Fell in shove

Bonjour mes amis, or whatever douchey superlative greeting works for you. Loving Saturdays lately. Now that we are getting them right.

I just finished eating this salad that quite possibly may be the first salad I have made from “scratch” in ages. It starts with salad then I’ll start cooking again hopefully. I tend to eat out or eat from a box. AHAH

Despite the rain, flowers. Knew it would rain this weekend cos someone at work broadcasted that so ensured that we did something outdoors-ish yesterday after work.

Went to MEC. New addiction in only that all the stuff I’d want to buy and normally hunt through winners for which I hate, is now altogether. Aka sporty tight stuff. I bought that bra over his shoulder in lieu of a nike one even though it cost more. We had a hippie’d out older chick cash us out and loved it.

Then to offset the spending we went to no thrills. What a scene that place is. I smashed a bottle of san pel on our Way out because my plastic bag snapped oops.

Not only are these fake-out chucks but they are SURF SHOES. Neoprene wonders like, walking through rough b-town beaches shoes. Stoked. Bring on a heatwave man.

This was just last weekend. We do so much and I blog so seldomly that the concept of time is lost on me. Living moment-to-moment which is the way to be instead of waiting for 5 weeks to be happy or whatever amount of time it is until your next big thing. Bang the gong everyday.

I have a new idea for a book and it would be called AN ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING. That no matter what crap people say to you when you express your belief you say, “That is nice but, I am still right and here is why _________.” Gonna be a smash hit!

We plan to go away end of August. Beginning in Orlando and then ending up North at his sis’ cottage.

We met on Tinder. LOLOLL. He is the only guy I met, the first and the last and we got rid of our accounts. But of course I was getting spotted on it like immediately and afterward during the cross-over period. I did not at all take meeting him seriously nor him I and I think that was the magic of it or the trick. It’s like online dating except mobile and more accessible and I whole-heartedly recommend it.

I wish it was like this.

We were eventually/quickly like, well you’re awesome, I’m awesome, why not? You can be picky and have anyone you want out there if you’re in the same league as each other but then there are things like chemistry that are pretty excellent, attraction. It all seems to be working so far. For chicks my age (and older) it seems impossible to land a man, in Toronto too. Though I have been out of the whole scene for a bit anyway with my LD relationship. I am a weirdo long story short.

Local boyfriends are the shit. You can like, SEE them. Fwaha. Everything becomes amazing. We dress like dinks, are dinks (double income no kids) and we’re always up to hi-jinx, people get a kick out of it it seems. Happiness is intoxicating.

We’re going dancing tonight. Sorry to make you barf all the time.

See how I could just so easily have a shorter haircut? Sorry mom but it is not happening.

My manager did a 10k on Thursday night like no big deal and it was in town so I ran over to cheer her on, did my own run, then met up with her and her peeps at the finish line and I made it with 2 minutes to spare. I don’t normally bring my phone when I run cos I like to have as little on me as possible (which is why it rules if you run to a bar to pee or whatever and they comp you a drink just saying hypothetically, which happened to my mom and I once) anyway I had my phone so I took pics of my run this time while I killed time for managress to do her thing. I see so many beautiful things when I run it’s a shame not to take pictures of it but it’s also great to have restraint.

That’s her and her SIL. They both killed it. One of these days maybe I will become a marathon type person too. One of these days. Maybe. If you stick with fit people you get fit. My bf is a varsity volleyball wizard. Turns out there is an entire scene of people, volleyball celebrities. He is one of them. It’s neat that we don’t know anything about the other’s worlds and another reason why we click. Just wait til I learn how to serve a ball. I made the team in school but I was the worst. I made it cos I was super tall. I was better at basketball. I’d say soccer is my best.

He’s funny like me though and acts like he’s on a tv show when he cooks and does kitchen shit like how I do. I will exploit it eventually.

Sorry I’ll shut up now it’s getting to be party time.

I ran along side these beachy teens on my circuit route back to town. Love summer. Love living in town and taking advantage of it on me-nights.

Beer fest Burlingtron. First annual. We aren’t going. Plus those dopes all got rained on today lol and you have to pay to get in and Raymi don’t pay like that. You can get in to sound of music fest and rib fest for free. I know they have to do it for security drinking age reasons though but anyway, it’s a commitment to drink beer all day which I didn’t want to do. I prefer running through it for free on the soft launch/night of set-up in my running ninja outfit like I belong there and get away with because I am a self-entitled local prickhead. Plus I can outrun them. Which I received instant-karma for because I ran too hard and blew my legs out and have been sore ever since. No I wasn’t being chased, maybe from my own self and inner demons perhaps. I’m getting super athletic though btw.

Looks fun though.

