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i’m not one you’d want to get into an indian leg wrestling fight with now THAT has got to be racist right? or is that what it’s a called even? basically what i’m saying is i am all legs and a head.

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with well-defined elbows like popeye hey that’s two references for the guy in a day now. good day for him.

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proud of this achievement. doing things on a detox is a bit harder.

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looked like that before. all crumpled from sleeping with me. WINNING! this is what happens when you live like a gypsy.

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this blog title i got from my coach. it’s one of many mottos to repeat to yourself while fasting or cleansing, any kind of restricting. everyone worries if they get enough nutrients or vitamins which is just a BULLSHIT excuse not to fast, making excuses before you even try it out you know? i told brionne’s husband last night (he wants to quit smoking/drinking) that to kill a zombie you have to cut off the head, straight off the bat, i am hardcore dude so you must be to in any form of giving up. don’t cut down to ten smokes a day for a week then 9 then 8, then you won’t be quitting for like a year. fuck that, 3 a day, one in the morning, one mid-day at your choosing and one more before bed. then the next week one a day, then nothing. i am severe right now i consider everybody around me a pussy who smokes i really do, such addicts. hate me all you want. addicts. ha. what i mean is, you either want to quit (you don’t, you just wish there weren’t any repercussions from smoking) or you want to pretend like you might. another tip. don’t hold it off, just DO it. don’t go uh oh may 2-4 is coming up i want to be chainsmoking and drinking for that. realistically if you quit smoking tomorrow there is no chance you will last to may 2-4, if anything you will have quit for one to two weeks tops and no problem you’ll be back on the cigarette wagon again come queen victoria’s birthday weekend, easy. i said this to adam and he was like, yeah totally. for instance you wouldn’t kill a snake by nipping a bit of its tail off, you chop off that thing’s head and skin it like a crazy jungle warrior and for the same token you wouldn’t quit smoking by halving your packs down whittling bit by bit like a nancy cos that isn’t quitting it’s only delaying and pussy footing.

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these bad boys in anything. even plain. i lightly dressed them in sesame oil that shit is a secret advhaus ingredient. yummy.

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i might start filming unsolicited advice vlogs. good idea?

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so much easier to eat with chopsticks. i am einsteining it big time now.

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my liver kidney function potion melodie bought cos she is the best. long term it will help me with bloating.

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soaking shasha mung beans. i almost burnt the house down twice now today maybe third time’s the charm right now i am simmering them and then i dunno what.

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saying jeanette told me yesterday, i was talking about fat guilt or something, fat shame, fat sadness and she said that but put eat before it. i said i wold augment it to DO what you want.

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another wonder and amazement is that i haven’t been eating meat i asked jeanette if that is aiding in my weight loss too, cos apparently vegan diets are very skinnying. we soon shall see.

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couldn’t get my bb cam to focus on my stark white finger unfortch but it likes to lose all blood and circulation when i’m slightly cold. thanks british roots heehee. can i wear that white shawl with my dress tomorrow? if not then what?

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that little red circle dot rug is useless and only stresses me out keeping it clean. i have a hankering for ikea. an ikea idea! not until after cleanse though cos old me can only handle that place drunk, i think i might be too amped these days for any sort of retail. my coach was like, you might start seeing people’s auras soon. oh yeah? far out!

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tried it on over my entire clothes i am wearing and it looks pretty good. it better not be rainy tomorrow and make my hair all fluffy and big.

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can never get a good shot but see my back definition. thanks TMR.

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slightly better/shittier. meh. point is girl is toned. no longer simply stoned.

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just saying. i have long legs.

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theeeeeeeere we go. ab fabs galore.

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and that. crappy. camera batteries died just as i was getting to the good part.

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i look like shit in the face but it’s ok. trouble sleeping last night. my room was boiling and stuffy and it was my first time aloner in awhile and even though i had my big bed to myself all my clothes made me sleep like a cramped up tardbag. moron. the nice hot bath i had when i got home was soothing. ok mung beaner time.

