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fubar 2 after party post part two. actual photos of party this time and not just us getting trashed and dressed for the party photos whoops even though that was adorable and shitty.

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continuation from home party traveling shit show right on in i think we were clocked at 8 out of 10 for give’ring waaaaaay ahead of everybody else but they weren’t too far behind. there’s a section in the give’r book about benders. that book makes me laugh my brains out you need to get a copy.

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christ i looked wrecked. last week was murder. that wasn’t even my beer it was just a prop. I’M WORKING HERE PEOPLE. haha just kidding. no i’m not. just kidding. just kidding.

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this guy is on my facebook now so i can’t make fun of him but i know i was being a little bit bitchy SORRY my personality was part of my being in character for the evening. people were just crazy excited for terry and deaner and i was being smug. i swear at one point he told me to go fuck myself cos i was pretending not to hear him when he was talking to me as i was taking photos of piles of empties he finally had enough of my passive aggression. what he was like can i cum on your facebook and dump a load in your inbox? no laughs. i told him never fucking say that ever again. i have high taste and comedic standards. yeah it’s funny if you pull it off in character, but you didn’t, also you need gum stop hot breathing all over me.

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aw matching socks.

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melodie’s eye is closed cos i punched it. nah nah she’s probably just gassed.

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fashions this night were off the chain. pretty much what wrong bar had in mind when they decided to get invented that’s how i feel.

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it was a couple days after having my hair did like borderline could shower but then melodie was like it’s a fubar party you gotta go skid. fine but i’m raymiii i can’t look like garbage i have to look elite and stand out not skid and fit in. skid won in the end. it always fucking does.

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seeing the fancies show up and get turned away or diva out on their phones because they had to wait ten minutes longer was extremely enjoyable from my side of the rope. i don’t even smoke you just can’t stay inside a bar for hours and hours on end you go mental.

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aw i feel like hugging this guy right now.

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i think this is called dancing.

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if i didn’t know melodie i think i would be intimidated by her or out-alpha female her which is what’s going on already in our household so i don’t know what the fuck i’m talking about. choose your battles wisely roommates out there. ooh tongue in cheek guide to roommates note to self. i’ll write it stick it on the fridge and in big red sharpie write I’M MOVING OUT atop hahehheh.

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my battery didn’t charge fully so half these shots are blurry which is completely in-theme with how poor my bar vision is anyway.

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take that! pretentious! ooh negative space great composition what is this LNP? oh wait i just noticed my feet up there on the left.

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time to show ‘em how it’s done babe.

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oh man she’s going to love this one.

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IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR ONE FUCKING PICTURE OF ME NOT BLURRED OUT???

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oh my god get the hell out of the way hot ginger girl.

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ok you rule but thanks for making way for my in-between dance move pose what the hell is going on over there i am making the dumbest most embarrassed face right now as i type this aghh brutal i am dying alone forever.

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adorable floppy bunny rabbit hair sculpture makes up for it there oh but of course the shot is blurry and some girl is in the way BOTH THINGS I LOVE AT ONCE AWESOME.

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how is this even a pose either? check that girl’s boots. also check that nerd.

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more pretention. what was wrong bar before it was wrong bar you usually see these floors in old school pharmacies or something in the city. apartment foyers. same floor at lakeview.

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wow that hair’s getting pretty skidly.

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never-ending line-up.

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this is what happens when there’s a mirror in the stall and a camera around your neck.

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love the lighting.

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singles called they said what’s up.

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waaaasted. skid committal right down to the fruit of the looms.

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it’s our neighbourhood cowboy i forget the name of constantly. remember the time brosz7 got gum in my hair this guy was horrified as a fellow long hair at the time. i’ll resurface that post.

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these require no captions.

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karaoke time and raymi gets wicked nervous. the video of me singing is so large i need a usb thinger to take it off my laptop, too big for yousendit ughhhhhhhh but clearly it was an awesome performance as it made eye weekly (a photo) you have to see to get a feel of what this night was all about. you can see my name at the top of the list i went first after the host and then it was done hahhaa.

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i can’t believe they had my song too. melodie was like are you prepared for karaoke? THERE’S KARAOKE? yes metal karaoke. me, crapping pants, uh the only song i know well is enter sandman and they probably only have obscure death metal fucccck. so then when i saw it on the list i had a triple anxiety attack.

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gaaaaaaaaaaaah. i told everyone i was nervous then after the fact all these chicks babes bros were like what the hell is wrong with you that was amazing. everything is wrong with me.

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woooooh getting party nostalgic contact vibes like when you talk about E or coke.

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also i glimpsed this thumbnail. i know right. we skipped out on a party with him and cindy and reg last nite i am kinda regretting it but i feel amazing today, not hungover, i cleaned my room up finally i am buzzin’ off that.

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love random crowd shots so much to look at later on all the things you missed in real time.

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lucas was hosed and the battery was dying this is at the end of the nite the other one we got is better and a framer as skidfanie says.

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devil horns in there priceless.

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jogging pants lol.

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tron funkin blow.

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whats with the teeth guys did you plan it? reg is a giant i keep forgetting that.

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deaner was sitting on the other side of the room speaking french with his wig on his knee i sat there aloof as possible mashed out of my gourd.

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giver-ing.

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remember bars were open til 4am. that’s a lot. if we were like new york city i think all of my friends would be fucking dead.

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i have that book! too cool to ask them to sign it though. too shy. hanging with them is good enough.

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full leather body catsuit fuckin right.

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green room time.

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water under my arm that can’t be a good sign.

