let me know when i should turn this into the drawings of me by other people blog. this one is good because i look like jim morrison, and asian, and cid looks like he respects me. for once.
hi,
i drew a picture of you.. and cid.. and his food dish.
bye,
aw someone cares. i still can’t figure out if that’s a little girl or boy on the card.
the following video is not at all embarrassing because i am the dance doctor, guess what? JUST SAYING!
you can actually see my thought process take place to incorporate karate poses on the first punch/knee-kick combo i do. did you know i was gifted? i mean it.
this is my impression of ANTM‘s heather.
no one enjoys french rap more than i do.
no limites alliance ethnik raymi dance video.
the song is no limites by alliance ethnik which came out a hundred years ago and i had to get hmv at erin mills town centre to specially order the album for me, there you go, i am cool.
ok so here is my muchly anticipated irritating movie theatre experience post. we went to see no country for old men, a movie based on the book with the same title by the guy who also wrote the road, very scary shit, good scary. so we are fans from the get go of this film, kind of an invitation for people to get on my nerves, anyway, way to go cosmos of the universe.
so we are in the very back top row on the right (from looking at the screen’s perspective) and the theatre is empty, we are early, and thinking how awesome, less people to piss me off by. now, as an aside, i don’t know why i am incapable of tuning people out who do things like breathe and eat popcorn and clear their throats WAY TOO MUCH, i’m not proud of this crotchety trait i’ve got and i know it rubs some of you bitches the wrong way when you read these posts of mine where i am explaining in minute detail a social exchange that lasted two seconds and the outcome is me right, them wrong. maybe it’s a form of autism i dunno, if i am watching a movie the entire room has to be silent, i cannot focus on things if there are external noises, in fact, i fly off the fucking handle if there are external noises made by YOU, anything, foot tapping, pen tapping, ungh.
so four teenage-type dudes gather near us to the right and are talking through the entire previews, fil has a rule where he lets people talk through previews and then asks them politely to be quiet when they are finished. WRONG. previews are meant for me to be sucked into and assist in the tuning out of people’s noises all around me, previews are meant for me to decide which movie i want to see in a month’s time and be annoyed in a movie theatre all over again, and how can i fall in love with a movie if FOUR GUYS ARE TALKING AND LAUGHING AND YELLING OVER ITS TRAILER? they snuck in booze too, i know, i saw, so they’re talking louder than they are aware of and now two chicks are beside fil, and one is talking on her phone (and continued to do so throughout the film, left, we took their seats halfway through the movie, they come back, then she talked on the phone some more wtf???) i wait for three previews to be over, well, the third one i was actually interested in and couldn’t hear any of it, you’re supposed to be able to hear at least some words in a movie theatre right? the volume is set to blasting.
i get the hot body tingle because i know i’m going to DO IT i lean over while the dorks are guffawing and yelling and speak into one’s ear EXCUSE ME CAN YOU STOP TALKING? it takes a second or two for a reaction then he turns and the other guy is looking up at me and i do a big showy nod with my head like a schoolteacher reprimanding you, they nodded yep yes sorry and then all is well in the universe.
WRONG.
so i’m high off my bravery and the theatre is still filling up (never going early to a movie ever again because without fail some asshole will sit beside you at the very last second and steal away your false sense of movie theatre silence security) and some dudes sit beside me and we pile all the jackets on the chair between us, cool now i have a noise barrier, but just as the movie begins this woman with a large bag of popcorn walks all the way up the stairs passing empty seats left and right, zeroing in on that seat with the sky high mountain of shit on it, and asks me (the sucker) if it is free.
movie theatre law should state that i get an empty seat for my jacket and purse and whatever other garbage i collect along the way, i should not have to sit for two hours with a collection of goods at my feet while some woman wearing the hugest jacket i have ever seen in my LIFE loudly eats popcorn IN MY EAR hogging MY armrest i secured a half hour ago, going oooh ahh cringe cringe throughout the film that i have been eager to see for months, i got there on time, GO SIT IN THE FUCKING FRONT ROW. like, don’t you know you’re a stranger? no one likes strangers. i had to sit stock-still with my back 90 degrees UNCOMFORTABLE by her too-close proximity, what a fucking buzzkill, i was being polite enough not to go into her comfort zone, but did she return the favour?