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i’ll be wearing this for high tea tomorrow and i have a flower on my arm to match the print. i’m going president’s wife angelica houston styles visiting tropical climate royalty, except with a fancy hat or some kind of insane feathery headdress of sorts with my hair straight down and blond. this is in front of my aunt’s old coach house october 4 2008 and this belonged to her, i think she said she bought it at g’s from those nice tibetans, maybe possibly incorrect here. anyway it will be the first time i ever wear it in public. the ante has been upped guy. i am just pumped not to have to buy a dress, well that part’s great but the trying on is exhausting and i have no energy for it.

i won’t have to practice raising my pinky while having tea either it’s inbred and second nature, well first nature actually, my ex always made fun of me for it, raisin’ ma pinky while drinking a can of budweiser at a festival, pure class.

had a nice chat with my cleanse coach while folding laundry that cheered me up and i noticed in the mirror that i have a very visible six pack now, the bloat has subsided for the time being. i am going to post a photo and caption it i have a six pack for you, you drink this one differently though. ahyuk.

pinkies up dudes bye!

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and naturally my answer will be yes only if i am to benefit from it in some shape or form.

Hi there,

How are you doing? So, I do realize this will sound quite unusual and perhaps even weird but i was just wondering if perhaps you would consider becoming my sister? Just to clarify, this is an actual sincere question so i definitely appreciate you taking the time to read it. Take care and i look forward to hearing back from you soon.

this kid is 24. i will make him a new slave and he can tell people i’m his sister haha.

i just realized i never blogged my mom’s photos from my birthday so i’ll do that soon. or later. where did i put that ring?

buh.

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i look great today in the torso and i was great last night, drank nothing but water at two different bars. had a salad sans goat cheese and pistachios and then inhaled a bag of dehydrated kale chips in vegan cheese at mezzrow’s with stu his sis her husband and others. they had been eating and drinking a lot and were all moaning and griping about how full they were and even though i would appear to be smug i was also in pain, super mega crampy and bloated. i’m pretty low energy today so i think once i finish folding the boy i slept with last night (my laundry) i will sleep some more. today will be about sleeping and shopping. i have a royal high tea function tomorrow that jen is putting together. i need an old lady lady outfit. a 28 year old back in mad men days would dress like a grandma right and already have 3 kids and dress tea ready daily for sure. anyway the point is i have the blues. not a big (HUGE ACTUALLY!) deal i will be fine. it’s just going to be a long day. i’ve decided NO coffee cheating. yes, i have been cheating a little bit. it’s surprising to me that coffee is my crutch over booze.

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the intense headaches or sluggishness from cutting out caffeine yikes have fun guys. i am definitely a coffee junkie i know this for sure i thought the pots i drank daily of the shit was like, normal and i was immune to caffeine didn’t notice it anymore because it had become like methadone to me, no buzz, just vital. i already feel the headache in the top of my brain it feels like popeye is squeezing it like that can of spinach, throbbing and pulsing, i feel like if i looked in the mirror i’d appear like skeletor or some science fiction ghoul momentarily and just from a coffee withdrawal headache. i am lucky from all the coffee i drink i don’t have yellow teeth. it’s cos i don’t smoke.

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fantasizing about new orleans again. i think the more you go the more addicted you become. if you’re not a drunk it’s a great place for you too, you move from substances on to experiences and get high off those instead and eventually are dependent on them for thrills, and there’s tons of freaks in the french quarter. i think i might actually start going out more if i become full time fun bobby forever. notice how some people go straight and become complete lovable lunatics? or echo park hipsters (what’s that naybe in LA that’s like williamsburg called?) all clean and sober covered in tats making art installations and photographing all their friends drinking and givin’er i think this is the direction in which i am going.

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i brought this back for my colleague. the souvenir i got for melucas was a pack of american spirits, what i used to smoke in brooklyn and then in maine.

