Flirty Girl Fitness from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i know right. if you need me i’ll be doing the splits, biking around the hood a thousand times and sit-upping my brains out. turns out blondie on the left is daina, dodgeball ringer from the budd cup. our team has played against hers twice in the playoffs. i gladly told her i got her ex-bf out last tourney (he is equally as ripped as her) and she was impressed. she works for flirty girl fitness and they were doing a pole dancing demo last nite for the harley event at the liberty grand (more on that to come). we (gill, traci melchor, allison) were out on the terrace, a chick runs out exclaiming a pole dancing performance is happening and we all beeline in (the event last nite was strictly vagine only so you can imagine)(there were even chip n dale lookin’ shirtless dudes walking and posing around haha) ok here’s some pics of how flexible you aren’t.

daina is awesome, i’m glad i finally approached her and introduced myself. if not for the dodgeball “in” it wouldn’t have happened. she said they try and keep it sporty when they do their presentations and for women only because those cutesy moves once a horny dude mob is hangin’ around all of a sudden ain’t so cutesy anymore (yeah thanks pervs, you ruin everything). so yeah if you want to check out the studio it’s conveniently located on wellington, west of spadina. map here.

and because i love you check out this hotness:

i didn’t know i had a mullet. there were several shots taken and they used this one cos i finally sort of smiled in it. SMILING ISN’T MY THING YOU STRANGER! anyway, couldn’t resist, free photostand with a wind machine (fan).

vroom vroom on my way to awkwardville!

i put up some more photos from little forest beer ruins hike on saturday. there are so many i can’t put them all up here so you can check out the flickr set when you’re finished reading my verbose captions for pictures of twigs and rocks cos you are gay like that.

we came to this blair witch shit and dave was like oh um the ruins are under water now, they were here last time i swear. great now we have to pound these 1L beer cans before we can make it over to the next site. kinda funny too cos i was talking to whomever on gchat about what we were up to on the weekend and i joked that we’d be looking at bricks in the woods and guess what i was right, literally bricks in the ground leading into the fucking water.

doesn’t matt look like garfield?

this one was a mind bender to me for a bit like yeah thanks for letting us know we can walk dogs if we want, awesome, how generous of you. then i realised oh right, keep ‘em leashed. SMRT.

scary. left shoe was caked in mud by the end.

whimsical fence in the sun.

private property ooh relax lady the only dangerous thing about it is the thorns.

and whatever the f that might be.

she’s yelling down at us at this point and i just wanted the one picture yeah yeah we know we’re leaving stop making me uncomfortable in the face.

good thing i wore a life vest.

you lost me at mill zzzz.

i liked how mike in my comments said in school for photography if you brought your friend here and they dressed like a ghost you’d get an A+ hahaha.

hey i might not be as much an enthusiast for historical shit (really i am, i just have a very limited attention span for it)(VERY) as the next guy but i sure as hell wouldn’t deface it you little rapscallions.

really now? i highly doubt princesses take corner pisses and give hummers in establishments such as this.

hat flying off.

some engineers kindly left this behind.

yeah i definitely think we can start out fresh here. things are gonna be ok from now on.

ran out of beer.

huh?

uhm?

another mind bender.

co-ordinates.

twacked in the face, ouch.

onto somewhere new, we backtracked to the beginning of the path cos dave’s mental gps was faulty turns out we were going the right way all along.

then my ruins tolerance window closed.

after this we went to dave’s for a bbq and fed his snakes some rats, ew! photos of that later. the rest of the hike pics that didn’t make the cut can be found here.

still working my way through some gift cards.

are these obviously aerosoles? i saw a woman checking them out before i noticed them, i stood very still and held my breath hoping she would just leave them be so i could try them on.

look out world here i come, me and my sensibilities, alright!

thanks k!

fil convinced me to play hooky yesterday and join him on the road.

ha ha ha.

we ate at that bistro in lowville park, always wondered what it was like. well, wonder no more. it is crap. they did so many wrong things and the price of their fare for what you get is bollocks.

for example, would i like fresh cracked pepper on my edamame? um, NO.

