so at the show last nite as i was staring at the back of this guy’s head i thought was the brother of a dude i used to lay, turns out it wasn’t, but anyway the guy i thought it was used to be my buddy too, ok so, this post is really about facebook. i have been keeping this in for awhile, not really a big deal but seeing the back of this guy’s head kind of put me in a temporary mental rage last nite, over the internet it’s like no biggie cos it’s not real but then once confronted phsyically in the real world it’s i dunno REAL.
ok so what i am talking about is, i used to be tight with these dudes, and now we are not because of their bitches, one day a long time back one said to me in a bathroom dive that she was actually really jealous of me and what was i doing back in town bla blah like out of sight out of mind for her i was too flattered to be pissed off anyway this guy is not allowed to even look at my blog, speak to me, email me, nothing, she checks the history and all that, and now that facebook is in-existence this extends to not being my facebook buddy, i am guessing i was blocked/deleted/banned before even being added as a friend (once that occurs you don’t get to see anything the other party does). i wrote this guy when my dad was almost dying to be like hey, my dad is in rough-shape, do i get a response? no.
so, the point is, i was thinking this guy might be at the show last nite and i was thinking *if* i bumped into him how should i be, casual, aloof? then i decided i would be all fuck you loser you are a loser because you are so retardedly controlled by your psycho girlfriend have a nice life then i remembered this chick has gotten violent before and i figured since i knocked my brother with a lefty i could get a few in on her if need be.
this is what i was thinking at the show last nite.
i am also pissed off cos on facebook all of fil’s childhood lady friends, fingerbanged and/or not fingerbanged in the past are on his buddy list, do i care? no.
oh one more thing it also made me realise that if i ever met one of you comment flamers in real life i would go to jail for busticating your face, don’t worry i planned some non-violent things i could do that would not get me sent to jail.
i would spit in your or my drink and toss it on your head and then if the authorities were notified i would say THIS FUCK HARASSES AND STALKS ME CONTINUOUSLY DAILY ON MY BLOG AND LOOK NOW THEY ARE SHOWING UP IRL. also i am better looking so that is also in my sympathy favour.
yesterday was the bloor street festival? i never really understand street festivals unless there are beer gardens and party tables, but when it’s just tent after tent of the same shit i could just walk three feet further into an air-conditioned store to buy, what’s the point? oh look stanley it’s tiki lights YES!!
i totally saw our neighbours (dude who plays terrible acoustic guitar at 2am) eating corn and pretended i didn’t see them, they did the same. fuck those guys. dude lookin’ like a big baby in his sunhat mmnah mnah mnahing on his cob.
cutest family ever and i swear to god i overheard that little girl say this is white people music?
shock and awe. see, buddy behind her can’t even figure it out. anyway, the band is called ninja highschool and they’re pretty funny, fun and good. i was a fan.
then on to lunch.
grilled calamari greek salad for 6.50 and guess what the best part is? NO SALAD! i don’t have time for lettuce.
guess what fil had
first hangover meal of the day, wasn’t feeling that little buddy so i just tossed him casually onto fil’s mac n cheese it was funny cos i am a funny guy.
EW.
oh yeah we were sitting beside this group of the most irritating dinks all wearing the worst shit and talking about tennis and shoes and they all ate hamburgers and once this one guy got a bit of a buzz on he talked all arrogantly and condescendingly to the girls at the table meanwhile he had the thickest most penisest of beards and nerdy mirrored oakley’s and when the waitress came to get their empties as well as a cup from starbuck’s he said starFUCKS three times and then repeated it some more like it was hysterical and original.
they also said 30 is the new 20 a bunch of times uh barf.
i was trying to tune them out as much as possible so there is no picture to share.
this dude was tanning on the hill in christie pitts and decided to unsuccessfully launch his 1.5 litre bottle of water down the hill into a garbage can. winner.
nice tivas. the guy behind him is like what a doof and it made a really loud noise when it missed. how about being pasty white with a huge belly lying in the grass in your shorts hiked to your balls, enough attention for one afternoon?
walk of lame.
anyway, thanks the annex i was trying to figure out a way for you to be more annoying, you win this round but i’ll be back, don’t you worry.
me: what if i get kicked out of the annex
Phil: haha membership REVOKED
me: yeah and the guy they send to inform me is dressed like a fucking poet i would just set myself on fire
Phil: yes
me: ill be like lemme just grab my tweed jacket and ill be leaving and hes all uh no, we’ll be keeping that.
