so here’s a story. this guy lives around the corner from my work. we follow each other on twitter, fb friends, whatever. one day he’s all i’ll come by the central i practically live there. cool casual no expectations, social city, no big deal. months go by doesn’t happen. then the day i was cruising around miami beach styles in my blue dress and my bloody shoe i see this tall beast of a tanned man sauntering around like a pretentious twat and think holy shit do i want a piece of that but i do nothing as it followed a string of picking up way too many guys not off the internet and that tasting the rainbow (rhonda’s line) makes you feel mental after a short while. then we pass each other again and both stare each other down. do nothing. come ON toronto guys if a girl so much as glances at you it means APPROACH HER. this is why it’s hard for girls in the city, you guys do nothing. always. forever. seriously. how is the planet even populated jesus christ.
ok so i remembered i wanted to get baked before walking down to queen/spadina to get flip flops and financial district to get my bike cos walking stoned is the life for me. everything stoned is sounds like right? shut up. i’m actually weaning myself off as an aside if anybody cares or is listening to me ever.
so i walk back to the hot box to get ripped and guess who i pass ONE MORE TIME. the beast. turns out he was hung and i already made up my mind not to approach so missed connection it was. i figured he probably haunts the market cos he was clearly doing errands and if it was to be then we’d bump into each other yet again. i had no idea he’s the same guy i had previously spoken to via twitter all that crap cos in a thumbnail picture you can’t tell how tall a person is. i’m 5’8 by the way, people ask all the time.
why didn’t i buuuuuy this aside from not wanting to be a fat fuck anymore. why do i torture myself with these photos? creamy coconut dyyying.
treacle is such a disgusting word.
ok fine back to my story.
so this past sunday after dance rehearsal i’m off to wander pedestrian sunday market weirdness, got myself a smoothie and a new pair of shades and then who should i spy? the beast. maybe i should simply call him beast. anyway, i give him this look like oh COME ON pre-emptively frustrated by the i so know you’re not going to approach but simply stare me out. so we pass and i kinda have this stance about me like, bring it on you pussy and it worked. he says to his friend ok i see this girl all the time i have to say hi so he approaches. we chit chat and he says he knows me what??? oh right i’m a famous blogger i forgot for a second there but then i feel stupid cos we’ve actually spoken before. it happens. i can tell immediately that he isn’t entirely a piece of shit so we decide to hang. the end, new friend. the city just gets smaller and smaller then of course turns out we have all these people in common too which is great cos then you instantly get dirt on all of them.
this is a note to self photo.
gridlock traffic ate up so much time if it wasn’t for cheese boutique supplies pretty sure i’d have exploded.
i have taken so many pictures of this pear dessert before. maybe one day i’ll actually try it.
same cut as the nautical print one i bought. too see-thru. until i replace my bedazzled from burlesque bras i have no bras to wear. i feel like i own too many red things.
foot destruction from dance shoes. heal please i want to wear those shoes again asap.
i’m getting good at self control i did not power chow a cookie. or a banana either. i’m breaking up with bananas cos they bind you i thought they didn’t. now i’m all about grapes. they make things move if you know what i mean.
i love wacky details to a room.
everyone around me is wasting away what is going on??
and i’m just turning into a gladiator.
twiggy elyse.
i had a guava guy then i saw the beast.
why can’t i be this organized?
my grandpa made this.
we agreed that investigating secret chambers was a couple’s activity type thing. the date loser from the other nite (haha which one?) at paupers was desperately trying to make talk happen and mentioned the crystal ballroom. i said look, i can barely make time to visit building’s rooms that are generally open to the public year round, why the fuck do i want to see their basements? it came out funnier and nicer but still, i just don’t like crowds on my weekend off.
white wine, mango juice, soda water, ice, and chunks of watermelon. oh summer.
bizarre and bittersweet to sit here as my old condo is right around the corner and i can see into it and the park i always blogged about too.
what a dickhead.
had to buy my own as alicia drunk gifted her pack of rollies to some drunks on annex wreckroom nite.
raymi gaga shoulder pads. cleaned up act for suitor number one date. i am not even going to bother looking thru my dating site messages i’m already over it. do you all want to make fun of the profile i wrote for myself?
