Author Archives: raymi

We’re going to have fun if it kills us!

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Welcome to another edition of DINKS GONE MILD! Doin’ shit for no reason other than the season (of pumpkins). (shouldn’t I write ad copy instead of this stupid blog?) Do you know what a DINK is? Other than a wicked burn if delivered effectively. A DINK is a double income no kids couple. All this time I thought I was just a person in the world living their life, wrong. I’m a statistic!

It smelled retarded. Like pot pourri limoncello.

They had every thing known to man in a jar. We bought chipotle salsa, it was ludicrously smokey and burned my brains out last night at Sunday scrabble. Dinks enjoy Sunday Scrabble.

Pumpkin Donuts. We got a bag of 8 and Britt I swear I was going to save you one but I put the plate on the table during scrabble and we couldn’t stop. Yesterday was def a binge eating day, I am ashamed.

We got there late cos one of us insisted that we go despite weather and my tardiness. I take my time, I like to have my weekends. I live my life at 90 million miles an hour, yet there is pressure to go out and experience this thing called life especially on Sundays, in autumn. Conundrum.

I look like a lard ass i looked like a stripper girlfriend imitation of the girls next door northern brampton style with those huge cans plus my sweater vest is thick, toddler sized. I keep it pin-up as often as poss.

Oh jesus. Smothered in cinnamon sugar.

Same colour as my eyebrows. Dinks buy ironic treats. We didn’t get to do the corn maze, it was closing. You can do it in the night which is why we thought it would all be open. The weather changed things? I dunno. I get bored fast so I was fine with our mini intense minimalist tour, we bought fudge and a bottle of cab franc, no wonder he suggested that one it was most expensive. DINKS problems no biggie. It was delicious and I hoarded it at the scrabble table after forcing a sip on my dad to prove my dinkness. Ok I’ll stop. It was cold too and my fingers were going wizard white. I have poor circulation.

I’m sorry but my outfit killed it right down to my desert trek clarks that I have climbed a mountain in, actually a few, partied you name it.

Too bad Candyman is a boring movie. It’s scary as hell though. This is scary movie season. We saw the commercial for that movie with the imaginary friend of the little girl and were terrified to death oh my god I love that so much oh my god im so scared right meow! ahahhaha! aghh ! I am also beside myself in cramp pain too and chugging coffee and waiting for the acetomephatemaine whatever that word is kicks in O_O 0_0 o_O HALP! UPDATE: PAIN GONE GOOD.

Thanks a lot mom for ingraining this cheesy shitty cottage home country penchant a la martha stewart. Go through tons of candles. Patricia Romance holla! ‘n kin I get a What’s up Antiques Roadshow, I almost wrote roadkill antiques roadkill haha what the fuck? I think I get a mental leave free pass today in my little story tale blob. Entertainment is better when you go full mental.

I look fat. Donuts won out over these cookies. We were wearing matching DINK sweaters.

Our invitations must have got mixed up in the mail.

Oh my whimsical barf puke much?

I yelled out TORI SPELLING GRADUATES! Teacher goes, DONNA MARTIN! Blahaha I am cute.

Those are legit beatle cards from back in the day. obvs.

I’ve been in like ten vice mags. How many have you been in? I have a three pager too. Teh trollz hate on me for this but whatever guy, it’s called proaction. Don’t take your inaction out on me.

This garbage was in this issue.

Mom’s either gonna be pissed or delighted by my absconding with her little witch boots. Absconding is an embarrassing word I used in THE LAST MINX. The first story of “Raymi.” When I first wrote to vice magazine I needed a zippy name so I stole raymi from my story and made her street, hip hop/dj-ecstasy club kid. At the same time Fritz the cat was around too, coincidentally.

If you want them bring me back my tracey boots then. If not, then fair is fair. Thanks for working them in!

They’re fabulous high-anklets, designer? I know they were expensive. Witch-like, now hipster for sure. Mennonite.

Great close-up on my zit. Someone was feeling artistic.

I look like a potato.

It was a good time. I beat my dad each game. Teacher and Alison one won won one (DYSLEXIC!) each. My dad contested every word of mine cos he couldn’t “handle expressions.”

