you’re a better person when you go away

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you said the moon was ours to hell with the day

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ready for some raymentertainment?

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all i wanted sunday morning in deep river was a pot of organic snob coffee. everything in this small town was shut down on sunday or operated under weird hour restriction. in my diva flip out grabbing the most expensive bag i could find i didn’t notice that this wasn’t even coffee. hit the roof. on top of discovering there wasn’t any internet in the house i was staying at. all i wanted (needed) to do was blog and then the real book writing work would begin on the monday, sunday was supposed to be my self-indulgent day. it started off on the wrong foot.

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i took a stubborn stand and declared that i don’t even eat in the day but then relented and sat at this diner. i was pissed off because it was beginning to dawn on me the state of the situation i was in.

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this was adorable though.

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my coffee. i barely had any of it after that huge stink. i see no point in sitting over a diner cup of coffee when i should (and want to) be sitting in front of my laptop. i can’t leave with the pot of coffee nor can i order one. the logic here frustrated me immensely as well as being woken up way too fucking early after a long car ride and late night.

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i turned to my guest/host and declared don’t ever fucking wake me up again at 8 in the morning on a sunday. no excuses. my bitchiness will all make sense once you hear the full story that i’m writing for street carnage presently.

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went to one of the (two)(or three) bars in town for some entertainment. there was a wedding reception in the other part of the room. they didn’t want us over there but we eventually invited ourselves anyway and then no one cared.

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it was kind of fascinating being privy to a family’s private celebration in this small town with no irony to any of it. when i lived in maine at this bar i was chatting up a girl and kept asking her what her plans were, when would she leave rockland? she was confused by that because she never planned to leave her town. i was eighteen and refused to believe any of this.

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this girl is the same age as me, 27, has three kids. a family. urban women at 27 with three children? unheard of. who looks older? i’d say i do but only because i have a fashion angle, if we were wearing the same outfit perhaps and could deduce nothing about either one of us that would be the true age determination.

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that’s the shirt my mom also picked up in the store that i had in my dressing room and i laughed when i saw it in her hand. you know those freak stories when twins are separated at birth then find each other several decades later and they’re wearing the same pants or like the same music?

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everyone was staring at me like my hair was on fire. have you ever eaten and felt so on display before? i wonder how famous people deal. you’re supposed to act aloof and not take notice but a real person would be like can i fucking help you?

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i am fully exhausted here but the new surroundings high got me. people always push themselves when traveling that’s why you always need a vacation from your vacation.

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the food at this hotel/resto was really good. i was surprised.

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the decor was lacking but whatever it’s deep river.

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we had a reservation which was totally unnecessary. i was certainly dragged around town like a fucking show pony. half into it half alright already that’s enough.

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i meet enough people in the fucking city why do i “need” to make a connection with some woman who apparently writes for something i can’t even remember what it is. i do not react favourably to being told what to do or what is good for me or my brand. i was being walked across the road to a woman in her garden oh i must meet her so i’m in my sunday fog halfway to her place and then i snapped. no, stop making me do shit i don’t want to do! i turned around and marched back to the house.

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i’m here to write not to socialize with 50 year old well educated spinsters.

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halfway point and first piss break aaaaaahhhhhh.

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i spent $30 at whole foods before we left oakville and have like nothing to show for it other than a german toothbrush. that scene is ridiculous. it is perfect for the self important elite crowd of oakville and on a saturday you can forget not being pissed off after wallking around that place. i am always half amused even when i’m pissed off making mental notes to write about it later.

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i bought gum and cough drops too and an americano and two chocolate bars but does that and these items add up to thirty dollars in your brain? not really. it shouldn’t.

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my lunch.

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being british justifies anything you want in life. like, drinking at noon. also when other people decide to share wine before you make a booze move one by one everyone caves like dominoes.

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my shirt is pretty see-through hey. yowzers.

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one of the only family shots with me in it and it’s blurry. haha.

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dad you look like a baller.

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i look like jiminy cricket.

