Hi Frenemies! This is my latest Adult Deals Daily toy called the ONO Cleo Bath body massager and she is INTENSE! Maybe that’s why it took me so long to get this review up a bzz bzz bzzzzz if you know what I’m sayin’. The first time I stealthily brought her in to the tub with me I was a little verklempt (yes, I was choked with emotion thanks Urbs Dick) as to how I was going to do the whole wall-mounted love-party-of-one thang-a-lang if I couldn’t get it to adhere to the porcelain walls (sick reno btw bro) so I did what any self-respecting person might: I poured a bath and buffed my sorrows away using the flat surface of the ONO. Then, as I showered I noticed the glass wall and was like DUHHH. I slapped the suction cup on and voila, party time. You can also use it as a straight up massager if your shoulders hurt which they always seem to for chicks (not mine though, mine are awesome).
See? She looks pretty relaxed.
Here’s a few hanging out in a sexy bath.
And what it looks like chillin’ on the suction cup. So if you didn’t want to mount it obviously that is no problem, it can be considered a couple’s massager as well leaving ample room for the Christmas ghost between ya’s for horseplay and because it has 8 diverse speeds, is uber powerful and possesses 6 intensity settings mark my words MAGIC WILL HAPPEN. Also, how happy are you for me for getting one in purple? Close enough to pink yeah.
The Ono has a one year warranty and takes 3 double A batteries. You can stick it to your sliding glass door (don’t forget to draw the blinds) if not the bath. It’s a powerful pleasurable gadget with versatile uses. The Ono is silky smooth to the touch, vibrant in colour with fully waterproof skin designed to glide sensuously along your body’s contours. How’s that for a visual? Right now she’s on special for $69 (LOL) so now’s the time to act. Adult Deals Daily have loads more swag deals available too, many best sellers, Toy Stories and free organic lube with every purchase! Plus this:
Finally got the boy on the boat this w/e to watch the air show from the lake, bonus idea me! After seeing the planes from land all weekend long (since Thursday when they began practicing) I had been itching to go out there. Sometimes the city makes me claustrophobic and being close to water but not on it, even worse. And that gorge weather. I sometimes get summer sadness thanks to FOMO (fear of missing out) I now realize. That’s why we do so many things because we are afraid if we don’t our existences will be meaningless. I think we are too hard on ourselves.
I know life isn’t always about fun and games (the control freaks will counter with) but seeing water loving people adorn their cray ship with these guys kind of straightens you out a little. I love the eccentrics. When we passed them back into harbor they asked if we caught anything, I said no, but we watched the air show and they were like THAT IS AMAZING.
Perhaps it’s supposed to confuse thieves. “I just sharted bro.” Ahahaha totally.
Papa enjoying some organic yellow watermelon we bought from the farmer’s market and our favourite chips that Nana also buys. She couldn’t make it out yesterday, aw boo.
This photo is going to get me through winter, those bleak months when we are nice shades of alabaster. What’s Wednesday Addams up to these days?
Fap fap fap. j/k no i’m not. j/k j/k j/k omgosh you guys.
Cheesyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Sometimes I have Italian mannerisms I suppose. Guess who has even more!?
Sometimes I like the candid ones then two days later I am like WHAT HAVE I DONE!!
I think I look like my papa a lot, sometimes. I sure say sometimes a lot. Anyway. Mom am I right?
Steve you look hot here. And everywhere. And today’s weather couldn’t be more opposite. Wahh. Suck attack central over here.
Here are my pin-up ones. I have to get my s- together for my Playboy shoot tomorrow. I’m going to have hair extensions too O_O I am kind of nervous as hell. I will “kill it” though and I have assembled a pro hair, makeup + photographer team (okay Steve did) so that will “make it” but I am just wardrobe flustered (as usual) is all, do I copy the other girls or do my own thing? Do we shoot in a bar or in studio, or both? I just want it all done lickity split and have no one annoyed at me. Being pre-menses is not helping matters any more either but getting a lot of shut-eye the last few days has, plus tonight. I am all about boring girlfriend duties until the weekend is over, stamped it. Now how to manage tiff stuff will be another thing-thang to worry about til after tomorrow. See how helpful blogging can be?