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i don’t even know what stupid drink i was drinking anymore. gasoline?

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i’m trying to remember where that shirt came from. i think it was casie‘s.

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please please no more party.

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ok more.

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aaand last one.

a tricked out stretch limo suv driver asked if i wanted a ride home when i was biking away from this at 4 in the morning. dude please tell me you realize how fucking strange and creepy it is to be asking me this. pass.

i have so much to talk about and so much i can’t talk about it’s like being a balloon someone has pinned between their thumb and finger, easy to let some air seep out but you know you shouldn’t but then you do it anyway and then the balloon is flflflfppppflflppp how do you type a balloon-deflating sound? anyway i read my lines with carly filmed them and sent the video off to wherever on the road is filming. i would jump over a fucking car if i got a part. tear a phonebook in half.

i picked up my last paycheque from central yesterday after the gym after a stressful phonecall after my long day of orchestrating myself around the city. clem was at the bar, gave me some legal advice, told me i was stupid a bunch (he’s in a dark place) i was like wow so glad i came by hahaha then he started getting on my nerves and i asked, “hey are you in a dark place?” yes he says then starts to go on about it i cut him off and say good, i hope it’s the darkest yet, so dark, like a cavernous cave…he apologized, jokingly (we don’t bullshit each other, our relationship is firey, challenging, he is always playing father advice with me and i let him think i’m actually dumber than i am and am so bowled over by his big mouth sometimes that i can’t even remember what it was i was going to say) asked if i was going to be leaving in a bad mood i said no i’m going to be biking away smiling knowing that black cloud is behind me. there’s a drill sargeant staff meeting retreat coming up i’m invited to. bootcamp. can you guys picture me doing that? how fast do you think i get lippy? oh man i can’t wait to see teppei get screamed in the fucking face worth it alone for that and the exercise.

i caved and went on a date last nite. well, i make tentative plans for a date then i forget about it then i check my messages then i’m like yeah sure i don’t mind some company i’ll just get this guy to watch me eat and he’ll like me so much he’ll pay for it maybe if not who cares i’m going out to eat anyway. so he suggests 751 i say ew so ghetto do they even have food there i’m a princess no way he asks about squirrely’s i say sure done and done.

i have never been checked out so much before in a night. i dunno what it was but it was retarded and every single guy was fucking hot as hell and here i am on a date and kind of trapped in the corner playing demure and humble then all out conceited. i wasn’t even the one pointing it out the date was he would not let one single guy walk passed without making fun of it, total jealousy defense mechanism. there was a guy there i saw straight off the bat i wanted to approach but i didn’t, he was on the back patio who kows who was out ther but it was like professor corduroy jacket nite or something. hottt.

we think it was my hair or where i was sitting. he took a picture of me to further investigate what exactly it is about me that made guys triple take. i am not fucking joking. extra unnecessary trips to the bathroom even and i didn’t even make an effort last nite just changed out of my gym clothes into this crap. i bet it was the venue. date goes, i’m sorry but i just have to tell you this don’t take it the wrong way, i’ve been out with many many hot women before but never never have i been with one where EVERY SINGLE GUY in the room falls all over themselves when they walk by. date was getting sized up like crazy. guess i’m going back to squirrely’s very fucking soon haha.

probably because they got the side ponytail vantage point with light shining down on me like a cherub and my bright platinum angel hair fuck i know i know open up the window and let some of the arrogant out please. he made it a thing i was willing to let it go. then bartender i picked up once who is still fond of me came in and had his back to us on a date or something and i told my date all about him and the girl he was talking to was clearly in lust so he goes out to smoke eventually not knowing i’ve been watching him my date goes down to bathroom i walk out alone and the girl on date with bartender is RIGHT on my fucking heels like red alert hot blonde is going to be alone on a sidewalk with my man it made me cringe for her a little cos i know she saw me pat him on the arm and old raymi would have violently hit the roof over that for sure so he’s standing there done his smoke asking me what i’m up to and i don’t think he knew i was out on a date not that i would hide it but i had that one-up of being alone in my favour which always makes one more appealing. i say i’m about to get stoned i acknowledge her she makes a face and says pointedly I’LL BE INSIDE leaves we say our hello whatevers in private and he goes back in. she ran out in her t-shirt (it was freezing she was shivering and immediately starts hugging herself) just to make sure he wouldn’t be alone with me, for no reason i mean she had absolutely no decoy excuse to be out there like I HEARD THE SKY IS FALLING oh hey hi there who’s this? if i have suspicions about people secretly making out you better believe i have a damn good excuse to be spying up on ‘em in case they’re actually just talking about oatmeal. in short, that chick ended up looking very stupid. and jealous.

we had a good pow wow business chat. very productive. then we went to mitzi’s for half price nachos. as my agent, you hereby are no longer allowed to ever let me eat nachos again (also get that glorified carsalesman back-links selling slimeball to pay up already before i start dragging his name through the mud just for fun) and from all the fine dining eating out i do, will be doing ugh, i am just never going to be a whip ever again. my excessive lifestyle is getting the better of me. i might join the liberty village gym despite being all paid up at mine across town and can now work out for free til march. i hear liberty village gym is a mega pick up joint.

part of yesterday’s stress/drama was some gossip/hearsay shit talk about me around the scene. sigh. i make a point to do my own thing, have for years, but i STILL get snotty catty remarks and when i DO play along, i get snotty catty remarks. don’t hate the playa hate the game baby. or just play it bettah.

