the back will have all my blogging award badges printed on it so when i am mingling and networking i won’t have to self-deprecate and awkwardly try and sell myself i’ll just press it in to their palm and go look, see told you so now lets do lunch.
still bunch more cuckoo bananers on tumblr okay i am going to treat myself to a bath now.
can’t be arsed for the moment to slam two blog rocks together so if you want your raymbo filler you’ll have to head over to RAYMITHEMINX.TUMBLR and maybe something magical will happen to you over there. i have tidying and loose ends to putter around and attend to. might get heavyweight tmr pics up a bit later here though.
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i spilled a bunch of indian on myself last night. of course i did.
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i also scooped yogurt cucumber (raita?) on a piece of papadum that was essentially a funnel half pipe in my mouth and it all poured out like vomit onto my plate. teacher was like you are the grossest cutest thing i have ever seen. yeah i’ll take that and won’t contest. it was kind of like the part in aliens when the guy gets ripped in half and barfs up a bunch of white stuff. cousin alex and i as tweens were eating a stack of pancakes we spent HOURS unsupervised making one saturday morning. we fed them to the dog because we were so sicked out because we had just spent a long ass time making pancake batter that looked precisely like robot faux human dude’s vom. i have a photo of it in my facebook tagged as my brother but i don’t feel like barfing right now oh and speaking of i extracted a ton of pus out of my finger yesterday from a shard of glass or some kind of sliver i left in there a week ago and it got infected and very painful. i performed the operation all by myself with rubbing alcohol and two different kinds of tweezers sitting hunched over my medical table while lucas paced around dry heaving. i finished it off with a snow white band aid. i have NEVER been so successful and brave like this before i am basically a surgeon now so if you are in a gang and can’t go to a hospital for your gun shot injury you can come by tickletrunk grove and i will perform the bullet removal for you because i am the wild west (more like roadhouse) and i calls it likes i sees it jesus you see what happens when i sit down to typing here i just keep going. see you on my tumblr
toodle-oo!
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so, i saw my crazy doctor today.
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and i put out there every single bad thing i’ve been up to the past two months. err, i sugar coated. lots. well, thankfully i am graced with selective memory these days so it wasn’t exactly lying per se because i eventually just let it all spill out.
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hahaha bit intense. bit of awesome. i just got to the party i was nervous. i know, cute, cute. note how my scarf (crystal’s scarf that has served me well all through winter) meshes into my cougar shirt with ease such is the magic trickling effortlessly from the fall in to style person that i am. that sentence was super duper challenging man. how much trouble do i look like?
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a friend of my brother‘s who found me coincidentally on pof (who didn’t know i was shawn’s sister until he saw a pic i put up of the two of us a week ago) said to me, “and guys should know better than to care about a woman like you. and when I say care I mean love. And when I say love I mean that forever type of way I hear about.” i don’t know if i like this realization but, it was certainly enlightening and kind of feeds the inner beast/justifies more selfish behaviours.
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new friends yay. i am a people eater. MORE. right meow.
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smokers smoking over there.
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he’s her me. teacher said. i repeated that aloud a few times mesmerized by it, proud and slightly defiant about it. i dunno. new people perspectives on the person that i am or that they encounter come at me around the clock due to said people eating.
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more like devouring.
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this is a portrait of a wild animal.
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she told teacher he had to get his head on straight once he went through the raymi wash (raymi ringer?) he thought he’d never see me again.
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can you fault him though you can’t. look at that. the more damaged and hyper-active messy i am the more attractive i become. this coinciding with my pledge to take the fuckin’ world might also be a recipe for disaster.
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this was a fun night. i think we were sort of helping each other change the music, here, SIT on my lap that will totally help. my zune (yes i have a stupid shitty zune that actually comes in handy but it’s a time warp of tunage listener beware the crabbiness that will ensue from dealing with it) was conking out and no song was good enough. i was definitely a tune hog which was one of my bender hangover guilt clouds don’t you hate that? i told you i get greedy.
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on a scale of 1-smother this weekend was pretty up there but it’s fine, the weather was crap i wanted to recharge and it was fun seeing how undone squirrely we could get. there were peak moments of retard oh let me tell you, english became non-existant at some points and i think i came up with a billion mental case nicknames for myself and teacher. the latest top contender of course being sprinkle seahorse cuddlemuffin pants. yeah. i know. i will spare you the rest.
