nsfw-ish. i put it on vimeo so the prude haters couldn’t flag it. you see butt cleave. meh. it’s no more than what american apparel does. defensivity over.
i’ve another video of this song. sick of it now. blog slave played it for me last week and it’s been on rotate. i’m still going to upload the other video regardless as i overshare and such.
speaking of, kay be honest now, are you a front? ha kidding. remind me to tell you a story about the time some skids came in for a scale at the hardware store i used to work at. haha.
i’ve been to so many whimsical places this week, places for moms, grandmums, ahhh glorious. today i was selfish finally and totaly slept in, til 3, i knew it would be rainy and no one would be out so i could be lazy, i earned it. therefore this post is tres late. tomorrow is your sunday stroll chance along queen west before it’s back to the slog SO go visit this tea place to extend the fantasy throughout the week at your desk. tea junkies i am speaking to you and how timely is this piece as it’s on the front cuvs of EYE weekly, the tea explosion or boom of toronto.
this place has the most wonderful atmosphere. they’ve shown me much love via twitter since i waltzed on in there raymisphere touching down, sometimes after i leave a place i still do the advertorial but you better believe me there’re waves. no fair. with tealish, nuh uh no way. i am obsessed by them now.
mum and lois we are going on a tour of the city and hitting biz’s to and fro, taping it. head’s up toronto please get in contact with my colleague alex@raymitheminx.com to get on board with that. nana and winnie we take to nana places lulz. then we do raymi after dark supreme.
i am doing a cleanse next week. i’ll see if my guru will allow tealish teas. i assume as much. she is a celeb cleanse goddess ps. STOKED guy. i made my life a fantasy dream world. it continually astounds me.
i put so much pressure on myself, it is sad and awe-ing i think. i thank. thunk. i carry a lot of guilt too. since i’ve turned 28 i have been a bit of a nightmare. i feel like i have the shingles all shakey manic daily one gig after another and rest time is spent recovering and blogging all of it, correspondence, book, blaaaaaaah. checking up on my competition, idols, messageboards. this internet stuff is work. i tell you. but i love it. i love it.
this makes me want to be martha stewart and as i get older i understand the allure more and more. it’s simple smart elitism. my new term for it though is DOMESTIC MOLESTIC. which as i saucily age is the angle we will be going for. more on it later. this is my last chance to be as hot as i can ever and will be and that goes for you too raymi army, who have aged along with me over the years. we be stylish mature babes now and our gender is the majority of the populous.
the potency of these tea scents is so strong if your nose had lips-like and it’s almost like drinking it. need to impress your mother in law-to-be? BRING HER HERE.
i wanted everything with caffeine in it and i left with a london fog latte to go (I KNOW!!!!!)(bitches are insane for it) like a tea latte oh m fffff g! k no wait it was pattiserie black tea latte. an earl grey latte is a london fog. amazing i want ONE!
that’s me being blonde demure demi moore. she wishes. when i had black hair and longboarded in my black bikini around oakville they used to call me demi moore a la charlies angels.
debutante tea meets hipster meets ok sure, make it pretty and whimsical plop it on queen west and we will give it a try, pretty much right? ‘cept hipster is now going the way of prep, i almost don’t even want to say it. cos that’s ma jam.
girl had it down pat. i was manic she was bam bam bam boiling water steepin’ flossin’ and i was like that’s done. people were in the back there and i was feeling guiltus interruptus. i apologized to one guy for disturbing him and he blushed. i wasn’t sorry and he sure as shit didn’t mind me.
it’s all weird slanted cos of the speed, weird eh? like how when you take a picture of airplane propellers in motion or a wheel’s spokes they go so fast they’re not moving it seems?
my perception of boring or things of interest is now officially skewed though i might assume its always been slightly offkilter. look, this salsa, i dig it. i ate it, i endorse it. there you go? bloggable.
totoro the thirteen year old cat that i just named, at age thirteen. like how i get a say this late in the game? she jumped into the tracey bag. her other names vary, one being the terrorist. she’s quite nice to me though. animals these days quickly and swiftly fall under my spell i find. don’t bite the hand that naps all day with you.
i have filled the teacher’s fridge with sauces and juices. so easy you should do it too all you need to buy for dinner ever are cucumbers some cheeses, prosciutto, whatever you know? some wine, some toob.
