so we ate french cheese from canada and tried to watch twist but it was too drab and depressing so we watched meangirls instead and we drank fancy vodka and cream soda and got all sleepy and were total dirtbags oh yeh we had sushi and then we watched some footage of hanna doing a show at the royal york and the camera guy she hired was total crap and i am going thru videos of yesterday’s auditioners and making fun of a lot of them i’ll transcribe all the notes i made from yesterday tomorrow because i am a nicegirl.
i havent even washed my face and i am walking around in wool socks the weather is kinda crappy, people keep calling me to figure out what is happening tonite, tomorrow, the nite after, this whole halloween-thing is kinda stressful, the whole making-an-effort of it, i mean.
last year’s halloween jamie and i walked around looking at people wearing costumes and we hung out in that harlot-tavern and i poured hot candle-wax on the tables and we peeled it off and made cubes out of it and i let him take pics of me ‘cos i was starting to feel confident again, well i had to, i was in nyc, you know?
i had coolhandluke’s sweater and black hair again and this green jacket that wasn’t all tagged with raymi-crazy graffiti on it and i talked to the blond girl on msn for the first time after all that draaaaama and then to tina and he was all excited over it, and now i know why he was all excited over it.
so i was there for a week and i didn’t leave jamie’s apartment i just sat on the couch with pillows what fall off of it, jamie would come home from work and i would make like i hadn’t been chainsmoking all day long staring at the bodyshopsketchbags across the street.
now i would have left the apartment had there been extra keys, had there been extra keys, i prolly wouldn’t have left the apartment anyway, had i been more ambitious i would have just met jamie in the city instead of being an invalid.
true called sometimes and we met up and true was very nice and flattering and i was taken aback because i was so not in that big-ego raymi thing, i was feeling so not, anything.
i felt nothing, i felt things i felt sad, but that sadness came from the inability to feel, and my hair fell out because i was getting over an abortion and had extra weight on because of these you-are-so-totally-not-right medication because you try to friggin’ hard to be happy and make other people happy and now look at you.
anyway, i want to say thank you to everyone, even if you just read me and never say anything to me, or we’ve met and you’ve let me hold your hand, or you have lent me a nickel, or you let me have you over and wait on you while you watch dumb things or read my books, thank you for being a part of my world.
October twentieth-something, close to halloween (i got a ninja costume) 2004 8:15pm
i pay attention less and less to what date it is, funny how i use to care about that sort of thing. i was all fanatic over it and now there are just too many people i have in my life to keep track of ‘em all – birthdays, long-weekends, holidays, events, television shows, fashions…
and the older i get the more bitter i feel but mostly i am just bitter towards myself for not having changed the world yet tho’ i have written in an online journal with photographs of myself and sort of established a base of readers of sorts
and i do not like the term “cult-following” because it is insulting to the “cult followers, readers, people who are appreciative of the work/art that is my life”
i am more of an accessibility than the type-regre “celebrity” though i guess that’s what makes me a “cult icon”? perhaps i am just deluding myself into thinking that people around the world actually give a shit about me and what i have to say.
anyway i think that guy who loves tony pierce is here now. i convinced him to hang out and buy me beer because i am broke and lonely and hey, if all the other bloggers do it why can’t/shouldn’t i?
though i am not the typical let’s all meet off the www. blogger anymore, i use to be, i use to do the shit out of that sort of thing but now i am all neurotic and considerate of people’s feelings and i don’t like to use them and get them to mail me cookies and stuff, that’s chate.
having a blog is a gauranteed lay and if you are linked to my blog or tyranny or tony then you are going to have s e x.
screw that.
days later – anyway, i met up with the blogkid and turns out he is all attractive and positive and stuff and he bought me chocolates and talked about europe and writing and i was all negative sort of, i mean, he was so idealistic it was shocking, it was like he was sent from some planet to show me what i was like when i was 16 and seducing old men and going I AM WRITING A BOOK… honestly, who is doing the seducing, the 16 yr old?
well sort of.
all i have to say is, whoever said orange was the new pink was totally a fag.
today i told the boss that he has a massive g-spot in his prostate because he was asking about homosexuality and i was all i bet i could convince you to be with a man and he was all unnngh? and then his face turned red and hanna laughed her ass off and was all um i don’t want to be thinking about that and i said well it waaaas innapropriate but still it was, hilarious because you are all uncomfortable and i have my pants pulled up over my knees and i am showing off the bruises on my legs and my argyle socks because i have had a lot of coffee and then i did a cartwheel and turned into pixie dust, the end.
i write better when there is a cigarette in my mouth because then i know i have something to look forward to
could be yer brand
UPDATE: I took this photo in 2004, the date of the post actually and I knew that in the future on blogs something in the photo would pay for the blog post, would be sponsored, but I knew it would take a long time before that happened because there weren’t enough people out there yet reading blogs to substantiate the cost of the advertisement. I had 1800 daily traffic at the time. Google analytics? Please.
