fav vid yet and best maaaybe.

this one took place during a semi-black out (for the both of us). ha shush.

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remember how it was my birthday last month?

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remember those food pr0n-worthy cakes?

well, they came by way of carole’s cheesecake company CCC! quick back story on that, carole is legendary. she brought carrot cake to the city, like started that, baking in her basement by hobby (her husband michael was an architect and ballin’ so she needn’t worry about work, those were the times then too right, she also had kids to home-make and the like) and then BOOM supplied all the restaurants with fresh/frozen cakes/desserts, which was unheard of. remember just desserts? yep, that’s her too. eighteen locations of them. celeb’s have come to her cafe for years. there’s pics of all them in the foyer i’ll show you in a bit. movers/shakers galore also dine here, place is people watch city. enter raymbo…

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a customer and i. she’s all ooh you’re modeling? get a load of my dopey outfit.

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total nana place, no? i got to sit at the family table. michael made sure to inform me of that.

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how much do we love this mug?

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i kept thinking this fabulous candelabra was actually lit from the light’s beam. who cares, who’s the diva ov’yonder?

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hi it’s me again. this is bringing home to mother outfit bait. the teacher has requested my hair down next sunday. oh yeppa i’m meetin’ the folks who apparently are the complete opposite of my familia haha. that’s fine i made do five years with my ex’s “better”er lot. even up to the time when i called his dad a &^$#&^ to his face one wasted off $400 bottles of whatever evening. he was a type-a and kind of respected me a little more afterward.

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back to cakes. guess what i had. i starved two days in a row prior to this. it was very marie antoinette of me to do so, cake in the afternoon in summerhill? l’chaim!

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michael does me my americano misto, such love and attention. you don’t come here if you’re in a hurry. definite day of leisure for you.

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it was another glorious sunny afternoon and the cafe was packed, we came after the rush, were late of course, so we missed carole’s son, jetting back to hollywood. no biggie. cough. four golds at cannes last year. cough cough. heh.

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oh my god lets go already move it mike. just joking, he’s a peach and everyone just stands around watching the show. he reads my blog everyday!!! he said by my photographs how they’re composed, it’s someone who knows what they’re doing. ooh luh la don’t feed the ego monster. you will love it here. soap operatic. one guy across the way had a long grey ponytail, bald, full on ballin’ could tell takes zero s–t type.

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the magic is about to happen. sometime, this, century. i, would, imagine.

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oh didja know i am in the globe and mail today talkin’ smart? it’s true watch me. you know who also said i am smart? carole. she said my skin is amazing. or was it beautiful? doesn’t matter. (so matters).

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fuh-inally.

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looks like an eclair.

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this is when they told me they were adopting me. i was going for alice in wonderland here. easter style.

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aww love it looks like a heart almost.

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haha my pleats. who is pumped for the royal wedding?

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up and over the mountain ladies. carole’s getting cozy. two queen bees buzzin’ right there son.

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there’s an awesome picture of carole’s hair in the eighties in the bathroom, she’s standing with a female politician (no bigs), forget who tho.

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colleague had pea soup because he is about as adventurous as a small town preacher’s wife. agahahah. nono i mean, his palette is as vast as an inmate’s. he did attempt to go a little outside the box and got a strawberry banana smoothie.

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which i instantly high-jacked.

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my beautiful salad nicoise avec anchovies. everything in the café is vegetarian so as to not cross-contaminate with the cakes, the number one reason for everything yes? yes.

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maybe i should get a kid friendly card?

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curious customers having birthday lunch and a cake for the road why not, personal treat she said she was going to share it with her family. lucky ducks. it’s the most moist fudgey chocolate cake they will ever eat, i mean it, i obsess over this one. it’s the same cake i had for my birthday and i cannot stop thinking about it. seriously. it’s spurned a secret sugar chocolate addiction for the teacher and i. i cannot wait til easter is over by jesus we are speed stress eating those metro chocolate eggs like mental. i’ve been stressed for days though so it’s aiding in that.

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nice to meet you deb!

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your fabulous friend too.

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sneak kitchen/factory shot.

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fancy mags to read.

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fancy candelabras to pose with.

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aww bless RIP.

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CHEESECAKE TIME! i had a field day trying to narrow down my wants. this is the chocolate brownie cheesecake to DIE for. there are 160 to choose from too. i scraped the chocolate chips and icing right off. the base of it is brownie.

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that other guy is california lemon and yes it tastes just like it looks, ten zillion times better than sara lee.

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the longer my hair gets the skinnier in the face i shall be. see how i went from headband to hat? it wasn’t a playboy shoot ok. added my braided belt as well.

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MMMM. carole is also an innovator. her cakes are bottomless, she also designed the first bottomless AND topless cakes. ooh scandal!

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teaser. you can’t have any. we came all the way to summerhill and now i am eating summerhill.