i found blythe danner to be epicly fabulous in little fockers. as was babs, and those outfits, oy vey, magnificent! the movie full on jumped the shark though, no doubt, however it was brilliant and we laughed our asses off. completely. maybe i’ll watch it again stone cold sober (won’t) and think differently? did you like it?
had a new client to meet today, wanted to impress and make her think i was a grown up. grown up stooges dress like wieners for the most part. i knew my beauty and overall coolness would shine through (and big mouth), it always does. well, it’s possible to fall flat sometimes.
she said i had beautiful skin like, really good skin. phew. immediately disarmed me with that one. a lady always knows good skin and while i’m told this frequently i don’t really believe it as i wear lots of makeup. she asked me what my mother was, like, a mix? awesome. i said part french. then i blabbered a TMI about how we have an oily t-zone (what? shut up!) and how the oil of our skin is what keeps it young. erg. mom tell me why we have nice skin ok?
i was so flattered and felt guilty for texting one word BUSY’s to my mom for the past forever that i called her when i had a minute today from adventurehouse and told her the good news about our skin. all the times i seem to be exasperated about my mom the listener is just like, dude, call her man. she’s a mom, your mom.
the teacher just asked who “the listener” was. haha. it’s plausible there is an acutual “the listener” out there, some guy called the listener. ok fair.
not exactly a good sitting outfit for close quarters of being photographed in. another chick lady customer was all ooh what are you doing, modeling? FLATTERED! i was striking poses by the cake showcases et al. by the way this is carole’s cheesecake, the and of where my birthday cakes come from. i’ll be rolling this post out next week amid my cleanse as i won’t be doing any cake inhaling that week and will be needing content. what does the blogger blog when you take their food away? ha, blog day 7, here i am wasting away like a skeleton barely able to dance slutty in the teacher’s living room. ok i can’t finish this joke/caption, it’s friday. i think we’re on the same page. lucas’ mom bought that shirt for melodie, it is tiny in the arms area and now that i have pipes i look like a shy meathead trying to show their brains in normal people’s clothes when really they should just stay in gym rat clothes. am i right?
got to sit at the family table. carole’s mike reads my blog everyday and says that my photos the way they’re composed or done, someone knows what they’re doing. i was gesturing to my colleague but he waved that away, he knew what i meant i mean, i’ve been doing it over ten years. i was touched. amazed that he reads daily. dude is 70ish and has the attention span for this blog. hi!
would you pay 35 dollars for this shit? ugh. so annoyed. tell you later if i remember. thumbs down bier markt. abuse of power? meh. you guys continually disappoint and i never learn.
here is what my monday looked like. i am WAY leaner since this. it still floors me to look at them though as i haven’t had a chance to yet so you’re gonna get live actual reactions and zero bullshit. ok, maybe a little bit of bullshit. we do what we can right?
as you can see, i look like shit. if i photographed what i looked like each morning i think i would kill myself, or the internet would have a field day. however, this is reality. i think i mighta said to colleague no close ups ok? fuck this might even be from this monday i think it is actually, my brain is so scattered AGHHHHHH.
ok i just looked at the date, yep this is my monday following getting ripped all weekend long in burnoutington. so spent. i haven’t even had the chance to go through my burnoutington photos yet, just one thing after another. not complaining. just releasing it out into the world so i can get the poison out and perform more efficiently.
here i am warming up with the russian nightmare. his dreams of training his beloved blond gazelle (with mysterious facial ancestry in the face) finally came to fruition.
we twirled our hips. this is the move i always snicker at when i see the trainers doing it but it’s great to loosen you up except there is nothing much loose about a thick russian accent you can barely decipher, what, are those even words? i think he is a mumbler. he is very very nice though don’t get me wrong but it’s not going to stop me from analyzing him up and down.
they all make fun of my shorts there so it gives me a complex about wearing them. not this day though as i was thin as a whippet. all my clothes are shrinking. beeeeach ready. almost.
wow i look haggard. pretty much nil makeup. anyway look it’s walter my lifestyle challenge work out party for the day. i am proud of him he has the best attitude and is dead set on results, pushes himself too. russian nightmare corrected me on my lunges and showed me how and to lunge deeper and it hurt so much i HATE lunges i have given up on co-ordination with them i look like a sloppy loser but now that i know the correct form i’ll do them right.
