yesterday i decided to get pissed-off and dissappear out of the place and then you called and asked if that was me in that mysterious car around the corner because you followed and i said no i am alone in the dark spying on the lake

harold cut my hair for free yesterday when we came in and were talking business and i said i need all the help i can get, this dry-ends shit is out of control

and we talked about how he is the token black dude in town and i said he must get a lot of pussy and he is like yeh i do but i don’t live here and i said i had noticed him several times at the coffeeplace and i had wondered about him

and i told him about the time me and tyranny walked around all hung over and he was wearing his new york fuckin’ city t-shirt and all the white families were shocked and appalled

harold has a motorcycle club and two chillens

when the girl was shampooing my head i was laughing like a moron and her face turned into a big question mark and i said please don’t be alarmed i am always weird like this and when water goes over the left side of my head something strange happens to me

and her eyes were tearing up because she was laughing at my hysterical giggle-attacks and feet stomping and grabbing the sides of the chair like arnold in total recall when they are going to shove that needle in ‘em

in other news

i watched new york minute, last nite, and now i am thinking of dying my hair blond

raymi needs a change

and then i can say that i did it because my idol ashlee simpson dyed hers blond and everyone would believe it

because they are special

valerie said no way jose don’t dye it blond keep it dark it suits you i will destroy the universe with my electronic pitchfork if your hair is blond and all the guys were like yeeeeh heeeeer doi blond hair droool swoon i like blooooooond

horny toad hang-out

> Dear Raymi

> I’m 18. I live in the Midwestern United States. I don’t actually think that

> I am a headcase any more than anyone else, especially since I watched Oprah

> ce matin avec celebraties who were strapped down in mental institutions, and

> then there’s good ‘ol Anne Heche. But really, crazy celebs or not, I

> shouldn’t set that as a standard. I just said that because I was being

> self-critical and I wanted you to realize that I realize these things about

> myself. I am, though, generally depressed or extremely unhappy, which

> watching commercials and things, I’ve gathered that I have manic-depression

> and also sociel anxiety disorder, although, I am well past that teeny-bopper

> stage in my life where one reads all about mental illnessess and frets over

> them and believes that they are so unique. I have never been to a therapist

> and never intend to, because (I don’t know how it is in Canada) the United

> States drug companies are cruel pill-pushers who desire profits, and while I

> know that some people find manic depression unbearable, I quite like it. At

> times I am incredibly creative and do not ever stop writing. I feel that the

> manic state is well worth the later consequences of depression. I should

> wonder what the world would be like if Van Gough or someone wonderful was

> medicated. And besides, Sylvia Plath was treated, and it apparently did not

> serve her well. Do you ever wonder, dear internet friend and distant

> relative to Jack Kerouac, how many lost artists are out there, living day to

> day life as ‘normal’ zombies because of medication, all the while their gift

> of creativity is living an obscure, dorment existance because it is being

> repressed with prozac/paxil/zoloft? Sanity is not statistical.

>

this is a poem by raymi

you notice when people stop caring

and trying

when summer is over the food in the refridgerator is less happy

and there are less bottles of beer to smuggle

and everything is dark

earlier

and everyone gets fatter

women think about how fat they are every three minutes

men think about their penis and women’s asses every three minutes

if i sit still for a very long time

and concentrate really, really hard

i can turn into stone

and then fizzle away into dust like kirsten dunst and that woman in Interview with the Vampire (awesome movie)

and it is only my fingers that are moving over the keyboard

and i can smell my armpits

and i hope that no one comes near to smell me

hannah came near and said are you wearing perfume and i said no i washed my hair today, i may look dirty but i am actually clean

it’s ‘cos i put so many toxins into my body i think

i just, turn all pungent?

i’m so friggin’ wired. two coffees. all this talking and music-editting and website-maintenance and robot-tasks brings me back to the internship in days of yore ‘cept this time i am smarter and bossman is like, impressed by simple things i do and i am all, look, i hyperlinked and he does a cartwheel.

basically.

because i am connected to the computer i have been putting off a cigarette since i got here and good for me.

jord emailed and said he is installing a card in sal’s ‘puter and i said well when you are finished with that dumb whore you should come to town and i can tell you about emails i get and maybe he will actually bring his unicycle this time.

hotmail finally upgraded my account to 3 quatrillion gb.

me!

my aunt has an art show tonite but we’re going this weekend instead and i was all, dad, free booze will be at it the opening nite not three days later, doi, and he is all yeh whatever your uncle is coming to town for the weekend, that is when we all go and i am like fine then.

i think it is time for a smoke soon.

and a bowel-movement, perhaps, if i am lucky.

anyone who is reading this and turns to their friend and goes, woah, too much information raymi and then you do a hand-gesture that is all talk to the hand – you are old.

the late late show had that funny black dude on it last nite and i go, is that one of the wayans brothers and fil goes are you serious or joking and i said i was half-joking and i only asked that because i didn’t know the comedian’s name and so to cover for it i made a har har he looks like a wayans brother comment.

and now i just look racist.

TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR ATTRACTIONS AT DISNEY WORLD

10. The Raw Sewage Flume

9. Oprah Mountain

8. Moses Malone’s Enchanted Laundry Hamper

7. Parade of short actors in stifling animal suits

6. Pegleg Pete’s Prison Shower Room

5. Muggyland

4. Hall of Vice Presidents

3. Walt’s Walk-in Freezer and Crypt

2. Turn the Hose on Lady and the Tramp

1. Peter Pan’s All-Male Cinema

JOHN GOTTI’S TOP TEN TAX TIPS

10. You can deduct the entire piano even if you bought it just for the wire

9. Guys who escape from the trunk of your car may be considered business losses

8. No matter how much he relies on your business, a funeral director does not count as a dependent

7. Another write-off: long-distance calls to Pete Rose

6. You must actually kill someone in your home for it to qualify as “place of business”

5. Three simple words to the auditor: “How’s your family?”

4. For a vacation to count as a business trip, return with 100 pounds of heroin

3. Smart-guy talk show hosts may end up with more medical expenses than they thought

2. When reporting income, be plausible. No pizzeria in the world takes in 3 billion dollars a day

1. What H&R Block can’t do, cement blocks can

TOP TEN ELF PICKUP LINES

10. I’m down here

9. Just because I’ve got bells on my shoes doesn’t mean I’m a sissy

8. I was once a lawn ornament for Jon Bon Jovi

7. I can get you off the naughty list

6. I have certain needs that can’t be satisfied by working on toys

5. I’m a magical being. Take off your bra

4. No, no. I don’t bake cookies. You’re thinking of those dorks over at Keebler

3. I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man

2. You’d look great in a Raggedy Ann wig

1. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners

i’m so tired of music videos with crazy girls jumping on their beds, screaming at the camera, wearing knickers and a tiny-tee.

why are they slacking so hard in the video-concept department?

i just saw a commercial for Great Big Sea – for you americans, Great Big Sea is this band that i’ve known about since i was a younger loudmouth, since the 90’s, and everytime one of their videos would come on when i was laying there upside-down on the couch watching muchmusic i would have to change the channel ‘cos they are so canadian it’s like RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH i KNOW YOU ARE CANADIAN, STOP SINGING ON ROCKS NEAR A LAKE WITH A CABIN AND CUT YOUR STUPID HAIR TOO and then i am watching montel williams and forget i was trying to rock out to awesome day-time music videos because of Great big Sea.

fockers.

anyway, i guess for Great Big Sea’s new video, yawn, because they are old and farty and boring and their music still sounds like tree branches and your mother making porridge someone said, yo Great Big Sea, let’s have a crazy hot girl jumping around on a bed! and Great Big Sea went, TOTALLY!

look assholes, granted, every other girl you talk to in canada is cute and bored mental because she is a product of her environment, and the only thing bored cute girls know to do to not go crazy is rock out in their bedrooms pretending they are joan jett tho’ this doesn’t mean you have to stick it in every friggin’ music video and cut to clips of your fat-ass playing a keyboard singing to a cow.

everytime i turn on the tv i turn into the opinionator and have to pace around the room until my laptop fires up and i can write down everything i think about the thing i saw on tv that turned me into the opinionator but it comes out in RAAHAHH rAHHHHHHHHH form and i throw a few pictures in there and hope that all four of you get what i am going RAHHHH RAH about.

and ps if you are a fan of great big sea don’t get me wrong, i am proud of any canadian who has made it and continues to try to make it some more but, come on! Great Big Sea, more like, Gay Big Sea.

ok that was an obvious cheapo immature insult.

i’m just addicted to hurting myself.

mine is in my mind and hers is in her body, i guess.

she said she was pregnant and needed money but she was lying and you didn’t tell me that that was the girl at the time and had i known i would have said something and you knew this so i am glad for the sake of humankind that you kept mum about it all because that wouldn’t be very ladylike of me to completely flip-out in a plaza-parking lot of the food buffet place on a sunny sunday afternoon in front of my whole family.

so i revelled quietly that the guy she was was the biggest-looking loser of sorts and his outfit was all wrong and she looks like someone to slum it with.