nostalgic ashtray.
public. so. good. my one carbs indulgence i still anorexia’d my way thru it, scrape it all off, eat slowly.
just fuckin around baked. no i’m not a rake anymore, don’t care. what am i saying of course i care. what i mean is i don’t care enough to not share this breathtaking video of myself with you (i’ve a longer more stupid one processing as we speak). stoned exercise is the best it never occurred to me before my brother said one of his buddies gets lit then goes to the gym. makes total sense cos then you’re just a machine straight pumping not thinking just doing. keeps it entertaining as we all know exercise can be pretty dreadful and boring. if hippies knew about stoned exercise we’d have all these ripped tea heads roving the city. it’d be awesome. might even become a pandemic. almost as good as my scary b movie idea no one’s stolen yet about bikes that come alive at night when the city sleeps causing mayhem and destruction and when the sun comes up they go back to where they were locked up and the city is all confused as to who’s trashing the place. when you film it you can just shittily ghost ride a bike down a steep street ahah or some brutal stop motion cgi whatever so funny. ok maybe it’s nothing like arnold schwarzenegger stoners but it’s up there in the GREAT IDEAS THAT ARE ONLY FUNNY TO ME department.
oh ok alright alright here’s my rape joke: i’m too slutty to get raped. it received many slightly disgusting reactions. cool. speaking of, we haven’t seen my tits in awhile so here they are.
jumper bathroom visits sitting nakes on the john, shivering with a lineup outside.
the snaps popped at least 300 times. what are the chances of teeny safety pins in melodie’s purse that i borrowed? awesome.
here it is in action. very low cut in the chest. can only pull off if you don’t act self conscious about it like damn straight i know you can see nips maybe if you are a pathetic loser gawping straight in there looking for them. if you catwalk pose then everyone’s just oh yeah duh, fashion, that makes sense. this just in: people are stupid.
post on the way check ya later love you long time.
free feral kittens! like parkdale isn’t crazy or makes you feel crazy enough. jesus. these guys just roam free and mew their brains out. old coot bubbles next door feeds and keeps them alive, multiplying. come by take some please.
just playing and wrastling in the sun. adorable.
there’s ten of them. maybe more. not even including the adult ones that laze around. at least 30 of those guys.
MORE.
there doesn’t seem to be a solution to this so animal lovers spare me in the comments alright.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA holy shit.
this is the view out of my window. alicia would diiiie.
it is so hard to blog in this weather. it’s hard to anything in this weather. at work, don’t even get me started. at work i look like how i used to look when i’d bike to my web chat modelling gig pre-makeup did. sweaty and red and huffy. the sweat is not doing wonders for my neck skin. this always happens during summer. fake gold chain necklaces plus sweat and i have a green ring around my neck every night. time to start wearing hemp. here’s a new one, guess how behind i am on emails and everything else concerning the internet and blogs and photos and stories. i hate it. nothing can be done about it. well, maybe better time management or maybe some garbage weather.
yesterday i sent an email about how i don’t even have time to be sending said email. balls. and now i am being harassed by some lunatic via twitter DMs. claims to know me from oakville. i swear to christ if it’s who i think it is i am going to dismantle them. final straw. fuck i don’t even have the time to be scared of being stalked. like oh are you a rapist over there in the lamp post light? yawn. sorry guy maybe next time i have to go home to bed. i’m going to try stand-up very soon. all the comics are encouraging it. i’m collecting jokes. everyday is material enough you just have to wake up, have a day and there you go. rhonda went up last nite i was very proud of her. she comes in every week and writes material, watches the show, we test out funny on each other. we talk about rape jokes a lot and if they’re ok. grey area is the consensus. she has a funny rape joke. she’s all talking about hanging out late at night with dudes and her dude friend goes aren’t you worried about getting raped that’s dangerous. rhonda says why are you a rapist? then i laid some down but as if fuck i am going to blog it here. no one deserves my inappropriate jokes on the internet anymore. the headache isnt worth it. you can say it on a mic and then be done with it but on the goddamn internet the flame wars are always smoking. assholes get a life and a sense of humour. also, there’s just something about me specifically saying it that isn’t allowed for some reason. OH THAT RAYMI LOOK AT HER BEING ALL SELF CONFIDENT MAKING FUN OF STUFF RRRRRRRR AAAAAAARGGGHH NOT ALLOWWWWWWED!!