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st. jude’s is a lovely church.

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we had a little memorial service for my grandparents. five rose bushes dedicated to them in this plot. next year they will be full in bloom.

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i love oakville. i can’t wait to be rich enough to own a house here.

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classic funeral scene. of course it rained. was raining.

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if that was my brother it would be excruciatingly hard to resist the urge to nudge him with my foot into the dirt. then i’d run like hell.

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they founded the scottish dancing club in oakville. my grandfather was welsh, grandma, scottish. very social people.

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this is what $80 looks like in the form of a truffle from cheese boutique. i am spoiled.

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flickr made a mes of my photo order i can’t be bothered to organize them. welcome to my life and what my brain feels like, all these experiences overly-documented and memories of events all squashed together one after the other. in a life where you are constantly doing, with little time to reflect it can get a bit overwhelming. i don’t know what my brother is trying to communicate here other than he was half in the bag when i showed up and i am the family punching bag. well, i’m the family weirdo. as a reader of my blog can you imagine being related to me and like, “allowed” to make fun of me whenever you want? don’t think you wouldn’t get it back ten-fold though.

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me steph and melodie make it to mezzrow’s totally annihilated to meet up with lucas. what an evening that was.

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i made a joke to our cab driver about this canadian flag gum i wish i could remember what it was i know i took this picture to remind myself to repeat it here. too much time has passed since the telling of this alleged epic quip so i leave you with nothing but more mystery. i probably went seinfeld on him or asked if he secretly worked for the tourism board of canada. only funny if you are ten sheets to the wind i imagine.

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this guy rode his bike backwards by us in the market i call him over and wouldn’t you know it he’s got hash. i’m bumping into lots of people with hash lately but they never give your their hash source they just tell you it’s expensive and when you’re all yeah i know i don’t care i love the shit they’re still all selfish about it. makes no sense.

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nice bike.

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so his claim to fame is cycling backwards like as fast as one would bike forwards. he’s pretty good but i don’t think it’s very safe or practical. we were all in snarking on the universe mode and he played right into that.

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there was another tailgate party afoot here that we just joined (a few yards away) for less heat to smoke some pot by and then they went away. we thought it really funny and selfish of us to ruin their good time idea they had first.

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yup hi family time there we are again.

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had a drink at ronnie’s which is when the nite turned you can see it in other photos of mine there’s no chance in hell of me posting hahaha. see how my curls fell out? my hair gave’r.

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exactly.

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anna’s door (missing glass) inspired me to do a fake break in photoshoot.

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i was semi (nervous) aware that maybe there was leftover shards of glass. there wasn’t.

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i can’t believe i got my roots done this day they are already growing out like crazy or i’m just that neurotic about it.

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i warned them to be on good behaviour then turns out i’m the one who shoulda heeded that advice hahaha.

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this tequila is so good and smokey.

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rented a movie earlier in the evening when we thought we’d have just a chill nite.

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we did a shot at mezzrow’s in exchange for leaving mel’s backpack (full of books, had intentions of studying) there. once we finally leave adventurehouse we do anything to avoid going back cos we are such lazy shut ins.

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needless to say the kid at the movie store was not appreciative of our fun cheer. he was tapping his fingers impatiently on the counter which distracted me when i was talking to him, melodie picked up on that by seeing my eyeballs gaze over to his tapping looks over her shoulder at him and says can you stop that? hahaha.

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i don’t know what those say and i don’t care.

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look i am a nice girl.

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i wish i had some quirky thing to leave you with but i don’t.

until next time.

OMD

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hey rocky lets do this.

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jason is like, what the hell is going on today?

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oh just dropping this cute little spazz off at woof and shloof. shoof is yiddish for something i forget. you look into it why do i have to do all the work around here jesus.

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i don’t own a dog. my dog mentality is such that, i don’t know what the hell is going on over there you know? i feel like it’s a huge responsibility and i may as well give birth if i want to be held accountable for another’s life and overall well being.

