peep the sauce on my chin i went out like that the next day all day long

i just paid a huge cellphone bill i hate how they sneak up on you a month after your vacation cos the cycle starts halfway through the month i was all awesome my bill was only $77 wicked then i look at it today and saw my current balance was $162. i just wanted to share that depressing news with you guys. now i am going to buy eggs peppers onion cheese sausage (maybe shrimp) and have it ready for when fil gets back so we can eat and go see pan’s labyrinth i am homeslave.

i am also sad cos an old friend just cold-called me and tried to convince me to go to this thing on saturday, all of it pyramid-schemey, sigh, i thought he would be doing something way better with his life by now. he laid all those culty catch-phrases on me YOU WILL THANK ME SOMEDAY AND I WILL THANK YOU and THERE’S THIS NEW COMPANY I AM CHECKING OUT and YOU ARE GOOD WITH PEOPLE AND COS OF YOUR INTERNET BUSINESS YOU ARE PERFECT FOR THIS. he wouldn’t explain what it was on the fone he said it was too long and complicated to tell me on the fone um right cos i am a fucking retard and i can’t understand things on the telephone.

i came right out and asked if it was amway and he said no then i looked at the website which boasts INDEPENDENT REPRESENTATIVES and NETWORKING basically all a bunch of bullshit to distract simple-minded folk from the fact it is a fucking scam hey thanks for calling haven’t heard from you in years thanks for the business opportunity of a lifetime!

fil said i should call him back and tell him to fuck off i won’t cos i feel bad for him. i should have told him the catch-phrase this chick said to me in grade ten when she roped me into going to one of these things, she had cue-cards in her lap and preached to me the entire way to this amway function PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE TIME DON’T HAVE THE MONEY AND PEOPLE WHO HAVE MONEY, DON’T HAVE THE TIME and her dad punched his hand lightly to emphasise victory when i got home later that nite i said DAD YOU WERE RIGHT IT WAS FUCKING AMWAY!

the more i think about this the angrier i am holy fuck! when you say uh this is a pyramid scheme and they are like no well yes ok but it is different than the others. oh? how is one pyramid different from another pyramid, exactly? i guess these people need to try this out for a bit and get it out of their chromosome-extra systems. sigh.

i would post the link to this “business” but i am afraid they will come abduct me in the middle of the nite and throw me in a river.

watched babel in bed last nite and i was bored at some parts so i masturbated and fil was all you are disgusting there are people in agony in front of you how is this even possible what you’re doing? i told him i disassociate easily from things, it’s true, i could be reading ikea instructions draw a picture and masturbate all at once, i will stop bragging now and yes i did feel gross and disrespectful. so fil passed out at the halfway point and i was stuck alone to question my shitty existence thank you babel for beyond depressing me you’re a good movie and everything but holy shit way to throw reality in my face! oh what now a hot deaf girl who is so utterly crushingly alone and no one will fuck her cos she is deaf and mute that’s awesome make her get naked and denied by the entire universe TWO THUMBS UP!

the part that will mess you up is when brad pitt’s wife gets shot through the bus (if you are worried about the movie being spoiled and you are planning to write me a long annoying tell off letter you shouldn’t even be reading this post, dicksuck) so right before it happens they are in a little fight but she grabs his hand like i forgive you but i still hate you and that is something that would so happen to me and fil cos we are usually in a stupid fight 60% of the time. i asked him if he would lose his fucking mind if i got shot through a bus window and he said he would turn into superman. the other tourists on the bus deserve to be strangled cos they’re all WE ARE HOT LETS GO I NEED AIR CONDITIONING while brad is waiting for a doctor and then after all that waiting and complaining they fucking leave anyway hey thanks guys for abandoning my shot wife and i in the middle of nowhere.

if you feel like learning obvious things about the human spirit and being all mystified by it smoke a huge j and watch babel in your jogging pants and give pennies to unicef i dunno i was expecting jungle stuff like baraka oh i thought i was going to be watching that mel gibson movie, isn’t he insane? i <3 you mel. one more thing is brad pitt really that old looking cos obviously they aged him but to what degree? where does his aging end and the fake-agedness come into play? maybe he is supes getting old looking so he is all slather on the under eye bags please don’t hold back.

this guy likes my art, has other opinions too.

more fanmail, remember this chick?

You don’t know what beauty is you inarticulate egomaniac…
Your as common as they come.

