I want my MTV pilot right meow

Interview stance, calm cool, caj. I was nothing of the sort. I know I did better than the other two I think, but the task was for likeability so it doesn’t matter if I stumbled or knew how to talk no one needs to know how to talk anymore thanks to the internet. WRONG. It is harder but the more you do it the better you get but on top of that she has to of liked me, that was the challenge. I am also fucking dying out here trying to get a reaction from the Jersey Shore cast, they don’t count The Situation following me as enough. What are you kidding me that is HUGE!!!!!! That is a win he has a babillion followers and follows just over 1000. I am trying my brains out it is uber humiliating to harass them all one by one on twitter since Saturday. Today was cut off day but I threw one more at Sitch. I appealed to the business side of things and asked permission to link sitchnews on this blog. This is the hell I have been in lately. I also have to make a song about myself and put it to a 30 second track of STUPID FUCKING MUSIC ahaha yesterday at MTV I was like who wrote this? No answers. I can write charming blog posts but I cannot write songs. It’s go time though so I guess now I am a song writer. And I will not cheat either. I could get a hip hop lyricist friend to write it for me, that would be obvious right? Therefore it must suck and be apparent that Raymi wrote this shitty song now dance to it muthafucka! Update: Sitchnews retweeted this post. I hope I get a flood of blog traffic!

Cody is a nice kid though but I am so gonna smoke him sorry brah. You too Arber. I will save all of my opinions til after the episode which we shoot on Thursday. For some reason I blanked on that fact. Tonight I will be live tweeting Creeps, the final episode of the show.

Do you like my unassuming little outfit there? Who’s a genius oh I am. Cody thought I was 22, he was almost blown out of his chair next door at the pub where we went for a drink with his friend, I think they are twenty.

I was like no man I just turned 29. I downplayed how much I knew about twitter to both of those cats, sorry but it ain’t no cake walk. Thanks for the extension on my little Raymi rap video til Thursday morning otherwise I would have had to write it after the gala instead of being a lazy waste of space some more last night. Actually, this whole creeps thing is reminiscent of high school. I feel tethered to my homework assignments of tweet insanity feeling like I am about to fail at any and every juncture, there are a lot of stress eating days between Thursday and right meow as well. Ps. Lucky had just slapped my ass and I am saying Hiiiiiiiiiiii! at her here.

Hi Cody! I will let you and your friends hang out with me in Niagara Falls sometime (which is where he lives).

OH I haven’t even said who I interviewed yet on here, it was Aliyah Jasmine. I lurked her tumblr yesterday morning for two hours, pretty amazing life and she’s dating one of the guys from the Stereos. She’s done it all and is a hard working role model for the entire nation why couldn’t I be this smooth in the interview I dunno I am not smooth guy that is not my style I am a rocky road. I asked her how to be poised and smooth like her and she said vodka and I laughed and DID NOT SAY that I had helped myself to a glug of it before colleague picked my ass up to chauffeur me across town. #spoiled. Anyway, I went first and I hope they keep that in mind. I didn’t get to ask her my fun questions either boo. I will type them here now for you and you can be amazed by what could have been kay?

It’s blurry I like it. Here’s another “could have” if my stupid friend wasn’t so stupid.

This was just two days ago. Now the world is white and bleak looking. The sky is never grey, it’s white, anyway just saying you blew it for not hitting the roof Rebecca. I understand your cray friend was in town sorry. Ps. Aliyah asked if I said cray in real life and I was like yes. I asked her how cray Tom Cruise was and she flipped the question back on me and I was trapped, she also asked if I “partied hard” another trap. I said yes, duh.

I said Kanye West was a misunderstood genius. I pick and chose things at random from her tumblr (which you should follow btw) that popped up most, I dunno, I fucking sucked I am going to beat myself up about it for the rest of my life but the moral of the story is I sucked the least and that’s all that matters kids stick that one in your hat.

Ow that hurts right now even through a picture.

Stella loves it up there but she over-heated pretty quickly well, 15 minutes, not even.

My hair is pulling out some interesting looks lately. Interesting is the one universal inoffensive compliment/slight that there is. I put feather earrings on to complete the look. They feel like hair on your shoulders. On MY shoulders bro. I am a bro without a surfboard wahh haha. Hey remember when I said I would show you the questions I didn’t ask right? Yes I will get to that.

Oh look I made a feminist statement lol thanks Anna. I have a stack of Xtra’s on the living room floor teacher went out and grabbed some for me aw thanks sweetie pie. He texted “proud of you” baha thanks! Ps. I need to eat a plate of perogies now I missed out on those.

Here’s the original.

Here’s a different version. No regrets, tons!

