I haven’t done one of these total loser posting lyrics blog posts in, since, 2004. Lets go back in time shall we then. I heard this song on the radio (already nostalgic enough for you there?) on the w/e and then I did that thing with Steve’s phone where you hold it up and the iphone figures out what you’re listening to. I figs i-product people read this blog so you “get me” and so the song is by Linkin Park (puke) but I love it (yay!) and I was going to use a lyric for my blog post title but nahh, dawg, I want the whole thing. BOOM! Oh and you gotta listen to the jam along with me too. Or just go on with your life. I can lead you to water but…

The cycle repeated
As explosions broke in the sky
All that I needed
Was the one thing I couldn’t find

We can’t wait
To burn it to the ground

Thank you for regressing into teenage girls on the internet along with me today.

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• burn it down,
• chateau des charmes,
• linkin park,
• mildred's temple,
• playboy

Rude service here the other night. Negative occurrences reflect poorly on me so it’s not worth recounting despite Stevesy insisting I email complain follow-up with owners. We’ll see.

Then I became lips conceited. It happens.

Spy my lip piercing hole. It’s closed from the inside.

BONER ALERT.

Oh hi.

It can feel a little Gotham in here, cold, bunker, the post apocalyptic future-feel. It’s due to the modernist-exposed concrete walls. It is neat. It will be neat to experience through the passing of seasons. Oh, this is summer and it feels like a hotel. Fall will feel like.. and Christmas (swoon). I showed the girls the amazing bathtub/shower situation and they said it was was like a hotel in here. I agree. The first day we all hung out Steve kept proclaiming how he felt like it felt like Vegas based on how we were givin’er and well, I was totally wearing sparkle sequin underwear at the time from Pride, plus the guy looks like Bradley Cooper and when I think of BC I think of The Hangover: V-E-G-A-S party P0RN. Love at first sunglasses off. Ignored him all day on the float because I was all about me unbeknownst to how much he wanted me, and the chef hat plus apron he wore I was like uh, dork. Incredible the almost missed connection of that day and our pride parade walks of shame when the float ride was over, down to the YDS LCBO which was a total scene. He somehow convinced Bechs and I to have a drink at his place, he took off his dumb shades and I mine and we were blown away. I saw him fall in love with me. That never happens never ever ever ever happens in a billion years and only in movies at that. Plus my face was covered in parade sweat and mascara everywhere I was worse than a hot mess…

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Muh-om! I like this better in colour why do you have to go all Tracey pizazzle on it for? Email me the orig please raymitheminxATgmail.com thanks.

Beautiful night much. Two moons in one night. Baha couldn’t resist.

Do you think I am going to pull a Susan Sarandon and not pose with these mini babes? Do I look like I am crying inside AHAHA. Whatever, the more famous you become the less your age matters because notoriety provides relief as long as I don’t turn in to a potato just yet. I will admit I look tireder than normal here, it happens.

Or I can just jump in between these two. Likewise, take a page from the Tracey Chronicles and limelight it to middle age myself. It’s not Pride and Prej. times anymo folks. Anyone who even deigns to make age wisecracks is stupes anyway, plus jealous. I have spent 12 years amassing my seniority you don’t just start a tumblr and become a scene-ior. Ha I am going to tweet that. And while I do notice the younger ones who jock me, I ain’ts stupid. You know that I know what’s up. Read the three letter word url you are parked on right now, that is who I am after all.

Lois was bigging me up to this lady from the Netherlands or something, I love when Lois warms up my audience then I take a big Lebowski swig of my drank and step in for the grand finale. She was talking about the Toronto shooting I think or some other lady who looked like her was and I was like no thanks. You don’t exactly set out to tell your life story to strangers all the time but after they watch us mess around and catch each other up on our lives and take photos, drown one another, their curiosity just can’t handle it any longer and they have to ask you what the f-k is going on.

Exactly lol.

Talking is just as distracting as changing the radio station while driving, the drama steers the car’s wheel with those two. I said to Steve yesterday that I bet when compact disc players were the thing there were totally Dateline NBC and 20/20 scare-terror for ratings reports on music causing collisions and such. Basically just be afraid of everything, make everything illegal and call it a day. Anyway, Lois and Tracey are just too unreal when they drive to and fro TDot. I say no more, otherwise ah lose ma f-ing mind about it!!!