I don’t walk around all the time putting everyone around me down to build myself up,
and brag about my good qualities…
Your a blah face:)

after forwarding it out to all my friends i wrote back this

it’s you’re
and to what are you referring to exactly? do you want to talk about it?

to which she replied finally many days later:

I don’t usually stoop to retarded behavior, but I’m going to now…
I’m prettier then you, and your a BIG blah face!

melissa

there has been a lurking melissa in my comments for awhile now, she fucked up and left her blog url and i fucked up by deleting it, anyway she is most certainly NOT pretty. still can’t spell, still has emotional problems i’m guessing she’s still in her teens.

what’s up with the girl stalkers? fuck off and watch single white female already.

here are some pictures from the movie shoot last week the quality is crap an extra took these with their cameraphone obvs. trying to get the slonkies in the middle i am the one partying alone dancing? still working on getting more and of better quality.

my bra was totally stuffed to give the impression of huge bajungas and it worked.

turns out the super annoying conversation that wasted twenty minutes of my life was a hoax! enjoy your 3 seconds in the spotlight, genius.

what what (in my butt)

emo news report

i am thinking about eating more chicken maybe i’ll wait and make salad out of it later with goat cheese & jerk sauce and fil will punch me in the face and eat it all with his hands cowering on the kitchen floor by the cabinets like an opposum busted going through the trash eyes like flashlight beams DON’T LOOK AT ME! and he sounds like a banshee from hell.

there is a fancy olive oil on the counter called PLANETA and everytime i look at it i think it says PLACENTA and then i am like ew for the rest of the morning when i am making espresso LEAVE ME ALONE PLACENTA OIL.

i was going to write a telling it like it is anecdote about how annoying i think graphic novels are but i don’t want pitt to kill himself and write a novel in my comments i didn’t really think through all my opinions of why they are annoying either, they just are. come on, graphic? novel? more like REALLY LONG SHITTY COMIC BOOK nice try.

here are some pictures of my friends:

phony photo booth

emo cereal

last nite i ate 2/3 of a roast chicken from loblaws well maybe 3/4 of it or 4/5 depending which way you look at it cid helped me. i started eating it with my mouth only holding the container in my hand/lap and going at it, lise was like NICE ONE despite having not eaten an animal in two months, we pull into the gas station and this douche taxi driver is aiming to take the pump we had been waiting thirty seconds for, i roll down the window, chicken in one hand, it all over my face and fingers and make a sarcastic angry motion that uh excuse me this is our pump and he returns the sarcastic gesture being all well go to it then meanwhile he was diagonally about to saddle up to it so he goes away lise gets out to pump and i am in the car eating my chicken and luckily no one else was watching you know when you are in the car and there is another car in front facing you and you and the person sitting in the other car have to act like you aren’t looking at each other every 4 seconds and you play that look then look away game i hate that.

then as lise is trying to back up to leave this yuppie turd in a white SUV blocks us in and by now it is established that we are ragelors probably the smell of the chicken and the stupidity of all of toronto except for me and lise so she gets out of the car and tells the guy to BACK UP who was on his cellphone totally oblivious to the fact that we can’t move for his shitty mobile cos he has blocked us in, i am very nervous about this because lise has totally fought people in cars before haha.

before this incident we are pulling into the lcbo and this other car pulls in from the other entrance and does a stand-off with us and we are like wtf MOVE then it does and we go back to talking about girl things and as we are walking to the entrance this little troll woman in wellies and garbageman clothes starts telling us about lise’s missing light and how she didn’t know what to do and how we should be careful when we are leaving and we are just standing there giving the you are a fucking retard face. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO COS YOU ARE MISSING A LIGHT. i like when people give you lessons you didn’t ask for like it is do or die. then i spied on her in the lcbo at this point i wasn’t sure if she was even a woman and i was thinking about my chicken and i hadn’t eaten all day I WILL KILL EVERYTHING! the troll went right to the beer section, i didn’t see what she got, unfortunately. lise said her headlight has been missing for six months and no one has given her a lesson about it before.

then before we went to pay i said lise this lady talks a lot watch this and then we go to pay and the cashier talks to us forever and lise is trying to contain herself. anyway i like that chatty lady, the first time she spoke to me last summer i was a bit freaked out cos i spend all day alone, a whole day can go by and i won’t have opened my mouth to say anything and then i walk to the lcbo alone thinking about stupid shit and then this lady starts a full-blown conversation with me it was too nice i felt like i had to jump through that window right now but it did make me feel special for the rest of the day.

more on how fucking insane i am to come.

ps. i am sick of winter.

if you care to know the top five blogs that i stalk you should

READ THIS ARTICLE

don’t cry if your blog wasn’t mentioned, fil‘s wasn’t and speaking of his blog he has something to share with you here:

NEWS FROM A RECENTLY SILENCED PHILOGYNIST!!!

what the sweet mother fuck? philogynist logged into blogger this morning to portion out a dollop of his usual literary crack that you love so much and is so highly addictive that it should be classified as an opiate only to find that:

This blog has been locked by Blogger’s spam-prevention robots. You will not be able to publish your posts, but you will be able to save them as drafts.

with a little digging px quickly learned that his blog being locked by blogger was tantamount to a scathing indictment of the quality of his site:

spam blogs… can be recognized by their irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text, along with a large number of links, usually all pointing to a single site.

hmmm, philogynist hmmmm-ed to himself… irrelevant? check. repetitive? well, you’ve got cid, raymi, or booze so… check. nonsensical? third person, calls himself philogynist – check. lots of links pointing to one site? pretty much every other post links to raymi so it’s difficult to argue.

We have received your request for a review to verify that your blog is not a spam blog. Someone will look over your blog and respond

it’s going to be locked forever.