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in the future yes definitely but at the moment, no, i can barely care for myself haha.

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if i had a dog i would definitely (firstly, have to be rich) drop it off at this place.

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staring problems much?

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rocky was in heaven. he’d never had a spa day before. you’re welcome rocky you can pay me back in form of a round or two of drinks. your mother was away in alliston battling some serious asthma at the time so it was the least we could do, someone is suffering so lets get you pampered. ok that joke fell flat.

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now get my picture with the thing so it looks more believable i mean, err… i totally go to dog spas on the regular. obviously.

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rocky knows a trick and this is it. posing for pictures trick.

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i know a trick too it’s called drinking profusely until your legs are skinny.

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i swear to you he is having the time of his life.

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there is nothing like being patronized about doggie world. luckily i saw an episode of dog whisperer once so i was fully prepared for this. i think you’d want to let your dog loose for a day with these types of people who are dog knowledgeable and maybe sort of insane? i think everyone is insane for whatever field they’re involved and thrive in, you’d have to be. why would i leave my dog with someone who didn’t operate mentally in dog vs humans world? but still guy, i borrowed a dog for this so that should tell you right there how far you can go with me.

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jesse knows his shit. everything he said i learned in one episode of dog whisperer, ok maybe from oprah too. wait a minute, didn’t that guy get the dog whisperer show because of oprah? pretty sure he did.

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if i was a dog i’d love this place. great facilities, very spacious, and dog friends to run around and play with plus they walk you and give you loads of attention and consider your feelings and other new agey dog stuff.

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catering to the st. clair crowd too so, haha snicker, demanding elite twats and their precious little baby wabies as clientele woof and shloof know how to play the game. these are all my opinions by the way as a professional person of the world constantly collecting data and uh, drawing conclusions and such.

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all the other dogs were set out on their walk while rocky became familiar with his new territory.

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he gave’r all over the place.

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dogs leave scent messages everywhere. rocky is picking up his message and leaving a voicemail in return i guess. he’s saying no, your message sucked, mine is more intelligent.

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how exhausting to be a dog.

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the dog castle can also be used as a time out those arched doors below there, you slide a slat or cage whatever down the front. i can totally picture a wastecase stuffing himself in there at a party and us all locking him in. claustrophobia freak out to the max. i think if you punished a dog this way they’d learn their lesson straight away. shit’s scary in there i think.

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dog fashions.

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i spy $25, seems fair? i’d probably pay more but i am an idiot like that.

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i like the blue one with vintage space kid print, super cute.

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so apparently this whole time jesse and rocky were having a conversation, an unspoken one. rocky was running around the place and jesse was talking to us but really he was mind fucking rocky. brilliant.

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he was letting him know who was boss, lead alpha dog. i am not going to acknowledge you until i am ready to, type thing. i also learned that from the dog whisperer therefore it must be true cos it was on television. when someone tells you they are having a conversation with a dog i dare you not to explode in a fit of laughter. i think i was drunk still from gorillaz.

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on to phase two, party room. look how much space. perfect.

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and a huge mirror i guess for the dogs to look at themselves?

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it was like letting loose a bolt of lightning, i was really happy for rocky.

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some dog politics water area. jesse turned the dog battle on its ear and gave everyone water like moses or something. makes good sense to me, different heights for different dogs and even the little guys can sneak in there for a drink and then someone can do some garden watering too?

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awww heartbreaking dog eye contact. this guy was just getting a little cut he was happier in real life than this emotional photo leads you to believe.

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oh look another pun.

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good to know my dog will not go thirsty.

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looks like the green room of a porno set. the dogs must love it. there’s a funny parallel to porn stars and dogs hey? depressing.

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dog walk back door area, cowboy saloon doors so no break outs.

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pee bells. training the dogs to ding them when they need to go wee. smart. then you have a bell at home if you were a keener. ding the bell when you go out with your dog for a piss a few times and see if he gets it.

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rocky is so cute and inquisitive. i wonder what they are “talking” about right here. hahaha sorry i can’t help it.