Titanic time. Don’t ever let go Jack.
It was pretty choppy waters, now I “get it” when I’m texting my uncle about east winds and insisting it is calm but it’s not, winds on the water are a whole other thing entirely. We fought some crazy waves on the way back it was pretty gangster.
Oh I’m sorry, am I blocking your view of the CN Tower?
It was a lovely day out thanks again so very much Uncle Mike!
When I shower later I’ll inspect my boat bruises, hope I don’t have any. It happens, you’re on water. On the couch last night with my eyes closed (so beat from the sun) I felt like I was rocking still, it was trippy. Stopped myself before any nausea could sink in though.
This one can also be enjoyed upside down.
It’s my blog and I can do as I please. Very well then.
Probs not snowbirds, but lovebirds.
Steve you got good ones. Mine will all be horrible no doubt.
Here we have a pilot bro experiencing a classic RTM double point.
Unfortch I can’t make the machine gun noises my dad and brother do.
Oh right, an air show is going on.
Have mercy.
Fine then don’t.
They’re like ants on camera, sorry everyone go watch your own damn air show.
Alright, lets call the rest of this post THE CAT CAME BACK.
What’s up dress. Has a bit of a Caribbean vibe to it a little. The yellow is actually on the fluorescent side too.
On the last day in Aruba I made more makeup effort because I was defs going to see Steve at the airport. My hair looks totally fried from the ocean hey? Ragamuffin Raymi.
The tint from the window is why everything looks this way.
It was a groovy time.
Exhausted plus maje heat. One hour-ish til flight. Our airline would be a ghost town with tumbleweeds and crickets by the time we made it to airport. Unacceptable. We were getting off that island that afternoon no matter what.
I was still pretty choked up at the time of this video. One low to one high instantly, the possibility of missing our flight to being squeezed through lickity split was spectacular, funny how the ladies can pull it together when forced. Have fun in Turks, jerks.
Leg room. FOR ONCE.
Shining Time Station smooth.
These shots are mirror checks actually I wanted to see if my tears melted my makeup off. No matter what though you will always look like a total idiot taking a picture of yourself at an airport no matter the slob-factor of the peeps looking down on you. I wanted to be as far away from everyone at that point. I had to comb the entire airport for a can of soda then the cashier woman was gruff and passive aggressive to me and made me wait longer. My eyes bulged out of my head at her and I went, “REALLY!” threw the money down and did the thirty yard dash to this wall for a little breather.
Then I changed in to airplane clothes cos we were chilly on the way over. Don’t I look like a secret lesbian ventriloquist who cameos on variety shows? That’s my Killigrew shirt and my 3F vest, both very cool Raymi approved brands.
I was photo-blocking Georgia I guess but also did not really understand what was going on here. Like, why can’t you get a photo of me? Like I asked. Four hundred times. Mom.
Look how weird that airport is. Love it. And Lolo Love you. Mom, yeah you’re cool too.
And so my plane DOESN’T fall from the sky and crash which I was paro of the entire time on my trip because I can relax like that (can’t) and we have our nice private little honeymooner’s reunion and it was a very fun evening. Overtired for sure, my suitcase was fun to rifle through. I partied in my red monokini (I will be rocking tomorrow n the boat!) and we watched The Notebook. Photos of Steve’s tissue mountain further down this post
I look like airplane garbage but whatever. We were so clingy this evening ahaha so funny like please don’t go out of my sight while I go get my chapstick I WILL JUST DIE.
I wonder where that ring went.
I wanted to get in absolutely everything, all bling.
I was vacation skinny too.
Steve is a wizard. He obeys all signs, listens to/acknowledges them, so we try to keep it positive and luckily chinese food has rained some good ones down on him and done all the manipulating for me ahah thanks Lee Garden or whomever.
