that’s french for “go fuck the camp, silly whining woman” and it’s in reference to a part in this book i’m currently reading where this drunken hen party (british slags) are on a beach in Collioure with a bunch of french commandos gettin’ an orgy started and the narrator is trying to get some info out of this one commando guy but this drunk chick is pawing at him so the french guy tells her off. i’ve been underlining all the french insults in this book. i only mention it now to remember to tell fil about it during lost tonite cos they say THE CAMP a lot.

i’ve been super productive today as you can tell.

wow do i ever look retarded here.

disgusting update: i have completely sweated through a pair of underwear and my red leggings and a shirt. i just had to change into a flimsy hawaiian mumu shirt. my body is partially numb from my lying down too much in bed this morning (i hope it doesn’t last a week like it normally does WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME DO I HAVE A TUMOR ON MY SPINE LIKE THAT GUY IN LOST PROBABLY) and on top of being viciously sick stuffed up foggy-headed weak achey coughing sneezing i have wicked bad cramps cos HEL-LO AUNT FLO WAY TO GO. oh and my breath smells pretty bad too, stay away.

i feel like there was some other unimportant tidbit to share but it has since left palace raymi brain.

the best part in the following video is when his wife calls him for supper:

and then i felt like looking up MALE TOENAIL POLISH on flickr cos i had a hunch there’d be some winners in there and wouldn’t you know i was right. enjoy don’t forget to look at page 2!

alright alright so you want to hear the story now do ya? ok so here’s how it went down, basically i had a feeling it was going to happen due to a few threats subtle hints i had been dropping over the last few weeks which as it turns out were totally pointless cos he was going to do it anyway. i had given fil a gentle ultimatum a couple years back about my turning 25 being the absolute cut-off for gettin’ down on one knee, i felt like waiting to do it on my 26th birthday would be a slap in the face (one of our dude friends i forget who when he heard this said that’s great fil you have a year now to do it haha yeah thanks asshole) also thunder stealing from my birthday too (but now i don’t give a care about that really)(i say this now though right) anyway yes so there was some definite tension leading up to valentine’s day for sure i told him i had tunnel vision for it hey maybe all that “stress” is what got me sick. last year on v day i got my hopes up big time but kept it to myself and then was a bit emo (understatement) that he didn’t do it i thought he was going to jump the gun i dunno stupid girl notions, sometimes guys get it right but mostly they cannot read minds.

so why the ultimatum? well why not, we’re creatures of habit and i didn’t want to be in a relationship for forever and no ring and the ring isn’t even the point it was important to me for the symbolic act to be done and fil was with someone previous to me for SEVEN years so like, yeah, no thanks not repeating that history, basically. we’ve been together for 4.5 years, shit or get off the pot as they say. we’d already had many talks about it and mutually agreed that yes we will be together forever ie married some day so now it was just a waiting game. bitches be crazy but that’s how it goes ps. this post is inspired by dayquil.

end tangent. we celebrate v day a day early so we can get it over with and not be surrounded by cheesy couples elbow to elbow in whatever restaurant and then on actual v day if we feel like it, fuck, go out again why not. so we were driving around last friday nite getting supplies from the booze store in case we ended up going to alicia’s party after dinner or to stay in and be cheesy romantic with lost. i bought a bottle of champagne just in case for 1. a celebratory toast or 2. a depression guzzle crying into the couch with alice cooper mascara tears. i tried testing fil all day long on gchat as well as the week leading up to friday, looking for clues and hints in everything he said and did. after the lcbo i asked him if he got me a card a fail safe test cos he normally gets it the day of (one time on my birthday he made me wait outside of this shitty variety store to buy me a card on our way out to my karaoke bday party at clinton’s, yeah thanks) so basically no card meant, ring. he answered my question with a question, did you get me a card? yes i did and it’s on your desk right now. we get home and i thrust the card in his hand, he does not give me one and there is some tension in the apartment, we take turns avoiding each other i wanted to give him room to get whatever it is he needed to get me and basically stood there waiting to receive. oh man how delightfully gold-diggy demanding this all sounds haha.

so he comes over to me and takes off the ring he gave me a couple years ago and pretends to measure it on his pinky finger and then i’m set to get really steamed and say HEY IT’S A LITTLE LATE TO BE DOING THAT EH and just stare gobsmacked at him in the kitchen from the organ area then he comes back and produces the engagement ring and it shuts me right up he said something like try this one instead i coo’ed a bunch of it’s beautifuls omg etc etc and then i squeezed him up on my tiptoes and i said aren’t you gonna say it? say it! ask me! and he whispered all shy and nervous (i know i know this sounds super cheesy whatever it was cute) do you want to get married? to which i said ok equally goony shy. he sweated through his dress shirt at work that day (my favourite one) and then another one once he changed when he got home.

he opened the champagne then inhaled it i had a bit but basically hadn’t eaten all day so i didn’t want to hit it hard, not fil though, he was so relieved it was like a valve had been released and all the pressure and bitchiness had immediately left my person seriously if you want your gf to stop being prissy and bitter all the time just propose already cos she’s annoying the universe. also i guess he realised once he did it how un-big a deal it really was like we just looked at each other mind blown over how simple it was and made sense, i dunno how to describe it right, essentially fil then felt like he could propose to anything, total fearlessness, to lamp posts and cars and cid and to fences etc.

