went over to gill’s yesterday to sort out some glitches (fingers crossed) and be work company buddies, i started from home a bit just to get a head start on things but didn’t actually show up at hers til past 2. whoops.

she saved me some breaky leftovers. this chick goes above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to hostessing, v sweet of her.

at one point i was looking in the mirror (for the first time only relax) and she’s all what are you looking at and i said oh just the most beautiful thing that i have ever seen. ha ah aha oh man yesterday was funny despite that panic attack. i love gill.

we decided to take a break and rent some movies and buy a portuguese chicken and those delicious little potatoes and rice, 14 bucks all-in. dope. we rented bride wars, that ricky gervais stand-up thing and a ton of other things never got around to watching. also her girls showed up to have some wine too. fil passed on all this, no idea why, funny that.

totally cosmic or what, gill was changing her twitter bg image and then we noticed this lamp in the window of a house on her street. we bumped into duarte setting up for spinto and he told me nice tan. ahha fuck you. i wonder if he put me down on the guest list after all. (guy if you’re gonna lurk at least let me know).

oh look who decided to show up on the crotch rocket. he droped off some wine to not be in the dog house so he could go get blasted at tranzac then the vaselines show. sorry sean i totally spaced out on that.

Q: how much of a deal maker was this bike? A: SO much, and now that he has the cow he doesn’t need to take me for rides on it anymore. hmmph well think-a-fuckin’gain brah, that’s gonna change. also the pockets of the sweater are makin’ me look bulky here.

gill confessed she was actually thinking we might need TWO whole chickens. haaha so glad she didn’t tell me that cos i would’ve gone for it and after the half i had i felt like a beached whale.

watching the guy cut it up with his chicken scissors like it was no big deal was quite impressive, where do you get chicken scissors, they’re basically sheering clippers or whatever those’re called (i’m losin’ my hardware knowledge). anyway, hot sauce on the side always, don’t let him coat it for you cos it’ll get all greasy soggy and he will ask you 40 times hot sauce? hot sauce? hot sauce? yes, but on the side. geez.

and they lived happily ever after, the end.

fuck it, it’s been on my mind awhile so why not spill. remember the days when i said way too much it’s like all of a sudden i feel accountable, adult maybe, humiliated for every stupid thing i have ever said. feh. anyway, try getting your period like 2 times in a MONTH. maybe 3 times even. wrap your head around that number. basically, my iud is overdue to be taken out and a new one be popped right back in so my body is like releasing all its party sauce. an iud has a hormone in it and yeah, the one i have can stay in you for 2.5-3 years so we’re cruisin’ a teeny bit beyond the 3 year mark, that hormone has run out so my natural hormonal body chemistry whatever the funk is confused. plus side, period with no period zits or painful period tits. down side, period, more than once within a month. yeah yeah TMI big time i know, SORRY for sharing. the downside of the no zits thing is those guys are a head’s up, guess what’s just around the corner aw yeah that’s right insert stupid womyn jokey pms term here. i have never been on the pill but i’ve heard all sorts of insane shit happens when you go off it, like loony tunesque fun. so i’ve been on the phone with multiple clinics and they’s all swamped. the same technicians who implant these rockin’ devices are the same ones essentially who give abortions so you can imagine, they’re pretty fuckin’ busy. the only clinic where i was actually able to speak to a person said they have one woman who does this thing and she only comes in once a week. WHAT? anyway, this is the worst possible timing as i am busy with three different things goin’ on work-wise. so if you see me around a nice little what’s up sensitive high five would be cool.

word to the wise DO NOT google image search iud photos you will likely come across something you can never ever erase from your brain. like pictures of car crash victims. just don’t do it.

writing this post was mostly to force myself to get into action on the phone about it rather than purely shock jock material.

garage bike ride from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

big-ups to sass for being asian i mean, organized, and getting this out there.

now that my makeup finally matches the rest of my body i look like a total tanorexic orange weirdo. i promise i will stop talking about my stupid fucking makeup soon. like, now.

wonderful how it sweated off my forehead like that yeah? ok NOW i will stop talking about it. no wait i just figured out what it looks like – a shitty spray tan!

brad got a haircut. ok so say he and i were to start a new band together, what would we be called, and what kind of music would we play?

can you guess whether or not i decided to bathe? ugh. awesome show last nite (v impressed by the in-between songs back and forth banter, super entertaining. brad was baked and he thought so too) they did all new material. i’ll throw up some more pics later, fil got amazing ones. secret: they may or may not be playing the dakota again tonite. (bank on may).

see ya skids!

oh i’ve a video processing of me riding around in the garage last nite before locking my bike up but vimeo is trying to trick me into paying for an account so they’re making me wait forever for it. nice try vimeo. i can do this allllll day.

oh damn, just one more makeupish-related item this kid sean ward made a play on my never-ending ghostface references. supreme clientele will always be my fave album it can’t be topped, fyi.

expect all posts to look like this:

