. i can’t help it i’m just “meant” to have someone around constantly to irritate boss around demand shit from pay me attention dote on me and be doted in return. it’s not difficult but once you’ve been single for awhile it seems to be the case. whoever this lucky bastard to be is must meet every single stipulation i have. stew and i were hanging at mezzrow’s last nite and he said he only bangs “the one” types and i’m pretty much the same. so basically if i sleep with you it’s cos you’ve passed all my tests and i could see us hanging around and becoming in like but then it goes to crap somehow and i get really pissed at this person for somehow not being a mind reader and just knowing that i thought all these nice things about them.

i have a few guys in the wings ready and willing to lock shit down with me but i’m perplexed. sort of a mess. sort of not ready yet even though i keep whining about wanting a boyfriend. do i really? can my next boyfriend handle all that comes with raymicorp?

i quit my job on tuesday. i have a couple more shifts but yeah i just can’t do it anymore. i got tired of looking at rich little chicks and their arrogant asshole arm candy dudes with their father’s credit cards and i realised i could afford to not take that shit anymore. i love that bar and i love everything its done for me i just need to focus on not being hungover all the time plowing through emails with one eye open half-assing my business. it’s time to make a change. clem said if i was working there a year from when i began then i failed. i worked there 8 months. it kinda fucked my summer the summer of all summers to be depressed by. the bar made me fat i am sticking to that excuse. the stress made me fat. the bar stress fat. having a couple shifts a week made it so i couldn’t really get away so i was stuck in the city constantly it felt forcing myself on awful dates to kill time thinking a new relationship would fix my problems.

i wouldn’t mind going back in the fall or winter for a shift or two if they’d have me. i didn’t go out in flames like i thougt i would tom cruise jerry maguire styles. i don’t think half the staff even knows about it yet though who’s to know for sure the gossip fishbowl there is ridiculous as are all bars. i am still in shock about quitting and i worry i might wig out a little over it but for the most part i feel liberated and proud of myself which is why i’ve been hungover two days in a row, celebrating. yes there is finally a reason for it other than “life”.

if you don’t feel the desperation at your heels to achieve then you just won’t bother and before you know it months fly by and you’re not getting any younger or prettier. if i have a safety net then i will not bother working any harder than i barely work already. so i had to do it. i’ve had very few “real” jobs in my life so to me it’s a big deal that i did this meanwhile i have friends who land and ditch jobs like no tomorrow. i’m a loyal person, a lifer, i don’t passively do anything. i know i’ll miss that place. i still have dreams of the hardware store i worked in and like, crave building scott’s fertilizer spreaders, or mixing paint. i could see myself living in the sticks sitting in a parking lot chainsmoking throwing top soil into the trunks of cars no problem. i require full body work stimulation. fuck maybe i should do something for the planet and build houses like sayid in lost somewhere remote for a couple months instead of being a huge selfish prick all the time.

i’ve got some other great news but it’ll have to wait. i need to learn how to sit on things.

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story time gather ’round. some shit has recently come to light. there has been some girl on girl crime against your hero. i’m pretty pissed off but more so generally amused by it, i mean, people talk shit about me a lot i gather, that’s fine and nothing i can do about it other than post attack on the defense. what isn’t fine with me is slander, namely, lying. lying about something that went down involving me and you. what a piece of shit. pathetic. high school. now to be the bigger guy i’ma leave your name and likeness out of this post but you know who you are and you know that i know who you are and it is NOT fucking cool what you said about me (the countless fucking things i can only imagine) and i’m sick of playing nice with you and that shit ends now.

if you lie about raymi the minx that’s a pretty ballsy move. if it gets back to me i can reach hundreds of thousands of people like that. i am only writing about this because it really doesn’t affect me, i am done caring, this is just blog content for me now also, i am addicted to righting wrongs and you fucking blew it.

how do i even begin this? basically, some girl tried desperately to get me to sleep with her. I TURNED HER DOWN respectfully and with honour and courtesy and proper judgment all that chivalry shit. totally WOULD have bagged her but i didn’t because i felt like it would have messed up a lot of things, so i didn’t. what does this girl do? spins a completely different yarn about it. LIES! says i came on to her, begged to sleep with her.

