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ok so where were we. this guy’s pants were my highlight, i said as we left and this last crowd of debbies on the yuppie patio finally had drunk courage to talk to us, they said they thought casie was lady gaga (yes because every platinum girl looks like gaga) which was totally the perfect thing to say. i came over to white pants and spoke through a tropical plant to him about his pants, he loved my outfit bla bla etc said we were in a fashion show around the corner, casie said i was one of the models and they all said we can TELL. so with my newly inflated ego hot air balloon ballet ponytailed head, i floated us on home.

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i look pretty tired. i was. this jacket matches my new vic secret pink lace number. maybe i’ll slip it into the film. my scene shoots in four hours. going to try to show at the vanity party first. we’ll see i have lots of blogging and laundry and hangover to do. saturday is my much needed day off. as if that ever happens.

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quite the patio hit casie and i. impossible to lay your eyes off of. yesterday at lunch we created major masterpiece theatre didn’t we.

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this was very fun. and nerve-wracking. i killed it. youtube is telling me i can get revenue sharing from my runway video. i have like 30 videos now i can do that with, is it worth it? lemme know please.

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last minute bathroom break. i went a billion times. this was at the design exchange and we weren’t supposed to be in this part because an installation was being set up, a hipster nerd bunhead with glasses told us off while we were lining up for a runway walk through and farhaad was like EXCUSE ME!? like don’t talk to my girls that way i loved it. great diva clash moment. that’s val toronto gal and urban native girl. dope chicks.

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mucking around backstage with nick one of our cameraguys was pretty fun, it got boring at points so then we’d gossip dance around practise our walks, give each other tips and psyched each other into it make some magic and play with the camera. he said watching casie and i was very fun, we need our own show. billionth time mention.

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this is when i started crying. exhaustion and passive aggressive bullshit got to me once i read a tweet from my mom it felt honestly like the first time someone was nice to me all fucking day. ya. people think i am a monster (you are the monsters!) and then they meet me and see how pathetic i truly am then they’re like oh, no biggie, but then there are the ones who stand by their decision to hate me and the sweet only comes out when you go phoney baloney on them. i find when i am real, i get trashed on. when i play the game, we all can “get along” it’s disgusting. casie yesterday was like people hate you SO MUCH i have no idea how YOU are doing it. so this leads me to believe there is a mega (hopefully) gossip pool i am missing out on major. teacher said people hate you because they see the undeniable greatness and the something they aren’t doing, i dunno, i am just tired of it is all. ok boring moving on.

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my shorts were under scrutiny. guess what, you say you can’t wear these shorts, well i can, and you aren’t me, it’s a fucking fashion show you fascist. bahaha. when i first walked through the adjacent room to the loo everyone was SILENCED by my legs and as i was just about out of earshot i hear stacey mckenzie whisper yes those ARE small shorts. awe.

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those are legitimate dancing shoes sent from hollywood from an admirer. i am doing a striptease burlesque performance (so far solo) on july 11 at the grindhouse. it will be my first in ages. i am rejecting fear from here on out i have life by the balls again, which is what one person said when i became a harlette. i don’t have my routine prepared but i am dancing under my blog name RAYMI THE MINX and i will personify exactly that. with tail. if there’s a girl or two who want to be apart of this lemme know raymi@raymitheminx.com it’s for an online clothing store launch party, small stage, good exposure. i’m using it as an opportunity to practise my craft. i want to be a professional celebrity dancer (and barbie and a spaceman and a stegosaurus) and get invited to dita von teese’s house for scones.

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here i am meeting my bag. it matched that dress.

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on my way there i am like what the hell am i getting myself into? i was kind of flipping out. teacher is very calming and patient and kind of balances me out perfectly. i don’t get to enjoy anything that i do because i am so stressed out all the time. it fucking sucks. i am a raincloud on a parade.

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see how wary i am. cool life idiot!

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this is so jazz dance and so not fashion. cassi made a little rose brooch out of a zipper and a matching headband also out of a zipper while killing time nervously that day in class. i am wearing the brooch here.

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going zen.

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i look like an insect. perfect!

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casie’s stink eye busted!

ok enough self indulgence.

work to do!

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hmm where to begin. welp. first off, i failed my blog today but i crossed many items off my to do list and am way less overwhelmed than i was this morning when i woke up so that’s good. i figure anything else i run out of time to do, i just can’t do, or will do when i can. teacher is letting me take his laptop to south beach so that took huge pressure off my shoulders. my mom doesn’t know how to use a mac too so that is also awesome. blaha.

