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dear world yesterday me and lise went to winners and bought shoes and i got shoes and pants and then we went elsewhere and she got more shoes and i got some socks and shirts.

how come at fresh everyone is yelling all the time, do you need yelling to make healthy food? and why is everyone a lesbian who eats there and why do they sit by themselves all awkward eating leaves and rocks for 12.99 and they sit all hunched over like someone out of a goth novel? why does everyone look at everyone else there and sigh the place is just too impressive to handle and everyone in it a lot of thinking and show-boating goes on why can’t i just eat leaves and nuts and shaved carrot without all that yelling and concentration camp haircuts on pregnant women wow i am going to new-age hell.

a few weeks ago i went there to get some hangover medicine and i got the simple rice now MY idea of simple rice is RICE, the end. their idea of simple rice is rice with parsley and shaved carrot and exploded wheat and tofu “steaks” or tempeh. i had to ask what tempeh was and the dude was all it’s this really nice tofu that’s full of flavor and bla bla bla but here is the TRUTH: tempeh is garbage you find in a parking lot with bits of someone’s car tire slammed onto it and then it’s stepped on a lot by a bunch of shoeless homeless guys and birds regurgitate bread onto it and voila, tempeh.

needless to say i was not stoked about spending 8 something on that crap and it certainly did not help my hangover in any way whatsoever and it did not fill me up.

i think by law fresh is not allowed to serve anything that tastes good that is under 9 dollars. yesterday the juice i had was alright but it wasn’t refreshing it was just heavy and thick i’m like WHERE’S THE JUICE THIS IS FLUFFY LIQUID.

sorry lise i know you are a lesbo for that place but i am not a millionaire.

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