So the thing with Durex is they are the more intellectual condom brand answer to Trojan, which apish frat boys apparently use and so they got a lot of brainier folk (including your hero, me) to discuss doing it on a higher plane of tantra or something level (foreplay, blowjobs, etc) made a documentary out of it and voila, enjoy. If you haven’t been able to view (from Australia) or wherever yet. Ps. I just saw on twitter that 1 in 120 Torontonians are hiv-posi. EW. Use those domes guys and gals! Ps. I refused to perform fellatio on the banana so I air guitar fellatio’d instead. YAY!
Also my new Decorium high-end furniture friends are hosting a $2000 contest right now! I want to win seeing as I have been bailing on events and favouring the interior Minx cave of late but also it’s Christmas time and a smug living room set would be key. If you can’t change your husband, you can change your living room! Can I come over? Actually if I won I’d give it to my dad.
So, I’ve successfully been more interesting than you for 11 years now, how’s it feel?
From this, to..
This. In seconds. (or hours of waiting all day long, whatevs) #dirtbag #princess #genius.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG DAD BLOG DAD DAD! DAD! LOVE YOU!
Going back to take pics in the day or bring a real camera with flash, these pics are crap. It was really late, or early, so the lighting wasn’t on my side but it’s always dark under that bridge anyway. How wasted do I sound, keepin’ it together madmen styles haha.
portrait of the artist.
There’s a lot of it, I sloshed it up there 6 times or so and not even that much, it was the bitter end of the bottle. This just in, paint drips! Hello gravity.
+++
Broken Heel Diaries Woman: Raymi the Minx!
I want to be remembered for… Dying happy. Satisfied by my life and achievements. Getting to that thatched roof cottage in Ireland.
WHEN I CAN MAKE MY OWN! I’m the interesting one here, no offense friends but normally at the party I’ve cut you off by now and am talking about my crazy week don’t trick me with this hangover o_O of mine now, nice try.
Ok I am going to treat my blog like twitter for the next hour and every inane thought I would normally tweet, I’ll blog. This is how I used to blog anyway, before twitter was around back when I was less of a pisstank. I’ve already let a few genius ones slip by on to twitter, like:
if i order poached eggs will they explode on the way, do poached eggs travel well? how far has a poached egg ever traveled before?
Always question the universe, friends.
Too bad Teacher was ordering off the Gladstone CAFE’s website not the hotel, no wonder there’s all these menu item limitations, a bagel, no toast? And why isn’t the Gladstone’s breakfast sandwich on it, oh, cos it’s not the same restaurant dumbass! Ha.
I should write a christmas song to the tune of silver and gold but called RAY-MI Lau-Ren. Try it. Works.
See how crazy you look when it’s not in a twitter status update timeline?
Btw we almost went to semi-formal last night (he said) ha ha right nerd keener prom maybe invite me to full-casual instead
Are you team Fanning or team Olsen?
Popped in to Magic Pony yesterday I wish I bought that birthday card for my dad. Can’t find it on the site but I have wanted this print since 2004. Sigh.
And these next gems would be drunk party tweets.
I like party judgments from the internet
Classic dude party all standing like dudes being dudes
someone is getting a massive lesson in pan soaking when they get back from the store on our way to the party right up to dinging the bell.
If you don’t want me to pronounce it cache then why is there a fucking e on it
You’d not know these were doll house sized, right?
I went out like a skid rat yesterday. I cleaned my act up come nightfall.
Oysters everywhere!
Teacher said he was at this show at Maple Leaf gardens I said I wanted proof, evidence, a ticket stub, and he just looked at me. What-ever I’ve heard many a Nirvana tall tale, dude was gone before we even had a chance to have him. Like Jeff Buckley.
Stoked for next practise, that’s Carole. She is a sweetheart.
Natalie is a our new youngblood gem courtesy of Tyler. I blew New Ghost’s (band) minds away last night about how one drummer left and gave us one in his stead they were like WHAT!? Usually when a drummer leaves it’s on some Lars fuckin’ Ulrich dramatic kind of level, but anyway, it’s our goal to join BNL on their next cruise gig #dream. But before that, probably a show at Bovine in between my burlesque solos haha. Cool right? I’ve always wanted a variety show (I would die to be on SNL).
That’s one greasy party statue. Our bassist, Nicole is in the post below. Check these names do you know how hard it is for me to keep them straight? Carole, Nicole, Natalie. O_O!
Very peppy and funny and positive, I love my band! I bought the .com domain SEXIST TEXAS and the twitter handle too @sexisttexas follow us you idiots.
When I wave to “my friend” or talk to her I have to wave rather cos her pupils are blown out in opposite directions, I think when she came in on the turnip truck they dropped her on her head. She is the best look at her freaky dwarf little tail, she is kind of small actually, dwarfish.