HI GUISE IM BUSY MY BRAINS ARE ASPLODING I WENT FOR A TAN THEN I BOUGHT A 6PACK THEN I BIKED HOME WITH IT THEN I SAT FOR TEN HOURS AND TYPED ON MY LAPTOP AND THEN I DID THAT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY AND IF I’M LUCKY I’LL HAVE AN ANXIETY ATTACK SOMETIME IN THERE for the next 5 weeks. just kidding. (not really) hi missed you.

tonite we are going to (i don’t know if i can leak this, brosz7 emailed me to do so cos i’d get “mad” “hits” but i got to burn him on it cos my personal in had already told me about it and therefore i am cooler than brosz7 and i win) see a special secret performance that i am especially pumped for because 1 they are like, fuck, i don’t even know the proper metaphor for this band. anyway, you’ll hear about it after the fact and then be like so what raymi then i’ll say yeah well we’re tight with them and you’re not k bye.

here are 2 pictures of me and sass taken on a digital camera from the year 2003. ANCIENT.

i like the professor in the background doing his best pretend not to care act meanwhile rob has the loudest patio voice ever.

just so i don’t have to retype anything, inevitably us girls girled out in the comments of my last post and i put up some pics of the new warpaint i bought you can check it here. sorry guys i mean FARTS GUNS CARS WRESTLING BEER CAMPING BROS MUSIC MANSWERS SPORTS BURP HANGOVER SHITS GI JOE TRANSFORMERS X-MEN etc.

here’s brosz7 and i watching lost, superbly fucking stressed to the max. i said it felt like actual work. i’m diggin’ on my hair cape here.

before that sass and i had a biz meeting at the green room, kinda funny scene for it (my grand idea as uje).

so we’re halfway through figuring out our top twelve toronto bloggers list, i swear, it’s like you guys don’t like money or something. you have until may 27th to impress me and no it’s not a popularity contest. all you gotta do is do what you’re already doing basically, and then run a contest at the beginning and end of each month and based on your page rank that’s how much you’ll be paid. i for example am a PR5 (that’s highish) but most others fall between the 2-4 and that is fine too, don’t worry too much about traffic. so every month you’re guaranteed moohla and you barely lift a finger for it – no catch. anyway, this is the last time i’m mentioning it before i just go rooting around on my own (i’m a busy girl) oh and the icing on the cake is we have a spoke club meeting where-in we get you loaded and fed not on your dime so step the fuck up and raymitheminx@gmail.com me.

holy loaded eyes not even loaded.

fil was out shooting a gibson event at some mansion in forest hill he said it made the last mansion we were at look like our place ha ha.

see no more ghostface here that may be due to the white shirt contrast though, i’ll have to experiment.

and now, to shower or not to shower, that is the question.

Here’s a few jams and tales from the past whenever. I feel like every time spring is upon us there’s an uh why am I doing this, who am I, look at how warm it is out there, what’s the point of talking about some cheese I ate last nite again? collective internet moment. Then it passes and you’re like oh right, i’m awesome, time to churn out some more everything-insensitive humour.

nana and her giant beer, she copied me, asked if it were a shandy, newp just straight coors light. hey remember that week i was grounded (one day ask me what i was grounded for) and held captive at your house when i was 16 and there was a street dance and you let me get ripped on shandies? grounded ruled! (note the scratch tickets, nana’s got the gamble fever).

i love how my mom looks here, all 70s miami beachy.

cid and i having a moment.

there’s a pretty (please give me a new word for gay please, please?) nice video of this moment also an even funnier picture i accidentally overrode (saved) with a picture of stupid mario kart scores.

see? ugh. anyway i kicked ass and dave was doin’ pretty good until he had himself a funny cigarette.

so as previously mentioned the makeup i use has been discontinued and now they’ve hiked up the price of the remaining jars of it in shoppers, so i’m switching to liquid. i am notoriously known for wearing loads of makeup, and apparently all wrong at it too i just can’t bring myself to ever go makeup free cos the dark circles under my eyes are terrifyingly ugly, they’re like, ball sack red veiny-looking (most effective comparison i can think of no probs) thanks to my british ancestry. anyway, i never really learned how to properly paint my face and am interested in any makeup artist out there game for giving me a lesson and suggesting the best makeup to go with (preferably cheapest too) on the regular. i heard there’s this awesome makeup for car accident/burn victims too that’s good for day after a wicked bender fyi, don’t think i’m ready for that yet ha.

this

plus this

equals this.

cid loves steak nite.

we had a few different boxes going for him then it just got retarded so we pitched them with the rest of the recycling and now everything is back to normal with his envelope box that he will inevitably bust through which i totally hope to bear witness of.

during saturday’s buzz from across the room i found this to be real arty-looking, good thing i got 4 blurry pictures of it pfft.

this too spoke to me.

artist at work.

we barely made it through SNL (wasn’t JT great though).

mother’s day happiness.

pose deux.

little red raccoon friend showed up saturday for a little while and dave became very interested in his well-being much to the chagrin of fil (also sensitive about animals) so this guy disrupted each mario kart race a tad.

we’re sure he’s fine, just woke up a bit early.

here i am at my whitest sitting directly under a skylight.