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we watched the other woman last night post nap. it is a horrible film. it was perfect for my cucko-mungo mood. not one likeable character. i wanted romantic, a dramedy. tweeting it just as we ordered it off netflix everyone’s like prepare to be depressed. shoulda listened. dead baby? cool set up! natalie portman is wicked frosty bitchy deadpan. lisa kudrow was bizarro world phoebe. the kids, ugh i don’t even want to waste my breath. look, i like kid, love them, but not lactose intolerant brainiac high maintenance fictional ones when i’m trying to couch surf in and out of semi-consciousness. afterward we watched the adjustment bureau woah i would so prefer to talk about that one instead what am i doing?

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it was essentially bourne identity and the matrix, which was fine but then they got lazy and fell by the religion wayside. i haven’t blogged in so long it feels, i’m not sure how to do it anymore. it’s been a nutzo week. yesterday, that alleged nap i took (flew by so fast not sure it even happened) was the first downtime i’ve had in like 5 weeks i dunno clearly i am spent. i’m not the only one, all my other unconventionally employed pals seem to be pushed to their limits too. i’ll show you a candle in the wind, elton. i was working on that joke in my head before i passed out yesterday. i’ll get back to you on that other half when i’m making sand castles in miami on monday morning. ahhhh.

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i haven’t even had time to look forward to it yet either isn’t that terrible? oh boo hoo poor me oh shut up. i’m broke as fuck right now and i cannot afford time away blablabbity blah only live once everything will be ok KABOOM.

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i love how brennen is positively obsessed with blowing my hair out to kelly bundy stature. glad he gave me a trim.

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not sure of the show they were shooting i forgot to listen to the answer when i asked a dude cos i didn’t want to get stuck talking to some slob plus my eyes were raining black mascara i had just applied down my face (finally bought allergy visine today) and colleague was on his way to get me for the seafood party, road was closed off intermittently between takes (car chase scene) and adelaide is one way east ok i am getting off blog story course now who cares. teacher and i are hanging out and having friday night beers so this post will reveal itself accordingly.

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i turned some heads.

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brennen is going to calgary for a week and i just so happened to be dressed appropriately for that. the weather and sky became ominous at this point, it wasn’t lost on me how dorothy gale my dress was. i am surprised i can remember anything at all right now to be honest haha.

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burger king drive thru update: lots of people are into whoppers right now.

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it’s killing me how many hilarious wipe out scenes i can spot on the splashpad in this photo. total obstacle course. ok go get a po’boy, a glass of shiraz, some bufala and seared scallops without tripping once or spilling anything.

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i love me a good mist. before they made the movie from stephen king’s book (alternate ending from book) i used to tell that as one of my scary stories on long car rides or in bed during ghost story scare the shit out of each other time. i also like the raft.

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does it feel like you are reading a blog from 1999? well you kind of are hahah but GOOD. fuck it all until i get a good camera. all my gadgets are crap. we are falling apart here people. what value is art to you people? what would you do if young and the restless went off the air? canceled. final season. DONE. i know casie is deeply emotionally invested in that soap. how is this blog any different. you’ve been with me since i was 17. the show is over. raymi takes a bow. what if you couldn’t make fun of me anymore? i know i feel bad and confused when blogs i’ve read in the past bit the dust. i’m considering all kinds of crazy shit like, a real job. stupidity i know like i have any employable skills. haha.

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ahh back to fantasyland. thank you hello kitty. you are prozac for my eyes.

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look how skinny i am here but from this exceptionally unflattering angle i have bloated party face. i look like the elephant man. ha i wish. we were late and missed tony at boom. it was my genius idea to go to the st. clair location because i thought it would be fabulous to do a patio spread, but no, the wizard of oz has been touring toronto in form of kansas shit show so we sat inside instead. i will blog our date with the teacher and colleague from south beach, i will probably be drunk and sun-stroked and mellow at the time. i hope i don’t get fat. i plan to run on the beach. must remember to bring shoes for that. if there’s a gym i’m going to give mom and lois a workout lesson so we don’t come back as beasts. this trip was lois’ brainchild love her so much for this.

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somehow i got hung as hell from the seafood party. i didn’t eat all day (nude scene necessary don’t judge) i guess that was it and the quick wine and base race at that event, guessing the base did not win this round and i am not invincible from hangovers like i sometimes think i am it’s funny i am always shocked and amazed to find myself hungover. HOW DARE THEY! who did this to me?! GET THEM!

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not bad, not bad white, kinda pulling it together. don’t forget to check out boom’s site i linked up there, its been done over. very fresh. my blog is jealous.

