me: i bought my dinner from the organic lesbian restaurant
Phil: nice does it taste like fish
me: they are filming another american pie around the corner
Phil: or carpet or box
me: oh its uh boring
Phil: or rug
me: i got u some spring rolls and soup someone took a bite of one i forget who oh the film crew is all out there
Phil: oh they must have slipped
me: they went quiet when i walked by
Phil: ok i will leave now
me: then on way back quiet again and one guy went on his walkie HOT GIRL and alerted all the other guys down the line
Phil: WHAT
me: so i had to walk by them all with sweaty arms and one goes hey you want to be in the movie i said
Phil: are u trying to make me angry
me: if i have to audition no way i said it really snarky i think they might have recognized me from last summer walking by all the time they are all old and ugly fil u have a hot girlfriend ok who is finally starting to feel better anout her appearance hello
Phil: i know i am joking sheesh
me: ok but yes it is funny
Phil: yes
me: like it is 33 out they are all hot and testy and bored and i made them feel better
Phil: you should get on the movie in whatever
me: yeah right they would make me audition
Phil: well you should at least ask
me: i was going to say yoy guys are making ANOTHER straight to dvd? i wasnt sure if they were serious
Phil: ok well tell me more when i get home
me: anyway ill walk by again sometime theyre gonna be there awhile thats everything
Phil: see u ok bye
me: bye oh some homeless sketch bag said i look fantastic no amazing fabulous? the point is he was on a blanket in front of the futon store
we made a deal that fil would get me a present if i grew out my nails, and i did successfully for 2 months, no biting, i held up MY end, did he? no. and now three of my little dudes have been ripped out. i am tired of repainting them and in general thinking about them and looking at how dirty they get and the shit that gets stuck beneath them the only good thing about them is how amazing a penis looks being held by them what i didn’t say that this place is rated G. anyway, fucking nails, fucking fil!
i think this flavour was invented for gin or vodka so we are saving it.
fil’s turkey meatloaf jail food.
if you can believe it i finally sorted through the box of my shit my dad gave me two months ago, it was like final straw go through it day lest fil come home switch contacts for glasses and turn into MEAN FIL then the nite is fucking RUINED.
i have some stuff i don’t want and won’t sell i mean you can have it i am not paying for shipping well for the one thing i can it is a fake gucci wallet the other is a trinket box i put stickers and nail polish all over when i was cuckoo, i bought it in LA i’ll take pics of them later.
it’s so fucking hot.
i am going for a tan later, my ass crack was peeling for awhile there. i found my elton john cd and best of crazy michael jackson hello itunes.
last nite was sober nite as well as back to back episodes of hell’s kitchen how stressful is that show! and the fat asian crybaby, breaks my HEART! fil got mad at me feeling sad for him.
all my new/old junk spread throughout the condo cid is visitting it all and trying to bury it in the floor holy get a life.
oh wait awesome he just stuffed himself into this tiny plastic papers and pens basket one that would be on a desk in an office, quite shallow, i’ll show you a picture.
there’s all this shit in it too, my highschool diploma and keys and little things i think it will be his new favourite place to party. like time-out land.
so at the show last nite as i was staring at the back of this guy’s head i thought was the brother of a dude i used to lay, turns out it wasn’t, but anyway the guy i thought it was used to be my buddy too, ok so, this post is really about facebook. i have been keeping this in for awhile, not really a big deal but seeing the back of this guy’s head kind of put me in a temporary mental rage last nite, over the internet it’s like no biggie cos it’s not real but then once confronted phsyically in the real world it’s i dunno REAL.
ok so what i am talking about is, i used to be tight with these dudes, and now we are not because of their bitches, one day a long time back one said to me in a bathroom dive that she was actually really jealous of me and what was i doing back in town bla blah like out of sight out of mind for her i was too flattered to be pissed off anyway this guy is not allowed to even look at my blog, speak to me, email me, nothing, she checks the history and all that, and now that facebook is in-existence this extends to not being my facebook buddy, i am guessing i was blocked/deleted/banned before even being added as a friend (once that occurs you don’t get to see anything the other party does). i wrote this guy when my dad was almost dying to be like hey, my dad is in rough-shape, do i get a response? no.
so, the point is, i was thinking this guy might be at the show last nite and i was thinking *if* i bumped into him how should i be, casual, aloof? then i decided i would be all fuck you loser you are a loser because you are so retardedly controlled by your psycho girlfriend have a nice life then i remembered this chick has gotten violent before and i figured since i knocked my brother with a lefty i could get a few in on her if need be.
this is what i was thinking at the show last nite.
i am also pissed off cos on facebook all of fil’s childhood lady friends, fingerbanged and/or not fingerbanged in the past are on his buddy list, do i care? no.
oh one more thing it also made me realise that if i ever met one of you comment flamers in real life i would go to jail for busticating your face, don’t worry i planned some non-violent things i could do that would not get me sent to jail.
i would spit in your or my drink and toss it on your head and then if the authorities were notified i would say THIS FUCK HARASSES AND STALKS ME CONTINUOUSLY DAILY ON MY BLOG AND LOOK NOW THEY ARE SHOWING UP IRL. also i am better looking so that is also in my sympathy favour.
yesterday was the bloor street festival? i never really understand street festivals unless there are beer gardens and party tables, but when it’s just tent after tent of the same shit i could just walk three feet further into an air-conditioned store to buy, what’s the point? oh look stanley it’s tiki lights YES!!
