today is going to be epic

i have been up since 5am with bad stomach/anxiety with no relief, almost got to a point of ok i can lie down without the world crashing down upon me but i jumped the gun and had to sit immediately upright and attempt to blearily read my book with cid staring at me from the other side of the couch.

so many things on my plate today, i am going to try and see how much i can do before sketching out from no sleep.

boy i sure am glad i inhaled matt’s indian delivery on my way out of his place last nite, that totally helps in the stomach dept.

too far?

i’m pounding on the door next time and slippin’ this under then going for a walk around the ‘hood, i’m sick of muting the tv and music everyday to monitor this shit, my cowardice shames me as well as everyone else’s on this floor.

it’s sloppy cos i was shaking as i wrote it and i am weak from malnutrition and i could hear him through the wall going at it. i don’t care if his peach pit pupils can’t decipher my writing, for his own good THEY’D BETTER!

should i add a cartoon of cid and i holding samurai swords?



oh wait something more important is happening in mumbai holy fuckin shit hit up bbc cbc cnn whatever yipes. sorry oprah. ah dude time for a lorazepam. screw it back to oprah it is, my wimpitude can only tolerate so much.

how bleak was your life before me?
vicously so.
it blew so much ass!
i had a life before you it wasn’t too terrible but now i am hooked on your shitty blog and to make matters worse i do not like you one bit
i am sick with jealousy
please don’t ever leave me
Free polls from

OMG!!!!!!!JKBLIUVGLIVG this song!

a song called raymi the minx! go listen to it! fil is mentioned in it too hahaha i’m so flattered! i love these lyrics so much and i am laughing my head off right now and cid wants to attack me. i will make a video reaction of me listening to this song later.

in total, there are now 4 raymi songs out there. here‘s another one, modestly titled raymi. also you can d/l another funny raymi the minx song here by the quadriplegic twelve.

i keeps gettin’ younger! this is like when oprah has some guy on to tell her her REAL AGE and then also her MAKE BELIEVE DELUSIONAL AGE because she eats right and does yoga.

this is not the sweater i bought.

holt’s display 2008

it’s kinda hard gettin’ in the christmas spirit what with the 6 o’clock news bumming me out hard about the economy every nite as i’m trying to paint my face sigh, 2006 was such an amazing display Holt had as well ps. new yorkers, holt’s is our version of barney’s pps. no i do not shop there bitch i’s broke!)

LOVE the little house with flickering lights, so whoville.

gobs and gobs of detail.

i do not dig on these bald whitey guy mannequins at all, kinda lazy and 80s and creepy.

so cozy!

shoot me with a whimsical gun why don’tcha!

gorge chunky braid.

so overloaded and detailed and crowded, this is a chick mannequin bursting out of a flower, basically.

rotating ornament.

my retinas are on fire right now it feels like i haven’t blinked in a half hour and everything else in the room seems really dark after staring at these blazing red golden hues for so long ugh i’m trying to place them interestingly in jumbled order and at this point i’m like what’s it even matter it all looks the same to me.

miniature house fetish.

and then all my fingers froze off so i went to meet fil and his new spectacles ordering then we went to winners and got weights for wii fat and i bought a new dress i have to exchange cos some of the thread is comin’ out. i also got a sweater fil hates WHAT.ELSE.IS.NEW?


buy this shit! i broke my craigslist cherry. hmm maybe i should have emphasized more on how money isn’t the issue, space is. I WANT THIS THING GONE!

oh man let the funnies begin, the irony of this has me in stitches right now:

I am a professional (internationally known) artist showing in ******, Toronto and San Francisco. Would you consider a trade for an original abstract painting of equal value ($200.00)? My web site is **********

um i think we have enough shitty art on our walls, fil do you want an original abstract painting? HAHAHSHbsdlkufhahahaHAHAha ah sigh endorphin rush thanks lady. you can even see canvases and frames leaning backwards on the floor beside it i think we are pretty good with the art.

no YOU are crazy

this is my favourite store in the world because in it lives at least 8 cats and the owner looks like santa claus AND you can bring your pet to pose with him in front of a christmas mural and he’s dressed as saint nick and is very shy (he is always blushing) and tries not to make eye contact with us even when we are full on gaying all over his cats and have made it perfectly clear we are equally cuckoo for cats as much as he is and he’s the only guy who carries cid’s special (i know) food and fil takes a case of it every few weeks it’s like how we drive back to the ‘burbs just so fil can get his hair cut by his guy. cid has his own guy too. i’m beginning to think more and more that maybe i am not the mental one in this relationship.