I dare you to drown on my watch. You’d do it too just to get mouth-to-mouth with me I bet. I do possess lifeguard saving CPR skills and all that jazz. Maybes a little rusty though, okay I poke you where? *slams on your chest* bahha.

I wonder when Tray will load up youtube with her vids. She is in to that as well. Incriminating material or not, she is in to it. Always watch everything you do or say around her, she is worse than I am.

This picture would rule if it wasn’t so distorted from FB muth-er.

Lois told me to F the B here cos of the Aruba one. I love how Lois gets out all her little demons passive aggressively like that it’s so cute and I don’t mind at all being the conduit either. Love my LoLo. I like pissing off my mom too and she likes it, it’s disturbing! Lol.

I love this shot mom. Hailey and her buddy spent the week together doing all kinds of things I think that’s great! They go to different schools and are both going in to high school this year. Rocky seen here, kept it real.

I really liked Hailey’s friend’s hair. I have never had wildly dyed hair now that I think of it. I “missed out” oh well. I think I am wild enough though and I’d feel too crazy with kool-aid hair.

Steve’s new murse is the best he loves it so much I am so happy for him and you know what, black was the best colour after all. Tarek is a wizard. Steve is a wizard. They are both wizards. It’s good to keep ties with wizards. If you dudes want to flex your metro-sexuality a little bit too please peruse the NB Man section of Nella Bella I can’t believe I am dating a stylish modelesque dude come to life, I took some photos of him in the parking garage yesterday carrying it and was like wow, simply, wow. The way he held the bag like it wasn’t at all non-masculine. He even carried the blue/green Riviera clutch yesterday for me on our lover’s walk. Aw. I was like stop people are staring, he rocked it even harder. He had a RUN DMC kinda vibe going down so it worked.

I think Hailey is more graceful than I am, mom says she is very ladylike and fem, plus took ballet.

I’ve seen one of her performances before I was impressed and she was so young.

Thanks for the bathing suit Paddy! Everybody loves it. Even Pauly Shore!

LOL. More of that post here.

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• mtv,
• playboy energy drink,
• sheena snively,
• toronto

• blogger,
• playboy,
• playboy energy drink

Oh I’m not a reality tv star? Pfft. Okay then, I am a blog star so much so that reality tv wants me. How’s that? And if a had a nickel for the THOUSANDS of people who have told me I wasn’t famous I’d like, have all these nickels (Beavis joke). I think tons of people talking shit to you means YOU ARE FAMOUS. Also I have a video of one of the producers asking me what it feels like being a reality tv star as I whiz by on my longboard with the go-pro clipped on to it to get POV and shots of my chins from below plus two other camera guys… so just because I deigned to say something nice about the network that my friend/colleague said doesn’t mean you have to cry about your show getting no blog kudos on my stupid blog, kay? Nice professionalism too “can’t stand me?” look in the mirror woman because it’s yourself who you can’t stand. Money is a trap by the way try-hard do you think anybody honestly cares how much money I have or that it matters.

I bet you would love to cast my mini Raymi niece then too since you work with such intellects as 14 year olds day in and out. She’ll be 14 in September. Time flies, ah ma gad. It’s neat that my brother took the parenthood plunge before me cos I get to see how it all goes down and come out unscathed as “crazy aunt Lauren” now upgraded to “coolest person in the universe aunt Lauren” (with a little bit a-cray I’m sure) after our visit with the girls yesterday and the day before that.

Steve and I took them for gas station snacks (mom and Lois were hungry) then I went to Tim Hortons for muffins and donuts and overheard a guy say this about a girl, “Talk about a hot mess, no, not even hot, more like luke warm mess.” Then repeated it 3 times and I resisted the urge to turn and ask for him to point out who he was talking about.

Then we saw two hot messes in pizza pizza they were holding their donkey heels that all young chicks wear out now like it’s a runway (how kids get off my lawn do I sound right now?) and the girls went 1 2 3 THANK YOU FOR THE PIZZA and our hearts melted. We cruised around for a bit to give them a thrill and accidentally went by MTV and they flipped out. I had to recount my MTV Creeps experience for them too because of how much of a non-reality tv star I am.

My mom has way better pics. I was so beat tired from dinner at Weslodge that my pupils were dilated like so but everyone’s appears to be too in all the pics. I am always tired and hung when mom comes to town, it’s the city and that is life deal with it or move to the prairies (god I can’t wait to live in a remote cottage someday).