haha nice potato nana face. see how i am mentally checking out. have to at certain points of your session, go zen and just DO IT don’t give up okee dokee.
andrew has a cool arm sleeve. i told him about watching the biggest loser and how it’s like as big as survivor ow, they went to new zealand (beautiful!) and made the fatties run up the stairs to the top of that huge whatever version of the cn tower they have over there and then they jumped off. 1027 steps. easy i could do that. even one fatty was like wow i realized i was in shape halfway up. that’s amazing. i want to climb the cn tower how do i do that? also how many steps is it i am too lazy to google someone tell me in the comments thank you.
andrew said he’s going to watch the show too now to motivate the dudes more. i said we should be surprised with a taped episode and watch it together in the kidz360 and i would like to say have a pizza party but that is kind of (totally) counter-productive.
plank the tank. ha. oh see anthony showed up yay. dan was also absent. mmhmm. this is why i gave walter seven minutes in heaven afterward. join my raymi rewards program and you too can cash in hehhheh. sorry i am charlie sheening right now i have infinity deadlines. real and imagined.
halfway through you remember your core and you fire the shit out of it cos this is a hard move on your arms and while you’re down there you’re like i may as well get the full benefit of this torturous movement. you go 360 one way then the other way around.
dying and flying. if i hate something i just do it as fast as possible. like how i one day walked into a bear, an actual black bear (it was a teenager but STILL!) because i was hungover and overheated in the woods power-walking ahead of everyone on this hike and i wanted it over and done with asap but i knew it was a long one, almost 2km in and the same back again. so i speed walk right into a bear like two shitty toyotas apart and i was still motoring as we had met and realized the other’s presence. we stood and looked each other in the eye and both pussied out, i turned right back on my heels and SPRINTED like kanye west in the runaway video (like a psychopath) back into my ex and his cousins and they’re all oh what’s up so caj with their walking sticks and i sputtered out like john candy in the great outdoors bb-b–bb-BEAR! then they all did a ready to fight stance and held their sticks like bats we all grabbed something for a weapon and started cracking the branches together to make loud noises to let all wildlife know we were there, which is what we should have been doing all along. if i had walked right into that bear, i dunno man, i was pretty out of shape then and exhausted from our hike and sweaty. the fear adrenaline it put in me though. dad are you scared? ok so the point of that was next time i am speed walking because i am hating my hike (which i now wouldn’t because i am a fitness freak i cannot wait to go on hikes this spring/summer) is the same as me getting through around the world on that ball. just push yourself and shut up and take it because it is the opposite attitude you’ve been taking your entire life which is what has made you fat in the first place. got it? great.
sexy eyes blinking independently of the other coma. definitely svelte now. sorry but The Motion Room‘s results are undeniable. even alyssa is getting twiggy in the torso. maybe i’ll get down to vintage clothing sizes petite. hope so. today james said well yeah you ARE in your final months/weeks of it so i’m about on par, could be better if i wasn’t such a drankaholic foodielist right. but i augmented my diet and finally am being good about it, today after i hit publish i’m going on a wild eating spree (again) and tomorrow i begin a cleanse/fast. so tonight is the actual last night of being bad.
i am neurotic over these and kind of scared of the ball going away and falling on my tailbone. because i am a fitness gym rat and in strength phase we added a move to it with the ball over my head, great for triceps which i am obsessed with toning.
then we got in trouble for something apparently (even though i was doing my moves and correctly) and had to do a brick. is that what it’s called? anyway it’s squats together.
this is when anthony called me a princess cos i clapped my hands and bellowed COME ON PLANK LETS GO NOW I GOT SHIT TO DO. instead of fireballing a laser at him i just simply went THAT’S RIGHT! when he said ok princess. haha.
more assertively and aggressively if you can, and you can, and WILL because now you’re in the zone, you’re a dominator and you want to exceed the first set’s performance.