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this is what a dickhead looks like. this was when i was under assault by nerd trolls thank you for the hangover activity allow me to go psycho rage on you happy saturday.
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mmm hmm lookin good white. that’s lisa’s shirt i kind of demanded to borrow it. i wore it to brazenhead which is like guy with blond trophy girlfriend afternoon weekend pints ground zero. my secret plan. it’s safe to say i was the hottest coolest one but there was an even hotter mess (disaster crime scene plane crash) than i up at the bar oh we loved her. stories, scenarios, sizing-up was done for every single person in sight not one was spared when we ran out of people we went back to the bubble. no the townhouse. it will get the proper nickname eventually. i think there was a guy there on a date that i had dated before that we nicknamed sandy. my (possible?) date with him also took place at the brazenhead so it makes sense (if it was the same guy afterall). daters are habitual people in nature very creatures of habit-like myself included i always like to revisit the scenes of my various crimes which i guess is partly why i can never remember one date from the last.
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ok so THIS hot mess with suicide nips and slobby somber zombie arrogant gait traipsing up to the bathroom a few times, like, the only reason to even leave the house at all during a hangover is to get some validation fumes off good looking liberty village hipster yuppielitists otherwise you cannot tolerate the same person for 72 hours. we were in a marathon of tolerance. he also needed to see how i have somehow magically cranked it up a notch to an 11 by seeing other dudes check me out i’m sorry but that’s part of the deal. anyway we made it out alive and it was ALSO awesome that a chick from pof was at the bar that favourites teacher all the time. she’s got some years on me (tons) and i think she might stop favouriting him now.
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we’ll see though.
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i have to leave artifacts behind to ensure my return also i like my trinkets and like to look at them. sometimes my room is a moratorium to a crazy girl who is never there.
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took awhile to get out. i was diggin’ on my blond ramones hair.
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my message to le troll and all haters really. the thing is, i’m told, is people who fly through here or have been watching my life for years think that i don’t know what i am doing? but who does really and why that should concern anyone who is not directly involved in my life then who fucking cares? shut up.
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just let me be a dick ok i was born to be a dick, so i’m a dick. with a heart of gold.
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woah yeah baby this part’s the encore.
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i told my psychiatrist that the next two years oh you better believe it i will be insane i have placed and feel so much pressure on myself gah nightmare. he asked me if i was manic. i said do i seem manic? he’s like yeah well you always seem a bit up. i go hmmm well you never talk and i just keep going because i love to hear myself talk and you don’t interject and it makes me nervous and then i answer my own questions out loud. the meat of the epiphany of today’s session was that i am a rationalizer. i’ll do stupid or dangerous shit and justify the bad parts in some shape or form. dude has finally caught on to my bullshittery i suppose.
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he said my lifestyle and job all feed into it too. yeah DUH 60 watt lightbulb realization guy. that i can always find an excuse to drink and party cos i’m like ok i will only special occasion drink from now on and he’s like pffft after i was like pffft hahaa uh but the risk area for me for him was my serial dating. le gasp!
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i told him i had to do it. ok we’ll get back to that part but about my i dunno, mania? my tom hanks in BIG kid lifestyle. i said i live like a baby in fear of responsibility so i invented a life more or less so i could avoid exactly that and everyone i know enables me or protects me from i dunno, being independent cos they see me for the lazy sloth lovable tortured urchin that i am like i am clearly suffering from the hands of my own shit and the only one who is going to bail me out is me and like that is ever going to happen anytime soon (here is hoping) well it will it has to, which is why the next two years of my life bubble of stress is psyching me out but also exciting me to get healthier and be healthier, live healthier.
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i said to the crazy doctor ok well imagine one morning you didn’t have to come here anymore, gesturing to the room, you didn’t have to come to work anymore and you got to go cosmic bowling instead, AND, someone will drive you there and also what’s more is people will email you all day long, holding up my blackberry, telling you you’re awesome and THEN you go to a beautiful young and rich people party where everything is free and you might be paid to attend it plus go home with swag and whoever you wanted to plow from that party. he looked at me. i looked at him. there was nothing else to say, or point to saying it. he pretty much agreed one might be cuckoo bananas from that a little bit.
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now do that for like a year.
