happy easter stigmata i love the JC so much i shoved glass into my hand after smashing a half pint glass. a tiny shard was on my hand and when we went to leave i pushed the door open shoving the shard into my hand, it was neat.
shitty sleep last nite the theme song from that playboy bunnies show was stuck in my head all nite long COME ON TO MY HOUSE bla blah and then i obsessed about being a bunny and not skinny enough aside i don’t think i would fair cos i have this red thing growing on my shoulder, i should have it looked at it’s probably a botfly hanging in there.
i also am very shitty at humouring people HI I CARE HERE ARE MY BREASTS IN YOUR FACE AHAHAHA HO HO THAT WAS A HILARIOUS THING YOU SAID ABOUT MY TAIL OLD FAT UGLY GUY HAHAA OH YEAH I TOOOOOTALLY ENJOY THE SMELL OF CIGAR SMOKE.
then i had scary dreams when i was finally able to sleep.
i watched this show on slice called at the end of my leash it is about terrible dog owners who let their dogs get fat and don’t walk them the guy who came to help was really good at putting them in their places, he comes in the door and says wow that dog is big and the mom laughs and he goes you are laughing? why? i would be embarrassed and disgusted with myself.
you chose the dog, the dog didn’t choose you and you are killing it.
the teenage daughter’s excuse for not walking the dog was she has a social life don’t you understand that? and everyone was fine with it!! it’s not the dog’s fault you have a social life, fuck, i bet the dog would love to have a social life too but he doesn’t have that choice, take away the table scraps and walks and he is still fat and miserable chillin’ on the livingroom floor while you are out social lifing it up.
i don’t think i will ever be able to have children because they would be stuffed into suitcases and thrown into a fucking river if they begged for a dog and did nothing to care for it.
i will think of other things to complain about while i make espresso.
and because you guys are so amazing here is an alphabetized list of various titles i have used for this blog over the last year or however long those drop-down menus store history, tell me what your favourites are:
a drunkard takes it all in like a friend a place for famous people to get away from nerds am i dying apollo kids aunt lauren ballad of a cold lost marble ballin a jack be hyperly unaware of how fucking amazing and mysterious you are big glasses on a gun bringing illness back but for no one more round buyin’ smokes for kids buyin’ smokes for kids and i pocket the change controlling menstrual cycles since 2000 curious george and the electric fence dirty drunk dog of tears dumposaurus each the other’s world entire elements of the ridiculous fighting through the whiskey freak total loser fight accident fun with lonerisms G rated garbage garbageface HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA happy valentiiiiiiiiiine’s happy valentiiiiiiiiiine’s day hot time kid IN THE FACE! i am a detective i am lance romance i am the internet! i don’t give a damn if i’m your villain i finished the internet i’ll leave grafitti where you’ve never been kissed i’m still your fag i’ve got a tricked out magic stick in my leisure suite Le le le crap le ghetto le voyage de penelope lets get high and listen to tegan and sara lets grow mustaches MORE BETTER LOOKING manipulation tactics mitten moment offensive display of superiority and self-importance; overbearing pride. old chevy penis cheese sandwiches playing you like a bassoon prattle on ’bout bad inventions pretty penny primer gray is the colour when you’re done dying public pervert quote your grandfather regularly raining with the spirnkler on ray liotta driver’s ed regulating menstrual cycles since 2000 satin in a coffin scarecrow shadow on the nazarene see a whole universe all over again shit out shut up dicklick stank strangers on train suck it trebek take a ride on a downtown train the blog whisperer the bottom of the best of the worst the grain the meaners the oldy lady blog where i talk about old ladies the sickness of mind the under the stairs dick lick there always were golden rocks to throw they punish success this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about this one’s for your mom tragically WICKED trainwreck, le ugly, oldness, death what makes you think you’re my only lover Yuko & Hiro you could be hotter you would do it if you were pretty your mother douches your music sucks your rock and roll is going away your stink makes my eyes burn
let me tell you about sexy land.
sexy land is the table on the other side of the room where fil uses his laptop, on weekends we spend hours not talking to each other out loud instead we talk on gchat and update our blogs we do this until stir-crazy kicks in then we go for a drive or a walk or eat and so on. throughout the day fil will eat many snacks and he lets the plates stack up around him and espresso cups, wrappers, forks knives napkins, fucking hot. yesterday i came over to go through pictures with him and noticed all this nasty shit on a plate from a burrito he just ate, it looked like snot vomit mucous, anyway i said HEY IS THIS SEXY LAND? he said that it was.
also in sexy land you can only wear your underwear and slippers and the underwear has to have a million bleach stains on it and the elastic has to be all mangled and said underwear has to be ill-fitting, and streched out. we call these guys the getting some pants.
that is all about sexy land for now.
we wons!!!!!
hey look it’s me EATING AT THE GREEN ROOM despite saying no more to doing that AND i am eating the EXACT DISH fil had last time with the uncooked chicken except i got tofu instead i cannot stay away from the curry.
amanda blog-spotted us at the pump yesterday, she was our waitress and obvs. psyched about meeting me. pitt asked her if she reads comic books she said no cos she has a vagina. she took a picture of me with her phone camera and said she would show it to her friends and they will ask if i am as cunty in real life as i am on my blog SO ENDEARING! she said my hat is bigger in person too and bought us a round. let this be a lesson to future blog spotting persons.