Phil: and turn in your birkenstocks at the door please
me: and your wool socks and crocs
Phil: you can keep the tevas – we’re phasing them out
yesterday’s late lunch sashimi for the infinity’th time
can someone tell me what that tongue-looking fish is? i use to be all about it but it’s too chewy and the more time i spend chewing, the more thinking i do, and then i start to think about what the mystery fish might be and looks like as it is being gutted, so i start gagging. anyway.
we ate in the window seat at sushi on bloor, don’t put people in the window unless you are getting them their order fast who cares how many annex trolls are waiting for take-out with babies wrapped in blankets clutched to their stomaches like pocahontas, when people walking by the window see the cunty impatient look on my face it is all over for business. also don’t forget to bring our salads either. if the entire population of the annex spread their business out to the other fifty japanese restaurants dealing would be a lot more simple. what’s the deal with sushi on bloor, why there? did margaret atwood mention it in a fucking interview once?
see, someone agrees with me.
+++
someone has a crush on raymi!
george ogled my face up close and said HEY YOU ARE REALLY CUTE.
i’m going against my how not to have a shitty blog code of ethics so i’ll stop there anyway he took off before i could pester him about being on the hour.
as obvs. we wore the flight suits out, wearing them when you are pmsland is alright in respect to the i want to be dumpy BUT they are also belly-enhancers.
i am so over drinking nxne go away!
that fell out of a girl’s hoodie pocket and bounced a bunch of times but the girl didn’t notice and we were feeling like a-holes so we didn’t tell her instead watched as everyone stepped on it and kicked it around unbeknownst to the girl, her eyes even sweeped it a few times but didn’t put it together. i said to fil i bet she’ll finally notice it and be like hey i got that cd from a different bar it’s in my pocket uh NO it’s not. i also enjoyed the fold wrinkles cos it looks like she had been carrying it awhile. earlier that day a lady’s shirt fell off her purse and she didn’t notice so i ran across the street to tell her, my nice window closed shortly thereafter. oh i also dont give out the i cares to oversized hoodie-wearers, not even at the cottage.
that might even be her leg in the second picture. we kept watching her sit there looking at it and not realizing it was hers. oh and before you explode on me for being a bitch it was mostly fil’s idea. i was already pissed off from him smashing my beer to the ground cos a friend of a friend of MY friend noticed him and he turned around and stood up for some stupid reason and his flight suit knocked it over. who stands up?
people ask me all the time hey raymi what kind of hair dryer do you use because your hair is really long and pretty. well it’s funny cos NO ONE asked me that ever. anyway here you go, some hard-hitting news way more important than paris hilton’s mental collapse.
this baby is so fucking old it is a wonder the thing still works and doesn’t shoot flames out the back. it used to be my grandmother’s.
you can see make-up smears on the cord, decent. it’s funny that at some point a hundred years ago this was likely the height of technology. life brand no less.
what a fucking beauty she is the turbo 1600. what does 1600 mean? 1600 miles per hour? 1600 times i can turn it on until it sets on fire and explodes in my hand? it is actually one of my retarded phobias, death/mutilation/electrification by hair dryer.
peep those features.
while i’m at it there is my magical styling implement how interesting. so small and practical. i think i tiefed it from my mom.
Jason: i saw you guys at the drake last night but, i was only there for about 20 minutes. melissa had an amazing show again, did you see anybody exciting yesterday?
me: what did u do when u left drake poured me the biggest whiskeys for some reason
Jason: somebody musta known you or something. everything i get at the drake is watered down. i had to go to “harlem” to shoot some freestyle hip hop dude from halifax. the people who i have the pass through are doing a story on him. his name sucks: ghettosocks.
me: hahah where is harlem and ghettosocks sound familiar
Jason: on richmond, just east of church, last night ghettosocks actually had a song called “paris hilton is going to jail” kinda funny. then one guy made me give him a word to include in the rap and i was a little drunk and caught off guard because i was shooting and i said street. then he spent the whole rap mocking me for coming up with such an “unexpected word” haha. i’m a hip hop loser.
me: you are such a fucking loser wow HAHAHAHHA i can picture it now were you humiliated oh fuck street thats like the chicken of rap words
Jason: haha. i am not a rap guy.
me: rap guy! hahahahahahhaha it’s rapper!
