merkley???: people dont understand that it takes effort to remain interesting
they fail to recognize the work and dedication — even though it comes naturally — there is work
i hate them

me: yes
seriously some nites when i cant sleep i think of shit to write
and zingers

merkley???: i know

me: andthen when i get up i initiate them
and then they work
there is nothing more painful than forgetting a great zinger

merkley???: well i can see that — and the best part is that you work hard enough that to the outsider non creator it seems effortless
thats why i love going after the lazy schlubb no talent havers that make the mistake of making unqualified criticisms

me: yeah the latest and my personal favorite is I CANT READ RAYMIS BLOG OMG I DONT UNDERSTAAAAND IT IS THAT EVEN ENGLISH
uh sorry that your nerd eyes cannot comprehend COOL

merkley???: no its not english — its cool english and you have to be black or cool to understand it
except not black
that part was just kidding
BTW lately i like to say just kidding after totally normal things

me: hahaahahaa

merkley???: like while ordering
i’d like a big mac
just kidding

me: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAH
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

merkley???: say it after EVERYTHING for an entire year and then write a book about your experience

me: you just made methink of something new

merkley???: just kidding

me: OK LET ME GO GET MY I DONT CARE NOTEBOOK
ha

merkley???: ha ha
just kidding

me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

this morning fil asked me if i loved him even tho he is handicapped.

his handicap? deviated septum. i call bullshit. dude you SNORE because you snore you breath loud cos you are a dude and you are getting older deal with it.

he doesn’t like when i talk about these things cos he doesn’t like people knowing that he is actually human fuck i want to rip out all of my hair sometimes!

anyway it is fil‘s birthday on sunday he will be 32 (OLD). wish him a happy birthday or something.

also don’t forget to vote just one more time thanks the site is likely getting slammed today so it’s taking a teeny bit longer to load, don’t give up though i appreciate all the support v. much.

Hello Raymi

Martin

last day of voting is TODAY the polls close at 11:59pm tonite thank fuck get all yer sisters and cousins to vote for me thank you!

First sentence from the first post of each month in 2006.

JANUARY

i tried to spell my name cos everyone else was doing it even though samir’s word i don’t know what it was suppose to mean?

FEBRUARY

i made steaks last nite for dickhead 1 and dickhead 2 and did they appreciate it enough?

MARCH

ladies try it with yer actual boob size then start over and choose the biggest boob size and choose horseriding, don’t forget to view it from another angle also.

APRIL

last nite was….RETARDED. evidence here.

MAY

me and nico

being sick sucks.

JUNE

solid potato salad uh?

JULY

ungh i fully have to crap right now.

AUGUST

I luv you:)

SEPTEMBER

i dreamt that my dad was chaperoning/hosting david bowie all around toronto and i was like cool i’ll stop by and so i’m all casual me and david bowie sharing stories of the family’s past and stuff cos david bowie and i go waaay back to when i was a baby then by the end of the dream/third day of david bowie’s visit i realised that david bowie was actually a friend of the family *mike who has rock feathered blond hair and is pretty much a fuck-up alcoholic anyway i was like whatever cos i am in an indian food fair now eating dahl who cares.

OCTOBER

oh and to answer your question ryan, a refrigeratorhead is the name of my next cat or first born child. also picture post from same day.

NOVEMBER

fil bought socks that say the days of the week on them he told me he is almost forty and for a second i believed him but wait he isn’t even 32 yet but soon dude, soon.

DECEMBER

doodboogers i know there are a lot of you i need MORE VOTES today is the absolute last day do you want me to lose to a mommy blog? OR do you want a mommy blog, TO LOSE TO ME!?!?

idea tiefed from binsk

fil wrote an email defending my honour to cp’s comments made here:

hi cp this is phil, raymi’s boyfriend.

i just read your comment and wanted to make a few points:

- i think the comments in hdw’s blog initially attacked raymi without her having said anything about hdw. i read them earlier and thought that they were cheap, immature and uncalled for, but to each their own. i certainly didn’t see any comments by hdw asking people to cut it out.