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dropped in on boom only had peppermint tea and stared without blinking at food network. they were making cupcakes. oh god. i figured out the first three days of chocolate/sweets cravings are from booze withdrawal. now i don’t crave them as much. jeanette taught me that if you detox for a month then by your next period you won’t have crazy salt chocolate cravings. if you flush it out then when all the blood rushes to your cervix dragging along with it all the toxins you consumed throughout the month at once sending out craving triggers all over the place. picture your period, we know what it looks like, all that gathered around your cervix waiting to come out, pumping out of you and then oh my god i need a bag of chips plain ruffles and a hershey bar RIGHT F–ING NOW GRAAAAAH! but! next period if you don’t be a hippo for a month, there’s no miss vickies to swirl around the drain, or hamburgers, whatever it was, your savoury sweet memories of the month. blood memory, like muscle memory. i already cheated with a chocolate egg anyway so the entire experiment is botched slightly. maybe. come thurs/friday i will be full on fasting though which will make the past 6 days look like a fuckin mandarin buffet of consumption.

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these pants are highwaisted gap flares from the first go around of the trend i think. got them for 5 bones at salvation army in burnoutington. they are tall girl length too and drag. once i shimmy down another 5 pounds i’ll look way better in them. speaking of i’ve lost 5 pounds!

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the kids inquired at mezzy’s last night what the fuh about this photo and they said it was makeup. i told them to look at the corkboard when they left and i knew they would forget to so i took a picture and bbm’d it to stu. it’s everyone’s favourite picture now.

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soosh party. the mighty soosh. (and i can’t handle the mighty boosh cos of my ex’s cuz blaring it at 4 in the morning one time after two days of professional drinking). brown rice, soaked kale i think, carrots seaweed and she let me dip it in this kind of soya which i think is what made me fantastically bloated for the rest of the night even though i was probably going to be bloated anyway. frowny face. i sound so much like a cathy comic it’s retarded.

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oh man i love andy samberg.

raymi’s list btw (trumpet blare)and i am for the first time ever unapologetic because for YEARS i have had to stifle my celeb crushes and every time shia labeouf would come on i’d be like yeah! so gay right! (wrong i would fuck staple him to a brick fucking wall i swear to god just watch me ahahha)

in no particular order we have:

andy samberg
shia labeouf
james franco
the gallagher brothers (either one doesn’t matter)
william’s brother
the hot one from the hangover
the jew stoner from road trip
that guy jeff from big brother two summers ago (i am not very good at this)

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amazeballs shake. goji berries! soaked. delicious.

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simple and easy and fun.

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i could be a lip model. i’ve never had a cold sore in my life. photoshop can take care of the peach fuzz. you can see how i have one bulb in the center pout of my lip that’s uneven. i got a fat lip once i forget how or i might have torn away at something, i am a bit of a lip biter and peeler anyway, at one point in time there was another weird lip glob to match the other one identical to it until something dumb or traumatic happened that i clearly have blocked out of my mind haha.

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aside from the extra lipstick fleck on my lips and my lip piercing leftover divot, not bad. these were super hard to take in the car, i will perfect it and flash my teeth next time too.

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personal treat. miss you steph so much!

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remember when melodie had this haircut? i’ll get pictures. snotty chic tina fey as melodie. uncanny. this whole scene is lucas and melodie actually they’re trying to get their way back in to that uber douchey trendy restuarant so they put their shit on backwards and she styles her hair like that haha i love it. oh look i found it.

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alright i’m kirsten DUNskies. out.

aw my buddy tyler stewart just DM’d me. cheered up now and i am motivated again

Read the new post. Best in a long time. Don’t wanna say Cleanse=Clarity. Or health is the Amp to your Electric Talent but, OK I said it. xox

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but you have to register and log in to leave a comment and i don’t really know what that means or entails so have fun and good luck. the reason for this annoyance is that i am being assaulted by spam right now and i don’t want to wake up to 43507000 email comment notifications of spam and have to then delete them all individually from my blackberry and then lose my f–ing mind. cleanse day 6 tomorrow! that’s me eating seaweed. it’s a beauty food and obviously its magical properties take effect immediately.

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that’s my plaid shirt. i’ve had it since i was 18, from black market. saw a dude try it on and put it back then snatched it then he went back for it and i was buying it hahah sucker. i’ll compile a set of photos of me wearing it over the years.

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had them back late to drink all the booze save for a bottle of white wine for easter supper the next day. i was wired and not drunk at all. just enjoying my mates. teacher was there briefly but kashed out after his long tenure of DTD.