Just in case you needed ‘em, here are more examples of my stupidity. FIRST TIMER’S Lomography photography which is probably redundant because they made up the word lomography as a hybrid explanation of photography + the style of camera/film. I am so tired of typing lomography btw, that was the last time. Right there.
One hundred years ago these things happened. We ate popcorn I guess.
Hipster Hailey. She’s wearing a wooden guitar pic from The Hard Rock hotel in San Diego I bought her. This was her hippie phase.
Could these be considered legit instagrams? That’s my papa. Yes he is related to Jack Kerouac. Yes I have said that ten million times before. You have to keep repeating yourself because you never know what new important big deals may be watching you. I am very flexible too. LOLOLOLL Jokes shut up!
Holy am I drunk what the hell is going on here?? Hahaha this is how many f’s I give.
Hiya pals. Havin’ a gangster Thursday? Me too. That’s great.
Where is there a donation box in Libville?
I have a bag of Craymi to part with. I know there’s one by Price Chopper. I don’t feel like carrying it that far though. I have no idea why.
Date escape night is brought to you by bunny ears.
Oh herro there. Have you ever actually tucked your heel in to your underwear? Try it. It is not easy or easily sexily attainable maybe if you practiced and got good at it. Brass Vixens withdrawal think I’m going to visit tomorrow :).
Lance Romance came out to play. That bottle was steep IMO but worth it, ahh Napa Valley such a great wine region. Good after wash in the mouth, I hate tinny reds. Go try a bottle of Irony, the name being one reason I selected it. Actually for Napa I think it was a cheap bottle. Do you think people lie about the cost of their wines ever? Inflate them a little, no? I was like this is a nineteen ninety five and that impressed Steve until I finished my sentence DOLLARS. Tasted deliciously expensive and that’s all that matters. We made Date Night indoors and half-activity. I really wanted to see Moonrise Kingdom again and he needed to see it because I knew it would be his jam. Just go see it if you haven’t already and any Wes Anderson experts I have a Q for you or two. Remind me later please.
I was going to let him nap but then I put this outfit on and he wanted to guard his prize at the supermarket and it would have been faster to just bike over with him I figured, I didn’t mind a walk but lazy is always the appealing route. We had two hours to movie time, dinner prep, eating, and travel time. We were 20 minutes late. Not my fault because I wanted to see the previews, he didn’t. People who want things move faster than people who don’t want things therefore, it was not my fault. Wouldn’t I be a good crooked politician?
I will admit that wearing this on the back of a vespa was a little unfair to passing dudes and chicks, actually if we’re being honest here, I find that it’s women who check me out most of all. I see your expert quick time glares and I have taken to “fucking with” them and throwing a smile on. I am shy so you’ll maybe appreciate how hard it is to actually do this.
We copy each other’s outfits a lot because we don’t want to be one-upped and doing SAMESIES is the only way that’s why couples dress the same. We also did it to be cute and funny. gee I wonder which hoodie we should wear tonight blahaa.
I don’t know what selfish reason my mom had in depriving me of this picture. Yeah in black and white it’s great too sure sure but come on I saw this in colour on her camera a second after this was taken and was like do not even breathe until you get me a copy of that photo. Then she sits on it for a week. Then doesn’t even give me it. How angry do I sound right now? Good. THEN she insults my bf like a bratty immature a-hole and I am sick of it. Sick of her posting on my wall when I’m out too so I am going to change it so people can’t do that anymore and you have Tracey to thank. The only way you are allowed to post on my wall is if it’s 1. my birthday 2. the thing you are posting is NOT advertising your own cause without my prior consent 3. if it’s funny and it made you think of me or pertains to me in a large capacity that I will consider to be hugely amusing and 4. of my diva Facebook friend privileges law is if the thing you posted isn’t really about me and you put it on my feed like right after I post my blog post blast THIN ICE FUCKBAG. 5. if you are one of my mother’s friends and you make a passive aggressive dig I WILL FIGHT YOU (on facebook) and you will lose. Like comments about not tanning our faces in Aruba uh thanks tips!!!! Bahahah.