Meowcifer. Ok here are some fun questions: Beckham or Wolverine? James Dean or George Clooney? Beyonce or Gaga? Spikes or Chains? Paul or John? Kanye or Jay-Z? Sick of that Gotye song yet? Would you dye your hair white? Wonder Woman or Shera? (I asked this one, she said Shera, I was shocked lol) Audrey Hepburn or Marilyn Monroe? Michelle Obama or Jackie O? What’s your favourite part about being Aliyah Jasmine? Can we go back in time please ahhhhhh. Whatever one guy “winged it” and we all know how those approaches pan out jajaja.

This was Rebecca’s favourite page out of the Jem colouring book because she is sleeping. Wow. What an unimaginative child ahahah I think I win for best and most burns most often in this friendship it’s what I am here for and she loves it.

We laughed at this photo when we saw it because we were white winosaurs. All of the funny and inappropriate things I said and did will come back to me when I blog all the shots, so far I only have Alyssa’s pics. We had our own paparazzi girl in tow, one who has gone through the Raymi Celebrity school of hard knocks, from gym ambassador to “other shit she does now” thanks to me.

See. Laughing hard. She reminds me of Sarah Jessica Parker in the Family Stone, all uptight and prim and proper. I want to borrow that dress Rebecca.

See I am multiplying. Sexy Litsa was at our table too she popped out a kid 14 months ago now look at her thinspiration incarnate. I have to go blow a fart on Stella’s belly now brb! Not! I mean, to the coming back, it’s toy story 3 xbox 360 time I’ll get the chips and gingerale see you on the couch.

Rayminx somewhat stinks.

I am never giving up these pants. NEVER. This is my contribution to punk. Look how long my leg is by the way. Raymi long legs. People fear me like spiders so it makes sense.

I had to go over to stupid’s house last night to watch tv because we don’t get mtv here and while we typically order or stream shows online after the fact to get my mtv fill that is not conducive to live tweeting a program therefore to stupid’s house I go.

See THIS is how you watch tv thank god for me showing you how it’s done.

Dear rich people corporations one day when you give me a bigger budget you can see pictures of us watching a tv maybe three times the size as this one boy how am I even able to work under these circumstances? Luckily the two other guys up against me seem like ignoramus’s with no twitter followings so hopefully it was a set up for me to win. No contest. The other other two tasks have me way more nervous though. I have never been nervous to watch tv before however, that was a bizarre feeling. Oh no what if I am stupid? I am so stupid! Who are these kids and why do the three girls all look exactly the same? That is what old people sounded like when mtv was first invented I am sure. Oh right, the show I’m talking about is punk’d and if you just lurk my twitter @raymitheminx you can read and follow it all from last night’s challenge. One of the official punk’d twitter accounts favorited a tweet of mine so that’s a win.

Ooh that’s a bad hunch. Bad bad girl. Very bad.

I took 20 pictures of this. You need more mirrors or a full length to capture more of the awesome.

I am digging this sweater more and more I am wearing it again right now. Cozy. You can get one from 3F, quite affordablah.

Look more eye makeup. I think if you make a heavier lid it makes them pop more and distracts from the sunken crevices what are my under eyes.

That’s me as Jenny McCarthy. Just kidding she is so cheeseballs. Whatever like I’m Isaac Newton. Did you know “Newton was also highly religious. He was an unorthodox Christian, and wrote more on Biblical hermeneutics and occult studies than on the subjects of science and mathematics.” No wikipedia, I did not know that. Occult you say? Interesting.

Come on. You call this a picture? You may as well be across the street.

Shut up I’m working!

Commercial break.

No regrets. Tons. Lol. Do you know how many times people ask me that in interviews? You are forcing me to screw with you more now. Yes I do have regrets. That I never learned to tie my shoes. Actually now that I mention it I was a late adopter to that particular technology. Special. You betcha.

I am the last person on the planet who uses a PC right. I just like the shit that I like lay off me! I want an iphone so I can instagram GO FUCK YOURSELF to everybody over there. No just kidding so I can talk to other hipsters. And play angry birds. But why can’t they make an iphone exactly like a blackberry, one with a keyboard. Jules gets glass in her fingers from the smashed screen. Cool safe. They aren’t durable. I put my last blackberry through the ringer, dropped it infinity times, used the battery to the max overheated it like cray like it was about to fucking explode and it still worked. It still works today I have no idea where it is it should be put in a goddamn museum that little sucker, copy and pasting the letter e and number 2, how I do not miss you at all and now I think I’d rather incinerate it because it brought me so much rage, much as PC’s are wont to do but they have ms paint and simpler functions. I am not a mind reader I wasn’t born knowing cntrl apple something c v whatever my learning curve can only go so far because that is all I will allow it. I still know people who refuse to go on twitter. I think I am doing pretty good here. I think this defensive requisite I’m PC rant shall suffice. But don’t you think it makes sense that I am team blackberry and PC? When you really think about it (if you have enough time to I mean you are probably busy sorry to bother you) anyway, I love Macs too but I’d rather date someone who has one and have my PC and have the best of both worlds.