i couldn’t believe it, i seriously thought i was being punk’d or something, why is every annoying theatre cliche scattered around me right now, why god why?
and she had her leg crossed so her foot was in my foot area, ate her popcorn one at a time and chewed with her mouth open, stared at fil through the corner of her eye and when gory stuff happened made saliva gasp cringe noises that i don’t know how to describe in type, and she asked why? a lot too and somehow thought we were friends together or something, lady, DON’T LOOK AT ME.
oh the movie was great, totally awesome, and you should read the book too.
when it was finished i ran down the stairs and out of there so fast, normally i do the two-step for safety reasons but not this time, eat my dust everyone.
OH and the four dudes i asked to be quiet, everytime the bad dude (psychotic killer with a sense of humour apparently) killed someone, the guys would cheer and high five and go YES! it was disgusting. they were identifying with the murderer WAY TO GO FUTURE LEADERS!
this time, i mean it, i am NEVER paying money to go inside of a movie theatre again, ever.
another thing, the girl on the phone beside fil kept going oh no, no, oh no, uh oh, whenever something bad was shown on the screen or the bad mojo was about to happen like she had a crystal ball sixth sense about it, do you know how annoying that is to listen to when you’ve read the book and already know what’s going to happen before it happens and then some genius is helping foreshadow it along for you?
i am moving into a cave to await the end of the world with those russian cultists, if you need me.
++
re-linking the review for that lets all hate toronto post in honour of that dude trying to defend the santa claus parade’s garbage aftermath.
hopefully fil will get the message when he sees how filthy the mirror is in this photo. he says he doesn’t clean the bathroom because i don’t vacuum. interesting. he also doesn’t ever put anything away ok it’s too early to start with this. filing it away for later.
dinner that i made with my bare hands.
bruscetta.
baba ghanouj.
wasabi hummus.
whole wheat tostitos, there wasn’t any pita, i know, and when i asked about it the girl was extremely rude to me and then suggested roti when she realised she was being rude to someone dropping thirty bucks at their shitty grocery/variety store and then i put on my passive aggressive hat.
i am an artist. fil was like a pet gerbil yesterday, he didn’t leave the condo at all.
what a lazy slob.
R -
I feel the same way you do about the girl/hair thing. Fuckin losers. Lourdes is so naturally beautiful – I love Madonna all the more since seeing that photo for keeping the trash-talk from affecting her daughter.
Also, I love hearing you sing in your car in those videos – how funny.
Ciao Bella,
HW
madonna‘s daughter
i would take lourdes over this boring lame chick any day.
[i just realised half of my brilliant rant was deleted, i kept going back to edit and add to it and fucked it up. sigh. basically shame on the internet for making fun of this picture all day long today. not funny, lame and tired. her eyebrows are exotic and sexy beyond her years, not everyone prescribes to the fake blonde wax everything mentality. it’s also sort of a fuck you to everyone who predictably took the bait on it. poking fun at someone’s facial hair is borderline racist and way offensive. i am embarrassed for everybody who jumped at the opportunity to make the same tired tweezers joke, what’s next ROFL LOLZ?!?!]
i would upload more pictures of carbon copy blonde chicks but yaaaaaawn. girls like this make fun of girls like lourdes because they have oodles of self-hatred based on their inability to be unique and original and when someone who looks like lourdes skips on by it reminds them of this fact.
she (blonde lame-o) looks so unhappy too, i’m not buying that smile at all. how incredibly sad spending your entire life focused on looking like this, perfect teeth, face, so insecure had to get fake tits too. not knocking fake tits, it’s merely aiding in proving my point.
i wonder what it’s like to not be an individual. to live your life as somebody else’s idea of fantasy. for some rich golf playing douchebag to check off on his items to buy list. what a hollow life.
gross. this is the reason shit like Uggs will never ever go away.
