me doing in god’s country, blurry because i didn’t let the camera focus before hitting record. you can still make out my jig and the part where i swallow my hair when chlo surprises me and my signature beer pint twirl. at the beginning i’m telling this guy that he’s in my light and he asks if he can sing with me and i sternly said NO and his girl friend told him to sit down.

today is the last day (up until 11.59pm) to vote for me so do whatever magical thing you gotta do to get me as many more votes as possible.

best blog.

best personal blog.

best humour blog.

and for philogynist:

best photo/art blog.

THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!

last nite was a successful girl date nite with chlo. we met at las iguanas then went to lee’s but had to drink her tallboy when it was discovered in her purse oops no bigs walked around the corner two gulps each (fil helped mostly) then we moseyed on back to lee’s for the dan deacon show with dd/mm/yyyy whatever the fuck that band is called and then some other band (ultimate reality) before that or after i can’t remember they’re all the same thing basically these days and anyway dan deacon was on mushrooms it was funny at first then awkward, he got the crowd to (unsuccessfully) do a dance off which turned into a sweaty mess of a mosh slam dance pit instead, which chlo and i were in the middle of. then he got everyone to make a gauntlet which somehow worked and then he got everyone to repeat everything he said, every stupid sound and noise that’s when it was time to go. it was a really good show though, majority of the time spent dogging the entire scene, of course. i said i would go up to the next person i saw wearing a scarf and a t-shirt and ask if their neck was cold but their arms weren’t, but only if i was belligerent enough, which i wasn’t. some day.

deacon got everyone to point their finger in the air, oh, the magic of shrooms.

we went to catch some ‘roake fil went home and broszkowski and ben showed up and bought nachos for all AND potato skins i was feeling really good and skinny all nite long until that part. oh well. i sang in god’s country and chlo danced up behind me and it scared me i went AHH mid-hair flip and all my hair got in my mouth when i yelped and i choked on it but still tried to sing anyway, video to come. i also felt like doing a nice little jig halfway through and i also successfully did my pint glass twirl while singing.

creepiest smile why i don’t smile.

skinny posin’

trying to emulate chlo’s skinny stance she learned from antm.

d man. i need to start integrating jogging pants into my outfits.

i felt pretty special cos this lion was staring at me all nite long then matt said yeah he was staring at me too and i was all the way on the other side of the room!

hard to get my flash to take to his mask with a bunch of kids absorbing it with their technicolour outfits all in the way.

like so.

the other guy had a siberian tiger mask on.

totally safe looking mushrooms show prop.

next time, i would like a hallucinogenics head’s up thank you.

here i am as disco raymi by kyra.

+++

find alana

Alana Livas was abducted by her parents- Peter and Vivene Livas- on Nov 29, 2007. She suffers from a rare disease called rickets- resulting from severe malnutrition. I am her aunt, Jean Chin. Please help me find her and bring her home.

Alana is 5 years old and has a distinctive blue birthmark beside her right eye. It may be obscured by her hair. Depending on the regression of her rickets, she may be noticeably bow legged or walking with a limp. She was abducted in Canada but it is possible that that she was taken out of the country. Please contact Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477 or www.222tips.com if you have any information.

because i gather that some of you quite enjoy hearing about all the goings-on of this party building we live in, here is an update.

garbage chute guy threw out some garbage last nite around 8 o’clock and the sound of the metal door slamming shut caused a knee-jerk reaction of rage to go through me, so it doesn’t matter what time of day garbage is “chuted” i want to murder the universe when i hear that sound. since i last wrote about him, as far as i know he hasn’t been late-nite tossing. i suspect he might be saving it up for nearer the weekend to spread out. i also noticed he has a subscription to a newspaper which makes me wonder two things, 1. who brings it to his door and 2. anyone who has a newspaper subscription must be lazier than i am, not have the internet, and also a hermit to which i initially assumed as much.

i also feel his eyes on me through the peephole when i walk by his door to go down to the laundry room, i realize how neurotic this sounds and i don’t care. when fil and i go out on the town i commonly take pictures of myself in the hallway mirror which he has a prime view of and if i am nosy and bored enough to sometimes spy on whoever i hear cruising around our floor, and this guy no doubt has lived here longer than us, he sure as hell is doing it too. i also take the stairs down on his side of the floor cos i double check the floor when i leave to make sure cid didn’t escape and i am too embarrassed to walk back to our stairwell.

so i just did some laundry i went down to fold it and noticed that someone had put in 2 more quarters into my dryer that i KNOW based on the kitchen timer my dry cycle would have been completed, should have been completed what the hell? someone is an idiot or trying to shrink all my clothes.

