ok we saw snakes on a plane last nite i have to make this review quick cos i am going on a magical adventure in ten minutes so my apologies for the lack of radical metaphors and the yeah see? can’t do it.

anyway we were gonna walk halfway thru but we invested too much into it and i would always wonder how it ended. it’s pretty over the fucking top, like when samuel l. finally snaps and says that motherfucking snakes line you are like ME TOO! they don’t try and make the things look very believable either and so when you do see a real one you are like WOW A REAL SNAKE.

there’s a fuckscene in the beginning and nudity and that’s when the snake shit goes down and obvs. the lovers bite it. everyone gets a snake in the eye or dick or neck. sometimes samuel is on the fone and someone walks in to say something and he just like hangs up the fone like hello who were you talking to dude your mom?

the snake expert says TIME IS TISSUE it’s a pretty good line.

these kids beside us were talking the whole time and the movie is so loud and dumbed-down that i didn’t even care i was focused on looking really cool to them and so when samuel said funny stuff i would lean forward and guffaw and this 14 year old nodded his head at me and his friends like he knew that i knew what was goin’ on.

we also didn’t drink last nite yay.

**fil just told me he is going to write about SNACKS on a plane – OH NO it’s a bag of peanuts help i scraped the roof of my mouth OH NO the SALT.

discuss snakes?

i dreamt that my dad was chaperoning/hosting david bowie all around toronto and i was like cool i’ll stop by and so i’m all casual me and david bowie sharing stories of the family’s past and stuff cos david bowie and i go waaay back to when i was a baby then by the end of the dream/third day of david bowie’s visit i realised that david bowie was actually a friend of the family *mike who has rock feathered blond hair and is pretty much a fuck-up alcoholic anyway i was like whatever cos i am in an indian food fair now eating dahl who cares.

how come in dreams you are way less intelligent than in real life you’re like OK I WAS IN MY OLD HIGHSCHOOL BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, weird. ??

fuck off decoy dreams.

watch this trailer or i hate you

little children

regardless of how the movie turns out the trailer is really well done i can’t wait to see it in a theatre so i can be irritated by everyone around me.

so this dude throws himself in the back of a cab today around the corner and makes these bomb threats or whatever and all of bloor between st.george and spadina was closed off and there were infinity cops and swat dudes and negotiators etc etc i took a bunch of pictures cos i’m a sensationalist like that. i show up and there are a bunch of people standing around who’ve clearly been there for awhile and i just happened to overhear an old lady complaining about a cab driver and how he should just blow himself up so i walk over and a person asks me what’s going on like i am information at the mall so i tell him and then it just fucking SPREADS like wildfire all around me and i can hear people fucking up certain facts and i’m like PEOPLE it’s a cab right over THERE and a guy is in it and he says he has a bomb THE END.

like fuck off YOU are the one who has been standing here for an hour and you don’t even know what the fuck you are standing around for?

anyway it’s all over, no bomb, no explosion.

i told samir that phil’s special present was in his pants

now i am boyfriendless

can cats see thru bathwater?

ok nevermind i guess they can.

vocoder

this is how i do my grocery shopping also