me: trying to get up some courage to go downstairs and talk to the super about a package arriving for me tomorrow im going to put it off until after i bathe
merkley???: is he scary?
me: no they are super nice you know how it is, daytime recluse
merkley???: i burned my foot with hot oil last week and a giant blister formed and i havent popped it but i know eventually i will have to deal with it
me: this is exciting information
merkley???: because the water is getting less and less
me: i have an ingrown that i have had for like three years and everytime i go to the bathroom i work on it and i get excitement shakes when it might come out and then i fuck it up and have to wait a week for it to grow again
merkley???: so its like i have this half empty miniature water balloon on my foot
me: ok thats gross so much for having lunch today
merkley???: its so weird how my burn was fairly severe but it never really became painful i know it would hurt if i popped it though
me: what part of SO MUCH FOR LUNCH TODAY do you not understand anyway back to my ingrown i fantasize about the day i pull it out and blog about it i think a picture would be too disgusting
merkley???: what we do is tell each other stories sell it
me: no way it is too precious it has been a part of me for a long time and i will prolly never be able to get it out
merkley???: maybe you should feed it to a hamster
me: GROSS thats animal cruelty
merkley???: not if the hamster liked it
me: maybe i will make a necklace out of it for one of your fugly dogs
merkley???: my dogs eat fingernails and toenails they love it when i get out the clippers
me: wow this conversation just isn’t going to get off the disgusting is it
me: tell me about me im tired of you
merkley???: what do you want to know about you and i know you’re just fake tired of me
me: yesterday you talked about you and your book nothing about me you used me to bounce information about yourself off of
merkley???: i did
me: ahah
merkley???: i do that a lot lucky you
me: NO WAY I DONT BELIEVE YOU
merkley???: tell me what you want to know about you and i will tell you you are twice as self obsessed as i am at least twice, maybe ten times
me: i do not wear suits i do not carry a white purse a womans purse
merkley???: you take thousands of self portraits
me: thats cos i have a personal blog
merkley???: you are more self obsessed admit it
me: i am self obsessed because i am narcissistic and insecure
merkley???: well duh
me: i am forced to be self obsessed cos i am not as famous as i want to be yet i am doing all the work
merkley???: you used to be more famous than me but i think i might be edging you out slightly ha ha which is good
me: well if i took picture of naked bitches i would be more famous than you
merkley???: my goal is to get famous enough that when i finally come to toronto and we go out to a bar i get spotted as much as you in your own home town
me: i dont get spotted as much as people think
merkley???: and that will piss you off but also you will think its cool because i will be making you non-stop laugh
me: they think i get spotted tons cos they would spot me if they saw me well if they spot you then they will know who i am by association wow this conversation i cant tell if it is better or worse than the disgusting one we had previously
merkley???: ha if we hung out would you be competitive in the humor department or would you be a team player?
me: im a team player
merkley???: me too
me: when i am around funny people my humour escalates it inspires me to take the piss more
merkley???: same
me: it’s like magic and it blows my own mind i cannot believe how funny i am being drunk also helps
merkley???: yup i got on a role last night for about a half an hour non stop genius jokes but i didn’t text them to myself dammit
me: when i am on a roll i am like thank you bipolar!
last nite was a successful sober nite, no fights, no subtle hostility and we actually got along, kidded around some and there wasn’t any violence GRATE SUCKSESS!
do any of you watch rich bride poor bride? did you see it last nite? (sorry ‘mericans it’s a canadian show) here is the synopsis of last nite’s episode:
Christy is a self-confessed princess bride who demands perfection. Tony, the groom, finds it hard to manage his stubborn fiancée and her overpowering need to get her way. Wedding Planner Karina Lemke helps streamline Christy’s modern/Asian vision while staying within budgetary limits. Will Christy’s quest for the perfect day try the patience of those who love her, including her future husband?
see: CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT SPOILED FUGLY BITCHY SELFISH DELUSIONAL PROJECTIONARY NASTY ARGUMENTATIVE IGNORANT SELF-SERVING UNAPPRECIATIVE WITCH.
every fucking thing that came out of her mouth had RED FLAG all over it and her husband-to-be was a total fucking sucker, he attempted to stand up for himself a few times but poorly and in the end the fucking bride won out, he paid 75% she paid 25% and 100% everything was what SHE wanted, she yelled and screamed at everyone involved and when the wedding planner sat them down to discuss the budget and concerns about going over it the bride snapped and talked over her saying every penny was worth it and fine everyone can eat off of paper plates so i can spend all i want.
that poor fucking dude, they had been together since highschool and if he stuck it out that long i bet he’ll stick with her for life, she even poked him with a fucking pen at one of the sit-downs with the events co-ordinator and nagged him like mental. he came home with a box of fans, nice ones i thought and she flipped out and spray-painted them silver saying she was fixing his mistake and to SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR BEER after he was like i’m finished with this and she’s like are you serious you are seriously offending me, she has ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE AS TO HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING NASTY BITCH SHE IS. she was beratin ghim the entire time he was trying to help her paint the fans and then after ten nasty comments he gives upand she was seriously confused as to why. dear christy YOU HAVE BIPOLAR MOOD DISORDER AND ANGER-MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS.