my personal business plan/structure is BE a celebrity, think celebrity, make yourself famous, get people obsessed and addicted NOT go celebrity coattail bandwagon jumping. did you see me at any tiff party/event aside from fubar? (which doesn’t count cos it’s skid central) i don’t feel like partying and gushing over other people’s (celeb’s) successes a path to success unless it is your job to be news correspondent whatever but still they’re the star and you, aren’t. i also hate groupies. how over-saturated are blogs/twitter feeds right now with tiff this tiff that blah bla bla so. boring. tons of coverage out there and that’s fine we’re all in the same social media league here, we run in the same circuit and this is our city it’s all available to us but it also boils down to choice. do i choose to be there for it? no. i prefer to cover over things, i always have and always will. be different. if i was actually AT these events with you you’d be shooting me dirty looks and snotty above it faces but instead, at my absence, you talk shit. raymi does this raymi does that wah wah wah what do you fucking care? my not being there doesn’t mean i think i’m above it, i just choose to put my time to better more important (IMO) and productive use, you got it all covered by my peers, yourself included, i’ll just go back to working on myself if it pleases you. this is why my fanbase like me, i am always doing something different and why should i expect someone in omaha who has been reading me for years to give a fuck about me going to movie after parties, how do they relate to that content? i mean fine sure anything i do i have the golden touch they love it i can cover someone eating an apple and make it fascinating but i think we’ve all seen me partying enough, i need a timeout and my hangovers last for days.

how dangerous is it to let a nerdy harmless-looking fetishist cross-dressing french maid come over to do all your laundry and clean your bedroom?

oh my where did the time go?

meet MoSheTa Salon & Spa ready for a mani/pedi? don’t you hate assholes who say that? something about older women regressing to baby speak really makes my skin crawl. appys too. barrrrf. a little bg info as to why i can all the sudden quit a job then plunge immediately into high-rolling lifestyle is sites like fabfind exist. they’re like an aggregate website pooling all these products, services, businesses in the city you can cruise through for deals and they send out an email blast (only) once a day giving you a head’s up on specials sales cheap shit you get the point and mosheta is one of the many businesses a part of that. also, mosheta loved me so much which equals love to you guys too so for the next week you can get 20% off any service they offer if you drop my name. ok lets do this i haven’t had a pedicure since i was 20 years old and my mom had to force it on me.

first, this woodland elf needs an outfit. is it hot is it cold? i wanted to wear tights and super short shorts but i remembered i was getting my feet did so that wouldn’t work.

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so i went the route of gap ad pretentious preppy rich girl d-bag.

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love the fuchsia pink girly theme and the graffiti font makes me nostalgic for that shitty catholic high school i went to for a year before i went to public high school.

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then the mania hit me what do i want what do i want??? the stand on the right is for sale, the display to the left is what you choose from. i love that convenience, if you dig your shade enough just buy a bottle of it.

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do i go for my regular baby soft pink or do i go wild?

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the even temper of my outfit requires something out there. next time i’m getting minx nails. dunno why i spaced on that so hard yesterday? i want plaid nails.

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i was a nice guy and removed my polish at home. not on my toes though. don’t get greedy mosheta.

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i already own my favourite shade of pink making it impossible to settle on another pink cos there are so many to choose from and i felt like it would be barely noticeable anyway…so hard.

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alright i’ll give summer one last hurrah.

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you’re the wiener.

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to the back with ya.

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the guy who did the mural spelled vajazzle wrong (how can you spell an already made up word wrong? well i guess that’s exactly how) but hello this place vajazzles!

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cozy and sumptuous ahhhhhhhh here i come.

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fashion television was on no matter i was spazzing on my phone and talking about myself like crazy. yesterday was supposed to be relaxing more like complete opposite. so much drama. being an entrepreneur? your own boss essentially can get a little overwhelming and intense especially when things pile up. the dreamer in me is whining because now it’s crunch time and i have to be organized, something my entire life i’ve avoided being. i am a child.

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plunge. these little foot baths have lights that turn disco colours and have jets like your feet were invited to a hot tub party you weren’t, who gets jealous of their own feet is that even possible to be jealous of a part of your body, jealous of yourself? woah time to get stoned a door in my brain just opened like when i learned about guy gold diggers recently. remind me to discuss that.

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this makes me crave listerine. ew.

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polish removal.

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me and all my friends.

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you can judge a place based on their coffee. this place gets an A+. showed melodie my pics when i went over to redd to oversee her hair job afterward and she said oooh that’s a good cup of coffee. she’s a coffee snob so she is an expert. i am too, espresso-based coffee yes please.

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terry the owner is hilarious, laid back, eccentric, good vibe off him AND it was actually his birthday yesterday. i gave him my camera and said excuse me can you take my picture then demanded a few more, didn’t know he was the owner at this point but i had a feeling he might be. i like when owners try to trick you and play meek servant as they bring you your coffee. nice try there terry. he played along all the same, i said sorry, i’m very bossy and demanding he’s all what are the photos for and then i sucked all the air out of the room, boy, do i have a story for you….

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the salon is very cozy. cozy modern if there’s a thing that’s it.

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yeah. so glad i didn’t wear tights.

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when she slapped my legs i pretended she really hurt me then i felt bad cos she immediately blubbered apologies. come on look at me obviously i am fucking with you.

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this part is hard for the hyper spazzes. harder to type out stupid text messages. ‘scuse me can you press shift for me thanks.

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it looks like i am being tortured.

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my toes look lovely, the final product i mean.

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so then i wanted this colour for my hands but manicurist suggested gel nails instead, last way longer.