I say nunu good. i say nunu goo-oooood. what song is that to the tune of? i say no no good i say no no goood. my brother would know. anyway who cares! nunu means come come in ethiopian. like come to me. so endearing. nunu is endearing she so is. i have passed her restaurant a billion dillion times and never went in. now i will blam on the window every time i pass. i am fun like that.
another strike through a restaurant on raymi’s eating tour of toronto list. i need a blog slave to gather up every i mean EVERY (going back 5 years) restaurant i ever dined and featured on my blog so i can make my own damn directory.
being the professional dater, datrix, the datrix, date machine, serial dater and so on, that i am, i second this critic pick. fully. but why is it a critic’s pick when it isn’t critical? dumb. you so dumb now.
luuuh-ve it. kay i’m doing gay diva personae now, ooh fun.
faaaa-aaaaah-bu-LUS.
fine ethiopian? i am fine with that.
that’s chris and nunu. chris was her very first customer way more than a decade ago he wore her down, eventually won her. that to me is an achievement, more so than i dunno, it’s just an earnest true portrayal of a person’s character i think if they can get the girl. that’s dedication. takes merit. i do not like settlers, so not impressed by them.
another fabulous over-sized tracey shirt. the colour is cosmetic and flattering, it’s a flirty mature shirt and this one guy across the room stared at me in lust all night long i busted him many many times. go tracey! tracey is my mom for the newcomers.
great bar nook.
making me a traditional ethi- (can i shorten it to that now?) cocktail called a tage but in now way do you pronounce it like that it’s like tedge and because i wanted a glass of prosecco first in lieu of wine, they added it to the drink in lieu of soda water so i got two drinks in one and then it was blabbermouth city. awwright.
what are those? guavas? oh did you see letterman last night? that aziz comedian saw 50 cent in a restaurant who ordered grapefruit juice and when it came he said, why isn’t it purple? then he’s like, 50 cent doesn’t know what a grapefruit is! (get it, grape drink?) anyway he goes on with the bit about how he’s done well for himself SURELY he’s got to have seen a grapefruit at some point in time, i like, see a grapefruit at least every other day and i’ve done well for myself too. there i just stole your entire bit aziz! also did you see courteney cox trainwreck? poor girl. find a clip and see for yourself.
here we go. man i would be so thirsty if i were you right now. i just took a swig of coconut juice and cleansed my palette with some pear juice so i’m good.
i like this one.
when they give you ample ice you know they’re a good tender.
ok i changed my mind i am thirsty again.
politely semi-soberly anticipating the delicious concoction whilst bragging about my own bev’abilities.
oh you betcha i’m a pissing contestestant. bumped into another one i know in town earlier this day and immediately it went that way which pissed me off because it always goes that way but i am not the fucking one who always takes it there and i am sick of it. frenemyship OVER unless this person can just talk to me about stuff that isn’t purely peacock feather rustling. it shows you have no depth if you can’t just shoot the shit with someone, always gotta big yourself up to them, so insecure, also, transparent.
i look like mrs. bloody peabody from today’s special. amazing look.
delicious. what does it taste like? um, heaven, skip rope in the summertime dusk, holding hands with your crush, yeah, like that.
ha ha. why is she kneeling? go with it. later on while sitting down to dinner chris finally says, this, is kinda weird. don’t worry bro it will all make sense once i hit publish. bringing real time to internet-time is my specified area of expertise.
this is awesome and a tradition, they roast coffeebeans and walk around smoking the place out, wafting it all over you while you’re eating. it was holy.
who’s a pretty girl, you’re a pretty girl.
alright it’s down to business time.
this was when chris was like WEEEEIRD. the feeling is fast and altogether fleeting, it dissipates and then you forget the camera is there. people coming into the raymisphere is all. i am my own planet. i come in peace.
with lots of confusing distracting vibrant colours and ruffles, dazzle camouflage i call it.
sazerac. sazeractly. i know this one well from suicide benders in new orleans w/leslie.
this was great because it gave me the opportunity to talk about NOLA and reminisce and now i just remembered there’s absinthe in sazerac. i don’t know about you but i’ve got a lot of absinthe stories and what’s great about that is gathering others’ absinthe stories and then you know, of course, russell brand says absinthe like absinf in get him to the greek. that scene is awesome. where was i anyway…
dudes across the way were loving the free show. secretly, privately so. i apologized for the flashes and they gestured like so not a big deal. i knew they didn’t care it was just an opportunity to speak to them. we’ll add that to the section of the autobiography where i discuss minxing.