Jason: i wasn’t even trying to come up with a rap sounding word
me: well you did
Jason: i did
me: you should have said something that doesnt rhyme with anything or said fuck you aristotle think of your own word
Jason: well, if i could think of anything i would have that’s the whole point
me: what is, that you are a disgrace to the white race?
Jason: i would only be a disgrace if i was trying to be all hiphop WITH those guys and wearing jerseys and sunglasses, and i came up with “street” and thought it was cool
me: well it’s pretty funny i would have said garbagemouth or refrigeratorhead
Jason: in retrospect, i should have asked you to come along. lots of opportunities for photos and mocking “fuck you aristototle. think of your own word.”
me: then i would get jumped for my camera, phone, hat, boots, wallet
Jason: the crowd was mostly white and asian kids. the only black people worked at the bar.
me: were there lots of posers ya
Jason: almost all, i’d say
me: im putting this on my blog
Jason: ah fuck
me: what it’s gold
Jason: me being a loser
me: well maybe you will learn a lesson from this
Jason: perhaps. or it’s quite possible i’ll always have material for you
me: well if you look at it like you said it in mocking of them
Jason: if i tell the story again, i will
me: when the guy was rap dissing you were the white kids going OH SNAP
Jason: but not around you because you will bust me they weren’t reacting at all and i was back shooting.
me: oh you just described one of my dreams i live for busting people, you’re all talking then i screw my face up all witchy and say THATS NOT HOW IT WENT
Jason: haha. i am aware of that. it’s a lot safer to just let you talk.
me: i say embarrassing shit all the time
Jason: you know how to “take charge” of a coversation
me: yeah but then i blow it cos in my head im like hey i have the floor then i basically say the word nigger
samir looks like jimmy kimmel here.
this chick thought she hired me for this is london cos of the hat yes that was me.
if you see the teaser ads for next week’s cntm episode you can see me and fil! i am again wearing the green/black striped sweater and my high tan boots, and fil is to my right, your left. it’s playing every 4 seconds on city pulse.
i bought new pants at h&m today and i am 2 sizes smaller! i grabbed what i normally try on which usually fit but look fucked up, too much material in the vag inner-thigh area and dumpy on the side thigh basically, everything legs excessive material. all of my weight goes to my love handles so i am a pear. i gave up trying on pants at h&m for 1.5 years cos it makes me depression spiral city, today i thought i would give it a go and i grabbed a biggie pair and it was a tent, so i went out and picked two more pairs in smaller sizes, tentatively thinking oh i’m defs gonna be the next size down only. wrong.
h&m’s sizes are smaller and meant to make you feel like a hippo i guess. anyway i’m slated right now so i dunno be prepped to read a ton of pants poetry.
oh lisa, i saw the dress you described and i REALLY wanted it. i haven’t seen anyone wearing it. no matter, i always heed thee blog advice. so no chevron stripe for me. i mean
hello crazy ontario weather today! we went to the burbs for some biz to take care of and fuck, trees down all over, where is helen hunt when you need her?
speaking of poetry, more poetry slams war graffiti. if you have been following, this all began when i scribbled POETRY SLAMS = SINGLE FOREVS. on the wall of an annex bathroom that hosts spoken word, poetry slams, music geek instrument blowjob nights i dunno, and so, people took the bait, finally, with some goading. my side is winning, of course. i can tell by the script that i am arguing mostly with the same person.
this is the script that keeps popping up.
also this one, they like to say GET A JOB as their argument. funny.
oh, but of course your mom’s new age “wacky” friend myrtle chimes in. i was going to X it out and write GO HOME but i think i’ll save the vegan war for a different stall.
good one, ugly.
i said that. first cuss word in the whole thing i fear it will all be wiped off.
i said that too. just in case the nerds forget that they are the problem not the solution.