also they were about ten grand over budget and guess why!?
i hope she finds this post, or the husband does, fuck. dude takes thai kickboxing lessons and i fear one day he will finally snap and kick the nasty look off her face. i don’t fear it actually i would be delighted to see it on tv.
so i wore fat pants afterall, extremely important news update:
complete with cougar slut tattoo target.
this was my dinner:
that shit in the bottom left corner was not good, and the tofu was a bit thick, woulda been better if it was half the size, less weight and more flavour. that beet i was expecting to be pickled and not hard as hell to bite into. this cost 8 bucks. fil’s box was $16 the trick is to choose light things i guess. fil thinks he saved the planet cos he ate at the whole foods buffet, way to go dude. he asked me all sternly DO THEY RECYCLE THESE CONTAINERS? yes they do and if they didn’t who cares they are made out of recycled paper anyway jesus RELAX.
i can’t hang out with fil anymore he cock-blocks all my pictures and then takes a picture of the same thing but better cos his camera is infinity times more expensive than mine.
we are going to go for a walkies before ANTM we have to scout out this joint that needs to be hanged-in tomorrow (top secret) and we are going to eat at the yuppie supermarket i like the idea of being able to fill up a box with every fucking thing at the buffet and the cashier scans it and is like whatever to the inner-contents of the box i always feel pretty proud of myself in the way i arrange things in my buffet box. anyway i am debating wearing fat pants i think i can make it work cos my hair is in a ponytail and i didn’t shower oh now i remember why i bothered to write another fucking masterpiece today it’s because this is the first ponytail i have had in a loooong time and i have a headache because of it.
i want fil to get fat/jogging pants too so we can pretend to be university kids he said no i said fine be old. i need to have at least ONE walk out in public with someone else wearing fat pants so i can watch people’s faces when they look at me/us and make up things in my head about what they are thinking about me/us.
pitt and i show how it is done after drinking a thousand ballpark beers.
we are dancing to that drummer guy who is always outside the dome and sings LETS GO BLUE JAYS dramatic pause then drums some more, you’d think after maybe 15 years of doing this he would learn some more songs, no?
you are looking super beautiful these days. I love youre pale skin/dark hair look. You’re so lucky to have the amazing skin that you do. really. I watched shortbus yesterday. It was great. I couldn’t get it out of my head all day. I know you reviewed it a while ago but i can’t remember what you said about it. I love that feeling when you really connect with something, like a movie or a book or whatever. It’s the same thing, always, whether its someone you have a crush on, or a book you can’t stop reading, or a blog like yours that your really RELATE to on some crazy level, like it exisits in your own imagination and you can call it up in your head and there are smells and textures and you feel like its something real. It kind of reminded me of my trip to Beunos Aires, i remember you posted a pic of one of my friends from there, really gay and drunk and funny. I hope that someday you are able to get involved in a big project like that, not like that exactly, but something equally powerful. You have so much creative genius in you and one day this project is going to come along and its going to be YOUR contribution to the socical conciousness, not that you don’t make an impact already but it will reach such a vastly wider audience and it will keep ppl up at night. Your blog is almost like one of thos books already. Like i used to read when i was 12 and i didn’t want to stop reading even to eat dinner because i felt like the book would keep happening without me and i would miss something. A book in real time. In the way that you feel connected to the characters, but you don’t know all of the d etails of their lives. You know the main events, but stuff is glossed over, like how they brush and floss and pee and shower everymorning and eat two peices of toast with honey and an apple. But Instead of you writing all at once, or looking back, or making someting up, this blog-story of raymi is a massive, real-time monstrosity that allways exists in the readers imagination because it is always happening. I probably have a different perspective on this because i don’t have a blog or read many blogs or comment on blogs, so to most ppl the whole blog thing is interactive, but to me its not? No not true beacause here i am emailing… nevermind That made no sense and was a total side-track, but like i said, You look beautiful. In case you were wondering.
*Laura*
is it meth, crack, or the “new” crack? you be the judge.
fil is a lazy slob FIL I AM DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. he makes himself a snack and leaves everything out on the counter for days and because the magical kitchen fairy (ME!) takes care of it he thinks nothing of it. this here is chocolate shavings from an easter egg that have been hanging out on the counter since friday nite that the kitchen fairy (ME!) finally took care of yesterday morning. fil has no memory or frame of reference that they were ever even there.
EX!!PLOSION!
Phil: I WAS SAVING THEM FOR LATER me: ya right Phil: YOU OWE ME A HANDFUL OF CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS
everytime i bring up washing a dish and putting it away in the dishwasher post haste we get into a tiff and he says ok fine i will do it next time AND THEN HE DOESN’T. right now i am soaking THREE bowls in the sink cos he let them chill for a few days in the sink with cold water and no soap, he considers that soaking, and THEN put them in the dishwasher.
fil, if your method of soaking worked, tell me then, WHY after those bowls were put in the dishwasher are they still covered in soup sludge and black pepper?
signed, I WILL KILL YOU IF I EVER HAVE TO MENTION THIS AGAIN.
and cid backs me.
no more bonghits for cid, his snack attacking is something fierce.
