No time no time! I be moving! Here I am on my 26th bday in Vancouver, was in town for the Junos and this was an awesome after party gala. Great swag bags that night! I met feist too!
See?
This is a bday restrospective because I look like a moving witch right meow lol.
Anyway you get the point lets look at another year.
The following year I was a twiggy blond.
I packed a lot of crap for one night.
Entering the 27th club. I made it out alive lol.
Lady Gaga was huge at the time I guess haha.
Anyway that’s enough memory lame for now. Thank you for being a friend!
Here’s a picture of me and Josh Homme (went to QOTR on my 28th bday).
Had biz mezzanine to myself at sound academy.
Was epic.
And proof of my legendary shots moment. He gave me one of those. That dude groupie would not leave him the hell alone either so we could not have a private moment. What’s worse than chick groupies? Dude groupies. Completely useless.
My 5th (6th?) birthday was pretty off the chain too.
I’m proud of this one. Despite the burning my hand on that lamp blooper about 20 seconds in lol. There’s a lot of bobbing around and I think I look pretty good for my age. Dancing makes me happy and makes people smile. This video involves lots of smiling. Dancing is also a great stress reliever lemme tell ya. I also teach you how to do spiderman climbers and there’s a lot of bouncing around as previously mentioned haha.
Here’s a million pictures of me now. Does it stop? No. Does it have to? Exactly.
An hour of self absorption goes a long way!
The rest of the day will be dedicated to world peace, I swear.
Hey gang, planet Raymes here on this very wet Wedneday so lets blog through the rain pain, that’s what we do boo. Just get on the bus, Gus and lets see what Raymbo Brite has in store for you.
For instance, the best song by Broods captured on great quality video for you, posterity, and for me. Swoon. Great show. Lots of lesbos there to enjoy and good looking people in general. Did you know Broods were brother and sister?
One half of my kickboxing ring girl outfit has been finalized. The bottoms are already loosening on me (it’s a skinny week) so I might have to try and shrink them but worried they will look all worn out. People are going to be taking pictures of and with me so I must look mint.
Jules happened to be in town so after I wrapped at Naked News we went for some fish and it was fun. I had to get the dinner menu in order to get sashimi access cos I was like bruh I be not eating this rice as there was a pile of it accumulating on my plate haha. Then I could order all these other crazy dishes and hooked Jules up with them. I feel like we really won at all you can eat sushi that day.
The last time I was here my Dutch (ex) bf deleted items and photos from their ipad menu like a f__ing a-hole ahha what the hell guy we get it you’re tech personified can you maybe give it a rest?
Made us mushrooms as a side on the weekend but ate them all before we did the steaks. The (not so) secret is rosemary and red wine.
Also kicked it pilgrim style and made soup from my boiled down chicken stock. My soft boiled eggs for breakfast were not gonna be enough to sustain me so I made a garbage dump vegetable blend that was mega-enriching and tasty. I can be a food witch genius when I wanna be.
Yes I posted an instagram pic of this already. I am still trying to use the camera more often, which I am but there’s definitely a lag in showcasing it here.
After the show is always a magical time. You can process what you just experienced and relax a little while spectating all the other concert-goers level of givin’er. Actually it is quite a high and that’s why people are addicted to live music.
We stood here for the whole show. How do you feel about the slanty floor at the Danforth music hall? I was still able to dancehall music hall. I AM HILARIOUS.
Classic, ornate, Marie Antoinette approved. Bonus that couple is perving out to each other. What does that make me then? They were in my goddamn way I wanted a picture of the venue dude! Haha.
Concert lighting is everything. Once the show is over the magic is all gone.
I have videos of many more beautiful moments I’ll get around to another time but that’s all the coverage for now hope you enjoyed the effort I made for you.
I spy Kat Curtis! Kind of a surreal experience. You forget you’re naked and just do it. Yeah it takes courage for sure. You just have to get over yourself and your fear and go for it.
Positive support system is key too. Being naked does not close doors and should not. It doesn’t have to define you either. It is merely complimentary. You can still be smart, use your brain and intellect as well as be a sex symbol. I was even mistaken as a hobo at the mall, you can be all over the spectrum ahha.
Jules and I went for a walk and took some Toronto tourism shots at City Hall. She wore a pylon on her head and I took Raymazing pics of her. Blah blah Jules rules.
Volleyball scar from last summer. You can see my ankle is a bit swollen still from my Aruba disaster.