FUCK! THAT!

i think she thought i would go and brag about how i turned her down so she pre-emptively struck. this happened monnnnths ago too so all along our mutual people have been thinking this shit about me like basically look out for raymi she’s a predator.

!!!!!!!!

I DO NOT BEG ANYONE FOR SEX AND IF I WANTED TO FUCK YOU I WOULD HAVE DAY ONE AND BEEN DONE WITH IT YOU FUCKING EASY TARGET HOW DARE YOU LIE ABOUT THIS SHIT! WHAT A FUCKING LOSER LUNATIC DRAMA QUEEN YOU ARE GET A LIFE!

did i tell anyone this happened? i told my roommate and just now i was like do you remember that story i told you guess what this is the other side’s version of it. melodie is LIVID. wow. fuck so am i. such audacity. that’s like some a-hole in a bar you sort of made out with saying he fucked you all over town then everyone believes it. pisssed.

arrogant raymi could and would have laid you months before that even happened not begged your drunken crying mess self to get with me. even your friend tried super hard to get me to fuck you that night. he was like i’m going home with that younger piece of ass i don’t care you can do it too because i (numerous times) was playing nice raymi about it being all “oh i dunno…she’s just really drunk, it’s not a good idea etc etc” acting like i was really confused and on the fence about it to make her not kill herself and have the whole fucking scenario over with. yeah i get it rejection is a bitch and seriously this chick is maje baggable and it would have been an honour to fuck her (now that is hugely debatable) i am still being nice despite you dragging my name through the mud again and again.

you have also dogged me in other ways, and no, as you put it, we are not in fact “good” i merely played nice just to not have to deal with your bullshit, your never-ending dramatic garbage. we would have been good if not for this little information i gleaned as of recent.

you need so much attention you have to totally tell tall tales all the time. get your head checked that isn’t right. you talk way too much shit and you are untrustworthy. thank you for being a giant asshole to me i have never done anything to you. thank you from the bottom of my genuine heart for revealing how awful you are once and for all. i just wish i knew months ago. granted you’re a kid basically so your mentality is a little premature still and you’re not exactly book smart either but still that is unacceptable when i was your age, even younger, i would never make some ridiculous shit up about someone like that.

good luck to you.

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nella bella vegas bag is in the window of capezio right now apparently that’s a big deal in purse shoes designer world i bet my raymi spells is 1000% to do with it. i look fat here but my ass and legs are amazing so whatever. whatever whatever whatever bye. the stupid store that sells the lacy black heathers dress i ought to email them except the majority of their clothing sucks i bet they’d only just give me more clothing when really i just want money. these are the emails i need written for me by the interns i will inevitably require hiring.

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i was still the very new girl here so i was acting like i wasn’t taking a self-timed photo. i was just acting hung which was perfect and not actually an act at all.

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sigh. but who has time to just sit anymore? i asked this guy what he was going to do today (yesterday) and he was like laundry, read, etc. wow, reading, when is the last time i made time for that? i see it like such a waste of time now because i have so many personal projects on the go that i’m behind on i won’t have time to read until i’m like 45. anyway, hi bench.

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cozy collection. love it.

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sans tubes. warning, this post contains “hip”sters. WHEN HIPSTERS VACATION!

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i’m kind of sort of ludicrously hung and sleep-deprived so this might get retarded. ha might. this picture couldn’t be more hipster if there was a fucking hipster in it. oh wait. ok fuck i am not even remotely making sense right now. nothing like a ghettoblaster. nothing like the WORD ghettoblaster.

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stew’s sis was like how many bikinis did you bring??? me: three. unabashedly so. then i turn to stew, how many shirts with wolves did you bring? i think like 8. hahaha. he got this off threadless, look at the one eating flesh. stew is vegetarian.

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first morning, kinda hung/drunk still, pre-coffee, pre-wake n bake. full on skitzed-out. my hair and face just became more and more parkdale throughout the weekend. i didn’t brush my teeth once. it’s the cottage so get over it. apparently it’s good for your teeth to go skid rat once in awhile, natural cleaning? if there’s a dentist out there who reads this thing can i get a confirmation on that?