turned out it was a mixed blessing cos i am trying to shrink this sweater i bought fil that he doesn’t wear cos it is too itchy, i want to wear it out tonite to spite him. despite the venue we will be attending tonite having the climate not dissimilar to a fucking sauna in the middle of a rain forest in august, or a subway in august.

stay tuned for a little anecdote about how neurotic i feel when i visit the lcbo.

oh and around 10 some fire alarm technicians visited to replace our detector and i was napping with cid and had to throw on my sweater house dress and let them in and felt all panic and early morning frantic, i went to the power bar by the desk to flick it on i was crouched down beneath the glass and stood up really fast and caught my left shoulder beneath it and it scraped my skin and REALLY HURT but i couldn’t freak out about it cos a ncie lady was standing in our hallway supervising the technician so he wouldn’t rape and steal from me i guess.

update: garbage chute guy is whistling!

here is a story about friday nite’s impromptu dance party that was cut short because a girl got kicked in the face, and it was the funniest thing i ever saw, even her friend was like are you ok i’m sorry but THAT WAS SOOO AWESOME!

the guy in the pants match the shirt outfit is the one who said that.

this is the hero (previously had a sweater tied around his waist, awesome) that felt it necessary to one-up my faulty breakdance moves by double-cartwheeling into two girls walking by with drinks in their hand, kicks one in the face launching her into her friend and both of them fly 6 feet toward our table and their drinks slosh all over the floor and our stuff piled up beneath the table. hilarious. dude is immediately ejected from the steamwhistle.

BEFORE all this though he was partying down with this cute little chick and one point picked her up like a baby and ran around in a circle with her in his arms which inspired me to approach her and say that you guys are my most favourite dancers ever! and she goes oh oh oh COME DANCE WITH MEEEEEEE in this breathless pipsqueak manic voice that melted my heart. i said i would after my drink.

then i instigated a dance-off as usual and then i didn’t have anyone else to dance with except for the guy who had the pants that matched his shirt and upon closer inspection, a really bad dancer , he had a flock of euro chicks egging and cheering him on SERIOUSLY and i had to bounce around him he kept dance-chasing me.

i danced some more until lindy came out to bring me back to the green room where we stayed til 4 in the morning somehow.

oh and cartwheel guy’s brother had blogspotted both fil and i prior to this so it made it even funnier. i have a video of some of these gnarly moves i’ll youtube later.

last nite we had sashimi for dinner and then rented mr. woodcock and drank wine, we thought mr. woodcock would be more slapstick, but it isn’t. just letting you know.

TORONTO’S SMALLEST HOUSE IS FOR SALE ! ! !

It’s nothing short of a ‘Glorified Tent’ . . . or is it?

If . . .
You live alone or with one other person (or an extremely small dog), or if . . .
You don’t have much stuff (barely more than a homeless person),

or if . . .You miss that cute little apartment you lived in while teaching English in Japan,

THEN THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU ! !

This house, located near the intersection of Dufferin Street and Rogers Road is believed to be Toronto’s smallest house. Occupying what used to be a driveway, i t’s a one bedroom, one bathroom home that sits on a parcel of land 7.25 feet (2.2 metres) wide and 113.67 feet (34.6 metres) long and has an interior area of just under 300 square feet (under 28 square metres).

Here’s the living room, looking towards the front of the house

Here’s the living room again, looking towards the back …

Here’s the kitchen. Note that despite the small space, they’ve managed to fit a washer and dryer into the place.

Here’s the bedroom. It comes with a Murphy bed, which is a necessity in such a space. This is what it looks like with the Murphy Bed down

And here the bedroom with the Murphy Bed retracted:

You also get some patio space out back. Here it is, looking towards the front of the house:

And here’s the patio looking towards the back:

Here are the home’s ‘Listed Features':

* Completely re-done top-to-bottom, front-to-back!
* Tumbled stone entrance walk
* Renovated Bath
* Renovated Kitchen with newer stove, new cabinets and new stacked washer/dryer
* Bedroom with Murphy Bedd + ‘Built-Ins’ … (doubles as a den)!
* Walk-out to fenced patio
* 100 Amp service
* 2 Satellite Dishes and Receiver
* Window Air Conditioner Available

THE PRICE ? ? ?

You get all this for $179,900.00 !

where is the picture of the bathroom? i’m glad there’s a washer/dryer because i would be really depressed having to lug my laundry once a month up the street and then back again to my tiny closet of a house.

two more days of voting left, then we won’t have to deal with this again until next year.

best blog.

best personal blog.

best humour blog.

and for philogynist:

best photo/art blog.

THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!

mr. moustache: how are you

michael “air” jordan: i’m sick

mr. moustache: i have the blues

michael “air” jordan: after your big news, you still have the blues?
no rhyme intended

mr. moustache: yeh im a loser
ive been getting a lot of nasty comments lately
they exhaust me
i just flat out delete them
i get affected by them and i shouldnt

michael “air” jordan: really? i hadn’t noticed. but i don’t read all the comments because they exhaust me, too
i know what you mean. if i get a nasty comment i think about it for days
it doesn’t even have to be intended as nasty

mr. moustache: yeah

michael “air” jordan: but sometimes they just get under my skin

mr. moustache: people are such dicks to me and treat me like shit

michael “air” jordan: not everyone
you have lots of fans
but the haters, yeah, they’re there for sure
i don’t understand it
it sounds cliche to say, “they’re just jealous” but what else could it be?

mr. moustache: bitter because they have done nothing for themselves
i built my own fame and it took me a long time and actual work for little pay off
they’re jealous cos they work crappy desk jobs and get zero recognition

michael “air” jordan: i know. it IS a lot of work

mr. moustache: and i have a charmed life cos of how i look and my personality
like sorry for having a fucking personality and drawing a crowd you assholes
so anyway this negative feedback is nothing new

michael “air” jordan: i know

mr. moustache: but it spans a variety of topics
ungh i am already over complaining about the complainers
the thing that irritates me the most about flamers is that they forget or dont care that you are a REAL PERSON with FEELINGS and you are doot dee doo logging into your comments and then ten really nasty things greet you in the morning
i feel like i am constantly in a fight in some shape or form with someone
and they are all really demanding too

michael “air” jordan: some of the people who used to flame you have turned to fans, i noticed

mr. moustache: like come on i dont show up to your goddamn house and tell you how ugly and stupid you are
oh which guys

michael “air” jordan: didn’t that ***** person used to leave smart ass comments?

mr. moustache: in what way
they talk to me all the time now
i think they were smart allecky but always a fan

michael “air” jordan: i just remember when i read your comments, sometimes i’m surprised when i see a name that i recognize, and they actually say something harmless, or even nice
oh
i guess maybe i’m even more sensitive than YOU!

mr. moustache: well i think some of them get stockholm syndrome from my blog
so many people have said I HATED YOU AT FIRST

michael “air” jordan: hah

mr. moustache: irritating

michael “air” jordan: you should write about that

mr. moustache: to be hated for no reason, happens in real life too, often times when i dont even open my mouth
i know it has more to do with them then it does me

michael “air” jordan: people project all kinds of things good and bad on other people

mr. moustache: but still, this times 8 years, 365 days it is like enough already
i have a blog it is public it is a representation of my life and how i feel about things you do not have to visit it

michael “air” jordan: that’s always the big comeback, isn’t it? “You’re asking for it. You put it out there…”
but that’s such bullshit

mr. moustache: actually no people have rights over anyone who is famous
that is such total selfish pathetic bullshit to assume as much
this ” ” famous person has nothing to do with you, they were in a movie or wrote a book, they owe you nothing

michael “air” jordan: i remember when some kid posted a negative review of my ***** on his website, and I left a comment on the post, “Oh well, thanks for giving it a try anyway..” and he commented back, all surprised that I would ever see his review
that role model comment you got made me really mad
You’re a role model! You can’t say that!

mr. moustache: i know

michael “air” jordan: fuck role models.

mr. moustache: that was pretty funny
a role model is someone who speaks out where they don’t believe, takes a stand, not bends the fuck over
also, you’re reading a blog not attending the nobel peace prize

Hey raymi, I saw your last post about the haters. Keep your head up. Those people annoy the hell out of me. But you’re absolutely right. They’re probably cubicle-dwelling salary sluts, the kind that take the GO train on their 1.5 hour journey home (they lie and say it takes them 45 minutes) to Newmarket because they wanted a backyard for their kids to play in. Only their kids never leave the computer so it’s a total waste and they know they could have probably lived in downtown Toronto in a decent condo. But now all Toronto is to them is the location of their miserable Monday to Friday 9-5 existence which causes them to bash the city to make themselves feel better

Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world, are the ones who do.

dudes! big bragging news i can’t share with you yet! good good great news! blah! finding out what i can and cannot share momentarily. EXPLOSION! something big is on the horizon.

in the meantime there is this: (you can vote with multiple answers)