the burger was awesome though and the “shoe string” fries were tasty.

my pile of parm caesar. didn’t bring out the pepper for me i imagine because i hurt their feelings when i declined it for the edamame so i had to get up walk across the restaurant and get it myself and everyone’s face flushed, evidently ultimate restaurant shame when a patron has to crack their own pepper using the metre long grinder. meh. then we got to listen to all the pretentious local chatter, OOOH just got back from paris and yes it was divine. love it. my favourite was the old couple who sat in silence beside us for the duration of their meal and when the man finally thought up something to say the waitress came and interrupted with their meals. when she went away he asked his wife if her teeth were falling out. also, it’s coug central fyi single guys.

took the rest of the fries to go for a walkies.

it feels like only yesterday we went for our last fall walk here on what was the very last warm day and i said i’m so going tobogganing here come winter, which never happened, and wouldn’t you know it it’s already warm again.

ok pukestains more later.

sweet child o mine from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

click to enlarge

Oh yeah, forgot to say — when the movers were moving all my paintings, artwork, etc, no one said anyting about any of it, except for your big “Let’s Meet at Ted’s” painting that you did when you were visting. The main mover dude said, “Oh cool, I really like this one.” -jamie

aw! which one is that the one with the dog?

yes, a dog and a girl and a little grasshopper saying “Alan?”

these movers clearly were intellectuals

the mover makes spoken word records.

HAHAHA

I wanted to hear one so bad, but he didn’t have any with him.

yesterday we were cordially invited to a bombay sapphire party in a century-old private residence and designated heritage property. pretty flash.

you know who this guy is, yes?

miss sass was also down for the count.

just a lone(r) with ma thoughts.

i knew i’d be loaded inside ten seconds thank god for the food.

i want.

later on after 4565767 drinks i was so hungry i almost ate one of those mushrooms (thought it was a pita).

heated too, i checked.

6.5 (sass says 6.4) mil and it’s yours.

gin mojito-like drink.

then i snooped around for a bit.

fireplace brought in specially from italy. no biggie.

demo food/drink pairing lesson time. (more on that later kinda in a rush here).

i texted sass that she was a slut and i am BOMBayED (she was flirting with the brit sapphire ambassador in front of everyone, so funny).

gin lemonade (sapphire collins – soda, squeezed lemon, gin) yes please.

then it was time for an interview sit down with julian of notable fame where-in i tara reided my way through it. cringe. i know i at least gave one good sound byte.

yes it was us who took it sorry dudes if you need it back call sass.

nice.

my hangover wasn’t at all bad i forced down some water and a few slices of dominoes philly steak pizza. all in a day’s work. party on wayne.

outfit, check. pretty much what i wore friday ‘cept with hosiery and heels.

my niece is growin’ like a weed, man. she’ll be 11 in september, jeez.

gorge spread.

uncle, cousin, mom. check ‘em out back in the day…

the blond hippie hipster is my dad, nice.

partyin’ away.

mom was jeals of my skirt.

uncle mike spent the duration of the afternoon on the phone, in his black socks. my family is insane. accidentally punched a hole or two into that mat, sorry!

auntie winnie is my nana’s sister. they’re neighbours now. so cute.

papa and uncle jim (jim is winnie’s man). i gave papa a postcard of jack kerouac and he sat like a gentleman all afternoon, showing it to anyone who would come near. adorable.

birthday girl. winnie put all her loot ($) in a ziploc baggy. aw.

bros.

what’s with the no shoes, are you guys monks?

how do i get my brother to start dressing like a hipster?

hideaway hangout.

when we first arrived nana goes oh i had a dream about you last nite i’m all oh yeah (flattered) then my mom was like shut up shut up to her nana proceeds saying i was in the hospital (ugh) and they were trying to figure out why i had collapsed like that and the doctor said i had alcohol poisoning right at the exact moment i picked up a glass of wine for my first well-deserved family tranquilizing sip. because i was wearing heels i extra-towered over nana. she kissed me on the shirt and hugged me i was thinking ok do you feel better now that you let that out? later on she got cut and danced to no music in the living room. score one raymi.