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anyway. i said yeah i might be a little manic but it’s functioning mania and borderline bipolar. i couldn’t afford to fall off the rails at all anyway so no worries and no thank you i don’t want to try out whatever new medication is out there. i’ll take a chill pill script though thank you. still get social anxiety sometimes and panic attacks here and again. LIFE you so extreme!
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then i put on fat pants because i felt fat.
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this bathroom is awesome cos you can continue a conversation or watch the flat screen in the livingtoom it’s luxuriously hilarious.
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this psycho cat likes me.
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i think it was sleeping with its eyes open.
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aw little butterball bunny wunny wunny.
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there’s another one too. i forget their names. they change. kabooki? so totally not even how you spell it right. meh. I’M BUSY!
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this was a great snl repeat that i’ve never seen.
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thanks for telling me my thong was sticking out.
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so pale. nice bod though. thanks motion room! heavy weight pics from last week coming soon.
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pants getting loose and dumpy.
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turning into sleep zombie.
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why do evil cats gravitate to me?
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muahhaha.
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blog slave doing my duvet hahah.
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you can actually see me smirking in the antique mirror’s reflection HAHAHA. how close am i to being tucker max and having dudes come over purely to do my laundry. and cook.
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good job kid. who is actually older than me. but still.
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and i looked like a garbage dump. please take a picture for my blog thank you.
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you know what they say, pretty is as pretty does.
xoxox
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i just burped into the room and made it into a word and that word was “agoobluh” and it derives from the original language of my people, my kind, my kin. forming burp words is one of our many skills. i am the last of my kind though, i’m a fairy that fell to earth by way of asteroid and now i am trapped here until i gather up enough energy to travel back to my planet of pink sprinkles as far as the eye can see. i should write stories for little raymis eh?
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moving on now, good afternoon comrades. today we are going to discuss the importance of muses historically. please remove your shirts. just kidding. no seriously though, behind every great man there has always been a great woman steering his shit ship or playing beard for him. men need muses in order to create and dominate and be the whatever it is that they are out in the world pushing boulders up hills and scaling cliffs they have to know that sally ann is waiting at home barefoot staring beatifically into her bath water.
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see the super moon? it’s the big floating light orb same size as the light on the lamp post.
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lamb and chevre burger from the beaver. delicious. i was an animal yesterday (everyday) i took it down and finished it off before a proper photo could be took. we watched a date go down too the entire time. ha poor girl. it depressed us.
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i braided one half of my head then the food came and i forgot about it. teacher says i am fulfilling his lost in translation fantasy. that’s ok cos he’s fulfilling my royal tennenbaum’s street fantasy.
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this is one small quadrant of a quesadilla that i also inhaled like a velociraptor. i don’t even remember what it was. that date was stressing us out a little his knee was speed shaking a mile a minute and me looking like i came from warsaw the one moment and french braveheart the next wasn’t helping anyone. it’s safe to say that he would come out of this date telling friends that she appeared larger than her photos. her face was so cute and beautiful and smiling. she demanded to pay. it got sadder. he threw the money into her purse. i tried to not watch but teacher was fixated. we were a better them. i felt really bad and stress ate myself back to human form again. us minxes require a lot of fuel because we output so much, we deplete and crash.
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oh god yes. tonight we are going to my favourite cozy raymi strung out sunday baby sucky pants bar. haha can you try to guess which one that is of all the ones? i thought EVERY bar was my sucky pants oh no tomorrow is monday bars.
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the short walk over to the gladstoner (closed for private function) my eyes exploded from allergens it was hell. so hell. i know exactly what people are going to say about teacher and myself orbiting one another and who he similar looking to. i requested contact lenses. he is mulling over lasik. either way need less intense frames. i am my mother. hi mom look what you made!
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i am saying nothing. no wait i am bossing him around on the internet already. it’s great.
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nevermind as if i can shut up lets go to Kraków. look basic polish vocab necessary “FOR SURVIVAL” what survival? nice. where is brosz7kowsi when you need him? Dzien dobry! my face is a mess here because of said allergies and whirlwind cyclone week. fuck i can’t wait to make it out of 27 alive. JINX LE MINX.
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i love the euro caj vibe and some servers will get around to waiting on you when they get around to it eventually, maybe. we under-tipped. i’m sorry but i have minimal standards here and they involve walking by me every five minutes to give me something or ask me about what i next want.