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melodie said she was proud of me. i want her and jeanette to meet this week and get on like golden girls or some bonding type shit, meeting of the nutritionist herbalist tea health expert minds right there then i can disappear to the tickle trunk and talk to myself on tumblr. i slipped jeanette a packet of melodie’s tea today to get the cosmos ball rolling.

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wearing this shirt when luc shows up is funny cos it’s his shirt and then he talks about how he saw it on my blog last week. everyone always gets a bit testy when they see their threads on their bud, but also we love it too but still it’s like NO i made that person over there before me they were just, nothing, that shirt. made them. i tell you. luc was here i just don’t have a not blurry photo of him.

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this was a bloated tummy day for me but who cares wouldya look at my adorable face. i’m not even wearing under eye make up too i went out nakesy-eyes. i’ll even let you further inspect. i love mel’s sweater vest too. you can see her buzzed head, very chic punk.

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and now i look like a dweeb and this would be the rest of courtney’s night from ab fab to why the hell am i in this kitchen so laaate.

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um because it is the best that’s why. everyone made fun of me for cooking too like, they’ve never seen me cook before, have no idea that i know how to do it (it’s because the kitchen is always trashed from you guys duh) and so i made something out of nothing for them and they were impressed. it actually tasted like chinese food. can i say that? is chinese food racist yet? no i guess not. yes it tasted like it came from china except from my pan in parkdale but everyone was drunk so i’m sure anything would taste like chinese food then mmm chinese food why did i go here?

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oh stu. such a catch. gay boys, check stu out.

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guh-uh-orge day.

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it made me a bit crazay a little. i get hyper when it gets warm but i have ten million things to do before i can go outside not ready yet type of crazy (agoraphobia problem) harmless crazy. when i get a new laptop i will not live in a cave anymore.

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my room was a mess, half my stuff the higherly-rotated clothes all needed a washing, this warm day came out of nowhere. so balmy. loved it. anyway here’s why the dork shorts. circus shorts. totally.

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my allergies bothered me a little bit.

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multiple great views.

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lisa’s genteel lady fingers and orthodox wife outfit. black tights in the sun.

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and apparently my shirt is made from the same material as tights.

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i hung out for as long as i could stand not drinking. warm days, first day of spring warm days equates drinking on a patio and drunk by two pm. these guys lapped my sobriety at brunch. i had to run away home to my messy room and collect stuff i wanted for teacher’s place then i walked there on my own and got the dog and took her out for awhile. i am digging outdoor healthy activities. who wants to be my running partner, bike, hike all that too.

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before taking stella out. the less drinking the more i fiddle with cameras i suppose. blogging is my drinking i told the teacher at one point saturday afternoon.

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i need to do whatever it takes to focus on my cleanse and avoiding temptations, throwing myself into my work pretty much, work and fitness.

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teacher’s.

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lisa’s and she barely ate any of it. killing meeeee here.

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turns out i had a pic of what i ate before i ate it. those green grilled tomatilles were very nice i can barely remember they went down so fast and that other thing would be my side of hot peppers sans hot peppers. it’s sprouts (clearly) and they were good but kinda dismal no, why not a bigger one? i want to make a salad restaurant, like salad king except actually salads (seriously what were you grape nuts? where are the grapes, or nuts???)(i’ll never tire of that joke) for all the people like me out there who need 16 flavours going on in one salad at all times.

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i felt maje sheepish about my order and embarrassed. how do you look tireder earlier but then better as the day goes on and then by 4am i looked like a bleedin’ cherub?

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sooo smart to use a pop art green straw with a caesar, tricks you into thinking simultaneously it’s a party and celery.

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i love the tables at easy. i love easy. i am habitual and predictable a little bit.

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oh god i want a greyhound from easy i can’t wait.

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i’m going to high tea at the windsor arms this week. i need something fancy. should i wear a hat? should i go jackie-o? it’s royal wedding-centric. must consult some genteel ladies of which i know none. ha.

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will someone buy this green trench already i feel like i have been staring at it forever like everyday and it will be in my dream tonight.

