tropical brainstorm

Hi! If you’re going to learn anything from this post I’ll just put it at the top right here right now and it is that sweet lavender nailpolish works.

If you want to be a dirtbag princess like me you can get it at walmart right now for like, 2.97 and in the states it’s probably like 4 cents.

Sorry for such a typical cold open like that. Sorry for saying sorry when I’m not sorry. This is what I am listening to right now fyi.

Beautiful. Listen to this entire song it gets soooo dreamy.

I had an Unagi accident. I was eating out the inside of an unagi roll because I am not eating carbs right now and it all cascaded onto my booth seat, bounced off then onto the floor. I at least got the majority of the unagi, it was just the teeny matchstick cucumber pieces and I found it to be hilarious!!! We were celebrating last night so I had some dranks. I’ve been being VERY GOOD with my diet and exercise so I felt cool to just let loose one more time before it’s officially an entire month of severe restrictions and no cheating with candy or giggle water. All these defensive waste of time explanations when I could just be writing funny fucking stuff instead fine then I will life is short, the time is now. Cue this song!

I don’t know about you but I am inspired a fact’s a fact!

He had this I did not because I am the shit!

I may not have blond hair anymore but my hands can still scream Barbie. The thumb nail of this hand is the only long nail that survived my week of black nailpolish and working for the man with my hands. All that cold air and not wearing gloves dried my hands out. I am going for a tan today because my makeup is darker than my body now and I am sick of being made fun of it from my frigface bf haha plus I like playing with God (tanning booths) and looking like a tanned Cheetah woman, Cameron Diaz in the Counselor. Vain people like to tan that’s just the way it is. My nana is 82 and still dyes her hair and does her makeup, so there you go beauty product customer for life.

See? Ew winter. I look like an extra in a war film eastern Europe anywhere. I have a really big mouth today.

I did this one especially for you guys because this is my level of caring/fucks to give. I kind of give some fucks because I actually thought of you guys outside of blogging IRL with intention to make you laugh/ridicule me. I feel like there should be a study, ode, essay, what have you to those who rock the unsexy black sock. Right? Like it should be a sketch. I don’t know there’s just something there, that’s all. Oh and my underwear says live for the night, which is also funny for some reason because club skanks were in mind when they made it most likely not serious guys like me no sirree!

Car wash. The wait was non-existent so I allowed for this to occur. Yes. Allowed. I am a princess, admittedly. Though after being on the road for 3 days straight I kind of had enough. Think about it, you have to pee, you are already breaking your diet and mowing down on candy so close to getting home and then someone has a car wash brainstorm. Cool thanks yeah lets spend more time in the car in fact, sure! We totally drove each other mental thank god for leading independent lives am I right people hahaha.

Oh yeah it’s TBT. I am 26 here at a choose your own adventure life juncture, I don’t know how many people have that occur to them where they choose to keep building something or abandon ship. Anyway I am fine with it. Having photos of my entire life detailing it is pretty crazy though and thanks to this Throwback thing I can continue looking back and bumping around from period to period.

Pesonally it’s powerful because there are so many things I could say.

There are a lot of differences in me now than who I was then. Take Walmart for instance. I go there now. Yeah they’re evil and gross but I don’t see the need to take a giant fucking stand against it if someone goes. A lot of hipsters secretly go to Walmart in Toronto. It’s OK but yeah, talk about 180 there eh I have completely changed as an individual alright.

It starts off innocently with sashimi, “healthy” fish but then degenerates into so many courses of meat. All you can eat can’t be beat.

Curry shrimp is a must order.

The girl tried to tell me the small sake was 18.95 and I didn’t want to bully her and say that’s not possible. She did not speak English. So I ordered that stupid kamikaze. She came back and said she was wrong and the sake was 4 bucks, I was like NO REALLY!?!?! (jk I was chill) so we shared some. That is the end of the story.

I may patronize Walmart but it doesn’t mean I am going to behave there. Once, we saw a goddamn turd on the ground at walmart ugh, some of society’s dregs end up there and crap on the floor nice!

My eggs are almost ready I am going to have to pause this exceptional post v soon. I like them soft, if they wait too long it’s a nightmare.

Yesterday’s face.