hung with adan and company last nite and we talked about whoring around and how he is all unhappy over it and we think it’s ‘cos of the change of seasons ‘cos everyone wants a boyfriend/girlfriend right now to cuddle around and be all winter-fat with.
i know. lame.
we’re such a needy species.
and the whole time i was being all i understand this i understand that you are stressed ‘cos of this dur dur dur and i am looking around the room at people and trying to figure them out and this one guy makes a point to go bye adan out the door he goes and adan says i have never seen that guy before in my life i don’t know who the fuck he is and i said well he obviously was touched by you and made a point to remember who you were so maybe you should pay attention to people
some annoying crap like that
and adan really didn’t care he only wanted a hug
we also complained about b-rad and how he has some girl and now adan is annoyed ‘cos it means he has to look at himself and his life and go oh ok i can’t keep all these hussies it is expensive and it makes me sad
so i offered hang out platonic time
and he was all, yeh this sadness-thing will be over in three days no thanks, basically
and i was fine with that
so we parted ways and now adan is at work talking to roughly 300 people on the phone all day long getting contracts for music groups and finding the venue, something with finances, whatever, he’s like tom cruise in vanilla sky, going to inherit the company anyway, tho’ it doesn’t mean the job ain’t draining and tough
i take people as seriously as they take themselves and then a little bit more
happy wednesday.
i suggest you guys go see the grudge in theatres now.
Hello, i have alterior motives. i want a free pair of campers because i live in this snooty moneytown after living in Brooklyn, Toronto, the UK, Maine…anyway, this is the town of disposable income and i am the coolest person in town because i stick out, i am marketable and i am rude and i am broke but you wouldn’t know it. some other shoe company gave my friend tim a free pair of shoes ‘cos his look fit their demographic, whatever. anyway, i have been obsessed with campers for three years now and i have owned other rip-off brands because i cannot afford your shoes…
i have a website and a global cult following, it’s like a reality me journal with photos and tons of content and i’ve been doing it since 1999, it is now 2004 and i am 21 years old, still bitter..tra la. so if you sent me a pair of shoes they’s be on the site because i would wear them religiously and i would not tell people i got them for free. raymitheminx.com is the sitething. thank you for your time and i do not apologize for the hasty way it was typed. oh yes, all of the right people read me, yes, even famous people. xo raymi/lauren
Dear Lauren
Thank you for contacting with Camper.com
In response to your mail, we are sorry that we are unable to assist as requested in your message. We wish you all the best in your endeavours.
Best regards,
Camper Web Team
www.camper.com
Ironic how i get this repsonse after my whole whiny tirade about the rich staying richer and all that shit.
pfft.
should i write back to them or give up?
you write them for me and be all, STUPID IDIOTS! she is going to eternally lose her crap now.
i’m resigned to rejection by now, now i just find it amusing how not one person gets it, i am pitching a new-wave marketing thing-a-ling and everyone is just, guh?
steal my ideas, i dare you, good luck, my suggestion is to not have a blog with swearing in it, drug-talk, booze-talk, depression-talk, nudity, vulgar anger rants about nothing other than how much you are annoyed by society and then you do absolutely nothing to change it other than complain more and more and get everyone else all huffy and then there are a bunch of angry useless people just all angry and shit
and then you are like please advertise on this blog because everyone loves it
that is me looking friggin’ evil before i dragged ward to the tits and vagina club with aimee and the quad of manfriends waiting there and the first thing i said was that i had to take a crap and i left the smoking area to do just that and i was waiting in the bathroom that is all skiddish because establishments have zero respect for the women getting ‘em all this business and the men’s room has a fuckin’ bouncer that sucks your dick for you when you wash your stupid fucking manhands while i am waiting in the stripper lavatory behind butts and hair looking at themselves in the mirror putting on all the make-up in the entire universe and ignoring the crap out of me and then i get up on stage and give strippergirl some money for your male beneficial-entertainment but mostly for that of my friend’s but still, i am a paying customer just like you are so the question is, where in the shit is MY bouncer to be sucking MY dick at?
oh that’s right, your mama’s!
hay-oh!
oh and ps, people who are afraid to be emailing gmail accounts because they now realise that everything stays on the server even when it is deleted so these tardbags are the same ones who have something to hide and think that if they email hotmail or yahoo they are undetectable, pfft.
pps you can still email me though because i would never do anything to make you look bad, ever. people email me all the time and say why was i so afraid to email you so intimidated tra la la and i am like i dunno i am kind of mean and bitchy sounding and if i am irritated at the time of email communicae i might say something hotheaded but that doesn’t mean anything, really, it just means i am a prick and you should not get all huffy about it, you should say something back to me because i am bored and pathetic and an opinionated no-talent ass-clown and you should try and shoot me down however, if you are all anonymous over it, this ruins everything, kuz then all i am making fun of is some dinky email address that you spent a whole hour thinking up a name for.
winner.
and yeh i remember i talked all this shit about gmail doing the thinking for me before but now i am at a point where, dude, i don’t WANT to think anymore, screw, that.