so we went to smokeless joe’s to hang with fil’s sister and her boyfriend, he didn’t drink as much as the usual when we all hang cos he fell on his head or something and was kinda fucked up i got kinda loaded and told super ridiculous not-funny long stories then we went to aimoo‘s picture show at gorilla monsoon where she introduced me to three of her brothers as we were leaving and i said WHAT ARE YOU MEXICAN? she said maybe. here’s a quick funny story about gorilla monsoon before i move on to the other funny shit from last nite. the last and first time i ever visitted gorilla monsoon i got kicked out and banned, i was 19, i met up with my friend who was the only dude in the place drinking tea in the very back at this tiny ass oppressive table so i’m like uh lets move to the front booth, more room, more fun but NO, little old guy behind the bar is all NO WAY can’t move tables sorry and then i lip him off saying oh yeah why not cos of the massive rush that’s about to show up here? and guy flips his lid says get the fuck out and never come back i said FINE FUCK YOU something like that and WAY TO TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS. my friend was pretty pissed off, he was like all i wanted was to drink my tea. i think he was pretty hungover and kind of a mess then i come in and totally fuck it up for him. you know when you’re suicidally hung and shaky? he was like that.
coolest mom/son ever, local drunk guy, left, would NOT go away.
ok so fil and i went to the horseshoe and squished our way to the bar and were beside this totally cool mom/son duo from buffalo and this lecherous drunken idiot local was hanging off the mom and so we get to talking and all that meanwhile this dick is leering at the mom and his eyes are looking in opposite directions and i keep telling the son what the fuck can i intervene please? dude is trying to take them out to a late dinner i’m oh pleasing left and right cos it’s clear this guy NEEDS to eat, mom/son are playing it nice but the mom knee’d son secretly as a signal so i jump in and engage the mom for a 15 minute chat, loud yelling laughing banter and drunk guy is barely able to even lean against the bar without staggering and he keeps trying to get her attention by swiping at her shoulder and missed every single time so FINALLY he gets his arms around her and is all slurring into her ear about treating her to dinner so i take this opportunity to scream at him DUDE IT’S NOT FUCKING HAPPENING, LEAVE!
he did not even hear me that’s how liquored he was.
i am tips myself but at least i am not asking a mother and son to go to a late dinner with me at 1 in the morning a thousand times.
that is some serious leering.
eventually he got the point, mom/son were not going to eat, the second he left they both said ok we are going to go eat now. haha.
excuse me how wasterrrs are you? where is the 300 proof vodka i want some. her face reeked of barf and after this picture she leaned over and puked on the floor then her friend took her away so i could take several heart-framed pictures of her spew.
here she figured my angelina jolie humanitarian act was a sham so i had to pretend that crouched down posing was my deal and it was only a fluke coincidence that a passed out drunk girl was in my zone.
i was dancing with your mom last nite. she is a slut.
this is my dancing face. if you see that face then you know that i am dancing. or trying on a hat in a mirror.
merkley???: yeah because i couldnt understand it if they used one of these >> % and left out the worl music that is supposed to make me feel worldy
merkley???: they left out the most important % which is that most studies on happiness conclude that most people rate themselves as happy and it has very little to do with the rest of all that junk
and here i am partying having a brilliant time yeah i love white boy rap electropop something whatever.
but alack what is that bitch doing going through our shit i peep thee through the corner of mine eye which quickly blurs over three shades of RED.
she’s touching my RAYMI leafs jersey!
SERIOUSLY what the FUCK are you looking for? i ask von slut on ecstasy and she says a black and white jacket um no there is not a black and white jacket beneath my purse and fil’s camera bag.
so we return to more of this but the mood is spoiled cos same e-slut and her friend flop themselves all over our shit and i snapify on them EXCUSE ME CAN YOU AT LEAST WAIT FOR US TO FUCKING LEAVE BEFORE YOU MESS WITH OUR SHIT then one of the pair speaks up (hot asian chick no less i am cringing cos i hate to fight the asian babes cos something in my head makes me think that they are all in love with me because well, i am in love with ALL of them) anyway she goes excuse me? in this tone i cannot decipher she either wants to fight me or she is truly being nice so i say can you at least wait for us to leave… this time without saying a cuss word and then she is all super nice as we are collecting our things and said to fil that her friend was REALLY high. still, we were all sitting in the same section for the last 1.5 hours it’s not like we all of a sudden became invisible. melodie came over and was on my side and said like what they weren’t expecting a confrontation for acting like complete assholes? hey next time how’s about dropping your shitty E just before the dj starts not 40 minutes before the other act, it’ll last longer for you and you won’t be a total fucking reject. bah.
liane‘s chinese package arrived yesterday, full of awesome junk and goodies. liane and i met in london/oxford during an english exchange program in 2000, i took OAC journalism, i forget what she took, something engrish ho ho ha. i started my blog when i returned back to canada, i wish i had it when i was in england. i do have a ton of journals i had to keep for my course, when i am not lazy one day i will transcribe them. i will take pictures of some of the stuff liane sent tomorrow and share my mail with you kids because i know i like looking at pictures of other people’s goods. liane is in shanghai right now sounds like she is having a fantastic time i am jeals. the only place i have been where english is not the common language is mexico, and montreal, if you consider that as counting. i need to start eating during the day again my writing capabilities are going waaaaaaay downhill.
so we are going to go to a nerd blog party at paupers tonite around 7 then go to the drake for an sdr show, you should come out to either or. pitt might come to watch the game with michel so that means mental retardation gong show april 2007. basically. i plan to eat a ton of honey garlic wings.
Come join us for the April pub night. We will be meeting on the Second Floor of Paupers Pub on Bloor, just east of Bathurst.
Come early to ensure a seat. The second last game of the regular Hockey Season will be playing on the big season. So feel free to wear you Blue and Whites as the Toronto Maple Leafs take on the New York Islanders.
i imagine it will be as nerdy as last time. i like nerdy and embrace its awkwardness in entirety. here is the gta bloggers google group.
going to this after:
i am excited to see sdr play for the first time despite lucas (frontman) being my old roommate. i am also excited to get my backpack back, i need it for longboarding.