i really like that painting.

i had a feeling the rest of the clan was hiding out downstairs.

self-portrait 34873429580907.

i tricked my brother into taking more photos of me by complimenting one he took at canada’s wonderland.

signature family gritchy face we all make when mom gets on our nerves or someone is talking too much.

sigh, my babe cousin leigh. she’s a hair taller than me and 2 years younger. check out her cheekbones. unfair.

cake time.

another family babe, cousin lisa. she has always been one of the sweetest and most tolerant of all the kids running and screaming around, no idea how.

birthday girl hat.

can you picture 80?

i have fifty conflicting stupid captions so nevermind.

i’m sorry but it’s the dress doing the game show pose, not i.

i wanted a flat foot photo (as evidence?) because i am competitive like that. i lost.

talking while posing = muppet.

nana wanted in on the pose-off. nice how leigh got her mug in the bg.

my brother’s in for it man.

every time we look at hailey collectively we sigh our balls off. she’s going to be tall.

ugh. that’s me in grade 9 so like 14/15? here’s another snap of it where you can see my white socks/black pants what the hell right? no H&Ms when we were kids that’s for sure. that would also be leigh on the right.

jammin’ out.

more mirrors, more me.

papa with some crumbs on his face.

ok that’s all folks. payce.

oh wait here’s some of my mom’s pictures.

plaque attack. zzz.

if survivor ever comes to canada this site would be good for a challenge – each tribe would have to run through this as part of an obstacle course, it’s completely rife with prickly branches the whole way through.

private property. whoops. an english lady came out and yelled at us while her scary dog barked away.

people were very little back then. jokes, the one beside it was normal height.

representin’ my people. if, they were my people.

requisite. don’t think it was the only one.

little known boring fact – my vest is actually, can be, an entire old school ski jacket. the sleeves are around here somewhere.

teen runaway chic.

smart idea. sorry for interrupting. bald guy was a bit aggressive.

here come some more with a case of steamwhistle in-tow.

sigh LOTR.

oh hi there, welcome.

do i have camel toe?

shut up assholes i do not IT’S THE LEGGINGS CREASE.

ok just give me my camera.

tons more later.

but i can pretend.

turns out i knew the act from one of their songs on a vice compilation years back. fil did merch while i did the door, i spent a lot of time reading my ronnie book. upstairs a daft punk tribute event was goin’ on so i got to talk to a lot of e-tards and direct them to the atm ’round the bar. more than once a crew of geniuses paid to get into DO/sweatshop stayed for awhile until realising that music was not what they came to dance like fuckin’ monkeys to. one posse’s drugs kicked in while they were talking to me, that wasn’t at all irritating and the classiest chick of the bunch gave me some ‘tude so i made them go upstairs and come back down with a stamp proving they were meaning to go up there before i would give their money back. i only needed one of them to do it, but they all (five) did, save for one that they left behind then the door guy from upstairs comes down and is like who are these retards i asked are they giving you attitude too? yes big time. ugh. so they come back down with stamps and slurrily jaw-grindingly demand their money back cos look WE HAVE STAMPS. yeah i know losers that was my idea and only one of you needed to do that. the concept of paying upstairs for a separate event so i can cover my ass before refunding you was beyond them which is why the one meth face tried to cop a ‘tude with me so i just stonewalled her. once they all had stamps i took pleasure in marking up their hands with green sharpie, x-ing out my initials (at first i was working with a cheetah stamp but the ink got too watery) later on in the bathroom one of the girls was breaking up with some guy on her phone totally high out of her tits it was pretty sad. obvs the guy on the other end wasn’t exactly an einsten himself.

everyone in DO/sweatshop were really nice to us and v appreciative of us sticking around longer than were initially estimated to (hip hop shows notoriously go late). one guy was like you’re hating on us now eh (at about 1.30 or so) i said no actually i’m a fan i didn’t realise i was until you played the US song. smooth. i could tell this one groupie fan chick was jealous of that line.

anyway it was fun, i think i discovered a new way to tolerate shows – getting paid. thanks gill <3.