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love this stretch of queen before roncessvalles, kinda haight ashbury feeling.

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it’s slanted and sloped and steeped and crooked and then gets all confusing with a hairpin bend to the left (talking to out of towners) then it rips way up roncess. i want to explore roncess more north sometime when i remember to. a good run i’ll scout out new places like that. there. settled.

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the monster emerges out into the sun.

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oh right this is why i was bloated i made expensive shakes with deliciously fresh and ripe cheese boutique fruits. i put some aside for a white wine batch too cos i am a nice little hostess enabler like that. jeanette made me an amazing shake today.

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this was blend round two. i don’t normally have fruit, i think it bloats me up but i think everything does that so, what do you know.

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and i’m supposed to be avoiding citrus which i imagine starfruit falls under so, oh well. i didn’t have a lot.

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could be hotter but it’s very nice and still has a creeping heat a delicate one. it’s yummy i would love to have it with a wicked piece of meat fresh off the barbeque and i will eventually. damnit.

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interesting stuff.

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can you spot the nipple.

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why am i wearing that like that? meh.

ok nighty night pigeons.

Yorkville salon

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remember there’s always my tumblr. i’m doing catch up in the tickle trunk and will be folding all the laundry in the world momentarily.

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hello my darling raymbots lets get ready to emote! i kid. or, not. i don’t really know anymore.

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happy monday. jesus monday right? doesn’t feel like it as it’s a work day for meh. sorry, “work” day. if anyone has to wake up to do something on a statutory holiday that is equivalent to a work day by me. a true holiday is being horizontal watching B flicks, moaning and whining about having to work tomorrow.

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my mom said she would give up drinking forever if she could look like this. aw. we had a nice chat on the phone yesterday (had one with my pa too). she saw a psychic. the psychic said she had a daughter and a son, the daughter is well known but the project she is currently working on will make her very famous. i’ll be married by 35 and have one kid. thanks psychic! now i can just focus on my career and let fate do the rest. awesome!

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i cheated. just little nibbles. oh come on right?

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such a nana cake.

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en route to oshawa i obsessed over taking the perfect picture. the mirror is too close to my face for that as well my phone is on its last legs. all my technological devices are dying on me. something’s gotta give soon i can no longer work like this. i just have to give in and replace everything.

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checked on my friend again. the gold base served as an effective box slopping to the side of interior barrier.

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the vanilla shavings impressively lasted.

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told you i would match the cake. my tits were out all through dinner unbeknownst to me but uncle rodge was def feeling it. that tracey shirt is too loose on my birdlike flat chested area despite my hot pink push up bra, it just spills open. enjoy the cleave while it’s there.

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hi again.

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part of these repetitive goony shots was due to my being pumped over bang growth i can now swoop those bastards to the side i think i am going to swoop to the opposite side of my forehead for a change.

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it was delicious.

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it competed with the key lime. the key lime won, i think they were being polite. maybe i wanted to take the rest with me? nope we left it. how did i do though? i know i pissed them off with my box of salad you cannot hide a cleanse or a diet thing. i sipped on white wine, wasn’t worth it but sobriety wasn’t an option. i think if they were more insane and yelly i would have loosened up more. it wasn’t the alcohol it was the stress maybe and tension surrounding the event. we had a spat the day before and it was like do i even go to this at all?

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i was uncomfortable and felt like a bloated frump in my outfit the whole time i had no time to prepare one cos i had laundry to do my odds and ends scattered between mine and teacher’s has been driving me increasingly angry coinciding with this cleanse how odd. it was nice to go back to my normal relaxing ninja outfit. i am in between sizes right now, i think everyone knows what that’s like. it’s a good feeling but you still feel lumpy and out of shape.

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my hair was just barely shorter than this last may. is it a platinum slow growth thing? i know it’s shorter in the back which will make it seem shorter in the front to match up with the shorter back. i had one of those severe modern fresh angled bobs when we cut all my beautiful hair off to make way for platinum only, last may and now it’s showing as my hair grows, being sure to take its sweet ass time.