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the view out this window is kind of hilarious, it’s behind a plaza rife with fast food and we can’t scale the fence we have to walk all the way completely around ugh it’s frustrating. also i can see my friend’s work building so i took a photo and texted it to him during the beginnings of friday’s bohemia extravaganza dude i am partying here looking at your showroom and attached is the sketchiest mid day unattractive photo ever the party is heeere view shot of saddest parking lot ever. i will make a point to send him photos on the regular now just to be a shithead. my cowlick has grown out a lot eh. my hair felt long yesterday.
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cute weirdo muppet.
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overall retarded hair day. write off yesterday it was a great day. by the time you can see how long it took to actually leave the house. yes. town house. jack pot. hahahahaha. HAhah. ok sorry.
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belushi on the way.
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took me forever to get my act in gear i was a bit of a post st. patrick’s day quicksand escapee. i wore my tracey shirt (hi mom) and then everyone called me tracey all night long. it was funny.
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these aren’t even good pictures, so cheesy.
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after work out friday morning ooh now i feel like doing weights. happy birthday james!!!
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there’s your girl. can’t wait to see whatever crap is on my mystery camera box.
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that shirt is so hard to get in and out of it’s scary.
good day.
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You’re a bullshitter AND a hypocrite. That passage where you are the star, bullying and badgering the drunken kids in the can? How fucking dare YOU call anyone who is drunk a loser. Are you serious. You’re a fucking sickening piece of work and if you are going to make a habit of abusing others, well…my dogma just ran over your karma. Biatch!
listen you bag of bitterness, i tossed e-tard twenty year old adults out of my friend’s bar, that he owns, therefore a massive vested personal interest in the ejection of said SCUMBAGS. yes, you are in fact A LOSER if you fuck a dude with a ponytail in a bathroom stall with backpacks on the floor, i don’t think parents would be very proud of this moment. no siree. i also used to work at this bar and therefore have experience dealing with these situations, i am trained, smart serve card carrying. they were fucking in the stall and their shit was all over the place you can’t walk into that smiling like a sugar princess fairy and politely ask them to leave. dogma karma what??? honestly you need to go outside and forget that i exist if my blog is instilling such a negative reaction within you then you need to get the fuck out of here. you sound way too caustic, totally projecting a ton of garbage on to me. you know what, i am FINE and always will be. GO FOR A WALK. you revealed yourself when you called me the star of that passage. ENVY is not a good look on anyone baby. go be your own star. practice bossing people around in real life and not just on the internet. i am way out of your league. you tried to call me trailer trash and now i’m a bully. gee boy what the fuck could be next? i will unban your ip now so that you can come at me with more brilliance.
ps i look like an adorable saucy french ballet danseur right now in thigh high oatmeal american apparel stockings and a black one piece body suit, jackass 3 is on, my hot teacher doter is presently making me scrambled eggs coffee beer’mosas and sunlight is streaming in through the royal tennenbaum looking dreamy windows. maybe i’ll ask him to take a picture to show you how not white trash this all looks right now or you can wait til my next blog post. which you will.
toodles.
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thank you for the content, albeit negative in nature. you are a legitimate troll ha i knew it. priceless. be gone you’re encroaching on my actual personal life time now which is pretty looney tunes of you and by the way i outlined in the post you mentioned that i had no fucking shame from that, i was 17? have you never done something so awesome before? you are not living. at all. you’re doing classic dig dig dig nitpick deflect and have my brain all in a shuffle over dumb specific crap you’ve held on to from my blog for years (gross) meawhile the moral of all this abuse is you hate yourself and i am refusing to be your soundboard for that. go away.
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The more I read your garbage the easier it is to understand the basis of your drink addiction. You are trailer park trash desperately trying to forget that basic truth. Get help. -much love, loser in vancouver
try upper middle class you silly fucking asshole try hard
i am about to be 28 and i am lighting it the fuck up right now is that alright with you
yes i learned to blog from my trailer park and i am drinking myself to destruction to forget my terrible upbringing of having a well-adjusted nuclear family, a loving caring nurturing unbroken home, boo hoo where is my schlitz?
guess what, drinking is a luxury and when you’re an over-achiever genius like me (iq of 133, past valedictorian) well you can afford to get pissed. i know lots of brilliant degenerates, artists, big leaguers and the like, so, fuck you for raining down on me such shit. i am living for me and what i like to do is live in a bohemian utopia where people like you don’t fucking exist so good day.