anyshit, how’ve you been? me? not bad. i had a car commerical audition (that i was requested for, specifically) yesterday i don’t think i got cos on the way out i saw one caster eyeing a broad in my audition group. also my look is probably too severe. also they probably shouldn’t have auditions so early in the day (noon is early for this guy, i stay up late, i cram as much into every day and night as possible) when i’ve been up til 3 in the morning. we’ll see if i get a callback. not sweating it. EXCEPT I AM ALWAYS SWEATING.
so i got to cruise from the east end over to UO to blow some money on a tshirt to go with my tube skirt for work. mistake. two dresses one jumper and socks later and no shirt. i don’t need a new shirt what i need is dresses. big girl dresses. i can’t dress like a kid all the time. sabrina said my haircut makes me look like a 16 year old yesterday. i was also wearing a teeny nautical romper so that drove it home but anyway sabrina made my night with that one. year even. we have a sapporo party tonite in the distillery. supposed to dress geisha. i think i’d sweat through that in seconds. i’ll wear my new jumper. buying clothes on a skinny day is dangerous. dangerously stupid. or optimistic. who cares. finally have my sugar cravings sorted out thanks to those chromax glucose pills and i’m holding off on the carbs too. kinda dumb in this stupid heat but so is being fat.
i have a billion dating site gentleman callers piling up, so overwhelming. might hold off that shit for awhile. a bit much. and everyone else no i’m not mad just busy your insecurity is stressing me out. yes your photos will get blogged, yes i will exploit our time together, don’t worry. as for the post below i think my intentional throwing off of events (in the pursuit of anonymity) made people read into my tangent slightly too strongly. here it is straight. girls are bitches and i’m sick of them so fuck you. if i was a bitch to you it was deserved. i am tired of pandering to insecure brats who don’t have the gusto to exist normally around chicks they may feel threatened by. what the hell do i have to do with you? nothing. so why do you have to turn into a wet blanket just because i showed up? how is this in any way my fault exactly? oh i dress slutty? puhlease. do you freak out every time a hot girl walks by? cool life there.
raymi, you are playing the game, but men made the rules. if someone hotter, sluttier came up on your man, you’d be giving the same cut eyes you are complaining about. -from a chick who is socially inept, sends me cunty emails all the time then apologizes
Fuck you I never come up on anyone. I was casually hanging out w my own friends and introduced to these women who never fucking give me a chance. If they’re threatened then maybe they should step it up. Sorry for saying fuck you but no I always compliment hot chicks to their faces. I’m severely a girl’s girl and never compete. The end.
don’t worry about it. i’ve heard much worse. i have crackpot feminist theories. i am too old to read your blog and it get me riled up.
Stop email pissing me off please then I can’t deal I’m stressed and sad enough as is
yeah i did think you are stressed and i shouldn’t start anything. sorry! don’t be sad! life is awesome!
and for the record (and i don’t ever want to have to repeat myself on this ever again because it is beyond tiresome) if a hotter than me chick rolls up on me, i let her know it. i make it uncomfortable for everyone assaulting her with compliments. i love that shit. people making effort, expressing themselves with style. being hot and owning it. don’t confuse me with you ever again please. i love chicks. if they put on a better outfit than me, they win, i clap my hands. done. discussion closed.
i found a twenty dollar bill friday nite. it was awesome.
so i’m getting skinnier again thank god. skinnier now than in this picture. all it takes is some self control which i have very little of. self control and time, a few days. elyse is turning into a rake now that she’s cut out gluten which is found in basically all carbs, so cut carbs, like how i’m doing and it’s a skinny-off!
met up with my aunt after dance on sunday to have a post-birthday (hers) sushi, get some dvds off her she made of our performance and then had white wine mango sangria at her place. such a great day. she’s going to help me with my book proposal. i fainted with relief when she offered.
