there you go you lazy dicks it will feel like you are going through a maze instead of sitting in front of your computers touching your balls all day long.
we went to the island and i bought those redbull-sized cans of wine so the whole walking part wasn’t so boring i have a bullshit attention span like oh i’m still walking? my thighs are sore we walked almost the whole island despite fil saying no we didn’t fuck fil he thinks he knows everything. like this morning he rubs my leg and i tell him to stop he will rub off my tan and he tries to give me the what-for about how that isn’t possible WELL FIL YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER HAD A FUCKING TAN BEFORE! after sitting in the tub for only a half hour if i rub my leg all this skin comes off. oh i think i got something from the tanning bed shut up don’t tell me i told you so, it’s a tiny red splotch on my stomache YES i laid down on my stomache i am going to the dermatologist next week anyway i have a thing growing on my shoulder that is probably cancer and now i have an std on my stomache for the dermatologist to party with whatever my body looks awesome i can handle anything as long as it’s not on my vagina. my mom thinks it might be a fungus maybe i’ll take a photo of it so you can all give me your freak me out diagnoses like when i mentioned my wisdom tooth dilemma remember how awesome that was yeah that was awesome.
anyway hi happy friday.
hey way to go you fucking penis.
oh jeez another winner.
leather jacket (way too hot for a leather jacket), hawaiian shorts, flaming yellow crocs, everyone’s on the scene tonite.
here i am in my i am an anime character phase, if you are ever curious as to how many times you will get laid with short hair versus long hair, please refer to this photograph. i believe i am 18 years old.
here i am wasted off my face in the uk age 17 going down the stairs on a roll of carpet, we were partying with some jersey boys, go figure. my parents sent me to england to stay out of trouble, sigh, parents. that was the nite i discovered malibu rum and coke equaled delicious.
taking it down a notch, here we have my brother and i partying in my grandparent’s backyard and look how psyched i am i look like a chinese boy.
here i am with rn, i am in grade ten and still loyal to my first boyfriend, but it’s super close to going to shit, he didn’t know that though. i loved those jeans so hard, levi stretch denim, i got em in black too, i wore them so much the inner thighs chafed away to nothing, they were so tight. those dyke shoes were from le chateau.
my grandpa and three amazing haircuts.
i call this one jailbait with bruce springstein look-a-like performer, he was hitting on me hard, dropping hints, i didn’t get it, my mom did though. i dumped my boyfriend a week after this bender weekend with my mom. yep, nice one dina lohan mom. i am three weeks from turning 16. that amazing creation of a shirt is from le chateau, bought it that afternoon and we met that rockstar supernova douchebag whatever his name is there’s a picture somewhere on my blog.
my dad is holding leaf tickets i am kinda miffed cos there wasn’t anything for me and my brother is hogging the smarties, fucker.
that balloon had crepe paper legs and we fought over it like mental cos we had to hold out for presents time, it got violent. the thing around my neck is from this thundercats rip-off stuffed animal i got from santa, some lion thing i wish i remember what it was called. my mom braided my hair the nite before i guess we were too poor for a crimper?
i wanted some tea-set privacy bad so i went to the den and poked myself in the eye then cried for a while and the rest of the family pictures from that day my eye is bloodshot wow the shit i remember.
oh look, more smarties he wants my attention and i am being all passive-aggressive, he is likely thinking of something mean to say about my drawing.
my room in oxford, i went on furniture/art-stealing heists at nite cos my room was huge and empty then it became the party room and everyone wrote on the walls, i have a super long irritating story remind me to tell about my first day in london it will make you want to kill someone.
me and grandma i don’t know what i am showing off you can see part of my brother’s gigantic cranium i try really hard to give him a complex about it.
also from the same bender with my mom weekend, the caption i wrote on the back of this is elevator. proof that everything is infinite + finite. HAHAHAHHAHAHHA.
there’s a missing clip where i am making an oh brother face it’s a close-up.
no one likes me cos no one is commenting on my blog i sound like my mother but anyway it’s true unless it is one person reading my blog 2000 times a day you are all fucking selfish dicks. bye.
nxne photos i am a lazy ass – lee’s palace, last thursday
chicks on the right i know from gradeschool and highschool, the darkhair just got married and the other is engaged. everyone is either married, engaged, or has kids what is this the eighties? i am not surprised really, not to toot my own horn or anything but, i always felt the cool ones don’t marry until they absolutely must and the other ones can’t figure out anything else to do with their lives. sorry. no wait i meant it’s the love, the love!
anyway the one on the right i was more tight with, i said her name outside and before she even turned around she yelled SHUT UP. i have a very distinct and memorable voice. she’s a nurse and her fiance is a cop. weird!
guess who they were there to see?
blue rodeo. who didn’t go on ’til 3am GIRLS NITE OUT!
i was into that guy on the left he would be sitting on the side stairs smiling and then casually get up with a tambourine or some shakers do his thing then sit down for a bit then get up again and join the band.
see?
just throwin’ that one in there again in case you forgot.
if you want to see a totally unflattering picture of the girls i bumped into click here yes i am a dickhead and i will take it down once found out so enjoy full-on fluke blinking shot.