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now check the apple cake and break out the fat plants please.

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now, globe and mail readers, do you see why i have to work out with a personal trainer three times a week?

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mmm what was that? i completely forgot everything, the entire world, for a few seconds there. last night instead of getting blasticated at tv on the radio (i sent darius and lucas though) i stayed in and had a big mac and then sweet lulu and somehow i am big mac skinny again. i’m lean today! despite how these pics look (tight shirt on my huge pythons and high waisted golf nerd pants) i swear i’m lean. ok enough on that back to putting my face in cakes.

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here i am getting the history. i asked what it was like being shot into immediate success, all over the tv news, papers? in the eighties too? wicked. carole also was a teacher, one of her pupils being the creator of dufflet cakes. crazy huh?

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maybe we’ll make a cake that’s big enough to fit me inside and i’ll jump out of it like in that steven segal movie, under siege? meh.

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one universal belief of how to charm others or to make them like you is to let them talk (which is infinitesimally difficult for me all the time on most occasions) about themselves WHILE listening or actively listening and do not puncture each statement or anecdote with one-upping their experience, snuffing it out with your own or making it about you. (i know SO MANY F–ING PEOPLE WHO DO THIS I AM CALLING YOU ON IT NEXT TIME) they will come away thinking that you are charming and nice, and smart.

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get hypnotized.

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extra listening means SHOWING COMPREHENSION.

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meaningful shock and awe.

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at one point i looked carole in the eye and said MEETING OF THE MINDS. it’s true. both figureheads. heads of our class. yeah yeah. number one meeting number one. and then we chest bumped haha. she said she was told that if she wasn’t tough in the business world people would walk all over her so naturally as a woman you carry that mentality with you for years and keep a bit of a buffer, you get touted as having an edge. then your reputation precedes itself and then people are apprehensive to meet with you or nervous, shy. me, i warmed her heart. who were we talking about again, me or carole? ha.

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mirrors to check everyone out by, eye level.

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john hancock time. there you go fanatics.

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don’t worry carole just kidding.

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this was a great moment indeed. the parking lot extends right to the road, everyone slowly cruised and honked. instant fans. i waved and poured on the vanna whites.

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haha look closely now.

see ya around CCC! not if i see ya first.

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got em flaunt em whatever em may be. i was a manic torpedo this weekend. stir crazy windmill around the room. so much energy as well as monica geller-level perfection neurosis.

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ya i’ll take that sign down soon get over it.

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i thought my cleanse was supposed to start today. that’s like finding out you get two extra party days learning that it’s not.

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for me i enjoy not partying and being good to my temple. surely. heh.

sigh. shirley temple. get it?

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keeping on track. party within your limit. you do not want party face.

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i say this to you as i go between coffee and heineken because i am celebrating not having to begin my cleanse until wednesday and i am hung you see? hahah. i am about to embark on two weeks ZERO BOOZE which i have done NEVER so SHUT UP. MONDAY HUNG DAY FOLLOWING STRUNG OUT SUNDAY make sense no? i should be napping right now. not a chance. had my work out this morning at TMR as usual it was a good one.

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i threw that shirt (the tank) in the garbage after these i vowed to never wear it again after its last work out with andrew it’s so cheap and the white has turned, not white. gross.

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every drink i make is fabulous. frosted glasses too.

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i am listening to what my next dance song will be. i listen to the same 30 songs everyday.

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my bad habits are rubbing off on teacher. right now it’s chocolate.

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and eating a lot.

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i make a good high-end sangria. i even frost the jug. oh yes. i secretly popped it in the fridge overnight. capital (the best) mental.

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i enjoy my saturdays. i am a psychotic workaholic. even while givin’er i am henry bloggins.

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made dinner at midnight. slept til three. totally forgot about it until the photos. this was delicious. i had two fry pans going and everything. i am like britt vacuuming at three in the morning during a house party she was hostessing aHAhaahaha. Muuust clean CLEAN clean clean cleeean. seriously. that is admirable. or as gill says CLEAN AS I GO. i cooked turke breast at midnight. cut it up on a cutting board, cut off the fat, veins (i am precise and have very high standards, picky picky picky) and cooked it with the leftovers from bier markt and my own added yellow pepper other stuff yawn you get the idea this is in case people with lesser kitchen bravery or creativity than i can parody it.

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and then i found time to make an egg fluff breakfast pad thai. i know. cabbage slaw based, with prosciutto, bit of jerk, bit of west indian matouk’s. generous black pepper.

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someone was about to get mega crabby i whipped it up in time. i plated it on spinach and that nice balsamic.

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this, cut with soda water, vodka, shake a bit but be careful cos it will explode out of the shaker. fuck science oh and you will when it shoots up into your face. actually don’t try this at home because you are an amateur and i am an expert psychopath.