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nice shoes, jason. the floors in there are made from tire, bouncy and soft yet firm so no loud dog clicking of feet and maybe it absorbs barking too?

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staff office also doubles as a time out room.

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the spaw.

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that other dog was very friendly. SPAWESOME.

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pomeranian’s hair doesn’t grow if you cut it so, don’t cut it. you can trim the under parts though. rocky got his butt cleaned, nails clipped, other dog stuff i forget and wouldn’t remember or know about as i am a cat person.

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pretty nice day for a dog though eh. playing and partying and primping.

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your own little nook so your leash and whatever else crap you adorn your dog with doesn’t get mixed up.

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kinda wanted to climb up that.

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ok dude time to go. another dog whispering we learned is, rocky leaves us, we don’t leave rocky.

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and i liked that we had to whisper it to each other in case rocky was listening and understanding.

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no separation anxiety here.

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humans aren’t even supposed to be allowed passed that barrier. seriously. i was like uh how am i supposed to review your facilities if i can’t go and review your facilities? raymi always gets the vip treatment so i got to climb through that little door haha kidding. that door is for when tons of clients come at once just let ‘em loose through the doggie door and sayonara suckers.

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complimentary hippie shit bags.

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we’re being told here not to leave rocky, i got all nervous like ok we’re walking away now which is the same as leaving, right? dog whispering is insane, there are lots of rules and careful considerations. jesse got up to leave us with rocky in his arms and then i started to feel separation anxiety. dogs pick up on that energy, so it’s partially for the dog but hugely for the owner too. their mandate is to make your little guy as calm and happy and “spaw”ed out as possible and then they email you a report at the end of it.

so proud of rocky! jen said it made her smile when she read it. i love the extra mile they go. now, the fabfind deal has expired but if you go within the next month and say you saw their business on raymi’s blog, jesse is willing to give you a discount. i can’t remember what it exactly was going to be cos he was dog whispering as we were getting out of there so you’ll have to talk to him. they do dog sitting too. clearly.

ok byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

the stars the moon they have all been blown out

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after my morning at the dog spa with rocky (you’ll see that later) jason dumped me at queen to head off to his store and i rounded the corner into a raymi fan.

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happy birthday! no really, it’s her birthday today. she said her and her friend saw me last night but didn’t say hi. i asked where, strachan? where the hell is strachan i was pretty mangled last nite. her dog is strong and totally pulled me down the sidewalk. i totally forget your name sorry. also hi to the girl in the acc club bar last nite try and resurface that email you sent me.

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i am blog spotted daily. multiple times even. not bragging just fact stating. i also brush my teeth and blink daily. see? was that bragging? my niece asks me about that all the time it’s really bad for my ego. i call it blog spotting cos that’s where my blog began, on a blogspot.com makes sense right.

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then i did something i said i wouldn’t do since some retard left me a hater comment from the drake posing as management. it was skidfanie’s birthday on the 13th so i picked her up a little somethin-somethin. ew i hate that saying.

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of course i bought myself a little (barf) somethin somethin too. anyone who ignores a 50% off sign is an idiot.

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why is cool so unsexy?

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you’ll have to wait til she opens it. i wanted to spoil/surprise her this year as i completely forgot her bday last year when i was living in burlington. omg it’s been a year now i can do raymi archive posts again though i dunno if i want to open up that can of worms. hmm. anyway i forgot last year cos i was in a serious weed life changing fog. no excuses i am a good friend and i want to be even better. I AM A PROFESSIONAL FRIEND. hahaha.

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that’s a keeper for sure.

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i added the rafia. PROFRIEND.

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i bought some apples. i’m going to try a new starvation diet. it is apples and tea and booze. wish me luck!

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karate shoes.

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what am i supposed to do with this flag fly it over adventurehouse so that eligible bachelor scenesters will know there’s hipsters inside?

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love the detail.

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i seriously have not vacuumed this rug and i bought it in january. oh the secrets contained. probably hash crumbs too. apparently the vacuum doesn’t reach my room?

