adventure without risk is disneyland

nostalgia is a weapon

dead at 30 buried at 70

i try to imagine myself in this same job one year from now but i’m just not seeing any pictures

shopping is not creating

stop history

semi-disposable swedish furniture

reinvent the middle class

less is a possibility

hey dad, -you can either have a house or a life…i’m having a life

don’t worry mother…if the marriage doesn’t work out, we can always get divorced

quit recycling the past

mtv not bullets

await lightning

celebrities die

plastics never disintegrate

welcome home from vietnam, son

i am not jealous

our parents had more

monsters exist

remember earth clearly

purchased experiences don’t count

i am not a target market

fil is mad because the majority of the time, cid is choosing that of my company over his and last nite while watching return of the king was the last straw because cid sat on me again and fil felt insulted and secretly in my head i was like YES! SCORE! FINALLY! YESSSSSSSSS!!!! but still i made explanations as to why the cat is all diggin’ my grill and fil said we could just have each other and leave and i was like FINE!

but we didn’t go anywhere.

we better drink all the booze by new year’s eve. this is ridiculous.

i was up from 5 30am tossing and turning with the worst menstrual cramps ever and fil had the gayest fevery hallucinations about return of the king.

pathetic.

now it’s all about burnout 3.

it feels like a monday, yesterday felt like sunday.

though the feeling of today could still pass for sunday.

sunday forever!

i got the wonderland soundtrack yesterday from music world with my gift certificate. man, that place is a dive.

i hate buying cd’s. i love it when it’s over. though the whole figuring out what you want, that process is stressful because you have to get it right and you also have to look like you know what you are looking for ‘cos if you don’t those music weasels come up to you all hello can i help you find what you are looking for ma’am? and then you are all, um ya, do you have that cd by that band that i already know you don’t have and i know you have never even heard of them because you’re a commercial-music-loving-fuckpig but i’m going to ask if you have anything by them anyhow just to prove that my musical knowledge exceeds yours above and beyond and in fact i should replace you here but lucky for you i am a lazy drunk so whatever anyway do you have ladytron? and i know you don’t because i just searched for it in your immaculately shitty, alphabetically scattered piss-poor what you call organized system of finding music what with these general terms of music genre to plunk in various artists who are nowhere near having anything to do with alternative pop and/or rock music, i already know yo do not have ladytron anywhere in this store so no i don’t need your help in finding it or anything else because i am embarassed enough to be standing here right now with a 25 dollar gift certificate, trying really really hard to not fuck this up so please, just leave me alone.

uhhhh doooooiii, you’ll have to check the catalogue for ladytron.

im sorry i missed you the other day when you were trying to chat with me.

i bought Jaime’s poster of you and it hangs proudly over my toilet

theres 50 Cent, a black skateboarder, and you

now i dont feel so gay when i whip it out and two black dudes are

looking at it cuz theres you topless looking the other way in disgust.

i hope you had a happy Christmas!

heres your assignment for today if you choose to accept.

go through your posts for 2004 as fast as you can. copy the good ones

and paste them into Word. if you can get 175 pages you have a book.

toss in some original pics of you, your friends, your blythe, etc.

email the word doc and the pics to me. i will put together a book for

you and send it back to you. then we can set you up with a CafePress

account and you can watch your sales skyrocket.

youre a goddess superstar model actress. your shit doesnt stink. if it

did you could sell the fragrance.

2005 is the year to reap what you sow.

youve sowed for a few years now.

its time to reap.

six months later you can follow up this book with the best of 2003 and

people will eat that up too.

xo0xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

tony

p.s. 2005 my only goal is to be half as good as you.

i love all the crap that’s on tv this time of year. love to hate it, morelike. much more music’s top 40 fabulous lifestyles of celebrities. annoying. they throw in there some tips from l’il john to boot. yah thanks for the crunkiest crunked-out fucker ever, telling me how to wear sunglasses.

anyway.

i went to the coffeeshop wearing my boots that i half-assedly laced up, half for the sake of fashion and half for the sake of laziness, and lemme tell you this, when you have big tall boots that have a trillion buckles and holes for the laces, USE THEM.

i was all walking and shit and checking myself out in the window reflections and the boots catch on each other and the left one came undone and by the time i made it to the door of the coffeeshop the left one looked like a miserable pathetic loser of a boot and i felt, stupid.

