Hello girls and boys, it’s time fer a blerg post. How this will go, nobody knows.

A truly cherished and (supportive) friend of mine read the last one and said although it’s all over the place, my writing and stories do have cohesion and it is something totally unique to me, and good but awesome. Made me think okay I will try to be a little more cohesive which can be trying as time has passed and in the present, where we are now, looking back at the pictures of rocks and boats and food that I took, how do you piece that together in a not boring way?

I get so bored so quickly and would rather talk about the here and now but I also grapple with guilt about leaving out the fine details of a minute, or an encounter, I previously experienced and felt was so profoundly significant at that time. This must be some form of obsessive compulsive disorder I’ll be diagnosed with later down the road, get medication for and be like, why didn’t I do this earlier in life and save myself from myself? Like extreme sentimentality. That’s why I blog and collect, and I hoard experiences.

Okay hear me out, I know GOOD VIBES is like the worst saying by now but it’s such a cute shirt. My style errs on the side of tomboy vsco girl (yes also puke) normcore beach babe and in the winter time hipster hobo chic, in autumn it’s rocker tomboy tight pants all legs loud toques like too many layers but in any event this shirt makes waves, it draws the eye so if you’re any kind of self conscious and walking across a busy city pretty much every single person is turning and looking at you. GOOD VIBES BRO. We also convinced someone I owned my own sex toy shoppe so there’s that hahaha.

Went to Haliburton saw every place from my childhood summer holidays was nostalgic AF I ATV’d stand-up paddle-boarded the lake infinity times tanned etc and so forth was a good week then we stayed at a resort for one or two nights then hit Wasaga on the way back and stayed there for two nights once you’re away just stay away and play eh. The summer before I had spent in Muskoka pretty much every single weekend and that ship has sailed so THIS summer I was gung-ho to “better” last summer. I think I nailed it.

You’re doing great Sweetie! Thanks for the pic mom lol. I put this on my tinder profile you can imagine the greatest hits in form of messages it received from matches. It’s good these guys hang themselves, red flag themselves, at every juncture. Defending it too like I am kneeling on a board in a bathingsuit in a heatwave don’t slut shame me. Then I knock it out of the park and say my mother took the photograph. Anyway.

Jamie visited Toronto for a few days this summer. I think it rained BOTH times we went down to the pool but it was fun still, hotel people watching is kind of awesome. Holy shit I just remembered this throuple we saw in the pool I will omit all physical details but let me just say this: GROSS. Moving on. Okay going back, watching other people watch them too was hilarious – the facial expression reactions – very much priceless.

Now could this have been in May or June? Was it hot enough in May yet for this sort of thing? I know that it was a hot ass day but anyway I invited someone on the boat that caused some drama it was actually the perfect storm recipe I don’t want to out the two parties involved (huge sigh) but yeah now that person isn’t allowed on the boat ever again and I’m gonna get a harder vetting in the future for people I wanna bring on my uncle’s boat which sucks because have been bringing peeps on that thing for more than ten years now or something. The friendship is severed too fully canceled and next time I will read the room better as have given this person a second chance before, they were morning wasted on tequila, had gotten stood up, I should have known better. Boat drunk is real BRO.

This is that bar/resto at Union station I think called Union Chicken wasn’t gonna plug’em but there ya go. I am glad there are places now in the train station you can eat and chill and kill time it’s deadly though because once you buy your ticket you can wait out 4 trains before it expires and then you’re like $130 later from champagne and shit I mean I only did that once I bumped into my friend who commutes to PC and I was heading to Burlingtron and we got smammered obvi. Look at the winter coat I am rocking, it’s only a matter of fucking time til we are bundled up again and I HATE ITTTTTT.

At Nana’s you always have to selfie in her floor to ceiling mirror. I think we were heading to… I don’t even remember all I remember is whipping through the house like this and Nana almost dying from my naked-tannedness. My nana can never not comment on my body or my appearance I just try to glam and/or blonde it up as much as possible to protect myself lol.

This was a boat ride to remember however good God the winds and the waves every rod got tangled it was 10/10 messy no one could even drink we were so nauseated from the rocking boat I can feel it still now and we almost lost a few of us out the back of the boat on the way out to water from how my prankish uncle rips that thing my mom will tell ya. There are videos where I am screaming my head off and everyone is holding on for dear life I mean it was thrilling but also terrifying too. My family is insane what can I say.

Do you think we can get through this post starring 100% pictures of me only? Definitely right. Speaking of boozing I’m not boozing right now and seeing how long we can go I think I’m over the hump of how boring it is to be alone with my thoughts sober or even being able to have thoughts but I don’t want to get into it right now so. Talking about it can be as boring as the act of it is.