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oh great now i have to decide all over again. i am impulsive. i figure things out right away or i take aaaaaaaages settling. there is no middle ground. i suffer so.

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they were out of the gel shade similar to the china glaze colour i wanted. balls.

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still looking. wasting the world’s time one minute at a time.

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ooooooh i should have chosen that.

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or that. so easter.

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either there was a miscommunication or i was hallucinating but i was under the impression by now that i was getting extensions so i settled on this simple clear sparkle polish then my girl said no extensions once she was already painting. it wasn’t wild enough so i said ok now you have to give me swarovski crystals otherwise no one will know i got a manicure. this is why i never get manicures i see it as a waste of money why bother i can just do it myself? i think it’s one part cheap but mostly i don’t know how to relax properly. it’s the experience and the pampering that’s also the point of the experience.

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this is my relax face.

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my hair was fluffy. jordaan liked the colour he tried to steal me away from redd. turns out he knows shannon. everyone know everyone in hair world. i wonder if there’ll be a hair reality show fuck there’s so much beef and drama between salons.

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nice and clean and tidy though coulda just did that at home myself. needs more bling.

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i have nice hands except for my crooked pinkies.

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my baby toes are horned from years of dance.

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more choices oh god.

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instead of going retarded i wanted a theme, baby colours. pink blue and yellow.

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i guess this is what they vajazzle you with too?

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i’m looking pretty curvy these days. obscene. don’t worry it won’t last. IT FUCKING BETTER NOT. apparently bigger is in now anyway. collective phewf.

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the girl at the end was getting minx nails. you’d think that company would be ringing me up already seeing as we have a similar brand name.

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speaks to my miniatures fetish. so darling.

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does this vicarious blog post make it feel like you are getting a manicure right now?

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the flower matches the princess headphones i bought last week.

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dry lights. i hope these didn’t tan my hands they’re getting old enough looking as is you’re never supposed to get sunlight on your hands. a lady’s hands and neck age her big time i mean you can always tell age by these things so treat them well, baby them, or hide them like crazy. my hands are super tanned from cycling this summer.

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jordaan took these. everyone was having fun with the olympus pen i didn’t even have to ask anymore thanks guys for doing that.

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these photos remind me of that luxirare site.

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see way too much information photos plus uv lighting looking at my hands right now in real life they do not look that leathery thank god.

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i’m talking on the phone here. my phone would just not shut up yesterday holy shit IT’S ALL HAPPENING MAN.

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jordaan thought that was a mark ryden tattoo. no it’s a blythe doll. but do you know who mark ryden is? yes duhhhhhhhh. i scored some maje cool points what else is new.

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wow i’m tall sometimes.

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sooo happy.

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oh my god my job is excruciating.

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top coat.

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hope i don’t overkill you in other posts with these babes.

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matches my bracelet.

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it’s been a night and morning later and not one crystal has come off. i did swarovskis before and they all popped off, you need someone to do it for you.

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made everyone go out for a photo (bossy and demanding) and saw this kid. now that’s a commitment to your look, he’s too young to have a career and that hair isn’t cheap so i assume every paycheck goes straight to his clothes and hair. awesome.

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i want pink streaks too.

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mosheta is right by shanghai cowgirl. i was late and a creature of habit and i have to know precisely where everything is located, didn’t have time to check the address on my way out the door so i just remembered shanghai and this pink sign, impossible to miss.

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i bet my niece would love to have her nails like this. i’m going to spoil the hell out of her on her birthday this year. turning twelve. time fliiiiiiies.

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come on now don’t be shy.

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getting there.

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thanks guys for the vip treatment i wouldn’t settle for anything less. look how funny i look against their uniforms. so completely opposite hilarious contrast. so if you want all what you saw go say raymi sent you and they’ll treat you right. if you can’t make it this week for the raymi special you can go through fabfind and print out a coupon/discount voucher instead.

and yes in answer to the question you were wondering, i AM awesome.

THANKS BYE!

what’s next? you’ll see…

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i love the city when i hit exhibition station i remember how awesome life is here. momentarily at least.

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good thing i look like a teenager when i longboard so gross men leave me alone. jailbait!

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squint!

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sigh i miss oakville streets.

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look how anal my dad is, the lawn is perfect.

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that’s the house i watch across the street.

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then i took off for awhile to board around parking lots. left my board there for next visit.

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bye mom.

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in serious need (want) of new gym attire.

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be right back today is all about me.

mani/pedi, gym, hair extensions. also no date/nite plans i’ve decided to stop planning that shit, just see where life takes me. i am fulfilled.

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so obnoxious and cheesy and cute all the same the little MH for martini house i think it makes me cringe cos i’ve seen it on my mom’s blog so many times before not dogging her just ugh TMI mom i don’t want to picture you out on the town drinking martinis. only because i am an asshole though, kind of a protective thing? i am fucked up. i talk up my mom all the time though when i meet men. i say that she is beautiful and a babe and amazing she would die her ego would strangulate the hell out of her if she knew i was so nice about her behind her back why in the history of the world are relationships between a mother and daughter so contentious? i don’t even know what contentious means i have to look it up. ok that’s the right word. i am definitely getting dumber the older i get.