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i am spoiled. he went and got supplies all on his own. smarter that way as it gave me the opportunity to clean up after the prior evening’s ghost partying wuhhhappened here? how did every single drinking glass get used? you should see the dishwasher right now oh god.

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my live thoughts space. my twitter protest. taking a photograph and then blogging it is like scanning film, how i began on my blog you know i used to develop film everyday and scan in those photos and html them onto vice’s messageboards holy as if anyone would ever bother doing that now.

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ok nappy-ish time. the hot water here last 2 minutes only so i can’t marinate my brain problems away.

i will walk the dog instead.

i am making headway with totoro (one of the cats) aka the terrorist aka enjoys puking in front of the fireplace for all to see and too enjoy. we hugged this morning and she was purring. all these animals are female too. teacher is thinking of making a twitter account called SHE SAID and it’s all my quips that get gary busey’d out of me. brilliant idea.

THIS ONE IS SO FUN.

http://youtu.be/W8uK1Uhscvg

the weekend of great aerobics was upon us.

not to encourage it or anything but i start to go beyonce-level cuckoo ’bout midway through this gem ah ha. i’d recco 2.20 to begin viewing actually no the entire thing is cuckoo bananasly awesome. in the field that is called injured bird/easy prey re: girls of apparently weakened emotional strength and mood faculties. well more so it’s bait for dudes with penchants for crazy girls. fish in a barrel that’s me putting on a show. let them think you’re wounded then zip right off. playing possum.

lucas was looking for the shirt i strip down to in this. how cheech and chongy am i here? hahah i gotta put it on le blog too.

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hahah. nice dreams muuuuch.

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the weekend condensed into one giant bubble so we forgot a lot of it and only remembered thanks to the magic of cameras and technology. forgot i made this. forgot entire videos. keith richard said if not for tape recording many many of the stone’s major hits never woulda made it. wakin’ up after nodding off from playing alone and stoned in the night, your memory completely obliterated and then click press play, the riff of honky tonk woman or whatever comes on like i can remember which track it was specifically but anyway we were wowed and creeped out to watch all the videos of me dancing on the tv WHEN DID THIS TAKE PLACE? and then i got up to dance with myself. it was like watching a ghost. unreal. i’ll do it for melucas and darius tonight before we go to tv on the radio.

tomorrow i am in the globe and mail, a three part web series feature!

wednesday i start my cleanse.

did you hear catherine zeta jones is bipolar? tres chic that bipolar no?

the teacher said he’s been doing research on it. lulz.

k bai!

raymaoke fubar 2 film fest afterparty @ wrongbar from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

points of note:

-over 300 people were watching this like it was a concert. I was a concert.

-i am doing my impression of an axl rose dance at the beginning.

-it’s true i am going a little bit kind of mental here. you wold too.

-i fuck up at one point near the end.

-my shirt is inside out and torn.

-i put the mic in the faces of the audience at certain points to sing like i was james hetfield. they should really see this video right? wendi make that happen.

-as i was dancing and give’ring i almost busted my ankle a lot on the uneven stage.

-i mumble chant a lot cos i was so wailed i couldn’t read properly or see. i am drinking water. put two and two together.

-mel and i dressed as shitheads purposely.

-everyone was singing along it was wicked.

-i say the word retarded at one point.

-i was the only person who got to sing AND first (after the karaoke host went)

-i was wasted enjoying myself.

-melodie told me a week prior that there would be heavy metal karaoke and i freaked cos i have only a minimal amount of headbanger songs in my repertoire and alack, they had enter sandman. fuckin right.

-i was super severely nervous

-eye weekly put a photo of my arm raised with the mic in my hand and sweat stainy awesome glory oh yeah.

-i solved a crime this night too cos of all my photos. couldn’t blog it though and i would of had the exclusive news story coverage. boo. some day maybe nav said i could. the post is here from the FUBAR 2 FILM FEST AFTER PARTY AT WRONG BAR also more coverage in THIS EPIC POST TOO

-i played wrongbar. twice now. a month later i played with my dad’s band hahah noice. big diff eh.

we partied all night long waiting for the fubar boys and my performance is the effect of all that. stellar. i came i saw i gave.

ok weights time guys.

and as terry wrote in my fubar book NICE TO GIVE’R WITH YA (LITTLE) RAYMI(S)!

adios muchachos.

sunrooms

all limbered up now? the dance don’t stop. this is the fruit of my weekend spent leisurely doing aerobics/dance class, stir crazy indoor activities cos of the poor weather. we slept in til 3 in the afternoon yesterday which is why we are up so late on a third wind maybe. went to bed immediately after this video pretty much and at the moment we are trying to get my metallica fubar 2 film fest raymaoke video compressed FINALLY! your face will melt off when you see it but, before that, there’s this. enjoy.

@NathanielGMoore @raymitheminx i like your sign/body language dance move for “then you die” following the money hand gesture #genius #sogood #diehard

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from yet another fan girl

victoria