the cat smacked me in the head yesterday when i left the apt. with my brother because he gets mad when you leave and i was like PSHHHHHHAW!?

i felt a bit flattered, to be honest.

how was you’s guys’s holidays so far?

oh yeh.

fil hung a tree from the ceiling upside down last nite. the tree is 3/4 the size of a football, however. you don’t really notice it because of all the faggoty balloons that are still everywhere. i gave my dad that drawing of squee i did and he said who/what is this so i can tell everyone at work about my original raymitheminx art and i said he is the little boy neighbour to johnny the homicidal maniac and his name is squee and my dad said riiiiiiiight like i was a martian (which i am) but i knew that it made him feel all cool that he has a strange eccentric daughter who draws him crap and he has to put it up on his walls and treat it like it is gold.

and all the other kids draw pictures of rainbows and flowers.

gay.

though, they are 5 or something.

still, that’s no excuse.

Dear Raymi,

I’m a big fan of yours. Thought you could put this on your site:

There I was just walking along Yonge Street on a blustery winter’s day.

Christmas shoppers everywhere running in hot pursuit of red tags like

squirrels fighting over nuts.

Only two blocks from home where warmth and a hot chocolate awaited when an

incident occurred that changed my city view.

Halfway across a major intersection, I stumbled on the ice and fell face

forward onto the frozen pavement, my left knee taking the brunt of the pain.

People all around me trudged on by ignoring my screams of agony. No one

stopped to ask if I was ok, no one offered a hand. As the flashing hand of

the streetlight began its blinking warning I brushed myself off and rose.

Limping my way toward the sidewalk I hit a crack in the ice and keeled over

again. This time a man was right beside me, and when I say right beside me

I mean within make-out distance, and when he saw me go down he averted his

eyes and scurried on his way. I made it to the sidewalk feeling like a

leper. I followed the man who had pretended not to see me slip. No I’m not

a stalker, but as it turns out he was heading to my building. Guess he read

that commandment: Help thy neighbour unless of course they have the

misfortune of being a stranger in need.

I related the story of my double fall to the security guard at the front

desk. She listened kindly, told me that she laughed when she saw someone

fall on the ice the other day, and wished me a happy holiday. I lived in

the burbs up until this past year where people actually say hello to each

other wen walking their dogs or picnicking in the park. What’s up 416?

that story makes me angry

toronto people are assholes

too bad yer legs were all messed up and u couldnt run after the guy

ill put this on le blog

happy holidays anyhow daniela

next time sue the city for not putting enough salt on the sidewalks

xo

raymi

fil adopted me a wolf for christmas!

holy cute! so one less wolf is going to be slaughtered and made into a teepee and now i own a wolf!

fucking cool!

also

i now own napoleon dynamite and a blythe wallet and slippers and a jacket and later i’m going to my nana’s and she got me for kris kringle so this means i will prolly get a sweater that is fluorescent yellow with stop signs and tornadoes on it.

oh no wait. i told her to get me a gift certificate for chapters.

yay me.

i bought my cousin the new douglas coupland book and i forgot to read it first. meh. i also got him some book about all the evilest people in history.

very festive.

fil went over to his parents’ and i am here with the cat and the cat just made a sigh. once my brother gets his crap together he’s swinging by and then we go to nana’s/papa’s for hours of amusing dysfunction.

i swear if my nana calls me fat again i’m gonig to be not pleased.

for christmas i got my period.

!!!

happy festivus.

today is going to be a long and sober one.

df;gohfds;garheg”4ewgjes’jsdv

f to that. i’m starting now.

oh, aimee emailed and is homesick and the only time she feels not lonely is when everybody is asleep and she can be alone with the liquor cabinet.

we’ve all decided that after new year’s we’re not drinking.

my anorexia figure is all gone now.

i hate looking at my body again. i just want to wear blankets and dumpy sweaters and speak swedish, i dunno.

yesterday i met two lesbos after dinner, over dessert. one is alex’s cousin. and i said, fil, the only thing i can think about is them doing it and he is like yah, me too. and i kept looking at one of them from across the table and everytime we made eye contact i thought, ok, she knows what i am thinking about, i have to get out of here. so i went to the bathroom with my wine and then stayed in the other room or on the porch smoking until they left.