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ooh i look hot old here. mature.
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this was a nice little whirlwind party ahhhhh i will look back fondly on this night for years to come.
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when you have your shit together (like we do) you can yeah, fuck off assholes i am tired of waking up to abuse leave me alone. why do i get crucified for going out some nights and taking pictures of it and having fun wheeee. i really fucking hate you too guess what that’s what, the feeling, it is more than mutual.
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shall we then…
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so many pics. ahh love being thrown back into the green tartan plaid cyclone again.
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here we come. we’re media i said at the gate when they tried to roadblock us. it was a day bender party so yeah. two best words in the social media venue event universe: we’re media.
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how touristy and cute.
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s h i t s h o w.
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we had a bodyguard. i was extremely shy out on the street like this. too much attention. but then EVERYONE had green accoutrements, boas beads, crazy dumb hats so i flaunted it like i was hot or something. basically i was wearing a slutty maid costume. WINNING. WON!
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i tricked people into thinking i was a nice girl like this. fools.
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catch this leprechaun and her pot of gold. i’ll grant you some wishes, i shall i will.
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later on after the shit show we had a cool down in the cab en route to central.
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our other boy accessory. i asked if he would be my protection or handler. he said no to one of those things but then when we got there it was a bit scary aggro drunk horny mobscene and i was the golden whore ticket so it was a good idea to keep close to the pot. isn’t it sad that my only st. patrick’s day knowledge/references are about leprechauns and pots of gold? ok fine, dublin, guinness my friend rob spence um rainbows cable knit sweaters mutton chops the cranberries bono wellies circle of friends and that’s about it.
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the young kid (i have no nickname for him yet) that i went up north with said to keep it up and messy that’s more milk maiden or lederhosenish. so i listened. good thing too cos as i was dancing like a fucking maniac i whipped my head all over the place and then the more sloppier messier sultrier it became, the looks i got holy jeez. me and casie both were a definite happening and THAT is how it’s done folks now on to the next station.
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jay edgar hoover (sort of his name) seen featured sandwiched between casie and i here looked at my blog a week ago and tweeted that it was equal parts WTF and FTW. (dad that means what the fuck and fuck the world)(hi i miss you dad!) so i retweeted it. boy, isn’t twitter FASCINATING right CASIE!
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i am a scary lizard woman thing. i think gator print makes my hands look older fyi ladies avoid LEATHER on your NAILS it’s just a continuation of your leathery old bag hand skin. VITAMIN E DATE!
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casie said we looked hot hipster cool.
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he’s a young boy too. casie and i are old punk coug madams. i call dibs on being heidi fleiss!
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holy crap how long was this cab ride and don’t you want to just drive me straight to the royal york?
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i was faking it.
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blurry tits i have tits. i am going to start dressing like snooki now and wear bras and teeny tiny tank tops and pad around like a bitchy blob. same routine, different outfit. i spilled myself up into the teacher’s place last night in my yoga pants and bra and then i realized how much more powerful i could be with a bra on. also i guess i could have just kept the irish maid slut get-up on too. hindsight is amazing. i was tired of wearing it though.
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ok lets blast through these it’s gorgeous out.
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still pretty fucking amazing though.
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i threw some skid rats out of the central bathroom a guy and girl like, what the hell were they doing in there he was gross long haired there were all these backpacks and she had a full pint and beer jug (!)(?) i’m like ARE YOU FUCKING MOVING IN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW and i was dressed like this with my leather coat on and made all the girls scared in there. meanwhile casie is in the other stall cackling RAYMI HAHAHA I LOVE YOU AHAHAHHA BLAAHAHA i had my hand up like a tough guy on the door and went to this one girl “who is in there, is there a guy in there?” clem asked me to cos a girl ratted that a guy was in the bathroom and they were fucking. so we kick him out and then clem is like now go get the girl. she was this arrogant smart-alecky looking twat with a shorn buddhist haircut and her smug pint she goes yeah yeah i’m leaving hands up in mock surrender and then she hesitates to talk to her one friend who was trying to cover for them initially i go NOW GET OUT NOW YOU’RE NOT HAVING A LITTLE TALK IN HERE GET THE FUCK OUT NOW what the fuck are you moving in now and they start dragging all their backpacks holy mess retard hippies. i was like so classy that’s very classy of you you trash. yeah i got abusive. don’t care. lesson learnin’ coming at you don’t get crush fucked in my friend’s bar bathroom he could be liable for your drug stupidness plus it’s embarrassing go to the comfort zone next time. the one girl at first who was covering was like um do you work here? trying to give ‘tude which i IMMEDIATELY let her know that was a bad route to go with me (i scared her. she was shaking). i go answer the fucking question is there a guy in there or not? she goes i don’t know how to answer that. they’re all clearly on drugs. i was amazing is the moral of the story if you need me to berate, belittle and toss someone to the curb for you ever please do not hesitate to get in touch.