Yesterday’s definition and tomorrow I’ll post the full size shots of these because I am too lazy to bother uploading more to flickr at the moment.

Dinner from the night before.

Fun times.

Custom Raymi stairs are pretty swell.

Jails are scary.

Girl life tip. If for whatever reason you can’t or don’t do pretty one day, do tomboy instead.

Chippawa! I’ve seen Chippawa appear in my stats before and now I know what it looks like. There’s going to be another blog post almost exactly like this one coming up next I just selected a bunch oh phone shots to use. I don’t know why blogging seems to take a lot longer than it used to for me. You get slower as you age. More interruptions.

I am kinda over pho. I love it buuuuut. Is it not just a big bowl of sodium?

I find that food restriction makes me super food obsessed and to help cope I just heavily pay attention to food all around me, looking at it is a way to get it out of my system and add to a fantasy hit list of future things to do/eat. Take beer and KFC for example, when that newsbomb first hit we were all like whaaaaaaat!? Then swiftly forgot all about it, then I found one and it’s like the holy grail feels like. Plus it was empty attached to this wave of the future commercial development plaza thing, kind of sad kind of like outerspace awesome. The future is concrete!

Still gotta post all these guys too! I still haven’t even posted Shannon’s Halloween party pics I hate myself wahhhhhhhh bye.

ps. I ello, check it out. The numbers have surpassed 1200 now wowee zowee.

update: my ello profile is one of the official siggested selections of ello!!!!!! that’s why my numbers go up. now I have to ello even more now.

psyche in not out

Hiya.

On the road again today so no time to write long-winded garbage about myself at the moment unfortunately, IOU. It’s minus eleven today so dress warm. These newdies (above) are from last week and I am significantly more chiseled this week. I have a month to be cut. I don’t know if I mentioned that yet I probably did.

Have a nice day!!!!

sexy stepping stones

Hi!

So, granted, yesterday I threw a gossip grenade into my blog, created a “crisis” drama and boom goes the dynamite it worked. I’ll be sure to mention yesterday next month at my social media talk. So many old fans and friends came out of the woodwork, it was pretty great. One guy was like part of me hopes you are just trolling us that is genius! Should have thought of that years ago! Remind me to do a seminar on trolling. Thank$.

Here is one of my notes on YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA GAME I may as well do a note to self right here right meow I don’t see why not? I want to write it down before I lose it, then we can get back to talking about yesterday.

So, you see how I partake in a lot of tomfoolery, “different” avenues, show a little skin, say wild and grandiose things (it’s in my nature, sorry about that), go bowling, talk in length about food and my body and weight issues, drinking, drying up etc.. and lets see now if you are trying to get your own social media game on.

Now, would it be silly if as a real estate agent, for example, with a twitter account (tied to your blog) if you tweeted about an improv group you joined pehaps, or showed your clipper ship set progress and maybe shared your political views which your territory might all be in favour of… no, not all fun and games gets us paid or laid BUT it actually can.

Showing that other dimension to your character, your persona, as a needle in a stack of real estate agent needles is KEY in getting ahead. P-e-r-s-o-n-a-l-i-t-y dudes. Stand out in the crowd. Look good. Don’t like it? Then why are you in the business of selling houses, all elements require good looks in taste, aesthetics, and appeal. Aside from image, we want personality.

Yesterday I went for a screen test, and it was my personality that won them over above all else. Secondary to that, my looks. As in my body. They loved my personality so much they want more of it. “You’re attractive and engaging and I knew that after meeting you for only a few minutes. You have the same presence on camera, as is indicated in your screen test. This is a huge plus and a real draw for us.”

When America’s Next Top Model had the season where they wanted to get America’s Next Top Branded Model, they wanted it all. They wanted all the work done for them and that is what social media game is. Just because my numbers aren’t sky high doesn’t mean I am a failure. half my audience silently lurks me and always will. And soon I will be exposed to a vast network because of my sexy stepping stones and overall comfort in being exactly who I am.

Anyway I will elaborate more on this for the talk I just needed to get the beginnings started then I have to write my bio so they can start promoting it. I have written a bio for myself so many times it deseves its own book.