then off to a delicious dinner at jamie kennedy gardiner, they sat us by the window. i kept a copy of the menu, this is brisket poutine or something i haven’t looked at the menu since and it changes every friday.

my charcuterie plate.

amazing caesar salad, those “croutons” are actually fried cheese i had no idea until i ate one oh god so delicious.

now i have to get the bugger a ring too, we’ll be an engaged forever couple sorry to break it to ya.

here’s an embarrassing few seconds of me posing for a photo accidentally taking a video instead.

when i asked for a copy of the menu our waiter asked why is it a special occasion or something? yes, we just got engaged and we celebrate valentine’s a day early then the guy gushed all over me it was sweet and i had to tell him how fil proposed which took awhile to explain cos it was the first time i had recounted it. he said he could tell we were a great couple and that i had to “lock that down” when i said but we won’t be marrying anytime soon no biggie he said yeah i know you have like a year to a year and a half to do it. uh what who made that rule? can’t i just enjoy this victory for now? what’s with the bridezilla encouragement, thanks facebook! oh and beyonce too, good work.

how it’s been since has been blissful i am a total advocate for engagements everyone should do it even if it’s for pretend. it commands mutual respect that was there before but now it’s like, better and it has brought back the spark in a major way. not that it ever went away but you know, the magic dust certainly does not go unnoticed.

k bye!

WOAH wonkette linked me!

day 3 of sick is so far the very worst whoever gave me this i hate you. fever hallucination dreams, sweat chills sweat sweat nose throat ears jaw everything aches you name it i may as well violently barf to make it complete. i dreamt there was an alternate version of dazed and confused over and over and over again and then some shit about that octuplet mother and my elementary school playground. right now i’m in bed, i can’t sleep yet can’t stay awake or do anything useful.

anyway that’s your update.

i can’t believe we don’t even have a thermometer.

my body is a furnace right now and the idea of anything makes me feel nauseous like how it’s made was just on and looking at huge pieces of wood going through a hydraulic bending whatever almost made me spew, how pathetic.

homemade soup fil made me last nite.

the cable box in the bedroom is frozen on the preview for that bad natasha lyonne movie crazy for love so i can’t even watch something, i froze that a few days ago i believe. that movie looks creepy cos she dates the guy who plays her brother in slums of beverly hills.

update: ooh casino is on thank fuck the next three hours are covered.

i feel a teensy bit gross now. note the coffee cup and the jaw grinding and the um, outfit i decided to wear.

but i wish this was me instead.

ugh day 2 is even worse this sucks i’m in bed with a sweat mustache it feels like the heat is on a million degrees screw this comforter ok now i’m on the couch much better hi. shit i feel high.

cid was pretty cool with playing prisoner, cats are #@%^* weird man.

ok here’s a quick and easy healthy lunch salad. that’s turkey bacon and it’s only a gram worth of fat per slice versus the typical 18g per depending on the brand you go with, i’ve seen 27g of fat per 2 slices, so bad. anyway, these are lilydale and very tasty and you still get that bloated sodium i just ate bacon satisfaction feeling in your belly afterward so you don’t feel like you missed out.

spinach, tomato, half jerk sauce dollop, half japanese ginger dressing dollop mix ‘em around and voila.

you will probably want to make more turkey bacon cos it’s that good. we also bought a package of maple smoked ham in the exact same shape/form as these, also extremely delicious AND even less fattening.

and feed the prisoner.

so fil and i were hugging with our pants off and cid was chillin’ on the end of the bed still wearing this and i guess he did not dig the noises we were making so he shot over real quick with a warning meow to let me know and was mere inches away from my face. can you imagine being mauled like that? i only laughed at him cos he was still wearing my shirt like a cape he darted over so fast it came with him hahaha.

anyway he almost spoiled the moment, the little saboteur.

what the hell is this post an homage to cid? jeez. he is rewarded and showered with attention over inane things like having one paw placed slightly in front of the other.

this is an oldie.

how awesome i looked yesterday ugh. the first day of being sick i always attempt to not look it, in-denial flu something or other but then i sweat through my makeup and my hair well, you’ve all been sick before you get it.

ring back much better fit that little asian lady was right.

had to reschedule tattoo touch-up for next week. it really isn’t as faint looking as it appears in pictures sometimes, i think that’s from my blond baby hairs growing back.

i have nothing left to say.

can someone please tell me why it is when i do wii fit like a fiend for days on end and eat right, i gain a few pounds but then the several days in a row i don’t do it and eat like a fucking pig i lose the few pounds+ ? i’m talking cheese bean dip chocolate meat and potatoes beer wine cake etc etc etc what the hell? but then when i go to tone my body and free step for a half hour daily and do sit-ups torso-twists and other stupid exercises i get heavier on the scale (visually though no difference other than chiseled toned torso) and don’t tell me it’s muscle gain cos you are full of shit.

i don’t really want to know the answer here i just wanted to brag about being a filthy lazy skinny pig.

i am so weak, i thought i wasn’t that sick i called renita to tell her lets do this tat thing i’m fine, we rescheduled for tomorrow anyway, but yeah i’m a weakling if you wanted to play a wimpy game of catch using a wiffle ball right now with me you’d asphyxiate from laughter choking.

next year i’m getting a flu shot.

so so so so entertaining yet makes me feel as nervous as watching figure skating.