the top of the creme brulee wasn’t burnt enough or at all and it was too cold but i give the bartender props for making it at all he JUST let the kitchen guy go and i had finished my curry mussels (unsatisfying meal, well mussels aren’t really food i feel, so minimal) and thought i was done. sorry burlington city girl is here, nocturnal eating machine. all i had yesterday was mimosas coffee (so pumped i bought a bag of x-tra bold starbucks sumatra) and a few tiny bowls of cereal. this town shuts down early. but not that pub next door, they have a band sunday night i am bitter i didn’t know this when i actually lived here it’s like bizarro burlington world that pub, very kings arm-ish which i haunted for many months when i used to live in oakville why am i constantly mindblown by the dumbest who cares? types of things woooooah a dominoes i went to one once many years ago!!!! WIIIIILD! pfft. anyway went to this pub after martini house i almost sang with the band but the singer got greedy in the end, they didn’t know oh darling, i was willing to do revolution or some other jam but they barreled onward with their last songs even though they yelled into the mic throughout the whole bar that the blonde girl will be getting up to sing and then everyone stared at me and i was like great now i have to get hosed this is actually going to happen. the bar rail was cheap but i of course ex-tender demanded a slew of ridiculous shit and she charged the hell out of those shots i don’t even want to bother trying to remember how much i blew there. feh. the same thing happened at the monk’s table, no half shotsys at all, no generous pourers it makes me really angry when i eat/order/drink out on the town now i feel like i was such a saint and everyone else is just a jerk like you can at least pretend that we’re buds and make me think you’re giving me a millillitre extra but no. i don’t care how wrong that word is spelled i am not looking it up f this laptop just pretend it’s french canadian intentional.

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and i went out like this but changed into keds to dress it down a little at the very end there my hair makes a scene enough as is i didn’t want to cause too much bullshit i know i talk about myself 200000% always but fuck i have spent equal parts of my life looking not hot that when i actually make an effort i notice reactions and i guess it’s purely insecurity speaking when i make mention of all the rubber necking i get but also it freaks me out a little bit so i think if i talk about it helps relieve the anxiety i feel as a result ughhhhhhhh.

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i need more dresses and i need to be dressed. fact, i SELL dresses so you may as well hook it up by now. i use my niece’s bedroom as a dressing room, pass out in my brother’s old room.

i was supposed to go out for a drink with a dude last nite who was really tight with my brother “back in the day” i’m sure he would hit the fucking roof if he knew/once he knows (no blabbing entire family that reads this please) one time in high school this babe morgan with a red stang wanted to bark up my tree we went out for lunch cruised around and then after lunch we are walking to school from the side parking lot and cooper my brother some other fucking retards are motoring toward us and i go UH OHHHHHHHH morgan goes what??? i say oh i guess my brother knows. he’s like WHO IS YOUR BROTHER?!? i said his name and he’s like your brother is ***** *****!!!!!!??? hahahaha gets in his car PEELS OUT and away i think he crapped himself i just have this instant memory vision of cooper running down the hill full throttle ready to battle. thanks a lot shawn you jerk cock blocking lunatic. anyway he graduated a year ahead of me (older) so i at least got one year alone at that school but i was snobby dating older guys so i put that to waste sorta. at prom i got an award for being the funniest. one of the girls on the yearbook whatever committee was in some business class i was in and always heard me ripping material, correcting the teacher and every single person in my immediate vicinity so she obviously had an amazing sense of humour if she thought i was the funniest person in my entire year/grade. i graduated with a class ahead of me because i was a brainiac but also i decided i was done, didn’t want to go to university therefore no more credits required off to new york fucking city with me at 18 years old BOOM.

i had a reputation as someone who thought they were too cool for school, some girl said that to my brother, she was in some of my classes, older, like burned a few years partying too hard and i guess my youth and brains combined made her feel stupid around me. she said to my brother she thought i thought i was above everything. i think that’s more reflective of her but she’s right you can’t really argue feeling elitist about things. shouldn’t everyone be cocky in high school? defense mechanism dude get a grip. that’s how you survive high school and no one fucks with you, make people fear you and they leave you alone. worked. should i write a guide to high school? i think i have peter pan syndrome and high school is as far as i went educationally so i guess if anyone’d be an expert on the subject it’s me ha ha ha.

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i ate this today before coffee kicked in. so weird to eat so early. went to monfort’s, the “nice” one. i felt like i got on the server’s nerves but only because i couldn’t effectively communicate that i didn’t want pita but i wanted schawarma, that always throws people for a loop. i wasn’t rude though. just mute.

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kerouac kerouac kerouac think kerouac today note to self. look how jack kerouac my papa looks over there. bummed didn’t get a chance to see them this time i’m gonna come back out in a couple days i think. who knows. i have the itch though i have to go somewhere. my brother looks hyper, my dad looks hipster, nana looks stylish and i’m in the middle of a tantrum i guess. WHAT ELSE IS NEW!

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boy do i ever stand out, out here it makes things a little less relaxing to move around by. just hit this freshly laid asphalt parking lot around the corner at burlington mall with my longboard. bombed my way there a little bit to limber up. haven’t really boarded much at all since my wipe-out in may so i wanted to ease back in as mellow yellow as possible fuck it feels great especially when the wind pushes you i felt like a sail at some points, windsurfing my way through canadian tire’s lot.