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some of my old custies/bros over there. hi adam and fatty! the best part of me tossing those burn outs out was afterward casie and i were mugging for the camera in the bathroom mirror in front of the one loser girl looking for her loser friends st patricks day loser hats and she was like that girl so doesn’t work here yet she kicked us the fuck out. clem was waiting outside the bathroom and heard my entire verbal smackdown. he said it was awesome.
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i mean, how much would it suck to get told off by this? muchly. then i get blog spotted by another guy and so i invite him and his friend to join us. friend copped tude. wuh oh countdown to raymi FLIP OUT.
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long story short he calls casie rude cos she was texting. um we don’t KNOW you, you joined US and you’re making assumptions based on how we look and how we have zero interest in anything you have to say and now you have the audacity to say WE are rude? who the fuck are you again? get the hell away from our table. blog spotter was kind of embarrassed but thought it was awesome cos this guy is an actual legitimate prick to all their friends and it was like pushing a boulder uphill to even get him out so there you have it i taught someone else a lesson. i did gavin a solid. you’re welcome.
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clem you should get more tats. how did the rest of your night unfold?
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raymi the nice girl.
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act 3, scene change. we paid a visit to a friend of casie’s.
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he left to get mix and we made ourselves comfortable. i walked in and bellowed YOU ARE ANAL RETENTIVE! you’ll see why.
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my underwear matched my shoes. bondage underwear. the only black booty shorts i own. casie you can borrow them.
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ok no more newds but, what about naughty? oh whatever we were having fun.
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next time i’ll keep my mouth closed.
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casie had green glitter in her hair i love it!!!
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anal messing with.
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which alter ego do i like best?
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this one i guess.
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i hold all the power this way. guys just go uh duuuuuuh ok.
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insatiable urge to clean a man’s clothes WHAT is WRONG with me? meh. if it looks good and serves a purpose (pin-uppy practice) then roll with it. always ask yourself is this marketable?
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unanimous yes.
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my torso is getting tiny.
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played it down with flats.
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ok so i’m going out tonight, maybe we’ll bump into one another. but be good though. ok, i’m ready now here i come, ta-da. yes. yes i’m wearing this. and so on. that’s kind of how it would go right, in a couple?
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time to go my fan club awaits.
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i even have bombshell teeth. i’m sorry, but it’s true.
ok i’ve had enough i’m showering now. xoxox
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and i’m holding a brew too. i took the night.
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ok BRB. now i have to look thru casie‘s. nervous! haha.
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it was a scary kind of heaven.
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we danced to fiddle music and i made up some irish pub dancing jigs i was pretty good and i think they bought it.
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brought back memories of wakestock. the youth oh the drunken youth i am hanging on to mine with the sharpest of claws guy.
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no more f–ing around i am serious about this party shit. ok no i’m not but you know what i mean. don’t look me in the eyes cos then you’ll see the desperation hahaha.
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we lit it up some at the central for good time old time’s sake and for once i was on the other side of the vortex wait what am i fucking lying about now i have always been on the other side of the party vortex.
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woah whirlwind. i asked the band to do on raglan road then they played it all folky and sang it i was all um i think you misunderstood me i meant to play it so i can sing it. so i sang it the normal way louder and faster than them and then gave up completely cos i had a thousand things about myself i wanted to brag about.
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here is (other than the wicked sloshed photo)(not all our fault the camera guy was annihilated too) another reason why i am awesome. i woke up to a internet buddy bright and early all ready to come over bring me my medicine and i’m going to make him do my comforter duvet thing once he tidies up my room of course. you should all start blogs then you can get fan slaves too.
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holy crap i am an amazon.
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check out my golden purse (mel’s) how en pointe for my get-up. my little pot of gold gosh i’m perfect i really truly am. yep.
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oh the maid’s here gotta go.