dear raymi
i catch myself thinking of you from time to time or tracing the source of seemingly unrelated subjects back to you and your blog. for example i found “tiny tim” snuck into a rhyme scheme and had symmetry and reading it back i had to wonder where tiny tim came from and oh yeah it was tiny tim from timmins, he talked shit about nyc and gta. little things like that. i also catch myself saying “you fucking rasta” to people quite randomly and condescendingly.
it shouldn’t surprise me because i’ve read most every word on your blog for years. ours is a generation that grew with the internet and i was making stupid homepages and livejournals back in the 90s too but it seemed dead-end and i think it takes someone special to show just how effective of an outlet of expression it could be – it inspired me to pick up blogging and i’ve found a great deal of clarity and fun from having an uncluttered space to write; one constant in a world of variables. it also helps to give your life an added perspective – going through the typical grind yes but also wondering how it would look in a book/movie/blog.
i also appreciate your humour and the illumination you give to such taboo topics as mental illness and felt friends. to put it in extremely gay terms, there are many unexplored and dark areas left in the world and every little light helps so thx for yours, it’s bright.
(name withheld?)
there.
hahaha alicia just sent me this.
me: watch
merkley???: how many more times are you going to send that to me?
me: i love it
iam so goodlooking
and an amazing dancer
merkley???: snoroooorrrrre
me: haha
jealous
merkley???: i actually KNOW how to dance
me: excuse me i took dance for ten years
ive been trying to get you to talk to me all god damn day
merkley???: get your money back
now you know how i feel when you are too busy for me
i’m doing photos
me: i can dance you into outerspace you twinky
waiting for your next “burn”
merkley???: no you could not and that’s a FACT
i’m not even joking
you have not the skills nor charisma
me: you are kidding right because i am seriously a good dancer
i can pop lock breakdance 80s style
and salsa
merkley???: ha — i have seen you and you present zero challenge
i was a champion pop locker
me: uh cos i am alone making a youtube video for my blog retard
i will destroy all the floor tiles around your feet and send you into another dimension with my moves
merkley???: you have no idea how out of your league i am
me: merkley, sigh, just, sigh, you are writing a check you cannot ever cash
i inspire black people to dance
top that
merkley???: black people dont dare challenge me
and i’m not even joking
me: LAUGHABLE
merkley it is i who is not joking
merkley???: difference is i have seen your white ass trying to bust moves
pass as average at BEST
me: im not trying in those videos
merkley???: hippie cavorting ain’t dancing
me: im mocking myself
you dance like those flowers that move side to side when you clap near them
i mean you wish you danced that good
pre-order merkley’s book!
+++
tony’s video/perspective of me doing where did you sleep last night.
OHMYGOD. i was purposely stealing the floor cos that guy kept trying to hog everyone’s songs.
and this gem. i didn’t even watch it. i am sure it’s a masterpiece. it features every retarded blogger you read.
THIS IS THE MOST BRUTAL VIDEO YOU WILL EVER WATCH, DON’T WATCH IT! oh jeez and this one is almost as bad.
the wizard of rock. awesome.
this is what cid looks like when he is sleep/dreaming and twitching. hockey puts him right to sleep.
this is basically what the inside of my head looks like. you will fight with your friends over which pinker tones guy gets to be your boyfriend. i don’t know what the song is called but it was the best one of the nite. at 1.35 seconds to go that’s when the party starts.
the pinker tones at the el mo video.
if you want to see more videos i made that nite of white guys dancing unironically like goofs, go to my youtube.
this is a video of fil and rene playing and talking about portal, it is like 9/10 for nerdy, i docked one point because i filmed myself part-way through rolling my eyes and then i zinged rene at the end, if not for that, 10/10.
oh god. mr. annie lennox thanks for the eurythmics bio. see how his friend is cringing the entire time? i can barely watch this it is so harsh. enjoy.
here is cid ruler of the hallways closet.
tetris halloween costumes people.
i wonder when duane is going to copy this video or this one. is it incest if i jerk off to that zeppelin video of me dancing?
and no i haven’t even gotten to play mario yet today. i just fed fil a burrito. i think i am encouraging him.