I love this piece. I don’t want to say mural because it is obviously a blown up photo so I don’t know what you call it in actuality.

I think that is the last time I wore that teeny red kylie kendall backpack I have moved on to fanny packs now and my mom and kev have both copied me LOLLLLL.

Okay one other person can be in this post and that’s my brother and if you ever fuck with me he will tune you up real good. I actually told an ex that and it pissed him off so much he went lethal and wanted to fight my brother and I am like yo relax I am sorry but it’s true my brother will win then we had a fight about it and I learned never warn anybody just let it happen when and if it needs to happen.

When you’re mid-thirties it’s not conceited to pose all dreamy and such it is an achievement and this contains zero filter so yes I am into it.

This one has filter yes duhhhhhhhhh but it doesnt mean that I don’t look like this omg who cares I am running out of steam now.

So BYE that was enough tea spilled today.

Drop everything and pay attention to me listen to me. Okay good you already did that. Did you know that the last time I blogged here was in December? Yeah, that’s the longest drought my homies but why is today so special? Well I have an abundance of self confidence is one. It comes, it plateaus. I’m ambivalent. Cocky. I gave up. Nahh. I finally got my hair done, which helps a bunch then I got more sun on my skin, likin’ how I am looking but namely the Vitamin D for sure saves the day creatively speaking. If I am bummed then I do not feel like opening up, exposing myself, or being seen. Enough time has passed here. I wanted to only ever be a writer which is something that has quarreled with my alleged narcissism. Or self worth, my value. Yeah, yeah, I know my voice is strong and clever and I have a mania to my thoughts that seems to never end I can turn a phrase BUT some of me the past little while was like SO FUCKING WHAT.

Not really, let me explain. I did a lot of input and very little output. I have given myself a lot of time to think and think I do. Then the ideas pile up, stifle you so much so that you don’t know where to begin. You fall out of love with yourself and start to think like everyone else has too because you don’t throw your hat in the ring anymore. More than half the work is just showing up and not to say that a lot of people’s “work” at social media wind-baggery isn’t decent or anything just saying SOooooo much over-saturation, no fucking substance, nothing new, or clever. Or I have just been over-consuming out of boredom (yes) and there are just too many instagram-dominant ventures taking over I don’t even know what I am fucking doing anymore there.

When people say I could do that — but, you didn’t lmao. I get it, I get it.

All I ever wanted was to write books and be this dweeb inhabiting a charming world so I sought out to do a lot of fun things, pursue shit, be adventurous, so I’d have things to say and to write about. I did that, but things didn’t turn out the way I thought. I get gigs and I’m privileged. I have opportunities and I also am verrrrrrry much so an under-achiever like, I’ll get to it eventually because I know my talent is that good. Or that thing will happen then somewhere along the way things will fall into place. The lazy man’s route. Which is much encoded by fear. Fear of doing nothing, becoming nothing, and quitting on yourself. Wait. I meant that I don’t like to worry about things so then I distract myself therefore I cannot worry about things. I have been protecting myself my whole life and lately I have been selfish with, myself and my time. I have played the role of observer and it makes me feel like a hot fucking waste. Good job, you did nothing.

Do I want to be an influencer in this day and age? Yes. But it’s not my bag, baby. It’s not. All that crap got in the way of the magic here. I do understand that flogging for $ is hella part of it but I am so mentally exhausted that once I do THAT post I am SPENT for any of the extra superfluous crap that I excel at — selfies navel-gazing food I ate tv I watched in between the lines gossip and humour. It’s probably because I never evolved to update certain skills, platforms too, and from burning myself out after 18 years of blogging. I have adopted a fuck it these people can wait mentality. I still want to be bigger than I am and better but there is a huge turn off in over-achievers or their racket is too good and believable. Always self-promotion and selling. Like fuck off shut up!

I think part of the problem is I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I don’t want and I think I have this abundance of time. I was told I don’t have enough anxiety. What??? Not no more, bud. Anxiety for me works personally like the fire is lit and I now see that I am the last one to figure out that I am a loser and the abundance of time was a lie. I am just opening myself up and being vulnerable now, for once. It feels good. It feels good to talk shit and deflect then sneak in the parts that scare you the most. I don’t think I know one person who has it all figured out, do you? Even the perfectionists are unhappy. Actually tbh, they’re the most unhappy of all because they can’t enjoy what they have they are always looking to the next thing and crap to control.

Wow I’ve said a mouthful. I uploaded all these pictures from the last few days, or began to and the download process did not jive with my attention span so I wrote all this instead. I have fallen out of love with this art form in that the painstaking focus I used to grant it is harder now. Everything changes. Everything.

Picture me taking a bow.

and scene.

First of all, Happy Birthday Dad. Thank you for tolerating me for the passed 19 years congratulating myself on YOUR birthday each November 28th and how fucking annoying that probably has been for you (coupled by moments of pride of course maybe hopefully).