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last day of the minx nails (the last minx was the story i wrote when i invented raymi). i tore them all off at lunch today. it was an intense lunch. i am glad i had my nails shielded from biting them all week, when these decals come off your nails are totally fresh and ready for a painting. i want long sexy nails for my scene tomorrow. the peach polish i bought looks great but the scent is making me pukey. i complained about it on twitter already, scented nail polish, why??

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i think that shirt came from steph. it’s perfect, she is a teeny weeny and i wear extra small shirts cos i am simon cowell if i am feeling the slightest bit cocky (skinny) it’s EXTRA SMALL EVERYTHING DAY.

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the burger was great. i had half n half salad/sweet potato fries. a bite of colleague’s pancake (sounds dirty) and some of teacher’s omelette. when we went home ordered friendly thai after our nap which we will never order again as it was the most retarded thai food that i have ever eaten, also, it blew. oranges everywhere what? weak spice, confusingly bland glass noodles i dunno what was going on, all to the mastergarbagepiece theatre of THE OTHER WOMAN. i’ve been on a horrible flick pic spree. remind me to shit on sofia coppola’s SOMEWHERE will ya please.

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ok here we are up to date with today now. at eaton centre buying lingerie for my doin’ it scene tomorrow. we’ll see how the scene goes i’m told i don’t “have to” but yeah. i am pleased with my lingerie, the first set i tried on, of two things. i am smaller in the butt than i think too so that’s wicked.

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i was kind of a slob with post gym hair, went straight to my lunch meeting date with monika and andrew and casie. dirtbag princess tip if you’re a bohemian sloth but you want to look effortless and you have no time, get a black loosey goosey wrinkle free jumper and an easy breezy attitude, no one will notice you have endangered birds taking up residence in your hair through your beaming face.

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i am loving my nella bella purse i get so many compliments. it’s the ultimate wow clutch. i wonder if my mom is going to use her half of the london bag. i wonder on what day we will strangle one another. mom bring your camera cord.

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i asked teacher if it would bother him more to be present or to not be present for my scene tomorrow. he said he doesn’t want to be around for it, makes more sense right? colleague will be there taking photos though, weird? i don’t even know what’s not weird anymore. i just hope i look thin. hahaa. can we film this myspace style?

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i’m like can you get me a bra that doesn’t make me look like a liar? nope? ok then. total push up bra all of them are loaded with water and foam. who cares now i know how all the bitches i know got their boyfriends now husbands, and here i’ve been coasting on personality all this time. chicks who spend money on good bras and lingerie are sneaky little tarts eh? all conservative and prissy in the real world, yeah, i’m on to you.

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ok so see what it does to my tits, like, where did that come from? i’m all tiny up there in the torso and it makes my ab def pop out cos you are forced to stand in such a way that just makes you look, good? or it’s a skinny mirror or i look like this, i dunno, i showed the photo to some of the girls (yeah i make fans along the way) and they’re like no, they’re not skinny mirrors. who knows maybe that’s victoria’s secret after all. shit i write the best copy. cheers.

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see mom look i went to the bank i got my travel health insurance and money exchanged. it’s pretty much on par still.

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what is this a museum?

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oh you guys. monika was inspired by all my motion rooming she lost 20 pounds! can i say that? too late. i think that’s incredible. she looks amazing, i didn’t know what was different but in between talking about myself and our (my and casie’s) drama i stopped and was like dude you look fucking good, vancouver was good to you and she said actually, your work outs shamed me into getting up off my ass and doing something. i am getting misty eyed now. so proud of and for her. i’m doing a work out feature post tomorrow so i’ll talk about all this tomorrow. i just got an idea! yes! ideas. i get them too!

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this was a solid lunch and even though i am all used up of time i am so glad i kept the date. you know when you get into a bailing mood? but anyway, gave me a lot to think about while i do sand angels.

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marben has great food. i knew a chef who worked there. wonder if they fired him or he left or whatever. used to hook me upppp. anyway. that was pretty trainwrecky. i have another pile of photos i uploaded i’ll start up a separate post for. i have this tick that won’t go away unless i am up to date with my blog scrapbooking. it’s horrible. it’s annoying that i am going to have to be the one who founds a blogging anonymous support group someday. i can’t quit you blog.

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hiya pals. last night found me where i rightfully belong: at the zoo, eating like a pig queen. as it was the annual Seafood for Thought sumptuous sustainable seafood event, read: fancy food, lots of wine and beer, fat cats, foodielite industry, famous chefs, and all the chic cuisine from your favoured and renowned toronto restos.

i was playing for team Cheese Boutique. like last year except this year they housed it on the splashpad, so novel. they learned from the soggy marsh mud slop of last year on the grass (it rained earlier in the day), good on them especially on a day with ominous weather, as such graced toronto last night.

i love your food SO MUCH! haha that’s trista of crush wine bar. we are homies. you saw me there not too long ago for a wine auction. ballin’ place. they must have me to lunch. blaha like i say things like “they must have me”. i like blogging because you get to be schizophrenic.

it was a great hug. not a fan of the wimpy hugs, you can read a person’s soul by how they hug, learn everything about them and their intentions. it’s true. i “know” things. specifically the primal thing you will learn is if this person is phoney or hates you. v important shit to know.

i love me an awkward set-up shot.

so many comedians out there. that little lady rules. hi. we see you. ruling!

i like the chefs that get in your face, doin’ their thing. they see you playing with their plates, hovering, they hone right on in and the car salesman comes out. it is like a dance.

jason, LUMA, expertly snatched the salmon i was about to go in for because its plate had a fuschia edible flower petal on it, he said it wasn’t ready (so was, so perfect) and then he fiddled with it. i found it endearing. then we did the talk, the who are you, oh who am I? it’s funny the chefs that take to you and the ones that don’t. they are in their element and peak performance. buzz is in the air and palpable energy. i pay way too much attention.

albert of le select bistro. we will meet again. we will eat again. where’s waldo?

i assumed (wrong) that my colleague would photograph the names of all the things i ate once the first time around that i requested it but i guess you cannot teach OLD dogs new tricks and as usual i am surrounded by idiots. anyway the point is i can’t remember what this was and i am trying to lay blame. i am too busy flirting here to take notes. see my flirting skills? talking with my mouth full, sandwiched by an obnoxious statement and a vanna white smile wheel of fortune wave goodbye. this kid goin’ places.

ed’s ceviche from globe/earth bistro. i’ve featured his restaurant before.

it’s on the danforth you should check it out it’s like a where the wild things are magical fantasyworld. i am making the awesome face above because a dirty double entendre was made and neither of us were man enough to push it further but both knew precisely what was up. hahaha. not to be scrutinizingly incredible or anything but how neat is it that my thumb nail matches the ceviche on my plate? and can someone explain to me the science behind how citrus juice cooks raw fish.

scallops urrywhere. you eat these like oysters. when i went over to the stingrays i said HEY i just ate some of your friends! pet pet!

ok lets do this.

down the hatch.

tutti matti maven, chef alida solomon was a moment when i knew (for once) the right thing to say. hi i’m a blogger. doesn’t give a – so i say, but i’m an OLDSCHOOL blogger. i said i knew you guys don’t need us (they don’t) but if you did, i’m the one. so we shit talked social media for a little bit until i won her over. i am like an oldschool chef. however, industry dinosaurs out there, your messenger conduit (that is i) will give you this one free consult courtesy and once only: you must adapt along with society. not expect it to adapt to you. that goes for everything in life. we saw an old man walking on the highway yesterday and i knew it was because he was cellphoneless and his car broke down. burn. total croney and it looked so dangerous. mom can you make nana and papa get a cellphone?

sea theme flowers.

look there is something worthy of pointing at! i am probably saying can you take my picture straddling the walrus before we go? i am not meeting any more chefs unless you agree.

haha nope it was the moment i spotted lucas. that guy is my brother so i knew within a half sec he was gong-showed.

this is us communicating. i am like, WTF are YOU doing here? accusatory facial expression (this also happened at the grid launch party).

i have the power to terrify people into thinking they are in trouble and here comes the punishment. the guy beside lucas is saurav someone i’ve known since i was 16!

then we meet in the middle so i can hiss whisper some more unnecessary chastising expletives, i am like his second wife i guess slash sister. it was just a really funny moment to see him all tom hanks in BIG at this event, on MY turf like he materialized a la star trek. i could tell he was having a good time and i liked that.

oh, but, i didn’t even want to talk to lucas, i wanted to talk to saurav instead. this is a picture of your ass gettin’ nexted.

doesn’t it look like every single person is watching my soap opera? or it would if you could see anything, no time to colour correct lighting.

when you meet old friends again they are messengers of time’s passing. feels like just yesterday and all that. good to reconnect. he thought i wouldn’t recognize him. i never forget a face.

ONE OF THSE THINGS JUST DOESN’T BELONG HERE!

there’s my other buddy lora from ruby watch co and delicious tuna melts holy crap i am starving all over again.

team ruby are sweethearts i really admire them.

one of my favourite things i consumed and it was getting near the end too. get one while you can.

you’re doing it wrong. but, wearing a picnic table cloth to an eating event sure was right.

see what the weather did to my hair? i also got a cut, brennen blended my cowlick into a slight layer and gave me a trim.

black cod? i wonder how high my mercury levels are today.

here’s the moment my star f*cker cards come out, it’s me and a top chef, andrea nicholson-jack. we jived big time.

she dug my tat. i talk blocked her.

i wandered and roved the splashpad from stall to stall mooching as much as i wished.

i stalked where’s waldo, whom i fixated upon and recognized from last year. same get-up too. he let me take his photo then as well. such an eccentric! i love party stand out weirdos.

i was too shy this year though. i wore boots cos i didn’t want to be standing in soppy mary jane wedges but they were smarter this time around. it was cool to be walking with a glass of wine into willy wonka-esque raised waves and peaks no wonder lucas was trashed, such a scene. wild wild wild. good call you guys. i hope it’s in the desert area next year. very african outback, it would feel like a vacation and you can see elephants.

i got the dregs of the wine stations, i didn’t think i drank all that much but i am hung right now so i guess i did? didn’t eat all day so maybe it was that too. i am coasting on steam and cuckoo fumes if i am lucky i will have a heart attack.

holy colour cohesion! again with the minx nails.

i didn’t understand what i was doing with this dip until about halfway. it’s not soup. i was trying to drink it. no wonder they were staring.

stop whining.

i liked these chicks we had a nice gabfest. they were overseeing this station and 1000% contributed to my hangover. loved my dress too. you meet so many people they can’t remember if you met already or how you know one another (if i’ve been by resto) i say we’re associated via Cheese Boutique, they nod then get it and i add yeah we are all sleeping together. not as awkwardly as it comes across in the written form i swear.

watch it there.

this party was awesome by the way. lucas said so too. he wouldn’t shut up about it in fact and i didn’t even ask or care what he thought ahahaha.

i see cb merch everywhere.

very determined. i didn’t have any chocolate fountain this year. watchin’ my figs.

wahh.

lets hit the stingrays.

but pretend to listen to this speech first. hey guy, i am featuring the party. you also don’t want to know the politics behind it.

you have to check your drink at the door (of the stingray exhibit) but i went all nightclub nervous and pounded it instead. no i didn’t, we had a chat first.

show time. i go, are they ready for me? i love f-ing with people. the boys go YEAH! it’s funny because stringrays are stupid and don’t know anything so how could they possibly be ready right? i am a joke explainer now that is my new thing. merkley would understand. or arran.

i knew i was going to want to tweet brag a live photo but it would be difficult with wet hands and a purse so i stuffed my blackberry in my bosom.

more flash all the time. like today you know where. i am tired of my moonbeams. i look like the witch from sailor moon or something.

oh i just remembered i did get one criticism from stacey mckenzie afterall: dead eyes. bahaha. i did that when i was walk nervous. this is a mid-blink ghost example.

see how the camera adds 25 pounds? crash diet!

the barbs have been removed. we discussed steve irwin. i was like, of all the animals to die by, a stingray? didn’t see THAT coming. she said if he was pierced anywhere but his heart he would have survived. that’s true he was attacked by all kinds of animals and poisonous snakes. rip budday. also ryan dunn too

baby hammerhead. it’ll grow to four feet. and that is when i crapped my pants. haha kidding.

there was a part of the pool where they all rushed through, a throughway, passageway and your hands were unavoidable. it became like a game. it was pretty cool.

holy shit look how close to the stingray tail my hand is GAH!!

last year there was way more splashing going on. they do that when you spook them and try to pet their triangle sides, fins, flaps whatever they’re aliens to me and belong at sigourney weaver’s house. or womb.

cool moisture humidity in the air toronto thanks.

we were party debbies, last to leave. paris hilton faux paus. haha like she has faux paus! what is the plural for paus?

that polar bear was begging for it.

i was waiting for everyone to clear out to get my moments with the north pole pals.

classy people coming through make way.

but we’ve only just met, i don’t typically kiss in the first second.

holy in lust much ew gross, me.

my vision was stare down then run away. it didn’t exactly come out as hoped.

then my neck got very cold. it was the north pole afterall.

can you see the part behind me where the white line comes into the blue? that’s a shelf/dip in the pad. try navigating that in boots and wine. people were tripping all over the place it was pretty funny. noel would have loved it. i am in mega pain from my work out right now so i am swearing all over the place i apologize. the russian nightmare is trying to do stockholm syndrome on me and transplant me into the kgb. ps. that is a joke i don’t know if shit like that is kosher online when clearly i am an idiot and full of baloney but now i am picturing self fulfilling prophecies and V for Vendetta and Salt. thank you hollywood.

no, john, i am the walrus.

finally an accurately skinny photo. this dress makes you look preggers, thought the shop keeper was at first then i looked at it more and saw she was skinny so be careful how you pose and stand.

hi thanks and one for my colleague and boyfriend, and colleague goes i’m not her colleague so he got one too hahaha.

throw on the teeth and see what happens, this is it all going down.

when we walked in with bags of bread these guys say who are you feeding? i said, the geese. i am witty. i saw geese covertly wandering all over on our way in, obvious probable nuisance and top enemy supreme of security, nemesis to the core. they paused then got it as i ruby gingham skipped on through smiling over my shoulder. is it mean to break hearts every 3 seconds?

speaking of nemesi, here comes one now. mine. from last year.

mexican stand off time.

she won. hands down. owned it.

haha lucas. see how scared i am.

it’s cos i don’t trust myself. i envision picking her up for a squeeze. there are various and obvious ways in which that plays out.

but now i know peacock feathers contrast gorgeously with red gingham. thanks! well i already knew that, had a gingham shirt and peacock necklace pairing going strong for awhile there. how insensitive and unethical is this post despite the food event cause is sustainable food. (not dragging massive nets through oceans destroying habitats).

satisfied partiers. the ride home was hilarious. full of conspiracy theories and s-talk.

OH NO THEN WE WERE SHRUNKEN DOWN TO ANT SIZE! to be continued…

here i have the hosting skills of a valley girl. it’s ok cos by the last video i morph into drunk texan oil tycoon. the ones in-between, giddy excited scaredy cat.

so i say to my colleague on the ride back, guess what, when i hung back to go to the bathroom i landed a new blog gig, he’s like, oh yeah? i go yeah! it’s this new product they’re going to brand, like merch or something, they’re going to GIVE me a stingray! he goes really!? i go, NO you %$#& idiot! blahah i was on a total asshole roll tonight. so good so good. saw lucas across the way and saw that he was appropriately smammered. he won tickets via steamwhistle. we drove his ass home. also i saw an old bud saurav, a notorious story goes along with that cat. (he was the roommate from devon)

i have videos of petting stingraymis at last year’s seafood for thought event. proper coverage tomorrow.

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global warming sucks. they didn’t disconnect the water from this splashpad area, some animals clearly had been accidentally blasted throughout the event. ahhaha.

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dress was a hit. i considered stuffing. YES total full house moment. did you ever stuff? i did once and i felt like everyone knew it, omg i am too embarrassed to recount the day and person’s stoop i was chilling on with the entire neighbourhood thinking my village of the damned stuffed toilet paper bra’d thoughts. it’ll spread all on facebook and then i’ll break out in zits and pastel yellow hi-top reeboks will materialize onto my feet even though i came of age during the fluorescent wave.

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knock knock! who’s there? HOLY F-ING FIERCE! cassi’s gams are pretty amaze.

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this bikini kinda sucks now. i’ll pack it anyway. it’s shrunk/i’ve blown up.

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ok baaaai must work on my beauty, and sleep.

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look it’s me and a real model and i am playing boyfriend and catching her. i also look like jimminy cricket as a woman. that jacket was a solid investment yeah? sped home to grab my shorts instead of buying a billion dollar pair at holts. i discovered yesterday that i am offensively naive about fashion. half the stuff my personal shopper selected for me i already owned the knock-off h&m/f21 versions thereof. she’s like, this? i’m like have it. this? oh just gave a shirt version of that dress to my brother’s gf on sunday. how about this? have a crappier version of it at home that i don’t wear anymore, face completely beet red. it never occurred to me that h&m and all the rest might not be originators hahaa.

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cassi wong lee and i. i cried some of my makeup off a little bit when i saw a tweet from my mom cheering me on. it was a frenetic day, all the chicks seemed to have moody moments and issues at certain junctures of our whirlwind crystal light challenge. challenge, indeed. v proud of my designer, top 8 chosen in all of canada for this competition.

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we had to match the bags or be cohesive along with. now, do i ever do that? some girls were creating outfits culling from wares previously owned, they had more time to plan this, i found out about my involvement merely hours before it all began (thanks terri!!) so deciding what to catwalk in was a little (hugely) overwhelming plus i was over-thinking the possible backlash from all of this, i am neurotic to the bone.

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my walk was killer though, better during the practise round on stage pre-show but oh well, can’t always be perfect but i will definitely die trying. tombstone inscription: TRYING; DIED.