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everything having to do with suburbia fascinates me. i don’t feel much attached to anything in life right now, haven’t really for a while it feels but i can remember feeling trapped in the suburbs and it being hard seeing a way out of it. now i feel trapped in the city instead funny how that is. i genuinely enjoy myself out here cos i can just be a shithead transient. watching people walk by the window i see that they are so fully immersed in their lives here it makes me wonder about them, their futures, are they happy. i don’t consider aything about city folk though i feel like i’ve got all their numbers. there is nothing left to wonder. they bore me. nothing interesting there. how backward is that? cos you’d think suburban folk are the boring set cos they’re ordinary, which is what fascinates me. make sense? i think it’s harder to live in the suburbs than it is to live in the city. it’s hard to settle and be content. there is no battle left to fight out here in terms of success or dreams, it’s just, this. this is it. this is as good as it’s going to get. but in the city there is an overwhelming stressed out vibe to achieve and to keep going more and more don’t give up. ok i don’t know how that is supposed to be easier but i know that the distraction of the city is what makes life more bearable you just go from one thing to another to another and you can mentally check out. simple. here, it’s a lot harder to occupy oneself. it’s hard to wake up everyday and know that it’s going to be pretty fucking dull. that’s how i felt when i lived in the ‘burbs for awhile, particularly mississauga.

i guess i’m a classic depressive projectionist. projectionalist? there is no spellcheck on this thing. i spy two underage girls smoking outside wow they look so dumb i’m so embarrassed for what i looked like at 15 now. cringe.

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KO’D!

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do you ever feel like EVERYONE is mad at you?

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gym bangs.

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the father who lives across the street i have been charting his hyper-active behavioural patterns for years now. my friend noel would appreciate this. i have seen his daughters grow. the guy just can’t relax i find it super hilarious. on a day mid-week this very summer i watched him partake in at least 20 different activities. what a spazz. errands lawn watering grocery shopping unloading the minivan washing the minivan just endless shit and it’s not that i see him as some sort of suburban science specimen even though i kind of do, i just find him so typically suburban it makes me emotional in a way. i also know he’s part shut-in and totally curious about what goes on over this side of the street i bet he’s walking around his family room in circles looking at britt’s jersey plates going BUT WHAT DOES IT MEEEEAN???? hahaha or me tooling around on my board one day out of the blue dressed like hermosa beach. if i don’t invent fantasy worlds for strangers it’s like i’ll die or something i’ve just got to believe there is more going on.

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i too need to learn to relax. i always feel like i am exhausted coming off some whirlwind wild week true this last one i can definitely see in my face. and my hair. we drove straight from my assaulting myself at the gym yesterday. looking my worst is burlington’s best.

holy beatlemania trivia night. i have wanted britt and my dad to meet for years now. the first time i met her and she tried to school me on lennon i was all, oh please. hand in the air. totally hosed. we sparred for sure. have kept at it ever since. just wait til you meet my dad. i was hoping we were going to jam but the drum kit is gone now to randy’s. damn.

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the white grape vodka end display was effective. got a bottle. good with cranberry. i am a new product junky. total complete product of consumer victimization. coupland quote.

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ugh summer is over i don’t even want to write about it i’m so bummed.

first we need a date. got one. co-ordinate outfits. check. matching my little pony extensions. no prob. legs for days. covered.

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hahahahaha.

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off they go into the nite.

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i learned last nite i’m gonna have to stop gorging and actually start tasting otherwise i am NEVER going to get a boyfriend. she died of a heart attack, childless, manless and faaaat. tres sad.

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i love this time of day between night and day i know it’s called dusk i was just trying to be poetic, jesus.

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britt, it is way too late to be wearing shades and driving. she took ‘em off after this. always commit to the cool even if it kills you. not me thought i am too important to die just yet.

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cafe du lac is at cheese boutique RIGHT NOW until four so if you wanna fight your way thru saturday foodie shoppers and sample their stuff i implore you to do it. i was so full from this dinner i didn’t even give’r last nite it was that satisfying.

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cafe du lac is (was?) a famous cafe in quebec so there you go french fucks stationed in onterrible, go there and be irritating. my hate on for french people comes from working at the central (french club friday nights, they don’t tip, they’re fucking rude and self-entitled and at the end of the night they want to split their bills and demand to run tabs throughout the night, sometimes paying for singular drinks with visa/debit ugh…) and don’t you worry they have their own special little post coming up, french people, not central, and i’m allowed to talk shit cos my mom was born in montreal.

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blurry. the other diners were beyond intrigued by what was going on over at our table. who IS she??? oh film festival? kathryn (the owner) just fucked with ‘em a little bit. mystery sells. as do long legs and blonde hair and big cameras.

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very cozy place and friday is band night. that guy sounded like huey lewis.

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you can spy on the kitchen a little too. huge respect for restaurants coming up with major food working out of a smaller space.

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this is the shortest dress i own. i can’t even sit down in public spaces in it it’s all ass.

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very good wine list.

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trying to recall what i might have been thinking at the time of this photo. starving actually probably just tunnel vision for food. britt was totally ravenous.

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and a total babe too. she looked at this and went, “fat” oh really? i would kill for your figure you little bitch.

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i look like blonde joey ramone.

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i felt really awkward. i love having my photo taken but not in front of normal people sitting down right beside you cos we already made enough of a scene in just showing up then the cameras roll out and ugh, i just have to learn to shrug it off and ignore ignore ignore instead of getting aggressively defensive and snapping I AM WORKING which would be totally rude. people are allowed to look and allowed to be curious i know but sometimes there is always one who decides to make a thing of it. i will come back to this at another point.

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i have so many photos of me “doing something” out there cos i feel like the wacky diffuses some of the tension in the room like they already think whatever they’re seeing is part insane so it doesn’t really matter how much more i push it.

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truffle butter from cheese boutique we inhaled it. truffle anything will make you do that which is kind of dangerous if you think about it. truffle gasoline!

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oh my god so it begins.