Or, blogger’s voice rather. MINE IS YELLY!
I’m like in Elf purgatory.
That’s fine I enjoy loafing around anyway.
Check out this insanely flattering thing I came across yesterday, I was getting traffic from this my first 50000 website and found this post:
Readers to a blog are what fans are to a singer: $$$.
In my case, the big $$$ is not coming from anything I sold. I don’t sell myself on the Web, I am not exactly a Raymi The Minx in the making of. I don’t have tattoos and I am not popular either. However, the best about being me is that I HAVE U. I would give almost everything to have her slim shape and her sexy kitten eyes. And her Teacher? I will skip that part if you don’t mind. LOL.
I would give a lot to be Raymi but I wouldn’t give a cent of my very awesome portfolio because a part of my portfolio is coming from people just like yourself. So it’s kind of nice to be me be. Even if I don’t have any tattoos
after is all this stuff about investments and stuff and so I commented, what do i have to do with your portfolio? lol thanks for the compliments
and her reply:
I wasn’t expecting the “Raymi” here! WOW
You are so lovely.
Your not directly connected to my portfolio of course, but indirectly yes. In the sense that I admire your courage to do that what you are doing. You blog, your book, your shows etc.. And reading your blog is entertaining and you have good vibes. I add a link so my readers can always get entertain as much as myself while reading you.
So the indirectly part come from that, to have conviction and do what you want in life, that include doing what wanted with money and keep going.
That’s the link between you and me, sweet girl.
I get very humbled when someone strokes my ego like so, did you see that blog? She has 50,000 dollars and sees me as a role model? I like when women get along and encourage one another, bring each other up, it’s so Lilith Fair and reminds me of Blogher kum-bay-fuckin-ya. The older I get the less bullshit I take, the less insecure, if things bother me I deal with them NOW. Oh what’s this passive aggression? I cut you down to pieces. But I don’t like doing this. Some friends I know obsess and fester, that is not the way to enjoy your life brah. What am I even rambling about now we are starving I have to wrap this up soon.
I was in the shower and I repeated to myself, I have kitten eyes? YES! FANTASTIC! It takes someone else looking at you to tell you what’s up from a fresh perspective. I look in my archives at some truly hideous fat and naked photos of myself that, I can’t believe none of my friends even attempted to tell me to take down. Just a few, not all, but I guess it’s no one’s place to say that to me and they would probably be terrified. Only haters will tell you you’re a cow. Meh, me on a bad day is still better than their best.
This is the interior of a cafe in Rayne’s Park, it was my last day in England, I called my friend’s/family from a pay phone with those weird coins and said I wasn’t coming back for dinner (they had planned a dinner for me, I am a prick) I wanted to get laid, basically. And that I did.
I spent 60 pounds at this place. At that time, 60 was $120 and because it seemed like everything was cheap when it was like 1 or 2 pounds for a drink, you really spent your money there like it was pennies. I was flat broke when I got home. When I finished getting day time drunk at that cafe, I went to where I was staying, the girl was out, I changed got slutty then headed for rayne’s park tavern, alone. Impressing these two hot enough dudes down the green velvet bench from me with ordering 4 rounds of drinks at a time (seriously Nicolas Cage much?) I was 18 and, no 17, and last call was 11 which is EARLY so you have to order copious amounts or start drinking earlier which is what they do there and how they function as a country I do not know. Their pub food is complete crap too.
It’s a nothing suburban typical town, bordering Wimbledon and London, the absolute last subway stop actually I had to get the tram link to the subway and I am mashing what I did the last 3 days and confusing it all in to one day of activities, on my last day I went to the Tate then came back and got dressed and went to the pub and got laid, the day before was spent being a loner in this cafe I can’t remember what I did at night.
I sure as hell didn’t look as hot as this at the time though.
I have drawings of the dudes I entertained for the evening in this journal too. The one guy who looked like Robbie Williams once I was drunk enough would not accept that I was leaving the very next day, he had fallen in love. Right. Change your flight he begged. Fine you pay for it then, no? Exactly. Peace. My parents had sent me there to stay out of trouble, ha, ha ha.
Anyway, that was the last 2 weeks, the first part of my time there was in London, Knighstbridge and then Oxford. Blabbity blah shut up.
I was reading Prozac Nation at the time, a depressed author soul sister, I’ve never been as depressed where I am like virgin suicides on the rug for weeks in a row and can’t get up but I definitely am a born cynic, who are often sad because they are burdened with the worries of the world.
I get by though, I am holding on to this stupid hope that I am special and have a bright future and all that self-deluding bullshit that helps you get through your life, I’m an optimistic cynic. NO YOU’RE AN OXYMORON!
Gah gotta go eat brunch before it’s over they do not wait for degenerates and I am not in the mood for a club sandwich FT!
