last nite in bed i was pretending to be a cougar or one of the thundercats but mostly a cougar and i was making all these unattractive rrrraawwrl noises and pretending to brandish claws at fil and i made a bunch of videos, i can be pretty irritating when i put my mind to it not to mention that i was 100 per cent wasted at the time. fil was worried i would keep it up and didn’t tell me to stop cos there was a good possibility i would get drunk-defensive, start crying, and then list all the things i think are wrong with our relationship until i fell asleep with mascara smeared halfway down my face.

here is one of my new shoes. at least it looks like it came out of the garbage and i paid ten dollars for it, the other one was also ten dollars – at least i didn’t pay 80 dollars for stupid gay vans that the entire universe is wearing right now and then they have to go out and buy more cos their first pair got dirty. newsflash YOU ARE NOT SPICOLI.

while on the subject of footwear, if you own a pair of those rubber clog gardening shoes and wear them for fashion i will take a dump in your mouth when you are sleeping. i don’t fucking care how comfortable they might be you are not allowed to wear them unless you are the town idiot drunk and found your pair at goodwill or you are pruning roses in the backyard and you have clippers in your hand i swear to fuck if i see you in yorkville jaywalking in those retard potato shoes i will get a bow and arrow and puncture your tires.

also if i see your children wearing them in funky colors they will be kidnapped.

and who the fuck started this trend anyway??!!?! seriously when i was 17 i got a pair of fluorescent red felt/corked clogs in england and brought them home thinking how neat they were and my mom specifically wore them to take the garbage out. point taken. also little bugs lived in them too.

it’s like, sometimes, i think, people want me to hate them. i even saw this gothy punk girl wearing a fluorescent green pair with black stars on them, you know shit’s out of hand when various styles and colors come available.

is it a canada thing? an ontario thing? has this heinous trend hit the west coast yet?

i could seriously write a book about how fucked up this fashion is, how is it even practical? i swear you are only allowed to wear them if you are a batshit crazy lady in a culty women’s group and you talk about goat cheese and how wonderful dogs are and your hair is scraggily grey. or you are from whereeverthefuck clogs were invented pretty much the same place where harps and yellow hair came from.

look at this!!!!! these are listed under gardening clogs but they are also known as GO EVERYWHERE CLOGS – i know where you can go! HELL! and take your stupid gay ugly shoes with you. my blood pressure is rising and my eyes are all beady and i can’t blink i am so crazy obsessed on this topic right now. i mean they have to invent a category/description for these clogs to justify jerks wearing them in public.

ok i’ll stop.

fil is being a lesbian right now taking a lesbian nap uh are you 40 years old today? he came home early and declared we were going shopping for him. when i get something new he has to get something new right away. courtney came by and bought a painting, it felt like a drugdeal. anyway so much for shopping, it’s raining and we have to go get stories juice for our stories at 8 o’clock. stories = afv; stories juice = BOOZE. last night we got crunked and spoke to these americans one from mass. the other ny state the mass chick i knew right away was from new england somewhere and we were playing buzztime and the question was bla bla what new england song na ha nah and i screamed at her to tell me the answer and she busted up laughing and said hawr hawr she can tell i’m from new england. no offense why do you guys sound like joan rivers?

dear world yesterday me and lise went to winners and bought shoes and i got shoes and pants and then we went elsewhere and she got more shoes and i got some socks and shirts.

how come at fresh everyone is yelling all the time, do you need yelling to make healthy food? and why is everyone a lesbian who eats there and why do they sit by themselves all awkward eating leaves and rocks for 12.99 and they sit all hunched over like someone out of a goth novel? why does everyone look at everyone else there and sigh the place is just too impressive to handle and everyone in it a lot of thinking and show-boating goes on why can’t i just eat leaves and nuts and shaved carrot without all that yelling and concentration camp haircuts on pregnant women wow i am going to new-age hell.

a few weeks ago i went there to get some hangover medicine and i got the simple rice now MY idea of simple rice is RICE, the end. their idea of simple rice is rice with parsley and shaved carrot and exploded wheat and tofu “steaks” or tempeh. i had to ask what tempeh was and the dude was all it’s this really nice tofu that’s full of flavor and bla bla bla but here is the TRUTH: tempeh is garbage you find in a parking lot with bits of someone’s car tire slammed onto it and then it’s stepped on a lot by a bunch of shoeless homeless guys and birds regurgitate bread onto it and voila, tempeh.

needless to say i was not stoked about spending 8 something on that crap and it certainly did not help my hangover in any way whatsoever and it did not fill me up.

i think by law fresh is not allowed to serve anything that tastes good that is under 9 dollars. yesterday the juice i had was alright but it wasn’t refreshing it was just heavy and thick i’m like WHERE’S THE JUICE THIS IS FLUFFY LIQUID.

sorry lise i know you are a lesbo for that place but i am not a millionaire.