Oh yeah! A girl I interviewed for Playboy before was in the office I went to yesterday and I was starstruck. It was a sign for sure. When she heard Raymi the Minx she goes YOU’RE RAYMI THE MINX! Marches in and we shook hands. She is a force to be reckoned with, mad respect.

So, being surrounded by large and in charge bitches is going to do well for me. I only feel more empowered moving forward now. My good friend told me to get out of my comfort zone a couple weeks ago and I could not stop thinking about that because no, I do not want to leave the comfort zone ever because I have fucking had enough but we all know I’m not done fighting yet and I haven’t accomplished half the shit I’ve set out to either.

I was also elated to see how not old I looked on camera too. I am a lot healthier than I was when I was on MTV and my hair does not look all fucked up either.

Here is an amazing email I received yesterday from my gay bestie drag Raymi the Minx:

yes…. if not now, then when…. it’s also a Tracy Chapman song that says that. Look it up!

Your rant on MTV is perfect…. sometimes I think I should try to get on 1 Girl 5 Gays, but all gay comedians in Canada are trying that, and I hate that show….. live viciously by your own standards and the success will follow.

The speed at which someone gets famous is the same in which they become unfamous. (maybe) Be a slow burning candle! But also a slow burning candle that puts themselves out there. If I have to wait until I’m 45 until i have my own sketch comedy show that runs 3 seasons…. who cares? U know what to do!

Post more nudes! Ur hot! It’s your obligation!

Maroon 5 Is The Worst!

OMG I love him I’m so happy. Have a wonderful Friday everyone see you on facebook or twitter and instagram byeeeeeeeee.

These are for fun stills and not how I “really” looked on camera. I’m so glad I went for that tan holy crap.

Kathleen finally for her art! She is awesome love her.

I like biking too you know.

have done/could do

Hello bros.

Today is a big day for Lord Raymington. You ever get that feeling on the eve of something super scandalous you’re about to do, like nausea and anxiety at the prospect of the ensuing negative reaction. I had a similar feeling when I did MTV Creeps. I knew they were going to be ruthless with me and they were fucking ASSHOLES but I did it anyway. They seem to repeat my episodes often too. Which is contemptuous, but also thoughtful of them. Whenever I do crazier things over here, they start showing them over there and all my Little Raymis start blipping up and then new, younger people start adding my mom and I to Facebook it gets pretty nuts. But that is the magic and power of MTV. Do not fuck with MTV.

Anyway.

Two things. I know I’m about to be slut-shamed. And it’s going to be a big pile of bullshit because there’s this quasi-love your body (positive) movement happening right now, the cover of NOW magazine has two naked chicks on it.

And yes they’re big ladies. Bold and beautiful. But I seem to get treated with the opposite amount of respect and always fucking have when I take my clothes off. Skinny girls. Sorry, skinnier than me even girls, none of this body love ever gets directed at them or us. And when WE (want to) make bold nude moves, we get slammed for it.

So this blog post is just a wee head’s up warning that I hope you don’t fall into that heaping snarky pile of garbage because 1. I won’t care about what people say or think of me anymore, you have had long enough to be my friend and be nice to me, you’re in my past as far as I am concerned if you hurt, diss or ever attack me. 2. Be proud of who you are, be true to yourself, be yourself and just go for it. Don’t be afraid. Don’t worry about fucking up a future that hasn’t occurred yet.

A good friend of mine reminded me of my IF NOT NOW WHEN thing.

So I am doing NOW.

I’m not going to sit around waiting for Hollywood to call me anymore.

For too long I have worried about what people will say. And a lot will say shitty things. A lot will defend me and have my back and shockingly already have. I have a VIP ring of people I let in on my gossip-news etc before everybody else because everybody else slags on me. It’s a cut throat scene and we all want to dominate.

Obviously toot your own horn when the time calls for it but keep some cards to your chest and be humble, because at the end of the day you could be wrong.

Now the second thing I shard on FB. I’ve been leaving bread crumbs and clues around, provoking a little bit maybe. Women Are Posing Naked To Reclaim Their Bodies – If you chimed in on this Buzzfeed piece something supportive and yet trash me for living out my Nicki Minaj Kardashian complex in the same breath, you’re a chode. Just saying.

xoxo yours forever Raymi the Minx

++++

Now here’s my #TBT submit.

blog while they sleep

Hilo what’s up good to hear lets go.