Then we watched another BB UK when we got home but couldn’t make it through an episode DINK PROBLEMS!

Hallelujah it’s finished!

Raymbo style cribs

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We watch a lot of big brother uk and geordie shore and talk in accents now. Deal with it until I get a new show to watch. I think my dad was mighty impressed with my accent ability, better than he is now. Oh and I’m stacked cos I wore a bra obvi. Cartoon character much? It’s worth it cos my girls respond favourably to fighting gravity and now that I’m gettin’ on up there like an old bird I should wear a brassiere more often though everyone knows precisely how flat I am so it’s clear that I’m misleading. There needs to be a designed Raymi bra for flatterish chicks.

Shit for the bon vivant

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don’t worry I bought new stockings, changed when I got there. Legend.

Half past six or so we took a cab to spin toronto. I didn’t want to go, but he said Susan Sarandon would be there so I did and I threw on ol purple. Which won in the polls. I’ll take goldy out tomorrow for a spin at the Thompson party. I only wear sparkle dresses to the Thompson now. I ran into Susan again in the Thomson lobby a couple hours later, after talking about her with my dinner crew, she flicked her eyes at me, made me feel like shit! Then we made it a thing for the rest of the night. It sucks because I love that woman but anyway you can’t win ‘em all Lebowski but you can certainly die blogging about it, I mean trying. Trying is for losers though, I just do.

The weather was shit. snp said I looked like a witch (and “that’s awesome.”) when she walked in to the party, Katherine Keener was standing to my left gushing to Susan about her new hot spot (co-owner) as Teacher and I were ducking out. It was supposedly a compliment. She’s gone as Cruella for Halloween, we both play villains.

That society prop of a purse is a Kate Spade. Britt said it was ugly. Stew got it for me from her official film fest party at Harbord Room. Everyone knows emerald and purple go together, also, auburn. Susan wore a green emerald city mayoress jacket, I was on to her about that much as she was on to me for my outlandish dress.

Argo guys over there to the left. We made friends with them later based on a self-imposed dare (I was proving a point to two nice chicks we be-friended) of throwing ping pong balls at them. The older I get the more I regress, they’re just lucky we weren’t in an actual playground. Actually, that’s pretty much what all bars and drinking establishments are nothing but kissing tag in disguise.

We got polluted. The drinks were great, very foodie cocktaily? What’s the word I’m searching for? Shit for the bon vivant.

Candied bacon. My cholesterol must be ridiculous.

Is it just me or is everyone hotter lately?

Jessica said I knew Raymi back before she was famous. I said HEY I was famous back then too! ha. But it’s true me and this girl got mad stories, back in Heather and Eric days and I was seeing the Spaniard. Mod club, Tequila lounge at Bathurst and Bloor, lots of bands. I saw Gogol Bordello there. Euros are crazy at shows, the co-singer babe chick wore a raccoon tail hat and military stuff. A.R.E. Weapons, Peaches, Ladytron, MC Paul Barman, you name it I saw it at 19. No wonder I went insane at 19.

Like Lisa, she is hotter too and her hair is longer and she’s thinner. We are in a competition now. I will show you a picture that Lisa took of my tits in San Diego now that I “stopped caring”.

Blogher lol. We all make mistakes, right ScarJo? Now that was a party. I made Lisa drag me out before I came on to a drag king. You “found” me Lisa. ps. if you want an actual review of spin toronto her post is up.

I like to keep ma face hues Geordie Shore. Wot uv it ma?

Can’t! Blackberry went to shit. Got my new phone and my contacts are all gone, so I have to make time to go back to my old phone and blaaaaaaaaah :(. Well I can tweet but I don’t have your numbers so email me or text me your name and i’ll add to contacts thanks! I lost all my sexting partners baha.

That little Lady Gaga was playing like a professional madwoman with an adorable older man, assumedly her dad, they were the same little height, fun to watch.

This is the back room. Picnic benches line the middle.

I recognize some faces.

Really love the bunker feel and the sharp stark utility metal bottle shelves. Classy bomb shelter, can get to the bar from either side and hide from people.

Even though Lisa is asian I was better. Ha no, equal. We worked up a sweat. Fun.