I missed him at this point so took some cute manipulative selfies for later sendage. Then he messaged me while I was talking to Jimmer Jammer in town whom I bumped into and said what are we doing tonight? Our night off. So, I win/won that round. It’s nice to have someone so into you, I can’t even believe it. To have someone healthy and trustworthy to adore you.

Having a friend in the beginning stages of dating is also amusing to me, because he is at the part where you’re eyeballing your phone obsessively and deciphering texts, ugh brutal. I give good advice though. DO not give up your power. Oh but don’t worry I have almost blown it so many times with my new guy already before with psychotic whatsapp messaging but its cool now. It’s not so much cat and mouse as it is tiger and lion. Even when you know you’re gonna displease them with a decision you’re going to make you just have to back yourself up and be like, sorry! Cos they’d it to you and you’d have no choice but to give in. Compromise works. Just being adults, maybe?

Sharing dreams together too. Like awesome cars in the future prospects. Yesterday we followed a Mclaren up Brant and it was fun.

Okay guys have a great night I heat my battle cry music playing and it’s time to paint my face do my hair and all that. Check ya later! Didn’t mean to make this picture so big.

Way to go girls! 10 km under an hour. Rules.

Update! Not going out. Inside dance party it is. C’est la vie.

pps. I just did the math and we met on June 17th for anyone who cares about that kinda thing.

How to find Love abroad

Hey peeps. I wrote this in April for Playboy, we then decided to take a V SPOT direction but I still had this kick ass advice feature and just as I’m about to embark on another life journey adventure plus am in the throes of packing travel anxiety at the mo, why not share it with you now? Not that you need my advice but it couldn’t hurt. As a writer, not everything makes it or is used I’m sure plenty of you writers out there know that too. Enjoy!

People go away to meet new people because they’re sick of where they’re from and everyone there.

Have you seen 1997’s Addicted to Love? In it, Tchéky Karyo’s character Anton is a French restauranteur from Paris with a swanky eatery in NYC that’s flourishing because he’s from somewhere else – a key component in many a successful venture as there are many French guys to go around in Paris. You must leave and spread your seed elsewhere for people to appreciate it. Less competition in other words, you stand out more. You must go away, in some instances, to get play.

On vacation people get to be the best versions of themself. Your mood is like a pheromone drifting on the salty ocean breeze, you don’t even know the power of your allure. One must tread cautiously on vacay because there are love bugs at every juncture if you’re that kind of romantic, crazy sort. If you’ve been single for awhile, or abstaining, and lacking of affection for many months. Warning: your guard WILL be down. (and also up) You will fall in love! You might fall in a hole too. I did! Seriously it was something like 50 first dates and I lisp like Barrymore after a few drinks too.

The harder to get you are, the more they wanna get you. If a typically monogamous gal when out with the gals and being respectful of whatever bloke you’re with it’s like a halo of fuck off to trouble in the shadows, those lurking devils. They study you. People are so revealing without even knowing it. Your eyes, a subtle flick invite on the world. The heart wants what it wants and on vacation it’s like spring fever times a trillion. I spent all winter long pouring vodka on my dormant libido. A milestone birthday on the horizon, a plan to travel elsewhere after Aruba that plan now dashed to pieces because of my Caribbean holiday. The way to fall in love is to not fall in love. To be selfish and greedy. To say yes.

It’s super easy to hook up while abroad but the quality levels vary. Upon entering any club, do the inaugural gauntlet walkthrough and I promise you’ll have at least one super fan or two by the time you finish. Before heading out be sure to say a prayer to the beer goggles gods because they are never as good looking as you think which really doesn’t matter until you see the digi-pics of shame later on which is always fucking hilarious but again it depends what you want out of this fling or flight. The fantasy smashed illusion of post-vacation mini-flings are the worst so be careful about falling for your vacationing beer guzzling Lothario, “an unscrupulous seducer of women”.

When you meet in real life by chance it makes things ultra spicy in that this window is closing fashion, and I don’t have to care about you or where this is going because we know it’s going to end but what if it doesn’t? It’s a free world more or less and you could move anywhere you can weigh the options. You feel like you will never meet someone like this ever again because you know now what unique is and how come this stranger likes all the things you hate about yourself? Why do people take you for granted back home but love you abroad? Are we deceiving strangers, playing an I’m sexy role? Whatever it is, I say own it and when you get home be like that’s right, maybe y’all shoulda been nicer to me.

On vacation you let your hair down and all the unattractive things about you vanish, specifically stress. It makes you ugly. You wear less makeup, your skin shines, your hair is crazy insane from the heat, you adopt a don’t give a fuck constitution and it brings all the boys to the yard who are already there pissing in it.