check this little door stop my other aunt gave her. comes with a little receipt! dying!
i love these wonky dr.seuss wine goblets.
a rager was thrown in the dollhouse.
pahahaha.
randy quaid in lampoon’s xmas vacation, “shitter’s full.”
suitor number one from dating site. he said it was weird to meet my family so soon. it is? meh. people who prescribe to normalcy i do not have time for. this guy has mad dimples. he says dimples are genetic flaws, dead nerve endings create the facial divets known as dimples. ps. every dude on the dating site wears those old man hats. pretty funny.
ate at public. pretty good. they’d have to be for replacing my beloved mini market.
harlem underground has a sweet back patio.
showing up on a date (err, “meeting” as my mom says they’re called haha) wearing the same shirt as the guy you’re meeting makes you feel like a wiener. whatever.
blackened chicken quesadillas are SO good. they put syrop on everything. the rum drinks are the best too. that place is deadly. syrop is a funny word. syrup?
plantains. throw me in the ocean i want some now.
i love this photo because meredith is blinking and i am making a triple chin. we are hot and eligible.
see those chicks behind me? way hotter, younger and better style. do you see me blowing my head off about it?
can you blow up my tires? oh you’re adorable. capital DUH.
i have videos of this too because i am a prevert.
it was cold. those tubeflops come in handy. i want to surf.
my feet are mangled from dancing goin’ steady to pieces. my freestyle burlesque hustle was very good saturday nite. worked those shoes in for sure. have blisters to show for it.
do not fuck with me hahaha. mel was ripped from hanging in the sun all day, i was frazzled for sure too. we went into act tough mode. we don’t give a fuck and have the best times together.
guide to raymi outfit: (i am also taking credit for this pose, what do they call that in the fashion world when you position the model?) get a tan. get a buzz on life. shortest shorts ever, the pockets could be pulled out but that’s not for everyone i understand. bikini top under tight see-through shirt, any colour. the simpler the better. if it’s a deep-v (neck) shirt then you don’t need a dangly necklace, keep it cute to go with your flintstones pebbles hairdo. shoes can be anything. always throw an extra shirt in your purse and a cardi if there’s room and sunglasses for the bike ride home in the morning cos you never know where the party’s gonna take you.
if you have longer hair pull out the front bits, it’s more playful and the best of both worlds. up yet down. frames the face in an adorable way.
check this hot way out my league jew what’s up. demanded he meet me in the west end from king club land and it was his first hipster maniac experience. pretty funny. got him railed and forced him to loosen up. take the button down off guy. good good.
now as if this didn’t depress me. hahaha. i am going to die alone a spinster i just know it. as if i’ll last that long.
on our way out i said ok if i was a cunt i wouldn’t suggest this but because i love you and more importantly i am a girl’s girl i recommend you adding suspenders to that (melodie’s) raymi outfit. i almost changed my entire look when i saw them hanging up in lucas’ room. doin’ it next time. i introduced melodie as my twin. people think we’re sisters all the time anyway. we are so alike you get a contact high from being around our witch hippie energy vibes.
story time!