It’s my birthday in 6 days. Don’t send presents all at once now.
I love Easter because of the feeling it gives me. Like a nostalgia blast and spring fever all at once. Easter bunnies are pretty cool too. Last Easter I spent in New Orleans don’t worry I can wait til #tbt to rediscuss that runaway weekend haha.
A great store to loiter.
I’m really going to miss my hood. I miss it already. I am happy for where I’m going to but still, the lake and proximity to town. I got through the damn winter and the best time to live here is spring/summer. BOO-URNS.
Did I even get around to posting all the great supper club pics? Ah doye of course not.
I’m at Friday brain now. Felt a bit overbooked the past couple weeks, one part doing it to myself and one part scheduled. I have a lot to do on top of packing. This is how people lose their minds. I’m so stressed and doing absolutely nothing about it ooh fun! Haha.
Looking at pictures of myself is a good way to relax apparently?
Actually, not really. It kinda just gets me going again. Thinking about all the selfies and how there isn’t enough time to blog them all.
Dinner was great last night though. I miss fancy shenanigans. I apologize for using that word.. there’s just something about it that makes me feel like we are mommy bloggers.
If there is grilled octopus on the menu then I am ordering it. You do not come across it everyday. How many other creatures of the sea did we also eat? Some tuna, some snails. Obnoxiously foodie it was!
Escargots were so good. I was drunk like immediately (martinis) cos I am a lightweight these days.
Embracing my 80’s pop idol years. Will also accept spice girls.
And also, my dress. I put it on over the summer but did not even try to zip it up because no chance and oh fuck I just noticed on the label it’s actually a size zero not a two. Hi I’m Lauren, size zero. That’s me. Douchebag esquire at yer service. I remember when I was plumper and reading blogs of skinnier than me chicks and hating myself hard. I feel no need to fat shame and skinny brag although I “just did”. It’s more of a personal triumph kind of thing. If I can do it. If Khloe Kardashian can do it, we call can. You just need to tap into the willpower part of your being and reign it supreme.
Next week is go time at Naked News so everything I pass through to my stomach and exercise that I do not do I am only hurting myself. Do you like how big and psycho my ponytail is here? Excited to add more blond. Ok not excited but want to. Sitting in a salon chair takes the life out of me.
If you crave sweetness go for oranges instead of chocolate, you will thank yourself in the morning.
My tbt of the week. What I looked like at 25. I went to vintage by the pound one day and bought an insane amount of dresses and the very next day they were swarmed with little raymis and hipster toronto chicks in general inspired by my sudden desire to dress like, this. This is the closest I have ever come to wearing a wedding dress perhaps hahahha.
Alright, back to dinner and finding yourself to be extremely hilarious with your hand saxophone. We were listening to the doors as well as air keyboarding like we did not give a!
I have to get a makeup tutorial this weekend to look like Liz Hurley with smokey eyes. On camera on tv my normal loads of makeup amount are not enough at all wtf!! Halp me.
My body cannot handle whiskey sours. Too sweet and tart. I wore a tiny tight dress to ensure I did not misbehave with ordering food. Instead of getting mains we got 5 apps.
I really thought I was being hilarious adorable with this thing on and zero people cared. I like in nice restaurants how people are into their own worlds, have lives that you don’t matter in. This is the same place I had that horrible awful crazy date in over the fall. I don’t know if that date show is still in the works but the experience (story) is still on the table for sure and would require a look-a-like Raymi to play me while I narrate the date from hell. The resto still remembers the date ahha. I went to highschool with a guy who works there, it’s nice to have a sense of community and be remembered for a shitty date cool thanks everyone.
Sooooooo we broke up and then he swooped back in was kinda intimidating lets just not talk about it until I am next pissed off lol. He says there’s the bomb, then there’s the fuse (I would be the fuse) when it comes to being hot blooded (tempered) people. I am at a point in my life where I refuse to compromise on who I am as a person which I guess can be tough to handle. Men always want to dominate you. I am reasonably independent so there’s another obstacle. Plus a super fucking catch with plenty of options so good luck bruh.
We had great eats, sat in the window, my mom dropped in, they finally met she had some martinis and then liked the guy even though she knows all the complaints I have ever made about him, mom your judgment is flawed! Love my mom. I got him a nice gift too, felt very good about myself for that.
