i finally put that $50 De Serres gift card to use, and for fifty dollars and 2 cents i got three new acrylic paints and 7 big canvases, thank you anita HUG hug hugsicles!

i went for an audition yesterday, it went well i think, i had a nip of white wine before we left to calm my anxiety, and then when i got there they offered me more, and there was an open box of pizza (didn’t touch that) and all the dudes were crackin’ brews, they were all hung, i was pretty ON and thought oh man i am so hilarious right now these guys love me but as more time passes and i remember every single little thing i said i am cringing away like, i want to get inside my head and SQUEEZE my brain dry that kind of cringe. i’m sure they won’t even remember the things i said that WEREN’T CAPTURED FOREVER ON CAMERA oh fuck. maybe the fact they were hung will be on my side. i wore my red pants because the other outfit i wanted to wear was too office girl square according to fil plus he hates that high waisted skirt. i figured red pants would give me an edge. ok i have to stop obsessing over this i am driving myself crazy.

anyway then we went to the beac for late lunch early dinner however you look at it.

fil used his henry’s gift certificate and got a new compact flash card, thrilling i know.

how nice of these glasses to bring out the huge what is my nose.

i am so feeling white wine this summer fyi except for when i wake up the next day like where i’m at right now.

fil’s macaroni corn flakes wtf. last time they at least crumbled them up and crisped them.

my carpaccio, the thickest i have ever had, not that it was wicked thick, just compared to other kinds.

it gushed rain just as we were finishing up our food.

the 16×20 are packs of two for 6.99 totally great deal.

big one i cannot wait to decrease the value of by putting my garbage all over.

katemossmannequinmodelingdebsoutfits updated!

How to be a drunk asshole – FUCKING GOLD MAN! LAUGHED TO FUCKING TEARS!

Best wishes from Timmy Henriksson AGE 20, ripped and handsome.

hahah hey dude i totally forgot about that article til you just reminded me thanks for re-inflating my ego ya swede! ps. i was 18 when i wrote that i guess i should write a redux to it seeing as i now have several year’s worth of experience in the social boozing dept. behind me. haha fil is laughing at me right now cos i pretty much nailed the top 5 rules of asshole drunkenness last nite, to a Tee. well the top 4 really cos i didn’t get into any physical fights.

Top 5 Rules of asshole drunkenness

1. It’s always your turn to talk

CHECKMARK

2. You are always right

OBVIOUSLY!

3. You are the most intelligent person in the room

HOLY SHIT ARE YOU A MIND READER OH WAIT I WROTE THIS SO YES YOU/I ARE/AM WHAT!?

4. Nothing you do is stupid.

NOT EVEN THE PART WHEN I DRAGGED THREE STRANGER GIRLS TO THE ROOF PATIO OF PAUPER’S TO DRINK WITH US AND TOLD THEM THEY LOOKED LIKE LESBIANS AND SAT THERE IN THE POURING RAIN HOLDING MY UMBRELLA OVER THE ONE WHO’S BIRTHDAY IT WAS OMG HI YOU GUYS.

see:

5. Know when to get the fuck out of there because you’ve offended too many people and they outnumber your drunken ass.

one more why not

so.
here i am. close to 2am. home from my b-day celebration which basically licked furry cooch, and i am stalking your blog.
maybe cuz i need a grin?
mybe cuz i need a bike tire-tube update?
whatever the case, i just want to thank you for entertaining me every day (geez, can you tell i am a freshly 34 yr old nerd who desires salty snacks and just got stuck in the rain for 1/2 hr trying to hail a f’n cab?)
anyhow. that is all.
you are a rarity, doh, ray, mi.
x

oh you are cute
im sorry it rained on your birthday party and your party sucked it’s ok at least you turned 34 instead of 35
fil will be 34 in december
we are all getting older
le sigh
at least it’s pouring right now for all those kids going to that stupid rogers picnic music festival today
hahah

kathleen came by last nite and fixed my bikes and i helped, now i know how to change bike tubes yay.