Check my tumblr for highlights of crap I wanted to post again today but I sat here for forever waiting for the durex reel to download and it still hasn’t and then I ran out of steam. I accidentally recorded a fight we had that’s kind of funny though in the interim. Had a great day, jammed with sexist texas, walked home in the sun after lunch at Shanghai, bought my dad a bday gift and now I will repaint my vessel for another night on the town. Never ends does it?
Yay I’m a facebook ad and on youtube on the top banner ad front page dad. It went live late last night and we happened to be up and all these messages came flooding in so crazy I love it. Over 11,000 likes so far, dad I’ll show you the full documentary/commercial when I see you maybe this weekend though I don’t think you’ll want to hear the vulgar things I say. Behind the scenes footage can be seen here and here. Super fun shoot, loved working with this team and Rob. Thanks everyone!
Off to Sexist Texas Jam now it’s been awhile.
TGIF! And it’s gorgeous out.
I wrote this at 17 in Rayne’s Park, Wimbledon. Filled in half a journal in this cafe stayed for hours and spent a lot of money, it was worth it.
Exactly 2:00 long too! FUN! YAY! I stayed in! This is actually wicked I think but too bad can’t do flooreography at the Bovine cos it’s too dirty and no one can see from the back. Another venue another time in Paris someday.
It’s that time again, working on another burlesque showcase (date to be confirmed) so soon already, just around the corner December is. Ho ho ho. A lot of these xmas classic jams (to perform to) are quite slow, the ones appropes for a burlesque show that is, gonna be hilarious and yuletidey barftacularly festive no doubt. V excited. Pastel Supernova and Bunny Angora fully on board wuhoo new hot blood :).
xo Raymbo Claus.
ps. I WILL have a naughty and nice list ON DECK so watch yo-selves, plenty-o elves ta deal with y’alls.
pps. Happy Thanksgiving to my American buddies. Be careful tomorrow on black Friday!
Triple ps. here is the second half to my florence new fav jam vid I have watched it over and over and over again enough already all the stupid has worn off so enjoy, sorry it’s not Mr. Grinch (which will be a laugh riot I am sure seeing as I treat everything I touch like halloween now).
“Floor work” stripper industry speak. Teacher liked this part of the performance more than the first one anyway cos I get right down to biz and the ridic opening girly fanfare is all out of the way, I imagine. Totally haven’t learned the words to the song yet either in this magical production.
and now I watch my rendition to rockin’ around the Christmas tree, tonight marks exactly one month away to xmas eve. OMG SO CLOSE TO SUMMER!
Ahh social media, you harsh mistress. You are the new hipster, a term to keep dropping and rehashing and blogging and talking about to foster more discussion over a necessary evil that both confuses and excites lots of folk. Dork self important assholes mainly or entire start-ups comprised as the former (my competition) known as “firms” who will take a big name corporation and guide them in terms of cool branding, hyping, repping, publicity, trending, blabbity blah. Now, you can do that for tens and twenties of thousands of dollars or you can go to a little (HUGE) guy like me and pick my brain. I, have been successfully cool branding myself for years, long before myspace even how did people find me without facebook or twitter? I must be a wizard or something, I was a kind of VICE magazine barnacle, coursing to infamy on a messageboard lickity split the second my fingers touched the keys in the year 1999. I’ve been able to create and maintain a bevy of it-girlism, single-handedly (for eleven years this November) all by myself allow me to exploit my talents now, I’ve won over TEN FIRST PLACE blog awards, cough cough. I’m ripped off and replicated time and again, I started the selfy photo (you’re welcome) and blogvertorials (you’re welcome again) and my rank is climbing again in North America, right now I’m just over 20k on this continent. Sure, media outlet websites/blogs best me but as a person, a one man institution I cream all competition, and how did I do it, no, how DO I do it? Why would you blow all that money on fifty brains when you could save half of it and just take me to dinner one night get me blasted and I tell you everything. I think it’s a wise move to go with fifty brains by the way, I am not an idiot but I know that if everyone uses the same fifty brains for all the TRADE SECRETS then how will you know how I know what to say and do and react and create for your new product?
Colleague just sent me this video and I thought it would be a good excuse to whore us out for more campaign work (unlike politics, these campaigns have a high success rate LOL). alexATraymitheminx.com If you want in on the dog ‘n pony show. Landed myself a sweet gig after holidays from having my face seen in the Globe & Mail (make the papers monthly what did I say?), the man’s breath was taken away! If you’re gonna have to be sat down like the funny old crony in that video up there then what better a face to learn all that shit from than mine? I’ll let you buy the first round of drinks afterward (plus my fee ;)). Over and out, Raymbo Bright.
His breath was also taken away. Trying to find Globe pic from this night.