muddle muddle boil and fuddle or something disney like that. maybe in my next life i’ll go dr. seuss. i already do. guy musta been bipolar. liked drugs too didn’t that come out? no wait that was robert munch. hilar. it’s like the juxtaposition of danny tanner vs. dirty bob saget you cannot separate the two especially with america’s funniest home videos thrown on top. see how fast my brain works?
ok i’ll stand here. i told chris i had my smart serve anyway and he goes, oh yeah? very good impression of impression there.
it was a very good day in the bun neighbourhood i did a good job. sometimes you anally redo it so many times and can never be satisfied.
well if it’s special i guess i should showcase it.
the moment we’ve all been waiting for. mmm.
little miss piggy is here.
i got to try it all. i’ve had ethiopian only once before and suffered an anxiety attack in the restaurant cos of the hot powder i threw on everything. i did not do that this time. it was still pretty spicy for me. loved it. LOVED IT ALL. and for you pussies out there, don’t worry it’s not all spicy. nunu makes this great yogurt that’s like cheese kind of crumbly feta and it cuts the heat. it’s delicious.
that’s the vegetarian platter and it’s all piled on the injera, this spongy porous floppy pita (in theory) stuff you tear off bit by bit and pick up your food with and stuff it all in your mouth. like in medieval times, no cutlery, all bare hands. fun for the whole family.
look how far my feet extend from my torso i’m a gazelle. i am also a pig smiling into food. i am a feelings eater for sure.
in the middle is the traditional chicken which i got all over my face. it was very spicy and nunu was scared for me i was all oh relax i do this all the time. at brazenhead when i order the baked jerk wings they’re like BE CAREFUL ARE YOU SURE LITTLE GIRL!? i can handle the heat better than everyone. yes i am sure.
ok guys lets do this. ps. look at all the pillows. so sucks you in and i love the big tables, inviting and spacious.
bad photo but that’s the veg stuff. beets, corn, etc.
injera: yeast-risen flatbread with a unique slightly spongy texture traditionally made of teff flour. what it is in carbs i have no idea but you don’t feel bloated afterward. just make sure you don’t drink beer with it, but if you do only have one. i stayed with water and cocktails.
if you’re smart you can come out of this with clean hands. but you’re not smart so don’t count on that happening. it’s so good you end up wearing it on your face.
and, my dear friends, NUNU is currently being featured on LBL with their two can dine for $40 deal (normally $67) which is phenomenal. you get the misto misto (mixed platter), what we have here, the vegetarian and meat platters or you can have vegan and it includes two glasses of wine AS WELL as two creme caramel desserts (which i was too full to try). it’s in your hop skip and jump route you know we all take passed the drake, nunu is located beside midpoint 1179 QUEEN STREET WEST. why am i talking to scenesters only here? haha. i stole this blurb from live better local:
Enjoy Nunu’s wonderful misto misto with two glasses of house wine and homemade creme caramel. Nunu can tailor her dishes for meat lovers, omnivores and vegans – whatever you prefer.
limited quantity of 50, guys. savings of almost $30. cheap date for sure.
here comes the burn. not as bad as the one your mother got on the day you were born though. heh you’re welcome for the mama joke. oh shit it’s mother’s day soon.
thank you for the hot towels, i thought you were not supposed to use them, they are special get your hands clean before you get them dirty again towels though makes complete sense as you will be sucking sauce off your fingertips which are filthy from all the things you touched all day long. germaphobe nightmare.
and it was time for another bev. this was very limey and boozy. i’ll find out the name in just a second when i get to that picture i took of what it’s called. i think the caiprihana but i know i spelled it wrong which is why i wanted to wait til i came to it to tell you what it was because i am a profesional. hi i am a psycho, have we met?
there we go, caipirinha, traditional brazilian drink, and other places too. there is something about sunshine and hot weather that makes your crave lime booze right? think about how many lime drinks there are. THINK ABOUT IIIIIT I SAID! (because i can’t i am presently fantasizing about brazil).
held it in til the very end. what a wonderful time. you are pretty much guaranteed to get laid if you take a girl here, if you don’t well, that’s on you. i can lead you to water but i can’t make ya drink. well i can if i shove your face in with my boot on your head but you know what i mean. actually i’m not sure that you do anymore haha.
ok one more time, two can dine for $40 at NUNU. if you’ve never tried ethiopian before, this is the perfect way to try it OR it’s a great gift idea. tell nunu and chris raymi said hi.