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sexxxxxy chicken. as fat as i could ever become, rest assured i will never ever have cankles. that’s right bitches.

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i was becoming really worried yesterday that my outlandish bloat was getting severely out of hand but then i just got my period like a normal person. so used to it being late forgot all about it. phew thank fuck.

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i am so scattered and busy i can’t even get through a magazine. the sun through my hair makes it look extra spinstery. this photo reminded me about laundry in the washer my favourite part in laundry time is transferring it to the dryer. i am marge simpson. only 12% of the time. nah, more so old fashion.

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that part’s a bit egomaniacal i mean really, tom.

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look i’m being laid back!

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still laid back!

steph get here and entertain me already so i don’t have to work.

aw i just received this little love letter:

Hey,

I’ve been meaning to drop you a line for a long time but always chickened out. I’ve read your blog (the only one I do) for the past few years. I’m highly addicted! I love your postings, slayer style and food critiques. It’s no stretch to say that you have influenced me and upped my game with food and clothes. Anyway, don’t know what else to say except that I think you’re rockin’ and keep doing what you do – it’s fucking great.

A silent supporter and blog lurker,
Mel

everyone who sends me nice emails and i say SO BLOGGING THIS and then i don’t i apologize it’s just that i am so overwhelmed and busy and disorganized. i read them while out on my blackberry and then i get home and everything’s gone into a blackhole. thank you for taking the time to write to me i will always appreciate it. from now on be sure to attach a photo along with, of yourself or a pile of clothes, a present you want to give to me…

happy friday dudes.

i am going to do tricep extensions until she gets here and some laundry. there’s prosecco in the fridge i forgot to get oj though maybe i could squeeze apples into juice? just kidding i am not that insane/domesticated/desperate.

update: steph has been at poor john’s she threw rocks at my window and rang the buzzer for an hour. guess the doorbell no longer works. now i can buy oj.

dear life YOU JUST GOT OWNED.

not really.

i got a stone where my heart should be i got a stone where my heart should be and nothing i do will make you love me

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wasn’t really planning to review the show last nite but a few snarky tweets made me change my mind. now i know gorillaz has a stigma attached, cos they’re so mega and there’s that thing one of the gallagher brothers said about damon albarn being a bandwagon jumper when he started gorillaz (sour grapes liam) but anyway in this situation when it comes to blur and well, gorillaz, your opinion means less than shit to me. i love this band. LOVE. i don’t care about any partial thought, barely formed, in relation to any and all things gorillaz and/or blur because. you, are, wrong. period. i’m not even saying it to fight i’m just saving your breath and my time.

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that shit was soul cleansing and life changing i always sound like a gay drunk hippie when i actually enjoy myself cos i’m so used to being miserable and bored usually, easily. impress me and i’ll give you a beejer.

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i danced my brains out.

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i was really inspired too actually. i have been a blur fan since i was in grade 7. more so than gill. i have a boatload of useless blur trivia taking up invaluable space in my cerebral cortex. did you like how i called myself stupid in a smart way there? anyway, damon albarn is undeniably gorgeous. i have pined for that man like you wouldn’t fucking believe. studied his mannerisms, maybe even emulated a few. my nickname in school was bluren. i know. go to town. the point is, he’s so fucking good looking but does he ever make mention of it?

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no, i don’t think that he does and he’s got every reason to hold that over the gallagher brothers’ (whom i’d also lay in a heartbeat) jealous/rivalry. he just focuses on his art, his music, and that’s what makes him untouchable and on top. leaves the ego out of it. that’s what inspired me. i’m going to stop acting like king shit from here on in now basically. well, i’ll at least try.

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left camera at home these are all shitty bb photos. the nite was for me and dancing. once i saw the first visual projected like something straight out of final fantasy my heart melted and i was so happy. such pure escapism the entire show all of it from start to finish. a billion thumbs up from my biased opinion.

