yesterday’s head size started out on a small note then my head just progressively got bigger throughout the day.
dear WEIRD, yes, i received the memo.
smiling was not in vogue back then.
shitty toys too, i had a doll like this once and was super frustrated playing with it, the two girls never get to hang together.
EVERYTIME i close my browser all of my history deletes EVERYTIME so if i visit your blog be very flattered because i typed the entire address out no cheatsies auto-fill whatever that thing is called and be double flattered that i remembered you even had a blog at all i sit here thinking ok who to spy on next oh mr so and so’s blog i haven’t visitted yet type type type i am writing about anything that comes into my mind right now so i don’t have to do any chores.
oh and for the next two hours i don’t have any pants to wear either (laundry).
me: we are hung and have to clean the entire condo cos we are going away but dont have any organic lesbian eco-friendly paper towels we tried to get yesterday from noah’s they were out so we are in a lazy vortex of internet party in our underwear + wicked hung oh and we have to go to the suburbs by like 6 so i think i win for sucky day oh and have to do laundry too! and pack!
me: i hate cleaning the bathroom cos i find a million of my mile long hairs everywhere with dust and grime and fil never cleans the bathroom
Elizabeth: I love cleaning the bathroom with like comet and rubber gloves
me: i use fantastic we are out of windex ungh
Elizabeth: i like fantastick as well it is my second favourite jenna jameson is so skinny
me: i just farted and fil said WHAT!?
Elizabeth: Im worried about her i think she might have a drug problem
me: you are actually worrying about a porn star do you watch porno valley on fridays there are 4 back to back reality porn shows on showcase i love them when porn stars get emotional and try and have real lives like buying toys for their kids
Elizabeth: oh I havent ever seen that I should set my tivo HAHAHA I hate it when people talk about their tivo its for fags and bloated white people
me: ew that still exists bluh-hooop bluuuu-heeeep go away
Elizabeth: k so hes been on the phone 20 min I was ready to leave at 10
me: what are they talking about vodka? haha russian joke
last nite’s outfit was inspired by old men moms and slobs what else is new.
this is the restaurant that it started raining at except inside of the restaurant and i still go back, i don’t know the name it used to be called the sushi club. last nite’s service was terrible and it was empty hi try harder maybe your ceiling WAS RAINING THE LAST TIME I ATE HERE!
last nite my face was pretty big wtf.
‘cept for when i pose all dainty like that.
the superfan and glen.
edmondo’s tripod, it could even support fil’s camera.
we stayed up ’til 4am at the metropolitan suites. we saw augie march at lee’s then i got pushy and hung backstage and made them like me despite totally making fun of their #1 super fan every chance i got he kept going I SHIT YOU NOT! and I DON’T MEAN TO BE A JERK! and was wearing camping shorts. anyway then we went to green room then we went to their hotel and got ripped i tried to figure out what the number for dial a bottle was oops they only deliver during normal hours? then i told fil to call samir to call someone else oh double whoops it’s after 3 how did that happen? no matter lets drink ten dollar 50ml bottles of crown instead (ungh) and get existential. a good time was had by all. wendi are you alive still?
that chick was from spill magazine and did NOT like us at all, she was being very possessive and as she left said oh sorry i can’t stay and party with you guys blah blah uh was it offered to you? as she was taking pictures of them with her shittier than fil’s camera she was barking at them to look like they were having fun and it’s ok to have fun in this total bossy tone and obvs. has fun NEVER! she was basically wearing drapes too.
looking at adam (hat guy) all nite long kind of fucked with my head he looks like an ex bf.
i had a tan today, it is wicked warm out it is messing with my mind to see fall leaves and feel warm wind (ew) on your body we are going for a drivies. i am going to go on an internet date with this girl in the WWF (wrestling duh) yahoo chatroom tonite (not really). go to her blog she is pretty funny and wears a brown turtleneck. i found her via meltingdolls who is too old for me now (kidding). did i tell you about the time when we did it? i think that was supposed to be a secret i forget anyway burn on you guys.
last nite me and fil got into a huge wicked fight because i said that germans are black and white about things, no grey area, he called me ignorant and racist and totally over-reacted but i don’t care, find me a german who ISN’T black and white about stuff and i will stuff a banana up my nose. fil even tried to go for a blowing off steam walk without me and i followed him and kept stating my case the entire way, he was mad cos he couldn’t brainwash me into thinking the same things he thinks all the time i put my foot down and i basically said ok fine ALL of europe is black and white then, and serbs and croats like to eat a lot of meat it’s not racist it’s the TRUTH and yes stereotypes exist because they are exaggerated FACTS!
I AM RIGHT! SHUT UP EVERYONE!
i said i know three germans and they are all the same they make up their mind about something and that is that no maybe nots no fence sitting, it’s part of their character makeup jesus and IF you know a laidback german they are LYING and smoke loads of dope. i don’t think it’s a bad thing either, i admire that in people, no wishy-washy emotional garbage just straight to the point, though yes it can also be kinda harsh big deal though don’t like it? don’t be german.
i pointed the finger at fil and said you are mad about this because YOU are black and white about things most of the time the end i win. he agreed he over-reacted a little and said it was cos of his native blood when he drinks it is like FIREWATER to his brain!
ok so here is the story of fil and the police and no not the sting kind of police.
so after leaving samir/sharpie’s we were waiting for a cab on dundas it was late and i may or may not have smoken some pot and i may or may not have also been drunk too though fil was full-on blasted, he didn’t smoke weed (he can’t) anyway someone shines a laser pen at me from a window and i saw the red glare of it swoosh the air so i go hey someone just shon (shone shined shown ungh?) a laser pen at me then fil turns schizo and says THEY CANNOT DO THAT! and marches over to the window and the whoever slams the window closed and fil takes out his palm pilot phone and pretends to call the police and i am jumping all around him (baked) going HEY are you REALLY calling the cops hello hello hello DON’T! fil STOP! it wasn’t a big deal! (inside my head i am totally flattered though) i was pictuing the police showing up and we are wasted and i am high and then they like ask me to tell them where all the weed in toronto is i dunno i was FUCKED guys! then fil shows me he was pretending so then i make a big show of oh yeah the police will be here in three seconds! then a cab comes we get in and fil is giving the window menacing looks while simultaneously pointing at his phone from the backseat window haha and i am like boy that was exhilirating man!
old people land.
then when the cab pulled up to our building i see this fight on the street and i am all into it and then get out and run toward it and the cabbie told fil don’t let her go there alone (i’m reckless) i only ran to the end of the driveway they are on the other side of the street but they break it up and the one guy runs really fast in one direction and the other dude does the same except the other way and fil has his phone out and about to call the cops cos i’m like oh this shit is NOT over yet something else is going to happen, when fil is ripped he gets really into my conspiracy theories like i am a psychic and can fortell future fights and then he takes it one step further and wants to call the cops holy buzzkill! but he didn’t call 911 we go inside and i start talking about it again and he gets all panicky do you think i should call the cops then? NO I DO NOT THINK YOU SHOULD CALL THE COPS AT 2AM! then we start to eat some cheese and monstergirl and i had been texting and fil is like CALL HER INSTEAD SHE’S AWAKE! i’m all NO but then he forces me too and i am prepared to leave a making fun of him voicemail but couldn’t cos he was standing in the livingroom watching me and pointing at me like don’t you DARE! cos he could tell i was gearing up to burn him on her voicemail. i said dude she is not drunk WE are the drunk ones specifically YOU just cos she is awake at 2 in the morning doesn’t mean she’s drinking the world.
in the morning i reminded fil about all of this and he was really embarrassed.