Dress up ping pong, keep it fabulous ladies. What have we learned from ANTM? Model sweats like a ball gown and a ball gown like sweats.

Jessica was going to Barbados the next morning. Jealicious!

Keeping the flow going when the cameras would come around and see how much I sparkle? How could you not zero in on that? Christine said she saw me on ctv and city pulse highlights. SEND ME screenshots if poss.

I never got to play when we went to the spin TO party at burroughes building cos of all the hipster hoggers. It really was an amazing party. Considering I was not in the mood at all to totally shamelessly enjoyed myself, that’s gear.

To my right (your left) that little alcove where you can check your coats, is where Teacher first spotted Judd Nelson. !!! O_O! What? Seriously? I spread it to 40 people.

Faaabulos time dahlings mmmyes.

Almost went through this, so fast. People were slamming balls down 4 at a time. Mental!

I keeps it game show.

This side room was very boys club. Fun clusters of bromance.

Whomever did the PR for this jam should give themselves a pat on the back, packed all night, with billions of notables, fashion elites, it-people, you name it.

She works for msn. HI!

Ping pong chick vs. Judd Nelson. I felt like I was hallucinating.

And why is he dressed like he forgot it was civvies day? Teacher went out for smokes with him and they became friends. You know how you can tell someone your life story in the time it takes for a smoke? Oh man! It’s all my stupid dress’ fault.

Whatever man, I am stealth incarnate.

Whatever, the chick in the purple? Hated me. Ping pong model/athlete? Her too. WTF right? It’s my dress it announces me and I don’t get a fighting chance. We’ll see how gold goes over tomorrow.

Look how much he is sweating. His hand is on me too. I could retire now.

My mom said what she would have said to Susan had she had the chance oh shit here we go…

She’d have commended her for leaving Tim Robbins and to not be embarrassed like Demi Moore right now. Uh but Tim is like infinity and leads prisoners in a drama class and does good plus their age gap is like way smaller than Ashton’s and Demi’s and it’s Demi’s fault anyway for copying Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake in the cougar race.

She’s like why didn’t you tell her that? My mom asked. Because that is wicked TMI and personal and you think I don’t have a filter, friends, have you met Tracey?

All I did was try too hard to make her like me and gave her my business card, she denied me a photo meanwhile my new best friends the Argonauts whom I played ping pong with show me their cell phones with like slide after slide after slide of Susan posing with them for photos!! HAhahaha.

And this is the story about how Susan Sarandon hates me. That’s her there. Breathtaking! And oh whatever guy you’re standing beside Judd Nelson and Susan Sarandon I’m trapped in the doorway (it was dumping rain out still, trying to get my umbrella in order), Katherine f-ing Keener is broadcasting IN TO MY EAR over to Susan, “Hey you’ve got a really popular club here…” wait is that Judd’s son? My friend said it’s cos she didn’t want to look old beside me, Stevie Nicks does the same thing to chick fans. AWW!

And then as another coincidence (after running IN to Susan Sarandon again in the Lobby of the Thomson) our friend has this up in his office, he has come in to possession of it by way of the W. Dear Susan please don’t ban me from your ping pong bar, I loved you in Step mom and I told you that I admired you for protesting and shit, Also I’m friends with a hippie musician you and Tim adore that had you known I’m sure you’d have posed in a photo with me. Kthxbye.

Now hold hands with her.

Some of these are out of order I thought this post was just about done ughhhhh.

Time to get a new camera.

Ok is this Katherine Keener? She had the same voice and she hit me with a ping pong ball and then gushed apology to me twice at two separate party intervals and I was still in party shy mode so I never really looked her in the face but now I am wondering…

First time wearing hoop earrings ever in my life. I am 28 years old. I was kidnapped by a cult and lived in the mountains for many years is why I dunno I’m a tom boy.

This is when KK look-a-like pinged me and I pretended it really hurt. Hit my shin.

I’m so glad I have reconnected with this chick.

Buhhh. K Happy Sunday!

Now the party don’t start til i walk in

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Meet The Kerouacs! Like the Addams Family. I get to be Wednesday!