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they had a brass band and tons of singers. it was beautiful. i’d d/l plastic beach if i was you. best album to date. every song i love, is danceable, drag raceable, get highable.

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this song was the best of the night, halfway through little dragon comes out and the song gets good. she was wearing a silver disco jacket it sparkled amazingly and she danced how i dance. i went bananas.

thanks for hooking that up gillian!

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ginger you look retarded. i look wicked though.

raymi rockefeller

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that’s me testing out a hangover patch. i’m not hung today so i guess it worked though i only had a couple gins so i don’t think i’d be hung anyway. i’m going to get a ton of these for my gift bags. you slap it on 40 minutes before you start to give’r.

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ginger has this ugly little scarecrow in his room. i crashed there last nite after space weed and sushi. his bed is like one of those thousand dollar jobs all foam core whatever and it destroys my back every time and then i always walk home from the distillery to parkdale checkin’ work emails the whole way making calls like a total business guy idiot dressed like a softball player extra pounding an americano wearing flats and that’s what does me in double whammy. after this weekend i’m making time for a chiro visit. clem call me.

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so in summation, those expensive beds do nothing but harm. you’re fine on the floor.

ginger’s friend thinks he has mental problems cos we’ve never banged and probably never will now it’s just funny cos look at us don’t we look like we’re a doing it simpleton couple just havin’ a casual hang in front of the tube watching our game? ginger’s co-worker is all SERIOUSLY DUDE WHAT’S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM DO YOU HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS YOU HAVE FUCKING MENTAL PROBLEMS hahahhahaha.

going to gorillaz tonite with gill and the gang i can’t remember the last time i did something just to do it like regular people. my life feels like it revolves around getting some, and blogging. when i engage in activities purely self indulgent ones i feel guilty like i’m supposed to be out hustling. never forget the joy of life people. rob said he forgot why he got into making films after awhile cos it becomes actual work doing shit for other people, you forget that you started this for you and now i’m taking a dog to a fucking spa tomorrow. hilarious.

for the love of blog and writing a book is why i started making a name for myself out here in the urban artistic wilderness. it’s a nice life but once in awhile you have to actually work hard at it which is where i pull suck attack stunts. would i be happier if i chose the “easier” route of 9-5 professional? maybe. doubt it. i don’t think i’d be happier any which way i’m just not meant to be a happy type so really it shouldn’t matter what i do. though, money is pretty wicked.

wow tangent. end.

i’m in a stress vortex so i had trouble sleeping last nite and now my back is fucked but i don’t have time to be in pan right now i am pushing my body’s limits.

CU L8R!

The Devil’s apprentice he gave me some credit He fed me a line and I’ll probably regret it

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melodie thinks i might have this disease i can’t recall the name of. my stomach can get bloated at the drop of a hat. maybe i have an allergy? the fluctuation over the span of 24 hours, 48 hours, is night and day. i can look like a rail and then i can look like a whale. sick of it.

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biiiiitch face.

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sass styled this outfit. she wouldn’t let me get this one dress i wanted just because i could squeeze into it so i said fine then go find me something awesome.

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new favourite outfit. horrible photos of it though.

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where the hell are my roommates do you guys even live here anymore?

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ok now that’s just desperate.

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hmm nah, still got it.

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fixed hair once i was done. i’ve a penchant for photographing self as slovenly.

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rompers, gotta love ‘em. off the sales rack too, saving/spending money hiiiigh.

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talkin’ caterin’ lookin’ like what women actually look like when they party plan. when i got to britt’s she was mashing something at the stove she looks at me over her shoulder and says she didn’t look like this three hours prior. said she looked like a wreck. the horror of the early dinner guest. there’s always one (not me) and you have to babysit entertain and you look like a tornado spat you out. put that guy to work.

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two nights ago? on the couch. we watched the joneses and royal tennenbaums. i love rt so much but it always makes me so sad after. if any dude reading this looks like (or can) luke wilson in the suicide scene after he shaves all his beard off i will wed you AND sign a pre-nup and give you half of all future (currrent) earnings. you will need a designer tennis shirt too.

