Borderline duck face? Okay fine then do you prefer this face?
One of our family classic fuck faces. You do it behind someone’s back at them when they’re going on a rant. My family is hilarious
So emo core.
Evidence of Europe my gizzards!
I look like Hell? Hell is hot. Just like me.
This is a fat day. Oh no wait skinny is fat days now, that’s going to suck. Did a lot of yard work today, trimmed the hedges like Edward Scissorhands dressed like this. The neighbours peep me hardcore cos they NEVER see me I’m like a mirage, then they hear me and bf chirping and are probs like holy meant for each other.
Sister is coming over to do all our laundry now fuck yeah. Just kidding. This is her in Volendam the weekend before we went. She pulled a Gaga. Omg do you beat your laundry with a stick? HAhah ILHer cos I can say all the shitty things I need to say and she laughs harder than I would laugh at them it’s like constant affirmation of the monstrously funny person that I am. I ran through new stand-up material last night in bed and was like zzz wake up write that down please for the love of god but no need I remember both stories cos I’m ripping them off from a friend who can’t be my friend anymore cos of his wife, long story, gotta come hear it IRL don’t ya now. I did a secret stand-up set I wouldn’t let anybody come to and I was pretty good. I can be raunchier doing stand-up.
Our motel owner was a baller once dog! He comped us a night cos we gave no guff til we signed out and I had to play a priss. With good reason we heard gunshots out of our window it wasn’t fucking Compton in the 90’s plus you gave us one roll of toilet paper at a time and towel wtf? Anyway it was a good time because we fell in love Rihana hopeless place style. We didn’t make breakfast once and you think we were saved it once? No. Who makes breakfast for one half hour only between 9:30-10am? I’ll tell you. Someone who doesn’t want to press down on a toaster because he knows we aren’t showing up. We were the only guests. This was some Rose McGowan in a diner and the highways are shut down level creepy bullshit we saw every key in the cubbies sitting like gravestones behind his head as he berated us for fibbing on how many nights we stayed cos he wasn’t around for some of them and the lackey miscalculated, we were the only people keeping the week afloat and it got expensive Jesus, I was supposed to be with Lois and Mom and he was supposed to go to Cuba and Panama.
I couldn’t resist. Killing time til Sis comes over again cos I’m helping her memorize this dance. I have videos of us doing it that while I’d like to share but I don’t want you to have an Aneurysm laughing at us.
Womanizer played in my head all night long subconsciously ughhhhhhh it happened to me when it first came out too seriously. Made me sick. My friend had my ding-a-ling stuck in his head til he was almost sick and dizzy when he was a kid so it can happen. Poor guy ahhaha. Long story short she owes me for Womanizer. Ps. speaking of Napoleon, he did some historical things in Holland too. It’s raining History bye, everybody dance now! Omg she came in through the window. So Beatles.