Straight up truth sometimes I have no idea what to write here it feels like PeeWee’s Playhouse and then I have to go back a few posts to reference the instapics I’ve already posted then got lost in the abyss of Raymland. Oh well, could be worse I guess.

Got another rehearsal in. Jared is girl crazy on his phone every time I lapse into instagram and then we just rip on each other until we finally put our phones down. Phones am I right!

I am liking the JT look more and more these days both hair and denim. Dark denim is a go! Not that Jared was going for JT or even knows who Justin Timberlake is jkjk. Sigh, that TKO video is fucking hot and what’s the deal with guys and crazy girls, am I right? What’s the deal with am I right, am I right?

Guys are so into crazy hot girls they’ll let them drive their boner right off a damn cliff. Alright that’s enough life wisdoms for this caption. I would love to cover this song btw however.

Defrosted ice. Intense.

I guess that’s what you get from being on your phone so much eh? blehehee. He’s one of those phone speak into-ers like it’s a dictaphone. Cool detective work there. The funny thing is, we always get Second Cup when we jam for some reason probably cos Jared is a cheapskate I dunno but anyway I tweet to them and because their social media game is strong they ALWAYS reply back to me but I doubt that this time they woulda, had I blasted this convo out to them. That would be a dream meme come true if so. I’m going to upload it to my imgur account if I remember to.

I’ve lost about 5lbs since I started giving a shit again. I typically fluctuate 5 pounds everyday or when I’m drinking but now I’ve gone passed my lowest number and dropped 5lbs below that. The magic of sugar restriction, carbs and booze. Speaking of, it’s Booze free day nine time to make up a silly self referential rhyme.

Ugh I think I’m getting sick or it’s just the beginning of today’s starvation headache. My throat is feeling phlegmy and considering I am surrounded by a lot of sickness and death right now (hospital visits don’t ask) I probably picked something up, or it’s a head cold from the billions of times walking in and out in the wind and snow.

These are the moments why people, myself super included, complain about summer ending. It’s hard to envision wearing teeny neon shorts right now it just is. I am going for a tan later. Remember when I said I wanted to take on the world with my body and my mind? That’s why I was so gung-ho running like a Raymiac covered in Hawaiian tropic oil all summer long. Well what’s the point of turning your body into a turbobabe machine if you’re not going to do anything with it right? I mean lets face it I am almost 32 if I can bag a role based on my quasi-bombshell looks then why fucking not. If I can maintain a physique that is. Hopefully I will not be having a rude-awakening from staring into my bf’s skinny mirror all the time.

Keeping things light is key. Creative too.

This was the last sweet thing I ate. I even gave this little asian candy from the bottom of my purse away that I wanted. Oh wait but then I had a power bar which was full of sugar but necessary because I probably would have killed my bf. Speaking of btw, the older I get the more progressive and laid back the dudes I date seem to be. I’m like hey and he’s like, no problem.

Whenever I wear a turtleneck I think I look like Charlie Bucket.

I just emailed myself some more pics to add here. Blogging the way I do takes up so much time. Especially while fielding calls and emails and messages blabbity blah it’s just one of those one thing after another days/weeks. My bf said I cannot have kids because then I couldn’t blog, but not because I would be a shitty mother. That was nice haha. I was like uh newsflash there are tons of mommy bloggers out there BECAUSE they’re moms. He just meant all this me-ness would have to be done away with. When I see old ladies bobbing around at the supermarket I start to baby panic like who is going to take care of me one day??? But then I think I just can’t yet I have all this crap to take care of first. The mind of a 31 year old is an interesting place.

It’s not just your body you have to worry about though it’s your face and not looking tired and when you lose weight it shows in your face. Slippery slope.

A gf said she totally knows what I meant when I said cheekbones and no drinking though. I like that old friends of mine still read my blog and then write me long emails about evey point I made, or the in-between the lines stuff. Hi all long time readers you guys are the shit.

