there was more but fil got bossy about them so i will have to fight him on them later.

fully under-dressed, so stupid. tanning yesterday made my weather perception a little skewed. more like way. also one should always note the island’s temp is likely five degrees cooler than the mainland. oh look at me all hoity-toity “mainland” haha shut up lets get on with it.

we love to rip on the weird white people who live on the island but are secretly so fucking jealous of them. they all know each other and chat their balls off on the ferry over with their ratty bikes stocked to the tits with groceries, bold sense of entitlement I WANT THAT FEELING. we are seriously considering renting a B&B sometime over the summer. this year i mean it. and i’m not wearing shoes.

so it’s funny the only people who visit the island can be categorized as the following: weird white people, tourists of all nationality/race, funny lookin’ europeans (chicks in high heels wtf) and art students/hipsters (whom also fall under the weird white people category) don’t care how offensive that sounds, it’s the truth. sorry for like, having eyes man. *sidenote i may have some regrets later on. *regrets not guaranteed.

we took a different route this time in the hopes of outsmarting the biting wind and happened upon this madness.

oh look it’s me falling into “the pose” big surprise much.

one more for the road. fil got a slew of massive nip-on shots. wild.

when we left the condo i was like oh, kinda chilly eh but we’ve gone too far, lets keep going. meanwhile we were only downstairs in the lobby ha. fuckin’ lazy ass.

discovered sleepy hollow hidden hangout and hung for a few, it was warmer in there.

then i took a hundred pictures of myself. yes yeah i’m vain, i love vanity, i love other people’s vanity in fact i fucking admire it but anyway, when left to my own devices while fil is off shooting pictures of twigs and dirt a girl’s gotta entertain herself somehow yeah?

now this angle.

is my bun too pointy?

out came the fireball to warm things up a bit.

i’m somewhat freezing my hands and feet off here, later on i was so cold my hands clenched up into fists and i could barely open them. fil had to give me his socks even.

shit’s goin’ ocad.

ok fine sorry.

pan’s labyrinth.

my bangs were funny to me at the time. so aren’t right now.

so artistic can’t possibly stand it.

remember this stupid pose for some reason it caught on yeah sorry about that ha ha.

oh shit here we go.

fil‘s pictures are way better but he’s too busy playing motorcycles with dave down in the garage right now.

snack attack. oh man speaking of gotta get through this dominoes just arrived.

COLD.

fil got artier ones of these guys.

so cold look at my clenched fists.

hippie socks time who’s in the mood for watching singles? turn up the pearl jam dude.

like brushing a tumbleweed.

this is what a winner looks like.

very true. super hysterical to me at the time and still is. i’m all get it? BECAUSE people put their opinions on bathroom walls hyuck hyuck. (fuck you)

icing on the fucking cake we got back just in time for the dane cook audience to barf out of the ACC into union station what a bunch of douches. check the one givin’ me cut eye oh whatever purple shirt you don’t see me giving you cut eye for buying a ticket to see dane cook (and i was trying to get a shot of the crowd and no one in particular you egomaniac). here’s a riddle how do you fill the ACC with every white kid from the GTA? get dane cook.

totally forgot we had planned to get off at osgoode to head to matt’s.

he gave himself a home haircut.

nice.

what a view.

oh hi there.

so plowed.

then matt made us watch a bunch of weird videos. one of which was a 70s polish cartoon with nudity in it that totally blew my mind but is typical of those polacks and matt kept telling me to shut up every time a tit cam on the screen cos i was all WHAA OMG. i forget the name of it and so does fil cos he was completely blasted. matt even commented when we left on how he has never seen fil so gone before (likely cos matt is usually ten times more destroyed).

i guess i thought i looked skinny despite annihilating a big bag of ketchup chips and that’s a wrap.

lookin’ good allison. coincidentally the girl behind you i awkwardly sat with for a bit, she came alone as well (gill took FOREVER to get her as down thanks) her bf bought her ticket cos he rides. funny thing 1 i totally clued out that it was a ladies nite only event and 2 there could/would be biker enthusiasts there i dunno what i was thinking, i wasn’t, clearly. so basically i had zero relevant conversation prepared and thank god fil has a bike, albeit a triumph not a harley and i haven’t been on it in ages.

very decked out.

doin’ my room sweep.

loads of food. traci wisely pointed out it’s a women’s event, of course there’s going to be a ton of food. even so, i asked allison if i needed to eat beforehand cos you never know with these things. i had a boiled egg is the answer to your question.

three vats of! pad thai, stir fried rice, and something else i forget.

make your own jewelry station.

hair/make-up station.

sex station ha i mean torture station.

learn to lift a harley station. i was too pussy to try it and by the time i wanted to the horny mob of women with shirtless models had taken over the stage.

i said to one woman so it’s like tipping a cow? yeah i know, i’m awesome.

gibson represent. obvious pink theme a-foot here (breast cancer charity). bumped into tina and she said to amanda get out of the line of fire raymi’s here (with camera) ha ha.