Fancy water. Always drink water. Water yourself every morning like a plant.
Fancy menus too I scored a billion bonus points last night. Had his bday been in the summer we wouldn’t have broken up because then he would have experienced the gifting of Raymbo and how over the top I can go. My card brought tears to his eyes. I was Ellen friggin Degenerous level touching last night.
Once everyone left. I can see the seat over there in the middle back under a light where I sat on that date of legend. If you go back in my archives (sept, october?) you will find pics of this place. The guy trolled me on twitter afterwards and said good luck being relevant in my thirties fwahaha hey thanks pal, no problems there! Being Canadian in your thirties and famous is like being 19 and breaking out as a star in Hollywood. All about that really long slow build but then everything seems to happen real fast and your phone does not ever cool down. Or maybe that’s tinder lol.
Was into my outfit.
Ran out of time I gotta bounce. Have a nice night!
I started making these videos years ago because I was with someone who wouldn’t dance. Couldn’t dance. If they danced and we so much as pointed it out while it was happening, it would immediately end. No fun. But me, sometimes I have so much dance in me it’s going to explode so I made loner dance videos and turns out people like them. Those who don’t, watch them anyway so it’s a win-win.
My hair is messy here cos I had ponytail head but did that stop me from wooshing it around, uhm no.
I’ve uploaded some more pics as well as have a pile from the weekend still. Don’t ever tell me that blogging isn’t work because it has steadily wore my ass down over the past 15 years. I really really want to be better though.
The first how-to in blogging is admitting that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and zero people care about the sponsorship for that dumb product you are influencing us about that is only exclusive to you and maybe that one friendly of yours who is cutting your grass. Yeah, talk about a “scene” drying up like that lickity split. You need to get around that, outlast, blog about stupid crap that is of interest to you, make it of interest to us and then maybe people will be interested in seeing you stretch it out another term. If another outlet hires you to blog for them then you are just living out their dream, not yours, which is fine if that’s what you want. Also give me some new clothes someone because nothing fits me anymore and this isn’t just a blatant humblebrag.
I’m certainly having fun with it again finally though. My traffic is up again so it feels more worthwhile, that it’s not just me writing to and about myself constantly. You can be a mixed bag but have some cohesion and make people excited about your future. And then there is always men. The men stuff. Things happen so quickly for and to me that by the time I blog it something new is happening and now I have to come back here and explain myself. Blogging essentially is just one long ass explanation after another no wonder it’s so tiring. Anyway I am in a bloggy mood so feel free to refresh this shit all day.
I used to use myself as the art or the subject, the piece, of this blog and post on any given day a succession of posed selfies throughout my condo, write a bunch of yelly opinionated garbage and get mad traffic for it. It was simple and it worked. People are like that all day long on facebook these days and I used to preach that Facebook was not your blog! Why would you give all that traffic away. Put all your stuff and thoughts on your own channel yo! Time to start practising what I used to constantly preach yeah?
Love this song. My only regret is that I did not wear my Cat ears like Ariana Grande. Raymiana Grandest! Sorry y’all know I can’t help it. I danced like this all day long to get fit. Diet and cardio is how you work your way to abs, you must implement aerobics, running, walking, active shit!
Also I have to get used to being on camera. Being awesome on camera. I’m going in to NN HQ next week omgzomfgmagod!
Tomorrow I’ll upload my other videos in other outfits. I love making these things and you know what I look pretty good for almost 32 no? Yes. My new colleague sponsor client buddy friend encouraged a thought I had already intended for in making a video of my exercises. Why not? So I made five of them.
Hey guys, now where were we because I have no clue. Never cut a blog post in half if you are a Raymi Lauren because when you get back into it you’ll just be lost. Lots has happened in the four days since I last blogged.
Back to last night and the gang of Scooby Doo. This girl SARAH came as my date. When she arrived and we were all taking turns introducing ourselves I was like OH HEY THAT’S MY DATE like a big proud lesbian Heidi Fleiss. Everyone made fun of (because they were impressed!) me for having a limo driver. Do you know how humiliating it was backing out of a tiny lane in Kensington market in that thing, white yuppie hipster families were eyerolling us and my mom was bobbing around all over the limo with her camera I was mortified because I get Toronto and was like this is the shit that someone films and it goes viral and I was worried the driver would back over a child or something. It was a very Yoko moment I was definitely having a small panic attack haha. Even saw Jesse on the street and called to him but could only reach just my hand out and waved like Beyonce. Fuck. I saw his confused face. He messaged me on FB and asked if I yelled to him from a limo in Kensington market and I said yes and he said it was so out of place ahahah.