i totally saw our neighbours (dude who plays terrible acoustic guitar at 2am) eating corn and pretended i didn’t see them, they did the same. fuck those guys. dude lookin’ like a big baby in his sunhat mmnah mnah mnahing on his cob.
cutest family ever and i swear to god i overheard that little girl say this is white people music?
shock and awe. see, buddy behind her can’t even figure it out. anyway, the band is called ninja highschool and they’re pretty funny, fun and good. i was a fan.
then on to lunch.
grilled calamari greek salad for 6.50 and guess what the best part is? NO SALAD! i don’t have time for lettuce.
guess what fil had
first hangover meal of the day, wasn’t feeling that little buddy so i just tossed him casually onto fil’s mac n cheese it was funny cos i am a funny guy.
EW.
oh yeah we were sitting beside this group of the most irritating dinks all wearing the worst shit and talking about tennis and shoes and they all ate hamburgers and once this one guy got a bit of a buzz on he talked all arrogantly and condescendingly to the girls at the table meanwhile he had the thickest most penisest of beards and nerdy mirrored oakley’s and when the waitress came to get their empties as well as a cup from starbuck’s he said starFUCKS three times and then repeated it some more like it was hysterical and original.
they also said 30 is the new 20 a bunch of times uh barf.
i was trying to tune them out as much as possible so there is no picture to share.
this dude was tanning on the hill in christie pitts and decided to unsuccessfully launch his 1.5 litre bottle of water down the hill into a garbage can. winner.
nice tivas. the guy behind him is like what a doof and it made a really loud noise when it missed. how about being pasty white with a huge belly lying in the grass in your shorts hiked to your balls, enough attention for one afternoon?
walk of lame.
anyway, thanks the annex i was trying to figure out a way for you to be more annoying, you win this round but i’ll be back, don’t you worry.
me: what if i get kicked out of the annex
Phil: haha membership REVOKED
me: yeah and the guy they send to inform me is dressed like a fucking poet i would just set myself on fire
Phil: yes
me: ill be like lemme just grab my tweed jacket and ill be leaving and hes all uh no, we’ll be keeping that.
Phil: and turn in your birkenstocks at the door please
me: and your wool socks and crocs
Phil: you can keep the tevas – we’re phasing them out
yesterday’s late lunch sashimi for the infinity’th time
can someone tell me what that tongue-looking fish is? i use to be all about it but it’s too chewy and the more time i spend chewing, the more thinking i do, and then i start to think about what the mystery fish might be and looks like as it is being gutted, so i start gagging. anyway.
we ate in the window seat at sushi on bloor, don’t put people in the window unless you are getting them their order fast who cares how many annex trolls are waiting for take-out with babies wrapped in blankets clutched to their stomaches like pocahontas, when people walking by the window see the cunty impatient look on my face it is all over for business. also don’t forget to bring our salads either. if the entire population of the annex spread their business out to the other fifty japanese restaurants dealing would be a lot more simple. what’s the deal with sushi on bloor, why there? did margaret atwood mention it in a fucking interview once?
see, someone agrees with me.
+++
someone has a crush on raymi!
george ogled my face up close and said HEY YOU ARE REALLY CUTE.
i’m going against my how not to have a shitty blog code of ethics so i’ll stop there anyway he took off before i could pester him about being on the hour.
as obvs. we wore the flight suits out, wearing them when you are pmsland is alright in respect to the i want to be dumpy BUT they are also belly-enhancers.
i am so over drinking nxne go away!
that fell out of a girl’s hoodie pocket and bounced a bunch of times but the girl didn’t notice and we were feeling like a-holes so we didn’t tell her instead watched as everyone stepped on it and kicked it around unbeknownst to the girl, her eyes even sweeped it a few times but didn’t put it together. i said to fil i bet she’ll finally notice it and be like hey i got that cd from a different bar it’s in my pocket uh NO it’s not. i also enjoyed the fold wrinkles cos it looks like she had been carrying it awhile. earlier that day a lady’s shirt fell off her purse and she didn’t notice so i ran across the street to tell her, my nice window closed shortly thereafter. oh i also dont give out the i cares to oversized hoodie-wearers, not even at the cottage.
that might even be her leg in the second picture. we kept watching her sit there looking at it and not realizing it was hers. oh and before you explode on me for being a bitch it was mostly fil’s idea. i was already pissed off from him smashing my beer to the ground cos a friend of a friend of MY friend noticed him and he turned around and stood up for some stupid reason and his flight suit knocked it over. who stands up?
people ask me all the time hey raymi what kind of hair dryer do you use because your hair is really long and pretty. well it’s funny cos NO ONE asked me that ever. anyway here you go, some hard-hitting news way more important than paris hilton’s mental collapse.
this baby is so fucking old it is a wonder the thing still works and doesn’t shoot flames out the back. it used to be my grandmother’s.
you can see make-up smears on the cord, decent. it’s funny that at some point a hundred years ago this was likely the height of technology. life brand no less.
what a fucking beauty she is the turbo 1600. what does 1600 mean? 1600 miles per hour? 1600 times i can turn it on until it sets on fire and explodes in my hand? it is actually one of my retarded phobias, death/mutilation/electrification by hair dryer.
peep those features.
while i’m at it there is my magical styling implement how interesting. so small and practical. i think i tiefed it from my mom.
