Hi everyone did you miss me? Gee thanks, same here. I have a lot to share with you once I get back to Canuckada. Where to begin, hmm well, firstly I met someone and then all this crazy shit happened, awesome despite my stretched ligament which is still very sore but I can walk on it again. I will probably need physio and I might have a gangster limp. Tomorrow is my last day here it’s bittersweet blabbity blah there will be eight million pictures to blog naturally of course. Don’t even get me started on whatever my mom’s been snapping. I must try that dorito taco from taco bell before I go, do they have that at home I will be super pissed if not! Um what else. Uh I kept it real quite a bit and learned that being handicapped fucking sucks and I am too shy for it so I best watch my step next time lol. Sorry to my hater that I didn’t get eaten by a shark, I think I’m allergic to the ocean water anyway cos last night I broke out in hives. Meh. Aruba problems. Oh yeah heard a shooting too at this one ghetto joint we were staying at, they caught the guy but that was interesting to overhear and the ensuing ambulance or cop sirens at 5 in the morning. I can’t wait to weigh myself when I get back I finally started losing weight I knew I would. Did you guys have a good Easter? I bawled my eyes out when they were wheel chairing me out of the hotel cos I was like great who breaks their foot on their birthday milestoner vacation? ME OBVIOUSLY. But fate played a part in all that and kinda made some magic happen for your hero and next year is my champagne birthday anyway, 31 on 31 hell yeah.

CUL8Raymi.

Btw my bro is single – gotta be screened by my mum though.

“I’m sorry you have to work 3 jobs, cause your ugly.”

I wish you weren’t such a bitch Raymi.

SARCASM YOU IDIOT. BASED ON THE LIE THIS MENTAL CASE EVIL F–K SAID TO WHICH I WENT FURTHER WITH BECAUSE I AM SICK OF THEIR DAILY GARBAGE INFILTRATING MY LIFE AND IT WAS THE LEAST I COULD DO BUT THE BEST BURN EVER SEEING AS IT PROVOKED YOU SO MUCH, WHO BTW PROBABLY ARE THE ONE CONSTANTLY TROLLING ME SHOULD I SEND YOU A POSTCARD FROM ARUBA?

And for future when quoting me please get it right. What I said was “I’m sorry you have to “work three jobs” because you are ugly.” We all know I would NEVER fuck that contraction up which again is another hallmark ploy of trolls too, dink. Commenting on the post period prolongs it, it was rhetorical and a true mean girl who is awesome at her craft wouldn’t acknowledge me period. You wish I weren’t a bitch? Well I wish I wasn’t being harassed every single day and forced to be bitchy. I think I’m pretty good about it and I’m glad I stand up for myself and completely within my rights of ridiculing this person for teasing me every day and trying to make me feel like shit because I’m not an over achiever, THAT is bitchy.

Oh and I also got a death threat yesterday too. This is what happens when I voice my feelings over being upset for constantly being attacked all the time? You hope I get eaten by a shark because I wrote a wicked blog post defending myself how, original? Well lucky for you the term of endearment in Aruba is Mi Dushi, my sweetheart, so maybe something cosmic will occur “Hope you meet a hungry shark on your trip, adios douche-complete!” SWEETHEART DOUCHEBAG bit of an oxymoron like you, constantly aggressively obsessively hating on me.

It really is quite phenomenal how intense people’s hatred for me is. Do people go around wishing death upon people when things don’t go their way, is that like, how you solve problems? Do you want everyone with strong opinions who voice them to die? How totally close-minded and simple of you. Like is this blog just nothing but a big pile of dog shit like me because I’m fucking gregarious and hilarious and snarky with a broad-reaching soapbox? I can’t seem to be able to do or say anything right apparently. You guys are fucking stupid and a waste of my time.Get your head out of your own asses and being jealous of my incredible spirit, dance moves, ability to see the world in a funny way and willingness to share these insane thoughts in an eloquent manner. I’m not hurting anybody. Every time you talk shit about me I win.

But, for every hater there are 50 lovers. Here’s a nice email I received last night too. It’s really kind of fucked up to ping pong between being adored and loathed it’s like the world is bipolar not just me.

Hi Raymi/Lauren,

All the best!!!

I am SO hanging out with this chick some day.

Long story short guys, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but if you drink me it’s ok to have another sip. That’s a line from my next book that I am working on. Can you believe that our favourite hater says I’m never going to finish my book because I have no substance, or depth, forget the word she used but anyway I laughed about that for a week. You’d think this alleged magnificent sentient being would have the balls to say this to my face. To stand proud and brave in their excellence, and no doubt all over their blog which fuck, not gonna lie, I BET MUST BE INFUCKINGCREDIBLE. One day we’ll have answers I’m sure and I’m sure there won’t be any repercussions for our fearless gruesome troll cos nothing bad ever happens to bad people now does it.

Sorry for taking my travel anxiety out on the rest of you but I feel great when I get all my anger out plus it’s a good read hope you had some popcorn handy whilst settin on yer arse there baye. Big Brother Canada is on in 45 minutes can you imagine if I tried out for it like everybody wanted me to and I actually got in (in a failure’s not an option universe scenario) can you guess which person I’d be? Nevermind I don’t want my feelings hurt anymore so don’t go there.