Oh wait I have a present for you.

My favourite meme. I bet my dad has no idea what that means. Instagram I mean. I meme. Hi dad I miss you! I read a chapter of Roger’s book today because the power was out. Not bad.

What now.

Rebecca put these on and pretended to be our therapist. I tried to have a fight with her about saying she knows more about food than I do. I am going to compile a list of every single restaurant I’ve reviewed and dump them on her fucking head!

One of our view’s from living room Romeo and Juliet balcony hope I don’t fall out of that one day I am stupid enough for it to happen that’s for sure. ‘Sup naybes!

What is this Japan why are you on my potato vodka? And why is Kevin Smith being such a whiner right now by the way? Someone sounds like they want to be Bruce Willis. If someone is emo IT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE SAD YOU FUCKING ASSCLOWN. I never thought K Smith was funny and I never will and now I am continuing my invented feud with him. Clerks? Most pretentious boring pile of over-hyped crap ever. I will give you Jay and Silent Bob Strike back but the silent thing died with Andy Kaufman so chill on that character bro.

Dance karate. Remind me to upload the videos of you demonstrating a choke hold and a kick on/with me.

I don’t remember seeing this thank god for these pictures I clearly missed out.

Rebecca texts me her zit healing progress. Seriously. She had a bullet hole one on her forehead I pointed out yesterday, today she said it fell off too. Thank you.

How did I miss these before? Where am I? We share her camera and I guess I didn’t transfer them. See how much I am the underdog now, I am faxing this blog post in.

Smile Time Station this is my stop!

I like this hoodie because I feel like it makes me look like I have my shit together, like a normal, ordinary, suburban lets go for a hike chick. Also it is still fresh and new looking. I wear it for very short periods of time never. Here is the first time I wore it.

I was going to do this again and I will and you will like it. O_O.

Soon those crappy dead trees will be tossed and I will have new tropical plants again. Probably the same ones. I still want them for free though so give me some tropical plants now thanks. Maybe a vine too, turn that wall in to a frigging jungle backdrop which will look fresh and dope for my spring break videos up there.

It’s a nice fitted hoodie, I got it as a gift from Style Exchange. VIPLEASE me! I want more from them gimme gimme. My tickle trunk is just a pile of clothes on the floor I keep meaning to sort it but I never want to. It’s just boring but I will do it and photograph all the crap I’m getting rid of and you can claim it for something to wear when you express your lonerisms alone at night during “you time” in the mirror drawing lipstick all over your face or something lol. I submitted lonerisms to urban dictionary years ago. REJECTED.

Cowabunga. The umbrella is dismantled because of the windy night (lots of those lately) blew it over. Teacher was like the wind blew over the umbrella can you believe that? Uh yes I can what’s so surprising about that? The guy has umbrella phobia probably because an umbrella hit him in the head and concussed him, but it wasn’t any old umbrella oh no, it was a Starbucks umbrella. They gave him a settlement, pretty stingy if you ask me. He should also get coffee for life too. But anyway have you seen what those things look like now? They’re three pointed modernly designed impalements waiting to happen and now I am umbrella paranoid too oh great if you see me jogging by you having a coffee in Liberty Village you know why.

It’s not NSFW if it’s fashion right.

In those other pics where Jules is covering my little friends Rebecca said I couldn’t even find your tits. Enigma out!

No wait one more thing this made the rounds yesterday so my american readers can better understand the country I am from. I kinda skimmed it but I can only imagine that it is pretty much probably exactly true and if you are offended GOOD.

The milky why? Because asshole.

Behind the Creeps scenes with my mom

Here’s my clip! Ps. I win!

watch the final decision here. My mom’s profile is now up oh shit.

There’s eleven minutes of this!

I have no idea what is said or goes down so, let me know the highlights I got shit to do haha. Oh mom.

Should have brought two bottles of champagne.

This has been on my fridge for weeeeeks.

Wore my Valentine K sweater!

My summary about the next episode of Creeps is, my mom was shocked by how calm I was because normally I am screaming and swearing at her (she winds me up) but I was like mom, it’s scripted, we take turns, tv shows have organization behind them despite how messy they can sometimes appear. Also they talk in your ear to try to get you to goad the contestant, it’s funny, and I tried to be a talk hog as much as I could but I also felt like I got my moment on the last episode. My mom wishes she was feistier, I think she stands her ground pretty firm and looks hot too. It’ll be a fun show to watch and cringe. Hoping to get our clips for my blob for everyone to see.

back with more of this very soon!