me: we are hung and have to clean the entire condo cos we are going away but dont have any organic lesbian eco-friendly paper towels we tried to get yesterday from noah’s they were out so we are in a lazy vortex of internet party in our underwear + wicked hung oh and we have to go to the suburbs by like 6 so i think i win for sucky day oh and have to do laundry too! and pack!

Elizabeth: that sounds like an awesome day

me: i hate cleaning the bathroom cos i find a million of my mile long hairs everywhere with dust and grime and fil never cleans the bathroom

Elizabeth: I love cleaning the bathroom
with like comet
and rubber gloves

me: i use fantastic
we are out of windex
ungh

Elizabeth: i like fantastick as well
it is my second favourite
jenna jameson is so skinny

me: i just farted and fil said WHAT!?

Elizabeth: Im worried about her
i think she might have a drug problem

me: you are actually worrying about a porn star
do you watch porno valley
on fridays there are 4 back to back reality porn shows on showcase
i love them
when porn stars get emotional and try and have real lives like buying toys for their kids

Elizabeth: oh I havent ever seen that
I should set my tivo
HAHAHA
I hate it when people talk about their tivo
its for fags
and bloated white people

me: ew that still exists
bluh-hooop bluuuu-heeeep go away

Elizabeth: k
so hes been on the phone 20 min
I was ready to leave at 10

me: what are they talking about vodka?
haha russian joke