Supermarket outfit. Legwarmers keep ma legs warm. Ballet flats hopefully trick people in to thinking am ballerina to justify legwarmers. My haters are my motivators. Love Tarek’s bag so much. Mom wants it. Shaaright.
We snacked for dinner it was a good call. I love low maintenance meat board plotting on the spot at the grocery store. Next time we will go to Cheese Boutique. the flatbread is everything new york style. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. the rest is prosciutto (had them to avoid and skim off the fat, less fat + less waste = more meat. Uber ripe avocado, no salt miss vickies (!!) and salami. This paired with the wine was heaven. Steve fell in love with me more phewf.
We walked home it was a nice night, right? Right. Love exermacise.
I haven’t done one of these total loser posting lyrics blog posts in, since, 2004. Lets go back in time shall we then. I heard this song on the radio (already nostalgic enough for you there?) on the w/e and then I did that thing with Steve’s phone where you hold it up and the iphone figures out what you’re listening to. I figs i-product people read this blog so you “get me” and so the song is by Linkin Park (puke) but I love it (yay!) and I was going to use a lyric for my blog post title but nahh, dawg, I want the whole thing. BOOM! Oh and you gotta listen to the jam along with me too. Or just go on with your life. I can lead you to water but…
The cycle repeated
As explosions broke in the sky
All that I needed
Was the one thing I couldn’t find
And you were there at the turn
Waiting to let me know
We’re building it up
To break it back down
We’re building it up
To burn it down
We can’t wait
To burn it to the ground
The colors conflicted
As the flames climbed into the clouds
I wanted to fix this
But couldn’t stop from tearing it down
And you were there at the turn
Caught in the burning glow
And I was there at the turn
Waiting to let you go
We’re building it up
To break it back down
We’re building it up
To burn it down
We can’t wait
To burn it to the ground
You told me yes
You held me high
And I believed
When you told that lie
I played solider
You played king
And struck me down
When I kissed that ring
You lost that right
To hold that crown
I built you up
But you let me down
So when you fall
I’ll take my turn
And fan the flames
As your blazes burn
And you were there at the turn
Waiting to let me know
We’re building it up
To break it back down
We’re building it up
To burn it down
We can’t wait
To burn it to the ground
So when you fall
I’ll take my turn
And fan the flames
As your blazes burn
We can’t wait
To burn it to the ground
Thank you for regressing into teenage girls on the internet along with me today.
Rude service here the other night. Negative occurrences reflect poorly on me so it’s not worth recounting despite Stevesy insisting I email complain follow-up with owners. We’ll see.
Then I became lips conceited. It happens.
Spy my lip piercing hole. It’s closed from the inside.
It can feel a little Gotham in here, cold, bunker, the post apocalyptic future-feel. It’s due to the modernist-exposed concrete walls. It is neat. It will be neat to experience through the passing of seasons. Oh, this is summer and it feels like a hotel. Fall will feel like.. and Christmas (swoon). I showed the girls the amazing bathtub/shower situation and they said it was was like a hotel in here. I agree. The first day we all hung out Steve kept proclaiming how he felt like it felt like Vegas based on how we were givin’er and well, I was totally wearing sparkle sequin underwear at the time from Pride, plus the guy looks like Bradley Cooper and when I think of BC I think of The Hangover: V-E-G-A-S party P0RN. Love at first sunglasses off. Ignored him all day on the float because I was all about me unbeknownst to how much he wanted me, and the chef hat plus apron he wore I was like uh, dork. Incredible the almost missed connection of that day and our pride parade walks of shame when the float ride was over, down to the YDS LCBO which was a total scene. He somehow convinced Bechs and I to have a drink at his place, he took off his dumb shades and I mine and we were blown away. I saw him fall in love with me. That never happens never ever ever ever happens in a billion years and only in movies at that. Plus my face was covered in parade sweat and mascara everywhere I was worse than a hot mess…
