i’m so friggin’ wired. two coffees. all this talking and music-editting and website-maintenance and robot-tasks brings me back to the internship in days of yore ‘cept this time i am smarter and bossman is like, impressed by simple things i do and i am all, look, i hyperlinked and he does a cartwheel.
basically.
because i am connected to the computer i have been putting off a cigarette since i got here and good for me.
jord emailed and said he is installing a card in sal’s ‘puter and i said well when you are finished with that dumb whore you should come to town and i can tell you about emails i get and maybe he will actually bring his unicycle this time.
hotmail finally upgraded my account to 3 quatrillion gb.
me!
my aunt has an art show tonite but we’re going this weekend instead and i was all, dad, free booze will be at it the opening nite not three days later, doi, and he is all yeh whatever your uncle is coming to town for the weekend, that is when we all go and i am like fine then.
i think it is time for a smoke soon.
and a bowel-movement, perhaps, if i am lucky.
anyone who is reading this and turns to their friend and goes, woah, too much information raymi and then you do a hand-gesture that is all talk to the hand – you are old.
the late late show had that funny black dude on it last nite and i go, is that one of the wayans brothers and fil goes are you serious or joking and i said i was half-joking and i only asked that because i didn’t know the comedian’s name and so to cover for it i made a har har he looks like a wayans brother comment.
i’m so tired of music videos with crazy girls jumping on their beds, screaming at the camera, wearing knickers and a tiny-tee.
why are they slacking so hard in the video-concept department?
i just saw a commercial for Great Big Sea – for you americans, Great Big Sea is this band that i’ve known about since i was a younger loudmouth, since the 90’s, and everytime one of their videos would come on when i was laying there upside-down on the couch watching muchmusic i would have to change the channel ‘cos they are so canadian it’s like RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH i KNOW YOU ARE CANADIAN, STOP SINGING ON ROCKS NEAR A LAKE WITH A CABIN AND CUT YOUR STUPID HAIR TOO and then i am watching montel williams and forget i was trying to rock out to awesome day-time music videos because of Great big Sea.
fockers.
anyway, i guess for Great Big Sea’s new video, yawn, because they are old and farty and boring and their music still sounds like tree branches and your mother making porridge someone said, yo Great Big Sea, let’s have a crazy hot girl jumping around on a bed! and Great Big Sea went, TOTALLY!
look assholes, granted, every other girl you talk to in canada is cute and bored mental because she is a product of her environment, and the only thing bored cute girls know to do to not go crazy is rock out in their bedrooms pretending they are joan jett tho’ this doesn’t mean you have to stick it in every friggin’ music video and cut to clips of your fat-ass playing a keyboard singing to a cow.
everytime i turn on the tv i turn into the opinionator and have to pace around the room until my laptop fires up and i can write down everything i think about the thing i saw on tv that turned me into the opinionator but it comes out in RAAHAHH rAHHHHHHHHH form and i throw a few pictures in there and hope that all four of you get what i am going RAHHHH RAH about.
and ps if you are a fan of great big sea don’t get me wrong, i am proud of any canadian who has made it and continues to try to make it some more but, come on! Great Big Sea, more like, Gay Big Sea.
mine is in my mind and hers is in her body, i guess.
she said she was pregnant and needed money but she was lying and you didn’t tell me that that was the girl at the time and had i known i would have said something and you knew this so i am glad for the sake of humankind that you kept mum about it all because that wouldn’t be very ladylike of me to completely flip-out in a plaza-parking lot of the food buffet place on a sunny sunday afternoon in front of my whole family.
so i revelled quietly that the guy she was was the biggest-looking loser of sorts and his outfit was all wrong and she looks like someone to slum it with.
i really care about everything and i always have a story to tell that is somewhat relevant to what you are talking about and i will make it funny and after awhile you may get annoyed by my incessant-rambling and ADD so we take a break from each other and i spend my nites wandering around in the dark taking the same photographs until i bump into a familiar face and i smile at them and sometimes they don’t want to be smiled at
and then you will call me and i will say oh right now i am looking at a tree and there are all these crinkly leaves around and people are weirded-out by me ‘cos they are probably wondering why i am always there wearing flamboyant jackets
and you ask me if i am drunk and i say no, not yet, don’t interrupt i am telling you about a lamp post now and something someone said to me at lunch that day and a one-liner i remembered from a simpson’s episode a month ago and i ask you about your day and maybe we will rent a movie later on or meet up at a strip club and we’ll find my mittens and you say maybe you should wear a dress and i say, perhaps
and maybe i will show you videos of me dancing around an apartment to beastie boys wearing that russian hat that i wear and i tell you that there was one of me doing a cartwheel into a poker table but i erased it and you were amused and seem to be entertained by it, maybe addicted, like how i am addicted, people-addicted
and so there i am walking again because i don’t want to be alone in the house staring at the laundry i should be doing and the cat that is needy and the cigarettes that aren’t there for me to smoke so i go into town and watch color of money with the boys and think maybe i won’t drink today i have gotten this far so far but then we get a pitcher and i am playing the video games and eavesdropping on people’s football conversations
and i leave to go to another bar and i think all the way there i have no money absolutely no money i am just going in to say hi and then a bunch of entertaining depressing stuff happens because sunday is when the real-lonelies come out and adan walks in and i am all hey focker where are my mittens and conky sez you set him up the other nite and i am trying to talk to shawn about marketing and james is being drunk argumentative and pathetic and my fone is just not working i am waiting for it to ring so i can go watch ali g with you and then i am in trouble
shawn was asking why i was so tough and i said it was a defense-mechanism and i waved my arm around the room and said because these are the people i know, the only ones i know where i am living right now and they are all drunk or drinking and they are all male and it has been the case forever
so i have grown-accustom to it
and i told bryce we have an appointment this thursday and that i was nervous and excited about it because i wanted to come across as smart and he bought me a beer and i didn’t ask him to and i asked him how the smoking was coming along and he said great and i said great, thinking that he meant yes the quitting-smoking business and then he pulled out a pack of cigs and i clucked oh no and on and on and on.
some people may read this and shake their head and say their life is better, their party scene is less dark, happier, truthful, and the people in their circles are more real.