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calf tongue. a first for me. everything was explained to us by chef bernadette and i tried really hard to pay attenion but i’m sorry, it is really hard to remember all that but let me try again. the calf tongue was marinated for a long time. the beans were super spicy wrapped in prcosciutto and an amazing stinky blue cheese blobbed on the bottom to blend it all together. there good enough? if i didn’t know that was calf tongue i’d have thought it was some kind of normal meat.

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salmon tartar on the left, in the middle is foie gras (soooo rich)(so cruel!)(so delicious!) top right is elk and top left is thick prosciutto basted in blueberries. i hogged as much of this plate as i could, stupidly so, had no idea another taste appetizer plate AND three more main courses were coming out afterward PLUS dessert. VIP is the place to be.

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that would be my i am listening face.

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listening and alright already face.

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love the presentation. i want to stack food like this. they have this thing on the menu that comes in a huge upside down jar that you take off only when it reaches your table, it’s duck violated by foie gras. total artists those guys are. just check out the menu it’s ridiculous.

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i got up before pigging out to pose for this awkward photo. at the end of it all bernadette changed into her night outfit and we were all a-gog at how babely she is.

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elk. i owned it. i think i have to get my cholesterol checked soon.

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britt got the raw end of this deal.

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crab legs, ate the entire thing shell and all so i guess it’s soft shell, beet salad aaaand creamy deep fried parmesan and gruyere squares. basically high-end cheese sticks. when i had one of those my eyes rolled back in my head. britt got a picture but i deleted it cos i look disgusting.

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sooo pretty. guys if you fuck up you should take your girl to cafe du lac to get out of the doghouse i saw a couple making out in the back that almost made me barf the kiss was so passionate, i think they were french. hahaha.

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potato things i thought were onions. you throw these a-top anything you want though we just ate them with our fingers. all table manners went straight out the window by this point.

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have you ever had the chef come out and explain your food to you? that doesn’t happen. what i’m saying here is yes, i am royalty. actually the owner kathryn (who tweets and is awesome) when i sat down was like oh YOU are raymi wow you’re cute. i think she was expecting a huge fucking ugly nerd not glamourazzi paparazzi.

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halibut on mashed i forget but i told my no carbs to eat it so i could scrape it all off the plate. i remember hearing that those skinny green things are sea asparagus. super salty. so yum.

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oh wait here’s the photo of me eating the cheese. orgasm.

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bernadette was kinda calling bullshit on my being overly agreeable to everything we were eating so i tried the halibut right on the spot to show her live what my thoughts were. i was like it’s not dry at all, moist, delicious tasty. this was my favourite main actually and they tried to take it away multiple times and i snapped at kathryn with a knife in my hand ahahaha sorry. i think she liked it.

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they’re letting me come back for another round so if one of you a-holes plays your cards right you can be my date.

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parsnips!? must be. are they less starchy than potatoes? if so i’m copying them for thanksgiving well i’ll just make a fucking mountain.

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i think this is venison. those orange things are mushrooms that aren’t even in season yet so i guess bernadette yelled at them and made them grow to term? how does that even work? there’s so much i don’t know about food.

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i was an extremely picky finicky eater as a kid i drove my mother insane and there is no chance in hell i’d touch this if you put it down in front of me but now i am such a snot it’s pretty ironic, my mom wouldn’t eat half the cuisine i spoil myself on. one of these days i’ll make her though.

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one of those weird mushrooms. very good. i hate portobello mushrooms. i think that’s my only food hatred come to think of it. they always get soaked in balsamic and the combo just grosses me out and the fact that they’re portobello ooh so fancy am i supposed to blow you now cos you’re not the simple basic kind of mushroom? i’ve always been a bit weird about mushrooms actually. they’re alien-looking, some can kill you, some taste super bizarre. i guess they’re the fish of vegetables and are they even vegetables? confusing much? another thing is people get offended if you don’t like portobello mushrooms. it’s happened. i don’t want to take this post in that direction though cos we ate foie gras and calf tongue so….

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what the hell is venison? i just wikipedia’d it it’s deer. great! i’m just eating the entire fucking forest now.

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oh my god there’s more you’re killing me here (loving it) but yeah at this point we were blobs. that’s rostii on the left (YUM) and duck stuffed foie gras.

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and that’s single forever dead center.

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the one on the right, better by far than haagan dazs, bernadette was quit proud of it. britt said it tasted like rich easter chocolate. it was both and we fought over it. the middle is the maple syrup tart (i think??) whatever it is it’s the cafe du lac signature dessert, very nice, yeah it must be the maple syrup tart cos my brain is recalling the hint of maple flavour. on the left is earl grey creme brulee so you go from right to left sweeter to less sweet and then you’re done and you go into a food coma.

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i am an eating warrior. once this post is done i am totally going to slaughter myself at the gym.

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cute sous chef remy.

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bernadette gets ready for the night.

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dragged kathryn into the vamp shot.

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remy came out to see what the fucking big deal was. hi what’s your name? raymi. oh i’m remy. remy and raymi.

it’s 9/11 anniversary hopefully i don’t actually have my annual massive anxiety attack. here‘s my blog post from september 23 2001 of the photos from 9/11, there’s more we have but yeah, scanning is such a chore. i blogged hella infrequently back then. i know september 11 is just a date and i shouldn’t let it affect me but i just can’t control it. part of my brain is permanently damaged from this event.

lucas and i were just trying to figure out if it’s affect or effect. then he said oprah had a grammatical error on her twitter today, she typed than instead of then. BURN. we have grammar fights in this household all the time. melodie is fascinated by how strongly i feel about the proper usage of language, spelling, speaking. so when i fuck up they all laugh at me and use the word i said wrong against me. dicks.

you’d think a blogger would lead a post with the most enticing photo of the lot. newp. not i nor here. lets check out how tired i looked yesterday and how much i don’t have eyebrows anymore.