SHOW US YOUR TITS! (kidding)(sort of).

seconds before she swung the pole. kidding again jeez.

then things got weird. reverse exploitation! also the photographer dudes (who let them in couldn’t find chicks?) were super pushy and blocked everyone’s view (not that i was looking, i mean, this was purely a work assignment ok)(pfft).

oh whatever, fil’s taken photos of playboy models and for what, they weren’t holding guitars.

guy not wearing cowboy hat must have taken some deeply intense eye contact lesson or something because he held that gaze all nite long but never actually made any direct eye contact (with me at least) sort of like look present but transport your mind out of body for the next few hours for self-preservation or something.

i have a video of the women swooping in, pretty funny.

finally one chick gets the courage to pose and then EVERYONE follows suit. took the chest spray painter all damn nite to finish the harley logo.

what was that again oh yeah, self-preservation break, right.

went through my drink tickets needing to lubricate some more to deal, gill still hasn’t shown.

slightly less cheesy than the print out version?

god can you imagine if i dropped that thing. i’d just leave. humiliating.

photo station.

traci and her sprouse bag (thanks for the in jamie she’s a super fan).

made it inside in time to catch this amazing performance as previously blogged.

adorable mini shake that’s actually mousse. eating that thing was no small feat, first i went at it beej styles and hoovered what i could then was forced to just dig it all out with my finger.

horny mob.

nice root fade ugh ha. fil digs it and that’s all that matters yeah? at this station you were to pick two different jackets and if the tags matched up harley and davidson each, you won a $50 gift certificate. i lost. so did gill. tina won.

my first choice i got harley, thinkin’ i have it in the bag. not the case. their trick was having more harleys than davidsons.

first nite out in my new kicks. loving them.

gill and her tiny little friend.

door prize/raffle time – i didn’t win.

then this guy was brought out!

the expression on that woman’s face pretty much sums it up exactly. i had like ten mini rice crispies omg so good. i was looking for bananas, they didn’t have ‘em.

i took her picture because she said i looked like sofia coppola and that i must get that a lot. actually, first time. anyway, an actual babe complimented me, awwright. in hindsight i wonder if it was a come on so i would get a massage from her station? i have no clue when it comes to being hit on i am pretty stupid in that dept. to be honest and you can imagine how many times it happened this nite (biker event, ladies only, think about it) and how full of shit i must have come across. i still stumble over saying my fiancé when referring to fil in lieu of boyfriend so by then woman chatting me up is like oh please ya big dyke nice try meanwhile my mullet-like bangs and leather jacket at motorcycle event is doin’ all the talking.

finally the logos are complete.

jill barber’s second performance. her dress is to-die-for, voice too.

ok bai happy friday time for a free tan on the balcony i didn’t realize it was so hot!

here i am doing stuff.

photos by the ever lovely dinklor.

i have an appt in the burbs today derno if i’ll be able to get another post up before i have to dash out. heated discush in the comments in the post below this one if yer bored. obvs i have more to say on the matter but it’ll have to wait.

Flirty Girl Fitness from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i know right. if you need me i’ll be doing the splits, biking around the hood a thousand times and sit-upping my brains out. turns out blondie on the left is daina, dodgeball ringer from the budd cup. our team has played against hers twice in the playoffs. i gladly told her i got her ex-bf out last tourney (he is equally as ripped as her) and she was impressed. she works for flirty girl fitness and they were doing a pole dancing demo last nite for the harley event at the liberty grand (more on that to come). we (gill, traci melchor, allison) were out on the terrace, a chick runs out exclaiming a pole dancing performance is happening and we all beeline in (the event last nite was strictly vagine only so you can imagine)(there were even chip n dale lookin’ shirtless dudes walking and posing around haha) ok here’s some pics of how flexible you aren’t.