she was impressed with how intact the tires were despite the peewee bike being left out in snow and rain for many years, no cracks at all. this one was my grandpa’s and is probably from the late 70’s, it was hung up on the garage wall so no rust or anything on it really, it just needed the front wheel to be realigned and the tires pumped up.

peewee bike tubes both needed to be replaced, they were both ruptured at the valve, can’t be patched.

white wine refreshments how dainty.

one of the tubes wasn’t even the right fit for the wheel size, kathleen is using these two plastic tool things (tire irons) that force the tire out one dig at a time, i helped too. at first she was like do you want to get dirty? i said of course, i worked in a hardware store for five years and i totally miss this type of thing. sigh.

skull valve cap noel gifted me many moons ago one day it magically appeared.

that rusted stuff is tape that goes all around the rim you check it to see if there is any tear around the divots (from the spokes) then you know what damaged the tube, if there’s no tear that’s good, then you know it’s something else.

the flowers i jammed under the seat are actually a lei i bought at canada’s wonderland, the streamers were on the bike when i bought it, one of them fell off sigh. the bell works and kathleen showed me how to twist the dinger thing with a wrench so it doesn’t kill your thumb duh after all this time, and it works better.

tube.

pumping that baby up.

i am so kelly kapowski right now.

omg bikes! thanks again so much kathleen! both are running fine and smooth i may just keep them both, we’ll see we’ll see. she says my grandpa’s i could get 200 for it just the way it is cos it has working gears and the whole vintage thing too, the other one is a bit more busted but also cosmetically it is cool looking and coveted so i could probably get 150 for it oh and of course the fabulous raymi owned this mark-up.

just finished syncing my zune omgzies i love it!!

oh my god that is terrible and that outfit was inspired by roadhouse, it is especially uncomfortable to watch when you can hear the movement of my necklace and shoes ahh gah cringe.

katemossmannequinmodelingdebsoutfits was MY idea! i cannot wait til this blog explodes.

like, what stupid thing i wore yesterday, lets keep it light and simple guys, fluff fluff fluff, scary things BAD, nice happy things GOOD, guns BAD, balloons GOOD etc.

hey guys lets get ripped on ganj and order pizzas!

surrussly.

i am toppling forward in this one wow you care.

brosz7kowski’s pulled pork we all made fun of and judged while he was out having a smoke.

pulled pork is a rip-off.

courtney not feeling the camera.

my drunken rant about diva cups seemed blog worthy material according to matt, so much so that i wrote down these words on the back of one of my cards DIVA CUP MEN SAVE THE ENVIR. CIGARS SUVS i totally know what i said but can you tell from that?

this is fil’s chipper side.

we stumbled out of pauper’s last nite and happened upon this scene. it was eerily quiet, matt was loaded and rambling and i shushed him cos i was already heavy into eavesdropping and had overheard about 4 shots being fired, then matt accidentally burned me with his smoke and blamed it on me haha right. anyway we stood around for awhile and i debated how tacky it would be to take pictures, i waited a good ten minutes i’ll have you know. when we first arrived only one ambulance was there then within moments police tape was up city tv shows up and cops and ambulances everywhere.

before the tape went up people were just walking right up to the bleeding dude and saying dumb shit.

here’s a video of meds putting him on the stretcher, he was shot in the arm, and was screaming his head off when we first showed up. the girl who was shot is up the street on brunswick where are the other ambulances were.

aw i sent my dad a link to this post and he said this

Hi Lauren … that’s scary …. please be careful . Your brother has Hailey this weekend … I’m leaving the office now for my little Suburban town weekend . Our Band plays at a Street Dance next Saturday … **** got a new job ********* ….. Eveyones talking about the new Batman movie .