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stella enjoyed adventurehouse she’s all whaa? curtains and doors and long hallways and all these things to investigate. speaking of advhaus there’s another one of those parties at salvador darling this FRIDAY MAY 6 and it’s our fourth one guys! also the theme is melodie’s birthday. hurrah!

cute posters.

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sorry mel just showed up so my brainpower is going over there oh she’s gone now.

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there were more of these and better but it’s overkill. can’t wait to see what’s on my mystery olympus camera.

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escaped to courtney’s to watch ab fab and talk about myself a lot and then i changed courtney’s entire night. she met a dude at coachella and is in love/lust. i was feelin’ that and got reminiscent.

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the pink one is a piggy bank. siiiiiiiiiiigh

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what a penis. see how low cut that is now picture it sitting down, even worse, and spilling out/open. fine for queen west not for easter dinner. you win some you lose some, i think i did a bit of both.

and now i have lunch with cleanse coach jeanette after i practice lying about (very minimally) cheating.

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i informed everyone i was cleansing sober and crazy before i sang my special raptacular rendition of loser (beck) and then i free-styled the second half it was pretty good actually i don’t know where it came from just out of me, great riffs like mel-o-dee in the melody bar dancing and drinking and playing her guitar. people lost their shit. i had multiple bathroom attacks, the adrenaline and anxiety i suffer from karaoke excitement (yes) is bad enough on its own but throw a bunch of movement pills on that and (that’ll do it) your first time out of being a social paraiah and out of my cage alone on the town with my friends who i have missed and haven’t seen enough of i didn’t need to drink and now that i am over the three day hump i feel better than ever and i am over drinking, as pre-mature easter day time drinking dangers loom ahead of me today, i am confident i will overcome, seeing as i sweated out some of my DTS (jazz hands, the horrors, the shakes) last night at the gladstoner drinking pints of water (the alcohol isn’t the problem with me, it’s the coffee). hot little bartendress of the year lines up the shots of jager for me once she sees us and i had to pass mine to courtney then i ordered a big pint of water MMMM! i hate jager anyway so it wasn’t that hard. it was nice to see the decline of society in that room as the night progressed and the predictable temper flare-ups at singers and singing hopefuls by the karaoke host. courtney remembers his name, i dont. she also hasn’t sent me the best photo of my singing yet cos she is an easter cooking for fifteen stress mess right now.

stu showed up with a gaggle of black mini-dressed mean girls who were more so levack block hopefuls nahmean therefore HATING our punk rocking out. the girl who sang before me did a dude-ish song too then i went and stu was like, it was like HMMM dom skid girls everywhere basically. yeah i never get laid or pick up when i go out cos i regress into shit show vortex and i don’t even require alcohol for this behaviour. another reason of that might be that when the beck lyric went “…and a stain on my shirt.” i got to point the huge glaring gross stain on the front of luc’s shirt i was wearing. she’s cute, she’s sloppy, but she came out of two weeks tree planting. pass.

like i said, manic. you should try it. i remember i had two weeks of sobriety when i lived in oakville and now that i recall, i was pretty damn looney tunes at the time. all in good health right?

happeaster.

this blog is now in the four digits on alexa ranking in canada. that means of the gazillions of websites in existence, I am 9,826. it fluctuates daily and i am obsessed with checking it like stocks. it’s important because through all that social media crap it shows that people are coming here, more and more, my popularity on the webs is climbing. no tricky click-throughs or clicking to “read more” to pump up my numbers, or fake twitter accounts, it’s all true honest interest in all that is me. i have never done anything tricky to get people here. people drop off and on over the years naturally and they remember it, pass it on to others, this is a very very old school means of business. it’s just simple and pure longevity. some a-hole recently commented about if there was a way to get a popular blog without having to be scandalous, nude, controversial, other stuff. i never thought of myself as controversial, i was just following what was going on at the time and going a bit further with it (not personally but according to others) because i am a natural exhibitionist and attention-seeking, but not in an overbearing sucking all the energy out of the room way, just more, i have a presence so i constantly flaunt it a little bit. i am not a wallflower.

ok i have to go now.

krista gets props for the blog title of this post.