we’re out front of the gladstone cooling off sharing some dope and this crazy hyper chick comes up a mile a minute droppin’ a story on me and then goes wow no sense of humour, she’s so spazzed out i don’t even have a second to react so i just laugh and melodie says no no she has a great sense of humour anyway she has this dude with her that infamously steals people’s shit, i don’t know this at the time, melodie goes hey i know you and he says don’t talk to me. TOTAL DIVA BITCH. i didn’t hear him say that don’t talk to me thing to her but all i see is my girl getting irritated which is all i need to know (i go into protective lesbian mode a lot and at the drop of a hat, i have your back) and get that he’s going diva so i say hey hey dude are you being a fucking diva right now? that is SO 2008 which humbles him into silence, he’s trying to grab at my dewbie and melodie swats his hand away and i can tell he’s about to go all obnoxious drunk asshole rant on us so i cut him off at the pass and give it to him straight. being nice is nice don’t be a dick, it’s not cool or funny or pleasant. i was mostly incensed by the cliche catty that dudes blatantly and frequently pull out and i’m putting my foot down. WE KNOW YOU’RE GAY AND FASHIONABLE AND THAT’S BRILLIANT AND OUT OF SIGHT DYNAMITE BUT CAN YOU STOP BEING A PRISSY PIECE OF SHIT DRUNK also hello grabbing guy’s dicks is sexual harassment what gives you the right? why do gay guys lose it once they get drunk? so he grabs hot jew friend’s dick right as he shows up right after practically body checking me bee-lining at him as jordan arrives. not cool. claire hugs him and i realise oh great he’s not a stranger. do i make a scene? yes i do. i say that your friend sucks and some other dumb shit, total overreaction but well-deserved as later on at wrong bar AFTER HE PISSED ALL OVER THE FRONT OF IT melodie arrived seeing emma screaming in his face and prior to that there were like 4 complaints about him all nite long. i wish i saw the emma scene, she had a broken arm not in a sling so i bet with her other hand she was probably pointing and stabbing the air with her finger and when she’s hammered you can’t understand her cos of her brit accent. i hope she gave it to him good. anyway guy, you fucking lick.
sorry claire i love you happy birthday!!! shrug!
i felt like i was so mad i could shove him. then i bumped into the girl again he was with and she was like my friend took off and my dog is locked in our car. brutal. blew it. don’t get me wrong, i love me a good diva, a diva’s diva, one who has rights to be one. i do not reward shadyness.
on a sidenote the other day meredith was being cutely bitchy in front of her friends to me and i said woah woah what? and she goes what i’m a bitch! not to me. done. dealt with. and meredith isn’t a bitch at all was just being one. difference. so, you can be a diva or a bitch diva but don’t direct it at anyone or target people, namely me, cos i will blow the fuck up about it. lately i’ve been talking about how nice i am which is incredibly hilarious when i throw it in-between all these stories about how mean i am. sorry for having standards?
new shades.
another thing lately, because i too am a hyper pack as much into my day spazz i end up meeting a lot of people and some of these people are women hanging around the people i’m meeting and so i get to deal with a shit ton of passive aggression. daily. do you know how exhausting that shit is? frankly, very. so now i do not tolerate any of it like in the story above, though it’s a lot harder with women cos it’s so under the radar cattiness. one way is to just talk about it while it’s happening to whomever else is present over top the person who is so fastidiously attempting to vibe you out. i just go OH BOO! booo. yes i’m going to fuck your boyfriend, be scared. be annoyed. suck it up baby you are a dime a dozen and i don’t have time for your shit in fact i have no ties to you in any way whatsoever so you see this? this is my back, turning to you right now. sometimes you just have to be nasty back to them. this isn’t even a case of oh raymi you’re insane and making this all up like how i used to blog the minutiae of a bad dining experience people start to think that it’s you imagining the bad experience when they read your blog for years from texas or some small town where they go out never so do not understand that the higher the frequency of going out in a city, the more chance of bad experiences. of course there are many great experiences, but those are boring to talk about.
LATER MASTURBATORS!
emma is in the flower dress, check her busted arm. aw. check my elizabethan baby-powdered roots hair i think that was like the last day after a stretch of many of not washing my hair hahaha.
here’s something i said that was funny and quotable yesterday that meredith reminded me about over text just now, we were climbing the 4 flights of stairs up to pauper’s patio and grossly sore from it and i wondered aloud if these stairs knew that we rode bikes. holy thigh killing stairs.
ok maybe it’s only funny if you hear me say it. or if you ride a bike across a city multiple times a week, and then climb stairs. the same muscle exhaustion you feel from both activities. i think i’m going to have massive tank thighs by the time summer’s over if i’m not careful. ew gymnast thighs. gymnasty.
check out this space.
they had a table back there with cloth draped over it for everyone to write on and i drew a lightning bolt with SWEAT GUSH/GUSH SWEAT written beside it and beside that a question posed, which band name is better? everyone was gushing sweat at the time so it was apt. i drew some stupid shit too of course.
it was an insanely odd and fun experience. they had name tags and security wearing vests like what do you think is going to go down here exactly? nerd-worries i think. i know a lot of friends woulda had a blast here. glad i went. bumped into adil and many others.
tuesday nite at work i peeked in here and my mind was straight BLOWN city. looked forward to going through it all evening long. anyway, ready set go.
notes and ziploc baggies galore. this was with a little tank top with an image of hands doing that stupid heart sign which resides on my left breast that a rummy up the street pointed out to me just yesterday. nice heart he said. thank you, i said.
oh so thorough.