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somehow sass figured out how to work the tv/dvd situation. i’m fuckin’ useless. i never watch tv unless it’s turned on already.

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she’s been in america a long time. they don’t have dill or ketchup flavour. speaking of joneseseseses (jonesin’).

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don’t even get me started on how long her hair is. a jealous (not a real) friend would tell her to cut it and give it to charity like she initially intended. fuck that babies don’t need wigs, that’s pedigree baby you hang on to that mane and you snare a man post haste.

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totally forgot we had dessert after mitzi’s mmmmitzi’s. i’d be a rail or starved to one if mitzi’s wasn’t around the corner from adventurehouse. those nites you just can’t stave off hunger anymore it’s the only place around.

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the tofu sticks are great you can choose from all the wing sauces for dipping. i always order at least two. then i ask for another kind for my wings that are also a completely separate flavour so i come out of there with four different flavours minimum. yes, i am insane.

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sweet potato lamb roti. you could jerk off to it.

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gave one of my wings away to a bar fly (after i smothered it in jerk sauce).

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if you come to my neighbourhood chances are i have nothing to offer you to eat so we’re goin’ to mitzi’s.

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and i’m wearing an open to the navel shirt. what did i do the night before to look so tired? thanksgiving? oh right hahahaha.

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the signal is shit there so we will be forced to talk to one another. i hope this is ok with you.

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gorgeous girl. i was blogspotted in UO yesterday (hi danielle!) by a girl who is interested in doing a show on me. she said she was keen on sass for it too as well as meredith. i casually say oh sass is here too and screamed up through the stairs at sass to come down. funny moment, the girl was not expecting for sass to be with me i guess it took adrenaline courage enough to approach me, she seemed a bit overwhelmed. i really had to take a leak and i also had shopping on the brain. i love buzzed shopping. had a mimosa at the gladstone with lunch. love the slaw at gladstone.

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this outfit is very gossip girly.

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time for paul bunyan shoes.

here’s some crap off my blackberry.

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gladstone lunch. eyes were getting coffee jitters/burn out foggy sleepy so out came the malcolm x goggles.

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love the hour glass sculpt.

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doughy looking in deep river.

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supermarket dinner last nite mmmmmmmmmm.

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will never get sick of their menu.

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that woman in the back was reading about longing. i overheard a hipster yuppie say we want everything and we don’t want to pay for it, over a pint with another yuppie hipster. oh men. business. you are so my type.

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laaaaaaaaandscape.

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how did i arrive at this tegan and sarah look?

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being rescued from the remote wilderness.

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at the height of intervening with that lunatic i opened my fortune then i howled and snickered. i had had e-fucking-nough. since then numerous other crazies have sprouted up in my inbox. i guess they were there all along but maybe it’s the change of season, i dunno. just leave me alone guys unless you’re movie star handsome don’t fucking bother me i have no time for your games i mean it. output mode only.

So keep them hands where I can see em like you want freedom

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thanksgiving shit show round two when it all goes downhill awesome.

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take that daft punk.

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look you can see my tinfoil thinking process idea backwards.

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uh oh something wasted is happening.

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yiiikes.

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ha ha i’m doing phoney wedding dress laugh pose.

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britt walked in at this point.

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to techno blasting and a bearded lumberjack going yes yes yes more more!

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she’s like what is this a pretentious german art house cinema shoot?

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no i was just eating some pie.

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couch time out.

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then we talked about noses. she said she had a big one and i said i didn’t even notice until you pointed it out.

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i have one too. she said she didn’t notice til i mentioned it. lesson learned!

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rad bag.

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i look nude.

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brad looks like he hit the screech. i look like i aged ten years overnight.

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at least i look happy.

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it always goes down in the kitchen. people will talk you to death in a kitchen. don’t you love that at house parties standing under unattractive overhead lighting and someone with bad beer breath is close talking to you about their fucking job. ugh.