I am a realist who keeps it real. I do stupid sh!t in the name of love. I am a f- up artist and men love it. Many men tell me I am smarter than they are. It’s not just me who can minx abroad though, you all have it in you. Think about how many times at home you say “no”. Do you want to be a no person forever? Also at home there are less opportunities it seems to even say yes so I’m not exactly advising rash stupidity I’m “just saying” do a personal experience overhaul and be the fun girl for once. I know it’s hard to turn off your brain and pointless Canadian self-guilt sensors in the mix of it but YOU GOT TO.

Do go off with a stranger, but keep it in the safer touristy areas where there’s lots of witnesses and if this guy (or gal) are as stand-up as they are proclaiming to be make them take you out sightseeing the next day first so they can earn it and you can have a clearer head about the whole idea. But if you just wanna f-ck ‘n chuck then make sure they can at least stand up cos their lil captain later on in the room/behind a palm tree, will not. Ask them a billion times where they’re staying (I have memory problems) and if they say they came with a crew of dudes they become less sexier and that helps you realise you do not actually want to do this guy. Seriously you think you’re the first girl he’s had this are we gonna bone chat with? Do you know how gross four dudes to a hotel room is? Ultra.

It’s not always about sex even though that’s the end result and probably partial meaning to life other than love. Plus money. The question is what do you value most? Pensioners who wait until they are retired to start vacationing, what’s the point when you can’t f-ing walk or party anymore? Seize the day. Do things while you’re young before set in your ways, see the world and fall in love once in a while. If it ends in disaster you can do it again. Take a chance. Give yourself that courtesy and never be afraid of yourself or capabilities and for god sake be street smart.

From travel you learn that globally, people are all after the same thing and you can hit it with any one of them but first you just gotta meet. Pickins’ ain’t slim out there either so don’t bring sand to the beach bro, your opposite sex bestie is going to cramp your style in no time or worse, pick up before you and you’ll be bitter. To know who we are we must leave where we’re from and I now know I’m a treasure built for pleasure, so why not go with it.

By the way, most of these guidelines are for if you meet another fellow traveler. If you meet a local of your destination you are definitely going to break their heart and that power can be intoxicating so go easy and don’t string them along too much. Don’t beat yourself up too much about it if they get out of line though because sun seekers like you arrive via turnstile and there is always another you. Being trapped in paradise is an actual thing. These smooth criminals know what to say to sell us on all things Caribbean so know at which junctures to turn on and off your brain, and heart. Enjoy the ride and remember no glove no love lol xoxo Raymi Bunny.

I’m the director you’re the cast in my play

On something-night we went out to Gusto. Finally.

We’ve had a couple failed attempts making it to Gusto in time for the kitchen to still be open I mean and making The Thompson’s Counter diner whatever it’s called our fave sentimental haunt for a time there. Now I have a steak place! And if they heed this bloggy request, a pesto one.

Ethel! I said there’s NOTH-EENG in your teeth! You’re fine.

This is funny. I get asked a lot about my foodieness and they’re like, Raymi, you’re a foodie? Didn’t know. No I’m not I just go out to happening restaurants in the city 7 days a week. Have you heard of that hot new one? We’re going soon. No more from Blabbington til it happens I have a habit of big mouthitis much to the chagrin of my colleague. Whatever. People lie all the time on the internet (I don’t) and so what’s a teaser of a “is going to happen” going to the harm about really. I’m starting out honest.

We were naughty. I was hosed. We love the vin rouge!

It’s quite dark in Gusto. Had to fix the pupils on some of the shots. Not this one though, why bother. Also that guy is seriously in the middle of a point in his conversation LOL.

I loved sitting beneath this Final Destination death trap. Forgot about it instantly.

The chef adored us. I caught all the line-cooks checking me out actually. Our waitor was a little grabby too. Jesus Christ am I in heat or something, chill brothers.

We had such a good time. Tres romantique. Cry count? Can’t remember. At least 3. I cried when he had to go to work yesterday morning. GRUH-OAN oh shut up! He said it’s okay he cried at the bank Ahahaallolol. I tell Rebeccugh about all our crying and she is like:

Ahaha I love that cat so much.

More hairapy please. I am dating a hair guy and I look like a termite come on here people what’s the idea see! Poppycock! I just said all of that out loud. Steve says I should have my blog on tape, read some of my posts for you. Give me some posts you’d like to see me read all fired up for you and I will! Raymi Audio!

Love grilled bread. Too bad carbs are the devil. Once in awhile if it’s ultra thin and glistening see-through with olive oil ah ma gaaaaaaaaaaaad.

On a scale of ONE to Jewish, I’d clock us a hard eight.

So Hostel, and yet so cozy. J’adore.

Your parents on Date Night. Back to the Future.

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