!!!!!!!! prayers have been answered. the other shoes i bought that are so not dance shoes kill me, bought inserts for them, special heel blister band aids, a strap busted multiple times. these things are so soft and comfortable i’m gonna start wearing them around town, second skin-like.
i LOVE THESE. goes well with my punky brewster princess surf hippie look.
also kinda ballet. oh the sneers from other chicks, the double takes and the dudes dig them. sorry but yeah, not sorry.
such a good name too. have to be careful putting them on though, i dunno about you but i can be a bit of a spazz. i foresee a busted ankle if i don’t take my time yanking them up. you know when you throw on a pair of torn at the knee jeans really fast to answer the door or something then you put your foot through the knee hole and completely rip the pant leg right off and now you have shorts? that kinda careful. this just in BE CAREFUL GUYS.
um, DUH.
i like that all these shirts he sent are teeny tiny.
like this guy, it’s an xs. looks bigger obvs. so skin tight. saved my ass tuesday nite sweat factory at work. i wish we could just wear bikini tops there while working in the heat.
this made me so nostalgic. i had a red gallaz skate shirt i wore all the time when i was 20. i have a hard on for red.
pretty much all of these have been consumed. except for the pills (chromax), which i’m taking daily. melodie says they’ll help with my sugar cravings, blood sugar. hopefully. the nuun stuff i threw into a rum drink last nite. radmad always mixed booze with electrolytes out on the town, helps counter-act/prevent some of your hangover.
basically gatorade?
oh fuck you hahahahahhaa.
perfect. pill me up batman.
i was just thinking the other day i should start running (from what?) but these will also be great for dance rehearsal.
so now at this point i’m thinking there’s going to be money in the ass pocket…
nope, just an ass pocket. holy greedy i know right. i am an animal. he started it man.
how is this supposed to help my dieting ways? i ate a few and gave the box to brosz7.
i was like i hate mint chocolate ever since i shoved a junior mint up my nose as i was stuffing several of these into my mouth. guess what, i am full of shit.
do we have the white coconut one in canada? that thing is so gone. straight inhaled it, maybe only half, shared it with lucas and mel and brosz7. when something is so good you should always share it but only if you’re uncertain as to when you can get your hands on it again. as for the orange chocolate bar, i gave it to melodie. sorry sports fans, not into that mixture and i’m good with mixing every flavour under the sun.
i gave this to melodie.
good point. i’ll get it back off her in five years then.
i’ll give it a whirl. the sex wax confused me. smells amazing. i think this entire package is just a giant come to los angeles manipulation. clever.
this spazzed me right out yesterday morning. had prior to coffee. i’m going to keep some in my purse for road vodkas and then i’ll climb some power lines and get thrown in the drunk tank.
there is nothing more horribly offensively boring in this world than golf. sorry. i will not humour listening to any man talk about it. unless i’m there sitting in the cart drinking a beer, no way dude. golf was invented as a means for men to ignore women and then bore us to death. fuck off then go golfing for the day you giant baby then you come home all exhausted and drunk. golf and car washing, women avoiding activities. anyway, this pilot still texts me. two years younger, dangles free flights my way. fine. make one happen, then we’ll talk.
this thing looks adorable on me and it fits so well, very tiny. i think running clothes are so obnoxious and pretentious and nerdy. since they decided to make exercise sexy, i dunno. it’s such an unnecessary extra to buy jogging attire, like you have all these clothes already you make everyone else feel like they’re wearing rags when you run on by in a two hundred dollar breathable gortex vortex whatever the hell these things are made of jackets. i love it and i hate it but most importantly i am not a fucking geek. also, running is free yet i can’t afford to run cos i don’t have the extra disposable income to buy fancy pants with fancy pockets for my fancy stupid water jug or the mini-water bottles or the belt for the mini-grenades water bottles what is this ‘nam? you look like a goof, stop it please. i think it irritates me most to see joggers in packs. like oakville joggers, running room joggers. i severely hate followers, that’s the issue here. i have no respect for that and you can easily sniff them out from the ones who are jogging for themselves, there’s the runners who are addicted to it and then there’s the desperate needy clingy runners who are literally running to fit in. hilarious.