It’s hair wash day. Half groan half yay. Your hair is high maintenance when it’s long and when you DIY the babying maintenance is an intriguing process in that you just let it be in secret behind closed doors when no one is around you have major rat’s nest dreadlocks and basically look like Natasha Lyonne.

Dead ringer.

Back to this guy.

Jared asked why girls take pics like this. I dunno cos it’s hot, you can make yourself look skinny and flat bellied, show off your figure and outfit if it’s cute. Give the people a POV on what I look down at everyday.

This does not at all look appetizing but I assure you last night it was tasty and bonus points on picking up that peanut sauce too oh god yeah that jar is going to be emptied in no time. I feel sorry for people who are allergic to peanuts I really do. Next time I’m getting cilantro.

The rice paper is thick and good quality, makes me think you could make a curry and the rice paper can hold it or that would just be a total disaster who knows.

It looks better from the front but I couldn’t get a good pic of him. We have a rule, one pic a month. Yesterday two diff source-entities reached out and requested pics of me kissing with him, or a friend, or a loved one?? Funny no? We’re at the hospital and I’m like, check out these back-to-back emails yo. Give the people what they want I guess.

I should be glad I bought the amazon mural instead of that tidal wave one right?

bf said with my midriff showing in these jeans I’d do well in a trailer park. Jealous much! Then I pulled my thong up super high like Britney Spears it was pretty gross and funny.

Today is also the day I find out how ghetto this is or isn’t. Is black too much for a screen test? I have really long nails right now they will really stand out. Hopefully the tan will make my hands look less witchy. I should prob do subtle but what the heck it’s me and I do it my way.

3 months left of winter. 90 days of blistering cold hell.

My thighs would be so much leaner if I were running right now. Thanks winter. Pretty sure I have the gap still but definitely juicier ’round there. If I get this gig I will tell them I am going to lose 10 more pounds and it won’t just be bullshitting either.

My laundry has been piling up at home and I get annoyed because then I run out of all my “cool” pants or my favourite rotation stuff but then I discover one of several pairs of jeans my mom dropped on me. We have the same size body more or less and now that I am slimming down all the pants she brought over fit me better instead of telling people to take ten steps back while you unbutton and explode out of them, everything fits nice and loosey-goosey.

My exercise routine is squats, kettlebell, sex, free weights, torso twists, tricep extensions, push ups, lots of water and caffeine and squeezing my butt when I walk and igniting my core as much as I remember to. I count going to the bathroom as exercise too. Good metabolism, all that.

If I look at it I am more bound to drink it rather than look at a highball of whiskey and sob. Water is great for your skin not to mention all the stuff going on inside of your body.

It’s nice too when other bands fangirl your band. We will book another gig soon.

Count your blessings everyone that’s all I gotta say! I feel like there is so much stressful stuff surrounding me right now, because there is, and multiple different entities at that like a stress trifecta and there’s nothing to do but to keep ploughing through it. Know that I am ok though. Some of it is good stress and good things and opportunities etc but some of it is hardcore and private stress that at times just makes me want to scream my fucking head off. Just keep on keeping on til it gets better because it always does. Bye for now xo Raymbo.

I laughed I sighed

Hi you. Get ready for your Rayminjections but do yourself a flavour first, put this on and don’t stop it’s what I’m listening to as I “blog” in my cold ass room.

El Superbo.

Ps. here is the original of the above instagram selfie of myselfie. My hair is longer than instagram can handle. A daily self-confirmation that cannot be stopped.

And there’s another cos who doesn’t blast off millions while they’re at it. Speaking of dipshits, this made me laugh in the shower last night.

I love them. Hate love but mostly, love-love. Anyone who doesn’t get behind the Kardash is just kind of a twat, in such that they cannot appreciate a massive part of culture. Snipe all you like but they’re amusing and intelligent opportunistic rich as hell people. People make nasty comments to me all the time about my selfie-ing, but does it stop me? Nope. I am eccentric. I entertain. I will die if I do not get the last word always. I am always reflecting and probably suffer from the same self-obsession that celebrities do except I am not famous. As much. And I will be the first to sit on that grenade for the self-obsessed generation I have lead and be all self-aware about it. I know I don’t always get it right and thanks for not making fun of me to my face :). I hold many beliefs and I stand by what I do. I am going to be giving a talk about this to a bloody Arts Council. It’s my Tom Cruise Magnolia motivational speaky “moment”. Okay next slide please.