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my date was all the way down the hall stuck in a polite adult party manners vortex so we blasted the tunes to taunt and show what’s going on in the kitchen haha so he’s like sitting in a chair listening to britt talk about whatever the fuck forced to pay his new guy dues meanwhile out of his peripheral vision, down a classically long toronto house hallway…

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maintaining composure and a straight face he excuses himself from the quiet sitting living room party as if he has to hit the bathroom.

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do you remember when they tried to have an intervention for the mom on arrested development she shows up they’re all completely polluted shitbombed and are like mom you have a driii-kennng problum hahaha.

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it was a failed intervention but it was the best family party drinking celebration we ever had. if you can get me the exact quote that would be appreciated.

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i am thankful for cuttin’ loose with people i love.

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which is like 365 days a year 24/7 but it’s nice to have an official day to honour it though and a day after to sleep it off. i actually wasn’t as wasted as everybody else just in a good mood and happy for somewhere to be. simple shit.

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drew a new chair on a bigger canvas yesterday. it is just as retarded if not more than this. definitely more. sass had to help me sketch the finishing touches cos my brain shorted out, was roadblocked by perspective of the arms and ugh, i am demented.

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rrrrready for your close up renita?

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not to be a pervert or anything but holy figure.

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love this gypsy look.

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punch me.

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i feel like watching singles now.

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perfectionist lives here. i told her something was askew on my way out just to get her going hahahhaha. loosen up monica!

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i like some of my pictures to be sideways despite this being meant to be portrait. it’s cos i am tall i can’t get my entire body in if i do it landscape, which i prefer over portrait cos it’s more aesthetically pleasing on my blog when i do a photo overload post. when i thrust my camera into your hands and say landscape i can get a bit snippy if you don’t listen to me and do portrait. do me landscape and do me head to toe and never from below otherwise don’t do me at all i’ll find some hobo off the street to take my picture. i am the boss and this is how i like it, no arguments.

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there’s always a mixture of portrait and landscape shots from my reel of the night and i want to use everything but i know how sloppy it looks to jump from landscape to portrait. landscape is always dominant. every so often there’s an annoying portrait thrown in i just can’t not (neurotic perfectionist) blog.

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so in order to bridge the gap and make an effort to unslop it up i force a caption about said photograph or something nonsensical, non-sequitor, to make a big chunk of text beneath it which makes more space on the page before the next grouping of landscape pictures. see?

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these are the things i actually think about every single day.

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there is a science to blogging. an art. i know how craptastic my layout now is trust me i got a million guys in my ear about it.

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it’s always been my secret smug amusement that i have so much fucking traffic and such a mental looking blog when there are numerous, countless, beautifully designed websites out there with no readers.

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content will always trump design. i am proof of this.

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that being said there will be an overhaul in these parts pretty soon. as well as fifteen hundred other ridiculous things on the horizon.

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running out of steam thinking about all the stuff i have to do.

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my stomach just growled so hard.

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horror show.

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scorch mark on the flour jar. whoops.

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gave brad my motorhead button.

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giving away buttons is the best cos it means you get to buy a new one and you always see them in every store. there’s tons around adventurehouse too.

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dying of laughter.

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can’t take it anymore. this is what a good time looks like.

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what a babe. just had a baby too.

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normal family unit sitting.

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aaaand what’s really going on upstairs. that actually looks good on you britt.

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and now i have to write an article about my experience in the middle of nowhere writing and going crazy by a crazy. i am also drowning in party planning stress it’s like planning a wedding for yourself except you have to alert all the media about it too. nucking futs. the party essentially is going to look like my brain. there’s going to be tons going on up in there. i want to model it after a holiday party, no christmas jingle bullshit i mean, just big. BIG BIG HUUUUGE. raymi@raymitheminx.com if you want media guestlist invite i need to start collecting numbers so i can work with my caterers. this is a party you will not want to miss. everyone else the online ticket pre-purchase will go up very soon. NOVEMBER 11 at wrong bar. puh-uh-uh-uh-umped.