They’re like how do you even have a limo driver?
Well, Brian, I went out looking for trouble one night in the fall and I found it in the form of a group of guys who all drive for this limo company that one owns and we gave’r together. I ran into them again Friday night after my dull date, I sat there alone catching up on my phone while the vultures encircled me…limo bros were there. I asked and they delivered. Hey I gotta do this thing on Sunday can you drive me? When opportunity knocks Raymbo answers.
Sorry for being a smug douchebag I really cannot help it at all right now!
Such a liar I obvs love it. It’s better to love myself than hate myself, which I do 80% of the time. I’m good I’m loyal I tried now I yolo and that’s that.
I was still beating myself up about Naked News but then the big boss came back from vacation and said that I looked great “hot shot” and they’re airing my thing on Friday when am I available next week. Which means I carry on! Wayward son! Back to sexercising.
I want a blog assistant. My mom has a crushload of pics en route at some point I am already so overwhelmed with my own crappy ones! On top of the extra attention I am getting lately, the distractions, I die and I have to pack and move. Will I be able to relax after I move is that how it works?
Haha had to.
Don’t worry I will always be in touch with my slob market. Hi Jared. Boylord had a hang yesterday afternoon. He showed up as I was in the middle of being supremely angry at some tool kid using this abuse style tactic of picking me up and it set me right the fuck off hahaha. Jared knocked on my door and I went WHAT!!!? Lol. Sorry.
This feels like a million years ago now and was just yesterday. A million bottles of wine stand in between these moments however so there ya go.
I finally tried on these tights and they were too tiny, my legs are too long I’m a Raymazon. Jared’s lil sis got them as well a shirt he forgot to take last time he was here and she loves them yay win.
Look at the flipping lake. Gonna miss this room hard. My nest on the water.
Deep fried pickles in crushed nachos and batter what! Date food. He used a fork and knife not for me sorry.
Starting to look like a hobo in all my clothes getting loose. None of my just washed clothes were dry enough yet so I had to wear these pants. COOL STORY.
My TBT. When I was a music industry groupie darling I looked like this. Some of those people from back then I know still and they honestly feel like family I am really lucky. Time stands still in the music industry because none of us want to age.
Last tbt for now. See how long I had my fryes for. Kudos to you if you know the story in how I got them.
Ok one more I am really sorry this post has no direction. Can you see how shy I am? I am a shy hard. Term I just invented.
I used to look gross tho! I had no idea about fitness.
But in Maine my hair looked like Dido. A red flamed pagoda.
My ex fiance took this photo you jerks. Yeah I just pee on display. True we were gassed at a party and this is what people did at the time!? No regrets at all!
The key to success and eating meals so boring it inspires suicide.
I saw this skinny moose and I was like I’m jealous of your figure I hate myself and I suck!!!!!!!! AT EVERYTHING! hahaha. Being secretly melodramatic and making jokes about it is a luxury I am adorning myself in. BF is already pleading kind of to get his way back in. BE STRONG RAYMBO.
My walk after audition was a relief though because the tension was finally over and I got to move into another category of hell known as DREAD. It’s normal to suffer a low after a high.
It’s all good now though! It never wasn’t I am just a hypochondriac about the following: everything.
I dig how that is lined up. The tippppp.
Glammmmm.
Forgot we had to wear a shirt on camera as the teaser part. This is what I wore. haha. Angie told me it doesn’t matter what you wear there because you do it naked and I took that extremely to heart. #neveragain
Just searching for all the fucks I give that’s all.
Okay lets move forward now. These guys were so good. They’re called The Dead South and you should love them. I almost wore MY hat like that last night can you imagine ahahha. Jared said no.
Jeez I haven’t blogged in awhile eh. I mean I have but I cut it short. Hate having this backlog and answering to no one.
Senorita, mosquito…who’s that giiiiiirl.
The future is now hi Kat #girlpower. Can you believe I interviewed her about cosplay for Playboy and now I am working with her? Full circle yass.
This is how freaked out I look on my way to an audition. IT’S TOTALLY COOL I AM FINE GUYS.
I felt more myself in these wedges.
Red moon.
And with filters. Caught up with the past now thank hell.