*you are yet again all ungrateful no one thanked me for that. sigh.
last nite watching cntm was stressful and after it was over i was like i am going to turn off my phone, but i didn’t, and no one called anyway. it’s not like we were ON the runway or anything you see my face several times, i’m glad and not glad that they didn’t include the stupid fat faces i made, maybe that’s why we weren’t in as much, i know i elbowed fil a couple times too. anyway thank fuck it’s over now we wait for youtube to stream it. sigh.
i’m putting these up to stop myself from watching more of last week’s cntm on youtube fil hurry and get home.
i told my whole family to watch me on tv tonite, no too busy, will you tape it? uh? NO. try at least pretending to care first. i just called to remind you to watch for me on tv and you tell me to tape it for you? that’s YOUR job i already did my part not to mention went on television for you to watch! i didn’t tell my mom though i figure she would ask me to tape it so i’m saving myself the annoyance. gonna file it under THE FAMILY DOESN’T CARE. what else is new.
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dear world
i have not seen one episode of (in no particular order):
watch canada’s next top model tonite me and fil are on it.
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gone pervy
more on fil’s pornoflickr of course. mine too i guess.
Ryan: did you blog anything what’s fundamentally revolutionary today or funny?
me: kinda
30 minutes later
Ryan: ok you were right i check yr blog like every time i check my email these days your name’s damn well an ad for it
me: yep
Ryan: i liked that face in the crowd bit i think it’s like part of yr job as an ex to make sure they don’t get over you probably a lame ego thing
me: yes totally, i am not friends with so many guys cos of their new girls its insane
Ryan: in a sense you could take that as a compliment
me: and even some of them like me and tolerate me but i sense the resentment and at some point there is always the talk where they tell me their feelings about me
Ryan: in that it sounds like those guys gave you glowing reviews gives the new bitches something to worry about you know?
me: yeah well mostly i treated them like garbage in the end and their peanut minds blocked that bit from their memory well my thing is all about MOVING ON not moving back in like other girls i know
Ryan: yeah goodcall
me: i guess having a blog up there for them to obsess over adds to it
Ryan: helps
me: and even dudes i was never intimate with their new ladies dont feel me
Ryan: sometimes i do miss the “friend” part of an ex-girlfriend but it’s worth it sometimes to watch the bridge burn down
me: generally most girls decide to not dig me, it’s been that way my whole life
Ryan: naw that’s just a girl-thing
me: it’s foreign to people, well dudes, like fil, who everyone likes, not to understand he thinks im just making it up
Ryan: girls seem to like you, i had an ex who did
me: yeah well they either hate me or fiercely dig me which is refreshing
Ryan: fiercely me: like protective
Ryan: yes well i wouldn’t feel too slighted probably this new girl saw buddy’s eyes light up at your name and then total-defence-warning-signals go off for them and they just wanna keep that slut away whereas if you weren’t anything to care about in the first place then wouldn’t they be like oh hey i’ve heard so much about you
me: yeah well im brazen i guess i totally busted his heart like three times so i guess she heard all about it
Ryan: i dunno the individual stories but if you can generalise it’s that people take sides, usually their own sides? with you it’s public cause yr blog but i’m small-town so it’s public too, you’re not one of those chicks who kisses one guy and eyes up another are ya? i know lately sometimes i think this girl i’ve been with is just wanting to broadcast it to like well her ex she was with for like 4 years so anyway it’s a turn-on but what i’m saying is i don’t understand women and their motives
me: i am loyal to my bf i do not fuck around
Ryan: sorry i didn’t mean an accusation i just don’t know you is all i just always suspected that like..if a girl says “i have a boyfriend” X amount of times, eventually it means i DON’T have a boyfriend not necessarily you
me: i never ever say bf
Ryan: yr blog should be evidence enough that you’re spoken for and happy that past lives need not haunt anyone
little children is spectacular. the narration, the story, the imagery and execution, if i had a dick it would be seeping right now. we have avoided renting cheating movies cos we just end up sitting there glaring at each other and accusing each other with our eyes, but i was at the movie store by myself yesterday without fil breathing down my neck to rent some piece of garbage like deja vu so i got what i wanted and i am so glad i did.
our movie projection jealousy is really something else, it’s endearing and cute and sweet, but i think i have created a monster in fil. i cuckoo’d my jealous onto him over two years ago kinda jokily and i’m i dunno more secure now i guess but he is totally two years ago me, adorable. well more like fat me without the fat. am i making sense?
anyway the movie is pretty heart-breaking, every character is flawed you cannot fully like them, there is a gross jerking-off scene too.
the duality between the cop who gets fired and the town pedophile is great and it is sad because the cop only realises his shortcomings too late.
jennifer connolly’s eyes, eyebrows and hair are just mental i cannot believe she is real.
how gay was i for saying execution?
you will want to strangle the fuck out of the one blond busybody park mother and you will need to find yourself a red bathingsuit like kate winslet’s.
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look how HUGE my cannons are!
thanks colin!
hi,
congratulations on being the first stranger to post a comment!
you are the winner of a hack caricature of yourself and cat:
