Burnoutington begins.

Cold weekend. Stacked weekend. Ha.

Malivoire is a delicious wine, not cheap. It’s open and cleansing and you can go through a bottle like that. Yes I am a wine snob.

My hair was various degrees of insane on Saturday night. Wild Woman!

I have beer halls on the brain now.

Dad’s brunch burger.

This is what Flava flav had when he came to wakestock.

Nothing like a free $50.

My brunch. It was wash hair day so everyone had to wait longer and semi-fed themselves food so it warranted a lunch menu item (for my dad) when I had my breakfast. You know when you can feel the anger of the house when you are taking like a half hour long shower maybe 45 minutes, pulsing through your head, throbbing contempt as you stand under the showerhead trying to blast the hottest of water into your soul, like a zombie becoming pure, reborn again. I wrote material as I stood there. About how I could feel hate coming through walls at me Lol. It better get laughs!

A 2010. I buy gorgeous wine at my dad’s for Bingington. I was pre-celebrating tonight (MTV AIRS MY EPISODE OF MTV CREEPS AT 9:30PM!) all weekend long. Leapfrog back flip wheee.

An emo dusk, cold. Cold as hell cold. Which isn’t cold at all so what is the deal with that fuckin’ saying? I wrote material all weekend long and jokes on the spot at my dad’s. He said there are no funny women comics, I said but, I am funnier than you! Confidence is 80% of it. I wish I did stand up prior to mtv I have more confidence now since doing it. You will see. I’m still a bundle of shivering nerves but I repurpose that energy for good, for laughs!

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Me neither, but now’s our chance!

I imagine Kanye might have or something, surely this is how the rich kids do it. 24 Karat Gold at that. Never going to be betrothed? Fill your hole with gold instead (of on that finger). It may be a man’s world but we can get on without ‘em.

With a $425 retail valued vibrating rod of independence! I have been looking forward to this erotic give-away for awhile now, EXCLUSIVE only to raymitheminx.com as lets face it I am the whore of Blogylon so who better else than moi to give away something so gorgeously crass?

The only business that’s got to go down is clicking the golden dildo, typing in your NAME and EMAIL and voila you have entered. I just did it. Name: RAYMILAUREN Email: raymitheminxATgmail.com SIMPLE and no catch. Remember the American Apparel Free $10 vouchers I spread around Christmas time, no catch there either? This is just like that, you guys can trust me :).

And, it’s not just good for women who don’t need men, there’s men who like men who don’t need men too! Or enter for your wife cos your schnitzel is on holiday. Need I remind you that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, it would be groovy to win in time for not having a boyfriend by then and/or it’s the perfect gift! We gave a girlfriend a vibrator once and there is no shortage on awkward when the unwrapping goes down and now I’m passing the opportunity (and good vibes) on to you dear Little Raymis.

Bzz bzz!

Working on new blog layout. Things will be looking cooler here very soon!

Guess what folks, tonight at 9:30PM RAYMBO TIME (Toronto and whatever lol) on MTV it’s my episode of Creeps TONIGHT! TOMORROW AGH! I have broken out in to zits for the occasion. I REPEAT, TOMORROW NIGHT 9:30PM NOT TONIGHT. Holy fucking stupidcalafragalistic. The both times I sat to edit this dumb blurb I have been interrupted. URG.

Reblogging Rebel Yell on vimeo cos big surprise, it was previously flagged on the true loser user experience what is known as youtube thanks to some troll.

You are now free to enjoy freely, now.

It’s Christmas here forever. I don’t care, the ornaments are gone all that’s left to do is just fold this thing up and stuff it in a box (pre-strung lit!) and call it a day.

Putting this up to redeem from the fugz pics of me you’re about to see below.

Friday looked like this. I was like JUST a cheese pizza it’s too early and we are only ordering this for the gingerales (5 of them, got us through the day til night) and Teacher was like, a cheese pizza? Had to clarify ten times then finally made this joke, what is this lauren, you’re not staying home alone (he played hooky!) Kevin Mcallistair. (He pizza) Verdict: pizza pizza suuuuu-uuuuuucks. Too doughy.

His pizza sucked, made it bbq based uh stoner pizza ideas much I bet if marshmallow was an option you’d choose it. I made fun of him every bite I took of that disgusting thing.

Geniuses choose cheese pizzas. I look terrible here. We watched Immortal Beloved and it took what was left of my soul. Great film, sad that we forgot to bring it. Gotta get ready for Brunch now must wash my mane. It dries funny because it’s full of chemicals and we let air dry because it’s delicate like tinsel? It’ll tear out if we brush blow it all. Only when it gets toned, normally it does not get toned it’s just a one-process job, wait til it turns white. I wait 3 hours haha or it takes about 3 hours all in and no more each visit, longer than a trip to nyc by airplane. Blabbity blah tweeting this now #Bingington continues.

DIDN’T KNOW THIS WAS PRIVATE WHOOPS. Public now! Enjoy!