aww i think this is the same white cat a year ago, the hair is shorter which means it was cut when the cat was rescued cos whomever had it before let it get all ratty and fucked. what a dick, it is so painful for the cat to have clumps of knots in their fur. here is what i said a year ago about this store/father christmas:

the dude who runs the place we go to get cid’s special cat food looks like santa, err, father christmas, and you can bring your pet for a christmas picture with him, i KNOW! he is a very gentle and sensitive man and a little bit shy too, i’ve been going there with fil for three years now and we’ve only just worked ourselves up to saying hi to each other, so cute!

eightish or so cats live in the store, all abandoned, most are siblings and they all sleep on the various cat trees and bags of dog food, it’s fun walking around trying to find them all then you pet them and get their purr motors going and leave.

this is not a bribe (yes it is)


if you want to hire me to read dr. seuss to yer kids i promise i will do better than this.

ok i am ten per cent less miserable now thank you.

!!!!!!!!Blur Heading Into The Studio • We get tired of the UK press’s constant speculation on a Think Tank followup, but this time it’s as official as it’s gonna get: NME reports Damon Albarn has confirmed a full on, Graham Coxon-including studio session is slated for 2009. It’s OK to get excited.!!!!!!!!!!! ahh i feel weepy now and heartsick and happy and jealous all at the same time.

Walk a direction, see where we get. I never knew nothin’ so there’s nothin’ to forget.

we went to spadina gardens for dinner last nite so i could put my face in a plate of vermicelli, i am allowing myself one gluttonous stress meal this week, that was it and now we can move on from it.

we bought another wii game, mario super smash brothers and i like it loads more than the last piece of crap purchased. it’s stressful and colourful and loud and pretty and nerdy and perfect for tuning out the world. you know the winter holiday stress is on when all we do is play video games and watch every movie there ever was. i am trying to build a tent around my brain to shield it from thinking about every present that needs to be bought, last minute art show stuff (immediately after this show wraps the left-overs and some new pieces are going straight up on the walls of a new venue, and it’s a family hipster diner so NO TITTY paintings guh) fil’s bday, and a few other massively stressful things i am keeping to myself. so yeah i pretty much just want to jump out of a window these days, go to bed stressed, dream about stress, wake up stressed, stress stress stress. is it actually a stress reliever to blog about how stressed you are and go into detail about it, well yeah maybe only a bit cos the burden is lessened via it being shared but then you have this stupid post you get to re-read over and over and over. wicked.

TMI cutie.

yesterday was laundry day and my buddy was there, she reminded me that i slammed my face into the dryer door last time she saw me, cos i said oh i will try to be as fast as possible to give you some room on the folding table (i knew she wasn’t in the folding phase of her laundry yet, just makin’ conversayshe) and she said no no don’t hurry i don’t want you to hurt yourself again then chuckled as if it was the most endearing fondest memory shared between us and i went OH OOPS in the stupidest nerdy voice ever. i didn’t full-on slam my face really, whenever i trip or fall or whatever my body over-reacts in a comical stuntmanesque nature to protect itself from a full-fledged injury, so from each gaff emits a cartoon-like GAH BAH AHH UHH FUH YEOW it’s pretty fuckin’ charming if i do say so myself and is totally hammed up for my audience on spot naturally to make them laugh. the best is the peter griffin wince wheeze groan anyway where was i, after my face walked into the opened dryer door i said well at least there was an audience for that so she probably thinks i am like a stand-up comedian now. or should.

yesterday there was miles of silence between us after we did our usual discuss the weather bit to which half of what she says i have no idea what it is so i nod and go YEEA-HA a lot, i take cues from her and we have agreed that yes it gets darker quicker and that we don’t like it and that yes it is snowing rain outside, don’t like that either, and the day feels done by 4 cos then it’s 5 and dark. then a boatload of silence, uncomfortable only in the sense that there was a longing for more (sorry for the romance twist out of nowhere) i wanted to ask her if she lived in the building (despite being told that she works in the building) but then that would have lead to questions about me and what i am doing there and i am just not ready for that kind of commitment so i folded fil‘s underwear in silence instead.

i figured out that she likes me more the more disgusting i look – yesterday it was red sweatpants and grey sweatshirt flip flops greasy ponytail greasy face perfection.

i want to talk to her more next time, what other topics can we discuss that won’t get too personal? food?

i forgot to mention that the nite of fil and i’s anniversary dinner i told him from start to finish the plot of an entire episode of malcolm in the middle, no detail was missed.

that is love, my friends.