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this fit kinda nice but it was a billion dollars. you can burn through a grand easily at holt renfrew. i have money leftover i’ll save for a rainy day or maybe i can get a summer shift dress for south beach i dunno i dunno ACK!

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casie‘s lipstick was super flattering to her complexion. the theme of lipwear was bright bright bright. i was nervous (of course)(i am going to begin every sentence from here on in with “i was nervous…”) i would look like a drag queen. makeup people see my strong features and drag the hell out of them, they get all pumped at my interesting and weird looking wonderland of a face and turn me into ziggy stardust. i was happy that they were minimal on the eye makeup. i still had no idea how to pose my face with that face though.

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practising with a bag. i prefer catwalk with no bag or holding a clutch but in model world you model what they give you. here, ride this unicycle, be fierce and STFU.

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walk with the hips, throw them forward. i gave lots of girls walking tips because in my head i have been a supermodel for 28 years and yesterday was my debut of all the things i have gleaned from ANTM/CNTM and FT etc etc. years of dance has trained me with poise and posture and TMR has aided in getting my kinks out, and buffing my hunchback.

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see, check stacey’s mouth she is about to proclaim WOW or some shit. i look like i am going to the mall with my mom at 11 with one of her old shitty purses full of pennies and transformers and lint cat hair covered chapsticks you know, adult world necessities.

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the moment of eye makeup truth. please be kind. she was. also, tolerant.

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took lots of pics of displays and things i probably shouldn’t have. i was in queue for a personal shopper so i got a look-around firsthand. spotted the blazer and was seduced by it and my reflection in the mirror plus everyone else’s reactions to me in it. $730. for a blazer. are you cheapskates wiping your brow right now like me?

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we got these flip cams for our shopping sprees too. i was the only one who got away with capturing footage i believe cos of my julia roberts being ignored on rodeo drive quest. when i went back to the inner sanctum of the personal shopping batcave layer (i did not know this place existed because i am eliza doolittle) they asked for my camera and said we weren’t allowed to film i was like, dudes, i got tons don’t worry and passed it over. my minx nails are still holding up. i am getting better at not fiddling with them and i was right, this particular decal’s material adheres wickedly to nails.

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lisa got herself an amazing cougar dress. so hot.

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i knew all the brands to steer clear of though so as not to torture myself. even some sale racks were fainting spell worthy. it was a serious hunt.

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just before my interview at the metropolitan where i lived for a day/night sort of.

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getting mic’d up and that guy knows britt.

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then i checked in and was mind blown.

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i wish that decimal point wasn’t there.

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didn’t have my camera with me at this point, teacher later brought it. it’s hard to get my whole body in a mirror when it is so close to the other wall (i am tall).

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my view. casie was on the 20th floor we were like oh, so nice to have you down here with us we are surprised you are gracing us with you presence down here ahaha.

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product placement. hi i am raymi lauren crystal light. seriously my name is lauren krista white so when you throw that into the bipolar express it turns into a marketer’s wet dream; raymi lauren krista crystal light white. omg i am braindead.

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i was also the only one who got to escape for a concert as i had pre-plans i could not re-neg on, getting bob and mary lynn into beady eye at the sound academy. i mean, they could have gotten in without me but it was a family thing right, it was an all ages show and i’m sure mary lynn would want her cool older sis to be around. i missed dinner with the girls and designers i was so hungry/blasted off a sip at sound academy my hands were shaking from exhaustion of the past two weeks/life i dropped one of our pizza slices on the bleachers. ugh.

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i informed teacher that the gallagher brothers are on my top 5 list (of celebrities to bang that don’t count) so he was a bit resentful and all awares of what was going on and anyway liam looked like little lord fauntleroy in a union jack knee-length coat aka. ZERO sex appeal so is henceforth stricken from said list and so is noel, just cos, so that frees up two more spots.

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the first drink i have paid for at SA in, ever? so amazing i took a photo of it. my guy later came through with the drink tickets. cos it was all ages we were all slobs, no vip going on, it was reserved for actual vipeople like, camp oasis i guess. it’s terrible how much you are willing to not enjoy yourself when vip privileges are taken away even though you didn’t pay for your tickets. i am a prick.

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always a gorgeous view.

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me and mary lynn ha she looks like a mini raymi. the lighting was overbright, even bob had to wear his sunglasses. i got ZERO photos of liam that you could make out. it was my first time ever seeing a gallagher which is 1000% the only reason why i went, i didn’t know one song, they all sucked, couldn’t make out three words in a row seriously but for the legend that the guy is it was a must-see. their name also is stupid and it should be called the liam show. seriously don’t even try to dress it up as anything but, own that you are liam gallagher and put your band members in their places as hired musicians not some kind of camaraderie that it isn’t. fuck, call the band PAYCHECK why don’t you. also, i think liam could see us we were dead row center with the lights right on us and thus i have convinced myself that he did and is in love and mourning over me now. your loss dude, if i was in vip this night might have played out differently.

