fuck i am actually going to watch oprah today and it’s going to be a boring one, i rarely watch it but the days i decide ho hum the couch calls it’s always some washington guy who was secretly gay and cheating on his wife and he wrote a book about it or that nate guy decorating a house. if i wanted to learn about gay politicians i would READ A NEWSPAPER. was that joke funny? if i wanted to watch a show about renovations and decorating i would WATCH A SHOW ABOUT RENOVATIONS AND DECORATING. was that a funnier joke?

dear oprah,

you have bad breath.

love, raymi
xx

i saw a pair of boots at da zone that are made of denim and i told fil i was going to get them and then go visit my dad and be like TOP THAT! cos my dad’s favorite weekend outfit is the canadian tuxedo (that is not a picture of my dad btw) i would basically spend $200 just to make my brother laugh for 20 seconds cos i am committed like that. seriously a whole jean outfit right down to your FEET it would be like camouflage denim if i went to a stingy poolhall you’d be like HEY WHERE DID SHE GO?! hahaha. seriously tho i rate those boots 10/10 for bugly. anyway my dad rules it’s his birthday next tuesday.

here is reason 234555311006 to vote for me:

if you google ANN HATHAWAY NIPPLES my blog is #1

i met fil for lunch at shanghai cowgirl it was my first time there fil said i am such a bitch for thinking the waitress was phony cos i said man she is so phony like come on just BE YOURSELF not that she wasn’t nice or anything just like, fuck, nevermind. i wanted some of fil’s noodles and so i put some on my fork and as i was delicately bringing it across the table he flung them everywhere so neither of us could enjoy them GOOD GOING. then i bought no name cotton swabs and left them in fil’s car to bring me when he gets home and i said you can think of me and he winced and i said dude is thinking about your girlfriend now equally disgusting as making out in public with her?

tell me if i am no longer making any sense.

**EDIT fil thinks this post makes him look bad and i disagree he only pretend-winced in our inside joke kind of way and we always bicker over food and sharing it when the other one is crazy starving i think it is cute ok is that better fil?

ps ten bucks says one of you toronto dingalings will direct this waitress to my blog and i will never be able to eat at shanghai cowgirl again not cos i’m afraid of confrontation but cos she’ll hock a loogie in my food which i would totally do anyway thanks for spying on my blog and ratting me out in advance ya’ll!

amy winehouse – you know i’m no good

it’s like bloor street doesn’t want me to have q-tips or cotton swabs (those two words together sound disgusting for some reason) i mean shopper’s only has baby cotton swabs (barf) so i always forget that i wanted to buy some and then yesterday at the supermarket in the petfood/toiletries aisle i asked this chick if i was blind or stupid of possibly both cos every toiletry was present save for q-tips. i swear i am going to buy a shoe-box size lise i will even go with you to mississauga to costco to purchase a bulksize, moving box sized box of q-tips i feel like bug barbeque in microserfs who buys everything in bulk, drinking straws, whatever, cept i’m not a bald millionaire.

i should go back to bed so i can have a dream and then blog about it i have nothing to report today. we got halfway through kiss kiss bang bang last nite so i don’t want to talk about it much yet however it IS funny especially when robert downey jr. pees on that body by mistake he and val kilmer have good on-screen chemistry.

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY i introduced you to this genius, cos of her big eyes, and now you are all best friends BECAUSE OF ME you’re welcome!

what is your actual breast size?

My actual breast size is kinda unknown. I wear a 38
dd bra. I wear it because a ddd is too lame to
find, and when you do find it the bras all look like a
fat ugly grandma should be wearing them.

LAST DAY FOR VOTING then we look at round 1 results and i get to see if i am beating out the others WHICH I SHOULD BE. just saying.

sunday carwash

things you CAN’T do when you’re NOT in a pool

me: hi
i am back from my grocery shopping bonanza

Phil: and movie dropping-off excursion

me: yes and i rented a movie, 7 day rental, kiss kiss bang bang
i had a dream that i was drinking pepsi with your mom, so i bought some, those half cans

Phil: hug hug crash crash
dreamslave

me: somehow advertisers made it into my dreams
yeah

Phil: so what did you buy from the carpet munching store

me: some douche downstairs wouldnt let me in i was fumbling for my keys i had all
these bags
like yeah i am THE GROCERY STORE BURGLAR
I GO GROCERY SHOPPING THEN I BREAK INTO CONDO BUILDINGS

Phil: probably thought you were a homeless baglady

me: yeah with my new hat
“why is that old lady dressed like a teenager”

Phil: that you stole from some old lady

me: and vise versa

Phil: vice versa

me: vicey versy
ungh

Phil: yes so what did the sisterhood of the unshorn apocalypse sell you from their communist store?

me: yeah i didnt go to the lesbo health store
i tried that one called organics beside queen and was like um i do not want to eat a bag of seeds for dinner
so i went to dominion instead

um here we go again?

i mean, not to be a hypocrite or anything, but, come on, really courtney?

a circle of secrets. President Bush talked with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, rear, and Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada talked to President Michelle Bachelet of Chile, foreground, at the economic summit meeting of Asian nations in Vietnam on Sunday. this is an amazing picture. i wonder what they are saying? nice hat. pfft.

i thought of a title for my book more pretentious than the other title but i might use both of them together maybe * ****** ******: the biggest thing that never happened.

perfect.

i bought a ridiculous necklace yesterday, it’s silver bling with fake diamonds and a spinner rim and it hurts my neck to wear it cos it’s heavy. fil was pretty disgusted by it saying my spending is out of control it’s like watching an alcoholic or whatever, i didn’t even bother to make a joke out of that comparison cos i was too busy feeling the blues a la captain bringdown so this week i am not going to spend any money on myself or buy any clothes or pieces of shit necklaces that give me a neckache. it was 15.99 and i got a free pen so no i am not a lunatic i did not blow 300 on a piece of pop culture junk. i paid 15.99 for it instead. oh i also will not drink either. i had something else to say but i forget oh yeah vote for me again thanks.

i drunk texted the world saturday nite i will transcribe some of them later and i only did it cos we were watching the game at a pub and it was booooooring i also bought a bottle of champagne, shared it with fil at home whilst watching snl (LUDA!) then later on i barfed. nice. i haven’t barfed in a long time so don’t feel bad. oh yeah we fought over a burrito as well, we were drunk making everything in the fridge and once fil nuked the second burrito i was like um another burrito? which made him feel obese i dunno so then he refused to eat it and i ate some of it but was getting angry that he wouldn’t finish it then i foil wrapped it and put it in the fridge and then last nite during trailer park boys i was like I AM GOING TO NUKE IT AND PUT FRANK’S ON IT AND SHARE IT WITH FIL COS I AM A NICE GIRLFRIEND i go to the fridge and SOMEONE had already EATEN IT.

so then i told him what my burrito intentions were and i think he pretended to feel bad this is a good story.

skateboarding mannequins

blender pug