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trish’s family owns moon basin marina and she’s the only girl in the family so we got the princess cabin, multi-level, two balconies. her cousin was up there too fishing with buddies and he was all pissed and jealous. why do you get the sweet cottage? cos i’m fucking awesome she said. also, shit together. try having that too next time maybe. holy fucking hilarious ginos they came over and got ripped and were like cranked to 11 in terms of everything. so intense. i was lying in bed upstairs totally spent listening to them scream and destroy shit killing bugs by punching them into the table. i came downstairs and almost murdered them.

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that pose is so bad it’s good. stealing it.

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our dynasty bedroom.

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screwdriver coffee cigarettes lets do this.

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everyone on twitter thought that was a stripper pole in a photo i tweeted. yes. there’s a stripper pole at the cottage. get fucked idiots hahahaha. i trashed that room with my clothes ten seconds after taking this. overpacked so much i really need to stop doing that.

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i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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i have so many photos of this guy.

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ridiculous fucking looking thing right? our children are going to be like YOU GUYS TALKED ON PHONES LIKE THAT WHY???! THAT’S SO STUUUUPID!!!

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i love it because i appreciate the effort that must have gone into putting a payphone out in the middle of nowhere just so a fisherman could call his wife.

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WHEN HIPSTERS VACATION CONTINUED!

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not mine. should be though.

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i could puke. right now my view is of a garbage truck and ten crazies talking to mars.

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the bratty pack kids. i’m doing eileen (nana) face. i have ten thousand of those jack daniels hats from wakestock. speaking of, the jd 160th ann party is tonite at the drake. i’m only going for a little bit because i know tomorrow will be an utter write-off if i stick around too long not to mention i”m at the drake so fucking much i could be a stool. or propositioned as an escort in the lounge. bahahhaa.

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get over yourself nature.

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oh shit someone somewhere is writing poetry.

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my toe polish is heinous, fixing today.

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such a good crew of people.

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i’ll get stew’s photos never. he’s moving from across the street to trish’s building. so bummed.

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i must be blasted these are horrible poses.

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we hit the casino on our way back to the city and agreed that if we won big we’d just drive straight to canada’s wonderland. i lost 40. she lost 20. the guy at the door who carded us said in my photo ID i look like kat von d (black hair). that guy needs to get out more jesus. also do you know how depressing a casino is on a monday morning before noon?

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dance party time. i had to delete the video it was too obnoxious for existence. some moments are meant to be killed not captured.

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look how boy i can go. this is why bitches be hatin’ cos they’re all dainty and girled-out. i stroll in, they get confused by how turned on they are by this girl who is like a girl, but like a guy, but like an awesome and it makes them feel ordinary because they can’t gender-bend like me. please say that made some semblance of sense just a little aside from how conceited i am.

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now watch as the northern masturbating forest spider awakens to a new day.

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i can’t tell time (which day) anymore based on all my costume changes.

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can i get a hash sponsor please? look how happy i am to be smoking hash. do you know anyone who frowns when they smoke hash? i peeled a chunk off the gino boys’ mound and was like this is mine that i earned for being annoyed by you for the last two hours i need this for my hangover thank you goodnight. always plan ahead amigos. too bad we didn’t get any shrooms then i could come back with 4000 photos of a leaf that mesmerized me and was meaningful. i can own you like that double rainbow.

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trish getting dissed by the dog.

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the water was brilliant.

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hipster splosion! i feel like tattoo artists should or will phase out all that tribal and asian symbols shit and have stuff like this in their books so you can just walk in and be like i’ll have hipster mural #236 please thank you but instead of the unicorn defecating itself i’ll have a shark that’s half bear.

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i was taking a picture of this old school ice cold drinks sign and this baller was all excuse me miss you’re taking pictures of the wrong thing so i go oh yeah well then pose for me baby. love the gold chain.

ok i have to get on some people’s asses now in email land. talk to you soon.