- the suggestion that the way raymi’s friends behave on other peoples’ blogs is a reflection on her is just plain wrong for two reasons: 1. of the thousands of hits raymi gets a day, probably a dozen are friends and i can assure you that none of those people are interested in wasting their time arguing with others about who has a better blog; and 2. a blogger, or a writer, or an artist cannot be held accountable for the actions of their readers or listeners or fans [unless they specifically endorse and encourage the actions for which we would hold them accountable] – if that was the case then j.d salinger should be in jail for not telling mark chapman not to shoot anyone. raymi doesn’t tell people what to do and it sure as hell isn’t her job to enforce or even encourage some kind of morality amongst her readers that you deem appropriate.

i am older than your husband and regardless of my being with her, raymi’s writing constantly impresses and entertains me. people who judge writing based on adherence to grammar and ‘appropriate’ topics are disappointingly narrow-sighted.

best,

px

this lady would not fucking move she saw me with my camera and just turned away chatting on her fone so fine i will take a photo of your olympic pool-lengthed ass happy shopping!

me: look.

Sabrina: you look cute there

me: we look like french canadians
fil is frowning

Sabrina: hahahaha

Sabrina: i dont even know what french canadians look like but it sounds FUNNY to me

me: oh it is
they talk like this doo boo doo broo doo
hahahaa

Sabrina: hahahyaha

me: my mom is french canadian so this is extra funny

me: hahaha the one guy who is the most pompous in that chicks comments is a BASSIST read: UNEMPLOYED

merkley???: sweet

me: he used something i wrote in jest in the comments to back up his argument
a caption i put under a foto of me wasted
um dude sorry but that’s probably the most interesting thing you will ever read in your entire life

merkley???: ha ha
blog fights are fun
the nerve people want me to title my blog and i dont wanna
i just want it to be merkley???

me: merkley says

merkley???: Up Your Butt and Around The Corner

me: AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA

merkley???: A Great Blog For Kids!

me: fully

me: you know how people lose their minds if you swear in front of their kids

merkley???: yup

me: like that little douche is never going to hear the f word
ever
how about he hears it from me now instead of some trashy kid in the schoolyard whose parents molest him
at least from me the cuss words are inventive
anyway that concludes raymi’s annual parental advice

**Update the comments have been taken down haha wow can’t even handle a few hours of raymi this is why you are losing.

**double update comments are back but you can’t leave new ones.

i finagled a copy of talladega nights last nite i didn’t see all of it nor did fil so DO NOT TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS or else i will start blogging like a metrosexual handbag fetishist I MEAN IT!

what i did see i could barely understand anyway, i think i need my ears checked will you still read my blog if i have hearing aids? ha, aids.

we went to look at sassafraz last nite and took some more pictures. these two fossil-type italian blokes came out of this bar/resto with sherlock holmes pipes and said OH let’s go for a drink hmm it appears to be CLOSED, pointing at sassafraz. hahaha. i love rich old guys who insist that it is still 1920 so we followed them for a bit.

last nite was sober nite so i bought three non-alcoholic drinks:

coke
blueberry/watermelon fruitopia
sprite slushy

after drinking the coke i said mmmm i feel like having a gingerale but then i bought that fruitopia instead and fil said i thought you were getting a gingerale and i said oh i’ll get that on my way back hahaa this is a good story follow along anyway i laughed because i pictured myself as doc oc with a bunch of arms in a trench coat running down the sidewalk shoving people out of my way and drinking something from every hand.

so i got a huge sprite slurpee from 7-11 and i’m fifth in-line cos some genius is doing his lotto 649 whateverthefuck DUDE it is shaming enough that you have a gambling addiction why not wait for everyone to buy their little chocolate bars and packs of dentyne before going through your lottery stacks of wasted money? idiot.

essentially a nite walk for us is a DISSING STROLL where-in i saunter about dissing everyone who requires it, not to their faces of course i’m not a courageous lunatic.

here is a dissing example: this guy was walking toward us wearing black bondage-type raver pants and his hair was shaved save for some messy parts he had scattered-about AND hairsprayed wisps over his forhead and he was looking down and smoking and walking with a I AM BETTER THAN THE WORLD vibe and he was sort of smirking in this pious kind of way that pissed me right the fuck off so after we pass him i declare:

SORRY BUT YOU ARE NOT A CHARACTER IN A COMIC BOOK NOR ARE YOU ACTING IN A MOVIE AND YOU ARE RIVER PHOENIX AND YOUR CHARACTER FACES HARDSHIPS YET OVERCOMES THEM AND THEN LEARNS FROM HIS EXPERIENCES.

more dissing examples later for now it is espresso time.

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE FOR ME TODAY TIME IS RUNNING OUUUUT!