daina is awesome, i’m glad i finally approached her and introduced myself. if not for the dodgeball “in” it wouldn’t have happened. she said they try and keep it sporty when they do their presentations and for women only because those cutesy moves once a horny dude mob is hangin’ around all of a sudden ain’t so cutesy anymore (yeah thanks pervs, you ruin everything). so yeah if you want to check out the studio it’s conveniently located on wellington, west of spadina. map here.

and because i love you check out this hotness:

i didn’t know i had a mullet. there were several shots taken and they used this one cos i finally sort of smiled in it. SMILING ISN’T MY THING YOU STRANGER! anyway, couldn’t resist, free photostand with a wind machine (fan).

vroom vroom on my way to awkwardville!

i put up some more photos from little forest beer ruins hike on saturday. there are so many i can’t put them all up here so you can check out the flickr set when you’re finished reading my verbose captions for pictures of twigs and rocks cos you are gay like that.

we came to this blair witch shit and dave was like oh um the ruins are under water now, they were here last time i swear. great now we have to pound these 1L beer cans before we can make it over to the next site. kinda funny too cos i was talking to whomever on gchat about what we were up to on the weekend and i joked that we’d be looking at bricks in the woods and guess what i was right, literally bricks in the ground leading into the fucking water.

doesn’t matt look like garfield?

this one was a mind bender to me for a bit like yeah thanks for letting us know we can walk dogs if we want, awesome, how generous of you. then i realised oh right, keep ‘em leashed. SMRT.

scary. left shoe was caked in mud by the end.

whimsical fence in the sun.

private property ooh relax lady the only dangerous thing about it is the thorns.

and whatever the f that might be.

she’s yelling down at us at this point and i just wanted the one picture yeah yeah we know we’re leaving stop making me uncomfortable in the face.

good thing i wore a life vest.

you lost me at mill zzzz.

i liked how mike in my comments said in school for photography if you brought your friend here and they dressed like a ghost you’d get an A+ hahaha.

hey i might not be as much an enthusiast for historical shit (really i am, i just have a very limited attention span for it)(VERY) as the next guy but i sure as hell wouldn’t deface it you little rapscallions.

really now? i highly doubt princesses take corner pisses and give hummers in establishments such as this.

hat flying off.

some engineers kindly left this behind.

yeah i definitely think we can start out fresh here. things are gonna be ok from now on.

ran out of beer.

huh?

uhm?

another mind bender.

co-ordinates.

twacked in the face, ouch.

onto somewhere new, we backtracked to the beginning of the path cos dave’s mental gps was faulty turns out we were going the right way all along.

then my ruins tolerance window closed.

after this we went to dave’s for a bbq and fed his snakes some rats, ew! photos of that later. the rest of the hike pics that didn’t make the cut can be found here.

still working my way through some gift cards.

are these obviously aerosoles? i saw a woman checking them out before i noticed them, i stood very still and held my breath hoping she would just leave them be so i could try them on.

look out world here i come, me and my sensibilities, alright!

thanks k!

fil convinced me to play hooky yesterday and join him on the road.

ha ha ha.

we ate at that bistro in lowville park, always wondered what it was like. well, wonder no more. it is crap. they did so many wrong things and the price of their fare for what you get is bollocks.

for example, would i like fresh cracked pepper on my edamame? um, NO.

the burger was awesome though and the “shoe string” fries were tasty.

my pile of parm caesar. didn’t bring out the pepper for me i imagine because i hurt their feelings when i declined it for the edamame so i had to get up walk across the restaurant and get it myself and everyone’s face flushed, evidently ultimate restaurant shame when a patron has to crack their own pepper using the metre long grinder. meh. then we got to listen to all the pretentious local chatter, OOOH just got back from paris and yes it was divine. love it. my favourite was the old couple who sat in silence beside us for the duration of their meal and when the man finally thought up something to say the waitress came and interrupted with their meals. when she went away he asked his wife if her teeth were falling out. also, it’s coug central fyi single guys.

took the rest of the fries to go for a walkies.

it feels like only yesterday we went for our last fall walk here on what was the very last warm day and i said i’m so going tobogganing here come winter, which never happened, and wouldn’t you know it it’s already warm again.

ok pukestains more later.

sweet child o mine from raymi lauren on Vimeo.