sorry for the lack of err uh everything lately? been busy. last nite was the NXNE conference where-in i legendarily tie one the f on but not this year, thanks to twitter, this guy sat in a booth hunched over attempting to live-tweet the event but thanks to the internet provider being down, no one could get online so i had to use an iphone, a funked-up blackberry then fil’s once he finally turned up. if you know me i am not good with the change, i’m still using that free phone i got at least 3 years ago (big-ups mads!) and it sure as shit doesn’t connect to the internet.

thankfully i had the keynotes of the speech pre-printed out, brendan and i tag-team status updated the shit out of ‘em til we got through ‘em all then i finally got up after three+ hours and went to the bathroom where i stuffed the entire back of my stevie dress into my tights. i swear to god if that generous lady didn’t tell me about it before leaving the john on top of how sweaty on edge stressed i was feeling i’d have fucking exploded. she said wow you sure woulda made a lot of friends. ha ha.

inevitably (like last year) to kick us all out they force you to cash in all yer beer chips and then your table looks like this:

can we do this at a winery next year please?

last year the following day bunny turned up to spend my two day hangover with me. this year i’m feelin’ fine for se’ers.

in-part thanks to brosz7 who came to lend a hand. i got a god burn in on him last nite he’s like gill looked at me in the middle of talking and said you cut your hair i go yeah a home haircut he goes shut up it was my first time i blart out IT SHOWS!

zing.

we all turn into our parents someday.

hi KR!

girl time. they all went to watusi. jeals.

nostalgic shot for my bro.

rowan has no recollection of dancing with me last year.

brendan is a champ.

andy and some athAletes.

babysitting fee is $10 an hour or, beer chips. rowan copied my hello kitty mousepad then we had a serious discush regarding HK, super dupes serious. here and here.

fighting with 16 year olds on the internet

we drink nag drinks now which = white wine + ice cubes haha.

dude pass the ketamine.

bunny is coming.

may my first pair of skinny jeans rest in p-ieces ahha oh punny i have to tell that one to my dad.

broszkowski and i were dancing and i hear RAYMI RAYMI and ignore it cos fil says i am narcissistic and imagine all the time that people are looking at me or screaming my name, turns out i was right!

i bumped into an ex-fling last nite and he reminded me about the time we went to see the get up kids and i screamed out to the opening act HEY REGGIE LETS FUUUUCK! just as they were getting into their next song and they stopped playing it distracted them so much.

and my pants fall down the entire time, ah yeah, ma hips don’t lie.

no one even noticed i drew that on but open an umbrella inside a bar at last call and ten million people come up and tell you to close it you’ll hex the entire bar

the dance face respect it.

my friend says it isn’t racist because it isn’t a negative thing, yes it’s a generalization and stereotype but does it make you racist to point out the obvious like while we were discussing this my polish friend was also simultaneously vacuuming his ceiling.

crappy picture taken during yesterday’s downpour, looks like she chose the wrong day to wear a white shirt.

had dinner with my dad yesterday i could tell he was somewhat embarrassed by my outfit ha.

still have that apostle of hustle shirt ha.

back to black.

my ridiculously important opinions concerning the movie JUNO.

fun for the whole family (not really).

what is up classy bitches?

i remember that hangover well.

that shirt was so fresh.

cid vs the dishwasher

mother’s day presents.

like clearly it is a goddamn tree and don’t talk to me annex!

skjgweu;oghweghsodbnsdl;

KIDDING i meant slit my wrists.

many wonderful comments in below that vid.

ALICIA’S MARIJUANA TEXT:

this video has been viewed 41,278 times.

more nola

lets look at the nite backwards

i stared into the universe and the universe stared back. woahness.

new look please advise.

i ate a sausage before they were “officially” serving dinner and got told off by the help and then this dude sees me coming up the stairs with it and says where did you get that so i show him the spread downstairs and say you will not believe your eyes when you see it and then he gets in trouble too stuffing a hamburger in his mouth pretending to be mournful about it going oh i’m so sorry shove stuff stuff chew chew swallow really truly terribly sorry chew chew swallow, it was funny.

more from the funny farm

happy mother’s day!

welcome to my update

you do realize that the way the media worded that was to get ratings right and that arnold schwarzenegger movie was A MOVIE and that it is not possible to get a dude pregnant and that “dude” was a chick WITH TITS AND FEMALE ORGANS and maybe you should spend less time reading the bible and more time reading a science text book.

GOOD LUCK!

the way the sun is hitting the trees right now i want to launch myself off the balcony into them and hug and hold on tight

we were discussing how old we were when we first started talking on the phone to our friends, fil said he was like 2 (yeah right) i said oh really and what the hell did you talk about? mud.

notorious nxne conference hangover this time i have to be on better behavior. that hangover lasted two fucking days!

bunny got to spend my hangover with me.

how to make lemonade like a pro-star (that’s me).

ok more of this ginger kid.

another day in the life of awesome.

dan deacon’s mushroom gauntlet experience.

i am ashamed at how not close to finished this thing still is.

alright i got shit to do this’ll have to be a two-parter xoxo.