Sometimes this whole blogging thing gets a lil cray-zay and you gotta press send halfway through and pull a little “be right back.” Don’t think anyone’s complaining though, will there be a test after this? You never know.

PART I: AUNTIE RAYMBO BRIGHT and FAMILY TAKE YOGURTY’S in case you missed it, catch up now.

I am a huge escapist, I have a successful blog because of this, like, what are you supposed to be doing right now, certainly not reading my blog but here we are so lets do what we do best and dream of rainbow candy lava rivers on piles of peanut butter flavour calorie reduced yogurt and have an eating contest, good?

HAHA what if that was peanut butter yogurt with peanut butter chips. Your food is redundant and so are you. Sorry teacher!

Shall I drag the family dysfunction out and in to this post like you really really want?

I just lol’d like Nelson from the Simpsons and Buddy Holly is back from the dead.

How many Little Raymis does it take to fill a Yogurty’s?

About that whole cray-zay thing I mentioned up top, in the last 24 hours it’s like everyone ran out of their meds cos I have been getting hardcore trolled. One thing in particular was an accusation that I essentially, am not real. What? I think of all the bloggers I’m the only one who has been showing their entire family, life, breakups, FOR REAL for ELEVEN YEARS. Where is the fake? My friend said there is something odd about these nay sayers preferring the black hair girl miserable and lonely waiting for her bf to come every day, there is something sinister about that for sure.

This is above and beyond a social experiment at this point. We didn’t invent goofy wacky scenarios for wont of a blog gimmick and spiderweb of facebook and twitter personas, this is my family and our real life. We are extreme, which the entertainment foundation is built upon.

And there is a lot of love. If a family isn’t getting along then they don’t hang and then there isn’t “material” or content, rather. We do, so there is. Where is the fake part, again? Ps. my brother and his friends will beat you up! We’re on the defence and have a reason for it. REVENGE. One day when I finally go to the police with a massive file folder stacked with year’s worth of harassment, identity theft, stalking, torment, abuse, slander, the cop will be like why didn’t you come sooner. Uh, I was busy. Honestly when this month is over I am taking a break.

Here is a song about October, called, October.

I bought my mother these in Quebec City. FOR REAL!

Uncle Mike wears ridiculous garb. Always has, and doesn’t give a care. Any hobby he engages in he takes it to the extreme. His top five Jeopardy Categories would be: Metal detecting in the tropics, Setting off more fireworks than the fourth of July, which splash pants to wear with which designer fugly sneakers, his boat and as a bonus traveling annually to each stanley cup winning’s city to sell his mint condition collectable hockey cards. In short, extreme. Like the glasses.

I like your shirt mom.

B- on the faux waves.

Then Sylvia and her little fashionista daughter arrive.

She’s so shy and sweet.

A mini Sylvia. I bet they share clothes. It shows hehehh.

Go on then love.

I am so jealous of that hair.

Something is always goin’ down with this lot.

Her tub was layered and no empty pockets. Hilarious. Her mom said she eats and eats and eats and doesn’t stop. I can relate.

I LOVE this photo. The chocolate action shot! A closer look whaaaat! O_O I can stop time.

Hey dude here we go again.

THIS SUNSET BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOGURTY’S!

Enjoy it while it lasts before the next gathering is in a pub.

That’s my girl :).

Mystery camera has one setting only. The lcd smashed months ago. If I have great shots it’s cos I am a good photographer, it’s all about the aim and the finger crossing.

See my feather mustache? Who hates that word?

The rubber grip on these ridiculous glasses was tearing at my precious hair.

It feels like being in a spaceship in there. Me likey.

Mary Lynn looks pumped.

I look like a grasshopper.

When Linda and I went to get booze next door (Yogurty’s bonus, it’s in the appleby mall parking lot beside the LCBO 5010 Pinedale Avenue) they all got seconds.

Realness? You want some real, people? This is a picture of me and teacher fighting and the pressure I sometimes feel from this blog. You try managing a zoo of a family and being heard over all the noise, yes it’s about fun and games but HELP ME take pictures please, I have specific &^%$# to cover. Don’t give me attitude just do as you’re told and eat your free yogurt. How many fights do we get in to a day? Oh, how many stars are there in the sky? Lol.