What is and isn’t inappropriate? Should we stop? Should we “just stop”? Probably, but sometimes I think it’s ok to steal a moment for yourself and do what you want with it. I mean, I could be studying neuroscience instead of obsessively tracking the aging of my face daily. There is some part of me, a hope, that will never die. You call it narcissism, I call it hope. Beneath ten leagues of delusion.

ANYWAY. Winter! Great times! I spoke to the guy who is doing the translations for the upcoming Kerouac book and told him we were related, we had a cool talk. The power of the internet can connect people like that. My friend sent this toronto star article, I skimmed it, see the pic of the guy who even looks like Jack Kerouac, find him on twitter and bing bang bong besties. I am an author without a book. I hate myself everyday about this. I may have 15 years of blogging behind me and a kajillion words of prose, but not the book I have always wanted so I am glad to have the inspiration kicked back into me again thank fucking fuck. Yes true I have released two books before previously but you know what I mean. It’s happening.

I’m also not drinking again and with the magical glee speedbump of the holidays not being around to distract from the crushing boredom sobriety makes it a wee more challenging in that I am also restricting carbs (I only ate the innards of that bath sandwich. Bathwich) and also restricting sugar. So I am way more on edge. GAH WHAT WAS THAT. Day 6. IF I don’t give in and booze tonight. I super hope I don’t because I need to be a rake for next week’s screen test.

Baby Spice hair. Baby Spice adult. I know many other arrested development adults I’ll have you know!!

Bf asked if I wanted this or to take it down he doesn’t really like it which is funny to me why someone would hang something they weren’t into.

I don’t shave at bf’s cos I haven’t brought a razer over yet. It’s not like in Survivor how they mysteriously maintain it for you.

Day 3 or 4 I forget. Passed on getting a bottle of ginger beer, no mo sugar, sugar. I would never go to the trouble of cooking up a mocktail, pahaha ridiculous what’s the point?

It’s too easy to just be “sort of” in shape and be happy about it but then it gets real and you’re scrambling to catch up. Always keep the goal in front of you. Stay motivated. Think about shit like Rihanna or Taylor Swift.

He said I looked pretty with my hair all over my face like this I had no idea I thought I just looked like a scruff.

Been catching lots of icy sunsets and what not.

The fish was amazing and light. Basa fish. The kale was boring and sloppy buttery whatever just trying to be healthy it can’t always be disco jazz in your mouth.

I am nail obsessed right now on top of body obsessed. I really want my nails to be talons for next week.

Good potatoes I only had a fraction of this pile. Sad face.

Day 6 is kinda like this haha. Watched it the other night for my 3rd time. If I like a movie I watch the shit out of it.

I kind of look like that basket case chick from the breakfast club Ally Sheedy?

oh stop don’t be jel you love it.

I’ll dump my purse upside down surrrrrrrrrrrre.

Hipster peasant breakfast.

I just used a pinch of bread to avoid getting a full blown headache. This diet is actually working so whatever nag me all you want.

I will be 32 in 3 months. Less than. BARF!!!!!!! :( haha jk. I can deal. Just a little. Bf calls me forever 31 and teases me all the time because he is jealous he isn’t a young girl in his thirties egoboost. I really don’t care. Life is all about embracing each new year and age head-on and being like okay, I gotta try that number out now see what that’s all about. Maybe it’s about Botox.

When one is faced with a difficult decision or choice in their life that might bring a lot of negativity but also great reward, one should always consult the mentors at reach in said person’s life to gain insight. Basically long story short, humble brag name drop I got famous friends who give me advice behind the scenes and it’s very empowering and surreal to hear from them what they have to say on certain Raymbo matters to be. Part of it doesn’t feel real. Maybe I am having a 30’s meltdown I don’t know. Infinitely soul searching it always seems.

I consider myself to be a brave individual who is also guarded and uncertain. I think the truly succesful people are those who are born knowing what they want and going for it. Never hesitating, and I try to rememer to be that kind of person as often as I can.

Time to wrap it up. Band rehearsal tomorrow. Have a nice night!