Love Dad

this cool ass chick is coming by tomorrow to help fix my bikes, she works in a bike shop, omg bikes! she is even bringing me a lock (i’m paying for the lock) and she’s doing the fixing for free all i gotta do is buy her a drink also she is buds with my cuz cuz they went skinny dipping together TMI? she also told me how to get the rust off, bike lube (hahah) oil? and steel wool. once they’re both square and i ride around for a bit i’ll decide which one i want to keep. just thinking about both of them i feel like a total bike hog i am picturing myself floating in the air all around them in a circle and then they are ghost riding me standing up on their seats like water skis EXCEPT BIKES DO NOT RUIN THIS MOMENT FOR ME. i will also ask her how much they are worth. my friend matt doesn’t want a peddle braked bike so it’s pretty much up for grabs *if* i decide i can bear to part with it. the other one was my grandfather’s so i don’t even know if i can part with that guy.

haha look at cid waiting for fil if you are able to take your eyes of the vision what is my ass.

everyday around the time i do my hair and make-up i become invisible to cid as he sits and meditates by the door, attempting to transmit COME HOME NOW signals to fil. we are both pathetic losers for fil, as long as one of us is doing the mental chanting it’s fine by me. though i can’t help but be slightly insulted, i mean, i deal with his shit all day long, we make buds, i pay him some attention, give him lunch, arrange a fort or two no biggie but then come after work time i am a nobody. SOB.

mbroszkowski: oh! do you want a coupon for licks?

me: no i am too fat for licks
i mean yes i want it

mbroszkowski: I went and got a turkey burger
for lunch today
on a whole wheat bun

me: mmm and?

mbroszkowski: fries and soda water

me: no i mean where is this story going
i thought u were going to say there was a rat in it so u got a coupon
what is this coupon for
if i have to buy something then u can fuck off with this coupon

mbroszkowski: no, I got it from a friend of mine, you have to buy fries and a drink and you get a burger for $1

me: what a sham

mbroszkowski: you still save like $5

me: well i dont eat fries
and i dont drink pop unless there is booze in it
so do i just print out a million of those coupon emails

mbroszkowski: exactly
I drink soda water, I rarely drink pop
too sweet

me: do they even have soda water at fast food chains

mbroszkowski: you don’t eat fries????? since an hour ago?

me: soda water with syrup in it

mbroszkowski: yes, every chain has soda water

me: oh well that time we ate poutine doesnt count cos we were in a dive bar

mbroszkowski: so when was the last time you had fries before then?

me: um the last time was also a time with u at the tap cos sass ordered poutine
if someone says the word poutine near me or shows me it written on a menu and im drinking im fucked

mbroszkowski: that’s like me and mcdonalds

me: i only eat garbage if i am drunk or hung

mbroszkowski: me too

me: which is all i ever really am

mbroszkowski: hahaha
I have occasional lapses though
today I was trying to be as healthy as possible even though it was licks

me: like when we kept using the mcdonalds bathroom on canada day i wanted to buy a big mac everytime ok we have to stop talking about this right now

mbroszkowski: hahaha
ok one last thing, I hate that I’m cursed with one at queen and spadina, ever since I moved there my drunken mcdonalds intake has like quadrupled

off we go

a sense of relief washes over you once you hit the pavement on the island and then it’s a race to get away from all the tourists so you can crack your first sneaky brew.

so this time we tackled the other side of the island where we came upon this fruity little park I LOVED IT.

flowers everywhere.

i am a witch.

oh my god i have to stop making these dumb picture faces.

drinking sanctuary.

two second timer you win this round.

dreamiest tree EVER.

I KNOW, that’s what i said!

i am reading this smut to fil.

the flower had already been pulled out by some punk dick my friends.

itched my scalp too much so i tossed it.

napoleon voice i caught you a delicious bass.

yes i cut my dress into a shirt like the black one.

short shorts backfire, a red ant bit me, fuckin motherfucker ruined a good half hour of my fun.

by the time we get to hanlan’s point my camera battery is low and i can never get a clear shot of the skyline.

requisite tourist pose.

guy left his smokes AND cellphone, came back and grabbed ‘em after i took this picture, i said oh GOOD. stresses me out to see things left behind cos you know the majority of the time some prick will come along and pocket it.

going in the evening during the week is a treat because the island is pretty deserted and it feels spooky.