RAYMI’S PICTORIAL GUIDE TO:

NOT BEING A FAT ASS

do you see a picture of an enchilada there? or some burritos smothered in cheese? no? see, that makes all the difference i promise! i put a tablespoon of renee’s greek feta on the cooked vegetables and mixed it around it blends very well when they’re warm then chuck some onto lettuce and BAM, done and while renee’s dressing is pretty fattening i make an allowance cos there are no bread carbs in this dish, no grated cheese or meat plus it is only a tablespoon and not like i am going to hog the entire thing half is for fil. you have to learn how to make sneaky PLAUSIBLE excuses when it comes to weight-loss, not shit like OH this pack of pringles is 1/3 less the fat SO I CAN EAT THREE PACKAGES!

we went to sketch comedy at the rivoli last nite, it wasn’t too terrible, there were actually funny parts. this old guy beside us fell asleep a lot. fraser young was there though! swoon. he kind of talks like bobcat goldthwaite. next time i think we will opt for stand-up instead. i met ron sparks, he played it cool or like a dick, we couldn’t tell. feh.

not sure if i am feeling this one. could you tell it was him? is it garbage? i hope the guy who commissioned it likes it otherwise i gots to do it all over.

tenacious d: the pick of destiny is shit, merkley said it was hilarious and he laughed out loud a lot so i said ok good i’ll rent it, there are only six funny laugh out loud parts, and here they are:

1. when jack black is sitting on the toilet and on the other side of the stall door is the big scary rocker guy talking all scary and mysterious and then jack black loud fart shits into the john.

2. when jack black eats psychedelic mushrooms he trips and thinks he is going down a whimsical pinky red river at a leisurely pace with sasquatch on innertubes but really he is going down a dirty cold rapid alone at nite.

3. ben stiller at the music store

4. amy poehler at the diner

5. the power slide

6. when jack black is dreaming and he has the pick of destiny and they are playing for the open mic gig and he blows this guy’s mind and his head explodes and brains fly out.

there was waaaaaaaaay too much singing we get it, you sing, you are trying to establish a successful band, but do you have to sing every two minutes? i have not seen any of the hbo tenacious d episodes so i did not get any of the inside jokes or character cameos even if i had i still would have been under-whelmed for the most part. the kid who plays jack as a kid is pretty amazing though, he did all his mannerisms perfectly. maybe if i smoked some weed i would find this movie hysterical though if i was high i would most likely choose a sure-thing movie like half baked or the professional.

we need milk and toilet paper i am trying to limit bathroom visits using fancy dyed party napkins to wipe #2 is not the awesome.

i am excited about going to see the edward scissorhands play on wednesday we also get to meet the cast after the show and talk to them whatever, we get to take pictures during the show during the first thirty minutes we have press passes or something.

on thursday i am meeting an old school friend i have not seen in years i found her through facebook, which is still addicting but not as much.

if singapore vermicelli wasn’t here today i would have been in a depression spiral all day. well more than i was/am anyway. tomorrow i will be better.

i will go for a suntan tomorrow i mean it this time i am sick of my skin pigment in photos not registering on the colour spectrum.

alanis doing my humps, when it’s slow like that the lyrics are ten times more embarrassing. jeez. good work though.

hey sorry for being a lazy gay you guys, birthday pictures to come. thanks to everyone who showed, and everyone else for birthday wishes. i only cried three times and all at home not out in public. awesome.