Secondly, today is the day 19 years ago (in the year 2000) at the age of seventeen I started up LIFE HAPPENS TO RAYMI and began manipulating my way through the world wide web. I knew I wasn’t pretty enough alone to snatch your focus. I knew I was an egotistical big mouth and figured a steady systematic stream of daily, hourly, blog rants, showcasing my amusing insights and witty insults would amass a following. I transferred my popular “brand” from the VICE message board forums to my own little blog and the rest is HERSTORY. I didn’t care about grammar. I adopted my own style and my voice evolved over the years, people “got it”. I predated trolls, got good at fighting them, then good at fleeing them.

Things I did and shared online weren’t commonplace back then. Yes I paved the way. Yes people cared. No I don’t have a big ego (as much) anymore. Would I do things differently? Yes of course, who wouldn’t? Yes I am aware of my bitchy persona, half-hated, emulated. Everyone hates everyone on the internet, social media. It’s a game. Everyone is phony. Everyone talks shit. Facebook is so out of control I bet many can’t remember a life without it or that it outright conquered blogs. I remember when I used to blog more frequently alongside Facebooking and twitter all that, someone I knew was like BUT how do I SEE YOUR BLOG THOUGH??? People forgot that the web is wide open and that you can navigate outside of Facebook. The simple act of having to click a fucking web address is foreign now. The world has gotten a lot dumber, and how.

This blog domain expires in two months yes I’ll renew it. How insane would that be to just be like, bye. Very. Yeah I know I seldom update and that I have said I would more and then I don’t. Life gets busy. I know journaling, diarying, is good for my mind which is what started this beautiful mess in the first place. Yes I know I waste my talent and that when I write, when I speak, people listen and they like it or at least are entertained by it and I can write circles around ya and I’m funny and sharp and quick and and and… so. This is another check-in reminder that we still here and I am honouring this milestone today so thank you for being a blog nerd fan girl boy for all these years still that was good on you.

We’ll be in touch, til then take care all the best. Your pal Raymi.

ps. do you know anyone who has blogged as long as me? I don’t. #First #Swish.

Forklifts and vodka don’t mix, except at Maverick Distillery where a propane-powered Masterlift forklift moves crates full of spirit in their warehouse.

In October 2018, I put on a couple different cocktail dresses and posed on a forklift for some fellas making a print calendar filled with pretty faces.  We shot the scene in the warehouse foyer between the factory and the loading dock.  I had choice and could wear Maverick’s uniform or my own smock. Now I look at these pictures and wonder, what month I will be?

Every model is the cover story for thirty days in Masterlift’s 2019 print calendar; every photo hopes to show an interesting person doing curious things on or near their heavy equipment.  Here I am backing up their big ass forklift.

Most forklifts are made with heavy rear-ends as a counter balance.  Lead weights at the rear of the truck counter the load on the forks which is so the rig doesn’t tip forward when you go bumping through the warehouse. This truck has a tall loader – you can raise the forks up over sixteen feet, and it can lift over 4500 lbs of stuff on a single pallet.  It has lights, a backup beeper alarm, and lots of handy mirrors in which forklift drivers can check their appearance anytime, even when they are driving.

We shot during business hours, and there were people working for real all around us.  Warehouse staff were getting ready for a shipment going out at noon.  They were packing bottles into cases and then Saran wrapping the stack to make cubes for truck n trailer transport.  They used the lift to make a pallet train on the locking dock. Stacked in columns over twelve feet tall, these square pillars of alcohol are Maverick Distillery’s stash, perilous towers of corn mash, tall pillars of cash, one wrong move and smash. Did you know that having more than five drinks in one sitting is considered binge drinking?

At Maverick there’s a hard line between being a professional forklift operator and an experienced forklift driver. Did you read the safety manual? Did you do a circle check?

Which is more popular in Ontario LCBO Stores, Whiskey or Vodka?

Now some little known facts about whisky and vodka in Ontario (courtesy of the LCBO 2016 /17). Whisky is the largest percentage of spirits sold at LCBO (31 per cent of sales) which equals approximately $703.4 million dollars worth across the province.  Vodka is the second-largest segment (23 per cent of sales) at $514.4 million.

Maverick makes vodka from Ontario corn, and has already won top awards for its product at tastings and spirit competitions around the world.  Showing up and winning acclaim at their beverage award shows was how Maverick Distillery expanded to sell vodka in countries like Columbia, Australia and Japan.  And the journey to get there starts here in this loading dock, with this forklift.

Burt Reynolds on a forklift in Smokey and the Bandit

And then it was over. Raymi left the building.

On that day Maverick vodka was served shaken and stirred.