last nite mer and i went to a party at 720 bathurst, pre-renovation annex wasp nerd white people party it was incredible. hoola hoops. some guy on one of those scooters that fold up over your shoulder dressed like a gypsy. the music was pretty awful but good awful. you know it’s an older crowd when you hear disco and shit from the 90’s. it was pretty great to see all these people i recognize from the past five years of my life living in the annex all in one room. when nerds go wild. it was sweltering in there too. i danced ghetto and got a few dance fans out of it. thanks taras and joshua for getting us on the list. the tickets were sold out.
then we went to pauper’s roof patio to inhale some food and check out university boys and a guy from the dating site showed up i am SO GLAD i brought meredith, holy fucking misrepresentation city. he’s wearing a jersey, kinda looks nothing like his photos at all. one of the first things he says is he gets kicked out of the skydome for having a mickey on him. colour me unimpressed. but only because he got busted, what an ignoramus. also, meredith works there so it’s extra funny he got all into her like she gives a fuck about stadium attendance. he had a friend with him too who totally got that i was psychotically irritated. then jersey wearing moron mentions hooters wings and i said wow, drunk all day, kicked out of the game, hooters, so many pluses going on here! i was shoveling wings into my mouth the entire time which means, fuck off, basically. poor sod. he was nice enough but yeah, crossing a line through that name for sure. he asked ten times what we had been doing that nite and on the tenth time i snapped DUDE I ALREADY TOLD YOU WE WERE AT A PARTY AROUND THE CORNER. i was pissed he ate up our hour before last call, cock blocking us like mad and being a giant loser.
meredith and i are great wingmen. im blond and tall and flat. she’s chesty ginger and small. it’s like, what spice girl do they like. come for the blond, stay for the red and vise versa. i wish she didn’t have to work today. i also wish steph and sass were here. i also wish i had a lot of money and a yacht and a nice house in the country with a fire pit. ok fine bye.
ps. it’s not that i’m striking out bad, i’m just really picky now. a guy can meet all my criteria just fine but then he’ll do or say something or have a way about him that just makes my skin crawl.
ran out of time for a full-fledged post. these are my new dancing shoes that came in this sweet care package from LA. you might puke diarrhea from jealousy over it once i blog it all. intense. thanks christian!
i’m late for a party and i’m wearing day time hot weather clothing, now it’s cooling off. annoying.
i felt like i had all these cute little anecdotes to share and now i’m all tapped out. maybe it’s cos i talked melodie’s head off when she came home. brosz was here earlier helping me with my laptop. it’s still infected. as he was poking around he was essentially applauding these nerd hacker’s handy-work, even referring to them as “they” like he knows them? cool matt, clap away but you still have to help clean this thing up as i am useless. he accidentally saw a penis picture too hahahaha. i asked him to describe it. why do you have a penis picture? i dunno some guy sent me a penis picture why the fuck do guys do that, not my fault. feel special cos i was explicitly told that it would be bad if the photo got out. special penis picture apparently.
i’m jacked on energi powders and electrolytes and other stuff that came in this package. no drugs or money unfortunately.
yesterday at work i slipped on some water near the bar with a pint of ice water in each hand, landed on my ass and knee respectively, sloshed a bit of water on myself but more or less lebowski saved those beverages and the band playing went ba dum dum chhhhh when it happened. passed the glasses off to some chick plopped myself up grabbed them and off i went to deliver them to some custies.
ok that was your cute anecdote.
did you notice the heat is making people crazy?
dating site update: one guy names himself MR ADVENTURE. i wonder if he likes adventure? i wonder if he is extremely original, i bet he’s a fucking trail blazer. can’t wait to not even open that message up.