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there was a lot of this and drunken hooligans, major fanatics. one sequin shirted retarded drunk dancing on chairs in our way woman was our bonus entertainment for awhile until she started to piss us off and i politely tapped her with my purse and asked her to F off. twice. she was on something for sure.

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he is in the middle. i am sure you can find better pics elsewhere online. not here though that’s for sure. i learned that at this same time jimmy gnecco was wailing away at wrong bar. one day i will clone myself.

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thanks for the goodish times now back to the hotel.

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my breakfast. we kept having to rush to eat and i don’t eat until dinnertime mostly (usually, always) and when it comes to eating with a table of girls it’s obvious that what’s on my plate and your plate and her plate is all noted and judged accordingly. don’t take other people’s nutrition personally kthxbai. ps. i’m going to be on a runway in the afternoon, figure it out. hamburger + runway = fail.

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this is when smythe and i fell in love. i txted a pic to my designer and she was like, uh, any other colours? i tried it on in the khaki, which leant me not much wow factor. pinky always wins. even that woman is like damn girl. when my designer noticed the leather elbow patches she relaxed and saw that it all could work. my bag was messenger style and her vision was shorts and a blazer so i stayed true to that, despite all the gorgeous summery feminine dresses i coveted and saw and would have preferred. i compromised plus, it’s MY shopping spree non?

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i liked this but for $250? no way. my hair was ridiculous. i even sweat in my sleep. i lose all my weight that way ahhaa.

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lisa and i split a cab to our neighbourhood to grab some things.

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my summer salad from the holt cafe. our server loved my nails. i want to go back and eat there again.

ok i ran out of story time. peace.

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i will “brb” with one of your typical raymbo style postings. i haven’t had a second to chill in days my brains and eyeballs feel like they are going cuckoo bananas and i have so much more to do. i have an event tonight right after a hair appointment. tomorrow a blog job, tons of cleaning to do and organizing laundry, packing for SB, meeting on friday, saturday is my movie shoot, sunday i last minute pack nervous breakdown and monday i vamoose. sometime in all that i must pre-blog some things for the 9 days i’ll be away. i would really love for the gods to give me a notebook to take on vacay so i can take my work with me and blog through my southern comfort hangovers. HINT GIVE ME A LAPTOP. PLEASE. i will kiss your ass however much you like. um what else. ugh who cares just more stressed out complaining. my hair is still up in its russian ballerina ponytail which was perfect for this morning at TMR cos they surprised me with the russian nightmare. finally oleg had his way with me and i am sore all over but good sore. that on top of yesterday’s runway heels and watching what i stuffed into my mouth, this hero has lost 8lbs since monday. andrew weighed me cos i made him, i felt all skinny (pms-slim out) and confident then i got a dose of nope, no change, try again later. so i stepped back up to that beast after all the psychotic russian torture he put me through this morning AND he was being nice, he asked me my weight, i told him (lied) and afterward i said ok weigh me now, dude. i was shocked to see the number. ok why am i still writing here? be back soon.

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sprinting mega fast. you will never see an adequate photo of the russian nightmare cos he is so fast.

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high kicks. i could tell he was amazed by how high i could go. didn’t see that coming didja?

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i can’t even tell you what this is called (below photo), i can’t understand half the shit he says. we communicate on a higher plane though, i know he wants to roll me up into a pretzel and launch me into the sun. this guy must have been trained by the government or something, probably takes cold showers parachutes down into unfamiliar territory and finds his way back to civilization eating anything he finds that he kills himself with his bare hands. i mean like, probably, which would explain his absence some days ahahhaa.

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i can barely even do this move.

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if any of you legitimate scholars wanna help me out and see some of your pieces of masterpiece theatre on this blog while i’m away let me know and that goes for advertisers too. i think i might ACTUALLY want to utilize this vacation as an actual vacation so i can grant you a 24 hour top blog post positioning while i’m hoovering hurricanes with my girls. raymi@raymitheminx.com 5k uniques daily and climbing. think about it.

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can you see teacher and keri and sabrina?

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stacey mckenzie was very impressed by my walk. i came i saw i gave it. she also knew my jacket was “a smythe”. dudes i am so marge and her chanel jacket country club now hahaha.

ok seriously bye stop distracting me!