Now that you’re all hopped up on sugar, it’s show time kids.

Now what did I have at 13 to hang out in other than a Burger King where people could still smoke inside. Actually, that was pretty amazing once I started smoking not many years later much to the chagrin of my mother, I hid it well. I’ve been a non-smoker for 6 years now?

Ok here comes Jackie O.

Back-lit babes.

Haha mom that asteroid star is exploding out of your head.

Now my brother will know which book on her shelf to snoop in, or I bet she’ll take it to school then get in trouble.

Seconds. Unbelievable. When Tracey isn’t paying she gets hungrier lol.

Pigs. Love them. Bet none of them were worrying about their lil waistlines like ol aunt Raymbo.

You’re welcome for the amazing family meet-up idea. It’s brilliant. Stuff face with yogurt and bail when they start irritating you then go off to do your own thing. No awkward couch family room sittings, just pure dessert. Run out of stuff to talk about or every topic they bring up is exhausticating? Talk about your YOGURT! My brother and I bullied mom, what’s a matter, why are you eating two? Are you on your period? hahah. Actually I’d say our family is more like the Osbournes.

Notice how kelly is all long haired blonde and thin now too. Some guy screamed BROOKE HOGAN! Out at me while I was in Miami beach and now I get hits for “brooke hogan flip flops” (see below photo) all the time haha. I don’t think our family could be destroyed like Hulk Hogan’s was by reality tv as our family is already destroyed (j/k) so there’s no way a hogan fall out could break it, every scandal that could happen, has and is happening.

Those are tube flops. Surf sandals. Cawabunga!

That was a great trip.

Full post here back to Yogureality now.

I see modelling in your future.

She already has done some modelling. Commercial stuff (Tyra voice).

No visit is complete without the photo wall portrait. There’s another nice one on the way out but everyone had had enough at that point. No family outing is complete if it doesn’t end in yelling and stalking off in separate cars bahaha.

My mom’s shots now.

How wonderfully grotesque.

Daddy’s little girl!

TGIF!

To the salon!

NOTABLE AWARDS!

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THE NOTABLE AWARDS ARE HERE! and Noms close tonight at 11:59pm EST so go nuts. They’re open to any young professionals across the following categories, something for everyone:

Architecture & Real Estate, Best Personal Brand, Community Impact (Medical and Not-for-profit), Culture Curators (Literature, Fashion, Design, Arts), Entrepreneurs, Finance, Future Builders (Teaching and Human Resources), Internet Start-up and Technology, Law, Lifestyle (Hospitality, Cuisine, Travel), Media and Communications, Social Media, Sports and Entertainment AND **Young Professional of the Year**

Re: Nominations — no reason to be shy to nominate yourself, it’s completely confidential and once finalists are announced the public won’t know who was nominated vs who nominated themselves ;).

The big Notable Awards celebration (read: PARTY), hosted by Melissa Grelo from CP24 is on Nov 10 at Andrew Richard Designs: GET YOUR TICKET!

WHAT TO EXPECT at the Notable Awards:

Open bar (check!)

Tequila Tasting courtesy of Tequila Tromba (I LOVE THIS TEQUILA!)

Complimentary Molson M (micro-brewed)

Hors Deurves (YUM)

Live DJ

Keynote by ING Direct’s CEO Peter Aceto (absolutely notable)

Keynote by Paul Etherington Co-Founder and Chairman of motionball and Partner at Etherington Generations Inc.

Ample photo opps

Tons of networking opportunities with innovative, like-minded, YP’s (bring business cards)

AND … to meet the 13 Award winners (good luck!)

What: The Notable Awards driven by Lexus

Where: Andrew Richard Designs, 571 Adelaide Street East

When: Thursday, November 10th, 2011, Cocktails start at 8pm

Why: To celebrate and raise a glass to the first ever winners of the Notable Awards.

Attire: YP Chic

*This is the FIRST EVER awards for young Canadian professionals.* FIRST!

Since Notable’s inception, we have been profiling Canada’s top up-and-coming and established young professionals,” says Julian Brass, founder of Notable.ca. “Through the Notable Awards, we hope to recognize young professionals who best demonstrate what it means to be truly notable.”