I explained the history and lore of Jarvis Street to them. It’s a Raymazon look! Also acceptable photo caption Welcome to the jungle.

Lolo spoiled Hailey too. Good. My mom invented this (one-sided because I truly do not care, I’m her aunt not her sister) competitive wedge between Hailey and I for her own deluded amusement and it’s fun to see them try to wind my gears up and all’s it takes is one little cuddle from me to mom to get Hailey going LOLOLLL don’t mess with aunt Lauren bro! Hailey’s friend was rocking herself in the corner because of all the chaos. My eyes became big in horror at the sight of an outsider looking at my family that way (why am I thinking about running with scissors right now) and was like quick okay lets go down to the car before she wigs out!

Back to school back to school to prove to my dad that I’m not a fool. She goes in to highschool this year, oh man! it’s going to get intense. My bro is pretty chill about it though and Hailey is a good kid, she might be a little too smart I’m not sure about that yet who knows what Raymi trickled down to her (so far tons maybe) cos Robin saw her and my mom by the pier and Hailey was dancing and leaping around and taking pics and whatever and Robin goes that is SO RAYMI.

I have a distinct memory of holding her as a baby in my arms in my bed in my teenage room to relieve whoever had her last and that gentle baby way, she was crying and we had run out of options so I got all of my jewelry boxes and music boxes, wound them up and she became calm and content and we fell asleep. I just burst in to tears I never told anyone that story before. The music box that worked best on her was this pink victorian paper person that danced in a white wooden painted box, a very old fashioned toy my mom tried SO HARD to make me feminine my walls were covered in girly lilac wallpaper I hated and covered in rock posters because I thought it was wussy anyway so I had a lot of girly trinkets and crap and they came in handy that one night I was doing homework lying down in bed and my mom brought Hailey in to me. It takes a small village they say. Or a funny farm in our case. As far as I am concerned Hailey is my family’s greatest accomplishment so far.

She’s pretty quippy and smart and this is exactly when it begins, your parents become amused and entertained by your intellect and funny humour but then it becomes permanent and they hate you until you’re 18, good luck. I’ve seen some wicked moody teens my god. Thankfully Hailey isn’t or won’t be like that, she’s a joy to be around and play with and is in to all the weird zany antics my mom and I do, ring leads it like we’re Moonrise Kingdom

I don’t mind not being the only princess what I do mind is not being a kid anymore or having a model body that that kid is gonna have and I am already psychotically protective world-weary of though everyone else in the fam seems to be chill about except for me so I will drink a glass of relax.

Also, I did not look cool when I was 13/14. I was getting there but it was tough especially up against CrayTray cos she hadn’t got her groove back yet and thus I had to hide all my skanky le chateau swagger but out at the mall sometimes she’d flip a little over how I’d get looked at and of course I walked like a hood rat skit if I could manage it, plus some Ghettovale style too shout out to my home-dawgs baha. I think I am so tough because of Mississauga sorry, I mean “street”. That shit pays off. While Steve, he is Etobicoke-style street. Ahaha. The closer to the airport we get the more rough we may be, I think Brampton has its own hashtag on twitter that is pretty jokes and a cool chick from the ‘saug and I are going to become IRL friends and I bet when we hang my dialect will get all regional with her like in How I met your Mother. That sentence was so sick I have to tweet it. Her name is Anum, I don’t think I’ve had a brown best friend before and she dresses like Mr. Dressup meets MIA aka perfect.

Hot tubs and iphone flash = frenemies. It’s okay it makes it less racy. Phew.

Lifeguard on break.

We really needed that hot tub soak holy toledos it was ever so relaxing and there were other mellow folks sitting around it was a staycation and cos I’m local, the expert who got to talk about themself the whole time hi lady from, where was she from Lois? She was talking about “the Toronto shooting” like it was super interesting I don’t think I’ve ever had an out loud conversation about it before everything I learn about my city comes from the internet and real life and I don’t give in to the news hype. When we turned on City Pulse yesterday they all screamed over an amber alert holy shit relax the world is still moving around you I don’t know what they were slowly expecting to read tickering by the bottom of the page but it really annoyed me at the time that they wouldn’t stop talking all at once about it.

I am bloated therefore I am.

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