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that was my punky brewster gym outfit. i had planned to blow hundreds on a new ensemble at lululemon then i couldn’t be bothered. one day soon though.

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here’s a shot of me from eyeweekly doing enter sandman. i was like one of two people who got to sing karaoke before the system went retarded. set the bar high check my sweat stain. i’m uploading the video now it’s super huge so it’ll take awhile.

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costume change one. i was gonna do the dress all the girls want but then i thought it would be too oh my god look she’s wearing THE DRESS. maybe i’ll wear it tonite instead. rushed to grab two nice bottles of wine for dinner with family skid rat. i dunno why but i’m posing more and more like my dad in the face in pictures these days. they call me little duncan.

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we are staining some shirts with elderberries. melodie is a witch. for real. not a hippie, just a witch. we hate hippies. melodie is always making potions and weird things i walk on by the kitchen on my own journey and she’s like here taste this, puts whatever the fuck in my mouth and off i go on my quest jacked on weird shrubs from a forest garden in the middle of nowhere.

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i was on the fence about dolling the crap out of myself last nite or just goin’ skid. skid won out. i feel like maybe if i make more of an effort it’ll do me a bit more of a solid in the “making it” world you know, look the part, be the part, make something of your life. nahhh.

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and then there was this. co-ordinated shithead uniforms.

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we were blasting metal and fighting. getting pumped. punk practice.

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i think i can take melodie in a fight. she’s pretty strong but i pump iron. i had her in a nice little headlock, she was sort of resisting it. lucas went to grab the camera but the battery was charging. i don’t think i am ever going to grow up.

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my legs are so baywatch. we wore matching wool socks and her vest was orange, my sleeves were orange. combined we make sense. apart, who is that fucking rainbow?

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we need to film a movie in our house. i tried to throw a balled up tshirt (out of sheer laziness) into my room once from down the hallway. impossible cos the hall snakes and slants like a labyrinth.

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the expensive wine justifies the trash. i have a pic of the other bottle don’t even ask me what it’s called though it was lovely, a pinot grigio. i try to go as dry as possible despite chardonnay tasting better and sweeter. the less sugar i ingest the better i’ll feel the next morning. ahh ok found a photo i took of the other wine bottle.

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i am a legit wine snob now too. this shit is not cheap.

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i gave lucas a complex about his shoes. are you wearing those shoes? yes why? are you from the forest? they actually go with our outfits. he changed them in the end. melodie and i can be pieces of shit to lucas we made him go get us a chocolate bar. i said specifically no choc orange or choc mint. he brings back choc mint. ate some anyway out of spite but yeah, get it right next time.

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garbage pail meets cabbage patch skid raymbo bipolar bright.

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this is what someone screaming FUCK YOUUUUUU looks like.

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here too.

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here i am forming the word FFFFfffffff-uck.

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then i am walking away to go slam dance with a chair.

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then i changed cos i felt like i might want to boyfriend hunt and i don’t think boyfriends want girlfriends what look like truck drivers. please excuse the house mess we are in-transition from being cold and being hot as hell house.

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yup this is the one. unfortunately my crazy needing to change made melodie have to follow suit meanwhile lucas is like come on assholes. he was waiting downstairs and we forgot about him he comes up all huffy i’m all would you prefer to live alone and have NOBODY to wait for? melodie at the same time is all you don’t understand the mind of a woman. hahahaha.

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yeah yeah yeah.

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perfs.

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then lucas tried to convince her to not wear my white leather and i told him to get fucked. whenever she looks super hot he makes her dress dumpier. fat chance guy stop cock blocking us.

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charlene the mean babysitter. pay up.

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sometimes photos just need to be blurry.

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fiiiinally made it out of the house. that party went til 4am so we didn’t want to hurry on over.

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it’s ok guys i’m here now let the good times roll.

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we definitely got the dance party started. everyone was standing around bored and awkwardly not sure how to make fun happen then we full throttled and showed ‘em how to do’er. i think i punched melodie in the nose or in the eye. both probably.

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we literally made that party happen. well lucas did. cindy and reg worked on (made?) fubar 2 with dave (terry) and they live below us and we all practically live at wrongbar (know those guys well) so two and two is four there’s your film fest party you’re welcome very much.

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i don’t even know if terry is single. i was too gonged to try and sniff it out and i didn’t want to be an asshole and force myself on someone just so i could say i made out with terry cos i actually respect the bro. he’s a filmmaker eh, smart guy, talented.

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deeeeeeaner!

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this is about the time i slipped away. some people were talking about a royal york after after party getting more booze ugh no thanks i can barely keep my eyes open anymore. i love when “somebodies” try and play “somebody” with you and they have no idea who you are like dangling a bottle of vodka and a hotel room is supposed to inspire or motivate you to jump through a hoop for them or something like guy do you even know how much i can already make my own shit happen at the snap of a finger? cute whatever i know it’s always good to throw a blonde groupie-looking type into the mix but i really needed to peace out so that i did. thanks gill and nav and everybody that party killed. more footage to come i need to shower and prepare for fancy dinner review tonite, i am taking britt out which reminds me i should eye up the menu beforehand. here’s some pics from the ratatat show david took. just when you’re recovering from one bender ten more wash up on the shore.