i am dressed like an inappropriate teacher for tonite’s outing i punched out the lenses of a pair of sunglasses and i am wearing a pearl necklace and fishnets and lise’s h&m fondue party dress and i have written a bunch of SEE ME AFTER CLASS YOUR SOCIAL STUDIES REPORT SUCKED NO I WILL NOT GO ON A DATE WITH YOUR DATE notes to pass out to everyone at the party i will also be drinking fireball whiskey from a flask oh and i have bad breath which is a very important costume detail and my hair is clipped back when fil came home i was standing in the hallway with a scowl on my face and he cringed at how ugly i look.
maybe i’ll put lipstick all over my teeth.
this is also funny possibly cos no one else is dressing up so i will just be a lunatic at a going away party wearing sunglasses with the lenses punched out kind of like when i lost all my marbles in los angeles.
ok i know friday is suppose to be ONE TIME I WAS SO DRUNK I BLA BLA post day maybe it still is but right now i have a RAYMI’S SUPER DUPER SPECIAL SECRET installment for you which i think you will be way more excited about. the only rule is when i tell you a secret you have to tell a secret on your blog or in my comments like that movie pay it forward and of course i am haley joel osment (nice name pfft) duh so instead of paying it forward like they do in the movie where they “help people” my game is more fun cos it is highly self-involved and NO ONE gets helped. helping people is exhasuting.
ok here is my special secret which i will write in caps lock for effect:
WHEN I GO TO SLEEP AT NITE THE WORD HALOSCAN GOES THROUGH MY HEAD A HUNDRED TIMES AND I CANNOT CONTROL IT I THINK IT’S MY BLOG-ADDLED BRAIN SHUTTING ITSELF DOWN FOR THE NITE.
thank you for participating now it is your turn to pay it forward except NOT pay it forward can i get sued?
someone put fat on my body so i can’t do the buttons up anymore. it is size 36 XS. i bought it from an army surplus store on yonge street in toronto when i was 15 for maybe 60 bucks and i sewed those patches on so it’s perfect if you are a racialist cos i sewed WHITE on it but not cos i’m a racialist or anything it’s because white is my last name see and i also sewed the cavalry patches on the shoulder/sleeves which may or may not be upside down but alack there you have my super determined amazing fifteen year old sewing skills AND my last name. you can have this beauty for 60 dollars w/ shipping&handling. natch. it’s perfect if you are a slight of build emo hipster boy or girl it makes your waist look tiny yay. it’s in perfect condition and if you wanted to get one today from a store would cost close to a hundred bucks yo. so yeah tell me if you want it.
to get you into the spooky halloween mood i will tell you a scary dream i had i call it:
fil’s dad get out of my dreams and into my car
i will keep it short cos i know reading people’s dreams is totally boring so here is my dream in POINT FORM
-i was forced to go to scarborough with a bunch of guys and we had a gun with us for sale i don’t know why it took three cars full of people to bring 1 gun
-then i flipped out on one of the guys in a bordello style family restaurant like LONESTAR or something and they all ditched me
-they ditched me with a stickshift delorean (which was white) and i was trying to drive it back to oakville but i didn’t know any of the streets and i was terribly embarrassed cos i was driving into guardrails and shit so i pulled into this stripjoint plaza and ran into one of the strip clubs and i was bawling and all the strippers came out and were very nice and they were gonna get this one big gay guy i guess is their den mother to drive me home but then i started working there for some reason
-oh yeah i left the delorean half parked on a fountain/art sculpture in the middle of some square haha
-later on i decide to call fil for help and he is not answering the fone. i tried him maybe three times and then the fourth call his dad had changed his voicemail to his voice telling me that i am harassing fil and him too and that they were scared and would call the police if i called again
-then i was all panicky and sad and i woke up
i don’t know why i didn’t just take the fucking subway back yeesh.
me: there is no space in delorean
Phil: read the wiki article, especially down near the end and it talks about the variations
me: oh well im just putting it altogether google corrected me “did you mean delorean” i hate how google is so condescending like that i am like DID YOU MEAN I WILL KILL YOU?!
Phil: did you mean GO FUCK YOURSELF what are you that stupid windows paper clip?
i like that itunes went out of its way to call shuffle not shuffle but party shuffle so i can feel like there are people hanging out behind me drinking harvey wallbangers and i’m not just sitting alone here eating a tomato with a fork.
***Update i have also been sitting here picking my ear in a daze for the last five minutes.
i just had an idea sort of like a game you can say no or not do it if you want here it is: you guys in toronto or wherever you are should stalk each other and take photos on the street of the person you are “stalking” and post them at stalkraymi along with the person’s blog (as in you have been following their life for awhile via blogworld and are stepping it up) OR just stalk a nobody and post pictures at stalkraymi i dunno just an activity.
like the lady who you see at the donut shop and you can write little anecdotes about her like today she wore reebok’s and had a large double double. and yes i know missed connections already exists but this is could be another level of that which rules cos it 1. goes nowhere and 2. is completely pointless and 3. creepy
i’m already somewhat lazily stalking the guy who i kicked after he punched me well it’s more coincidental that i see him more. i saw him the other day eating toast at burger king nodding his head a lot and trying to find messages in his newspaper i was going to take a picture but i didn’t want to interrupt his crazy.
as motivation, the first person to offer up some photos to kick off this project will get a portrait drawn of them or something else on canvas.
i also refuse to take any and all responsibility for the possible jailings that may come of this game.
